"Hey you!" Nick called into the room, seeing the young girl lying on the bed by herself. "What do you think you're doing in here all alone while everyone else is out there having fun?" He asked, placing his hands on his hips. His singing group, the Backstreet Boys, had volunteered their time at Saint Joseph Hospital in Lexington, Kentucky. It was Christmas Eve, and they were in the children's ward singing Christmas carols with the young children, and had also brought gifts to be distributed amongst the children.
"I don't feel like it." The young girl said, turning her gaze to where Nick stood, wearing a Santa hat and suit. He could tell that her blue eyes had once been full of life, but had now lost their spark with her prolonged hospital stay. She had a blue kerchief tied around her head, which told him that she was likely a cancer patient who had lost her hair during treatment.
"Well why not?" He asked, taking a step into the room.
"I'm dying. I don't need to have fun." She said simply, and went back to what she had been doing before he had arrived at her door, blankly staring out the fifth story window.
Nick couldn't believe that she had said that. They had obviously not kept any secrets from her about her condition, so he chose to ignore what she had just told him. "So what's your name? I'm Nick." He smiled.
"Mary Jane Bentley." She said rather flatly.
"So Mary Jane, where are your parents?" Nick asked, looking around the room that bore no comforts that would have made the room seem more like home. There were no pictures, no flowers, and no stuffed animals. Only the bare white walls that made the room undeniably a hospital room.
"Its Mary, and I have no idea." Mary shrugged, returning to her view.
"They don't come and visit you?" Nick asked, taking a seat next to her bed. She was no more than seven, but the way she acted it was as if she were much older.
"No. Once they found out I was dying they sent me off to this hospital to die. They told me that they couldn't bear watching me slip away from them slowly; they wanted to remember me when I was healthy. So they sent me here six months ago." She said sadly, turning to face Nick. "Why don't you go out there with all the happy children that get to live? Leave me to my misery."
"Seems to me that you need me more than those other children do. The other guys are out there, I want to be in here with you, if that's alright." Nick said cautiously, hoping that she would get angry with him.
"Fine, do what you want." Mary shrugged.
"So you have any friends here?" Nick asked, trying to get to know this little girl that held so much sorrow inside her.
"Nope. Why should I? They'd just end up being sad when I died. I don't want anybody to get attached to me, so when I die, nobody will miss me." She said seriously.
"Who told you that? That's no way to live life. You've got to have friends, or else life will just be miserable, no matter how short it may be. There's got to be somebody that you talk to, or that comes to see you." Nick said, prodding for an answer.
"No. Only the nurses, and I tolerate their happiness simply because I know they mean well. All I have are my books." She pointed to a pile of three tattered books. It was obvious that they had seen much wear in their lifetime, but that they brought her some comfort. She looked upon those books with a great sense of joy, a joy that Nick hadn't seen in her at all since he had met her.
"Well…can I be your friend?" Nick asked, giving her a warm smile to signify that he meant well.
"Listen Mister, I don't need your charity, and I definitely don't need your friendship. Let me die alone, that's all I ask." She said with a coldness that caused a chill to go through Nick's spine.
He steadied himself before he spoke, making sure that she didn't see how intimidated he was. "I don't believe that for one second. Everybody needs a friend, even if you can't see that right now. If you die alone, where's the grace in that? Having people around you, that love you, to remember you…that's the way it should be. Why are you so hostile towards anybody trying to be your friend?" Nick asked, looking deep into her pale blue eyes.
"Because…I…I've never really had a friend. Since my parents found out I was sick they locked me away in my room. My mom taught me how to read, and these were the three books she gave me. Everyday I read those books, hoping that one day one of those stories would come true." She said, showing Nick the titles of the books.
"Robinson Caruso, I remember reading this one when I was younger." Nick chuckled. "Peter Pan, a timeless favourite…Alice in Wonderland…" Nick smiled. "I can see why you wanted these to come true. But…how long did your parents shut you away for?" Nick asked quietly, feeling sorry for the young girl.
"They found out I had cancer when I was three." Mary replied, as a tear formed in the corner of her eye. "I begged them to take me outside, I just wanted to see the sun, feel its rays on my body one last time…but they never would. They told me that if I wanted those things that I should just look out the window. It was the same thing. They hardly ever let me leave that room. They brought my meals to me in bed, and told me that I had to stay there, I was sick…sick girls shouldn't move around…" Mary let the tear roll down her cheek. "They told me God was punishing me for being different…I asked them to give me toys…I really wanted a Barbie…but they said bad girls don't get toys. Then when I'd ask a little while later they'd say that I was too old for it, or that sick girls don't need toys. They need rest." She blinked, letting another tear roll down her cheek.
"Mary…listen…you didn't deserve any of what your parents said to you." Nick said, feeling the hot tears stinging in his eyes as she continued to speak.
"Then I got a little sicker, and they decided to ship me to the hospital, and leave me here to die. I thought maybe I'd get to go outside here, but the doctors and nurses never have enough time. I've spent three Christmas's here, and every year I wish I would get a Barbie, but I always get some silly toy that nobody wants." She closed her eyes, letting the tears fall. "I'm afraid Nick…I'm afraid…" She sniffed.
"Afraid of what Mary?" Nick asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"I'm afraid to die." She whispered.
"Oh Mary…don't be afraid. God loves you. That's why he wants you so young. He wants you back up in heaven with him, at his side. Just think, you'll close your eyes, and you'll wake up in the arms of God, and you'll be eternally happy." Nick smiled, as Mary opened her eyes.
"You think…you think he loves me?" Mary asked, lifting her blanket to wipe her eyes.
"Of course! God loves all his children. And you…you've done nothing to make God think any less of you…don't be afraid." Nick said, taking her hand in his. "Everything will be okay."
"Thanks." She smiled.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to go and get something for you, okay?" Nick said, and Mary nodded. Nick raced down the hall, and grabbed a wheelchair, getting permission to take Mary outside. "So Mary…you still want to go outside?" Nick grinned.
"Yeah…but…" Mary said, as her expression change to sadness.
"But what?" Nick asked, unsure of why she was hesitating.
"But my hair…its all gone…" Mary said, pulling her kerchief off of her head to reveal her bald scalp. There were a few wisps of hair, but most of it was gone.
"Here." Nick smiled, taking his Santa hat off. "You can wear my hat. How about that?"
"Really?" Mary asked, as her eyes widened.
"Yup, so are you ready to go?" He asked. She nodded excitedly, and he lifted her off the bed and put her in the wheelchair. "Alrighty." He said, and pushed her out of the room, past where the other guys were still singing to the children.
"Hey! Look who decided to join us." Brian smiled, looking at Mary.
"No, actually we were just heading out to go for a walk." Nick smiled at Mary. Brian gave Nick a smile, knowing what Nick was doing for the little girl.
"Wow! You're braver than me kid. I wouldn't trust this guy steering me around in a wheelchair! I'd be too afraid that he'd run me into a wall or something." Brian joked.
"Nah. I trust him." Mary said, looking up to Nick. She didn't know why she had told him everything she had. She just felt as though she could trust him with her secrets. He was everything she had ever dreamed of.
"But if we don't get going, its gonna be dark. So…let's go!" Nick said, taking off running towards the door, with Mary screaming happily. He walked her out into the front of the hospital where there were benches set in amongst flowers and some small shrubs. "How's this?" He asked, parking the wheelchair in front of the bench.
"Great. Thank you." She said, lowering her head. "I don't deserve this."
"Yes you do. Don't let yourself give in to what your parents told you. You're a great girl, and you deserve all of this and more! Now, that bench looks more inviting than that rusty old wheelchair, what do ya say?" Nick grinned, picked her up, and then gently set her on the bench.
"Much better." Mary smiled. "Thanks. I love being out here." She breathed deeply, taking in all the scents that came with being outdoors. "Its so beautiful. Its like a picture that somebody painted, and we all get to enjoy it because we get to live inside of it."
"Yeah. I never thought of it like that, but yeah." Nick smiled. He could tell that she was having a good time, even if she was just sitting on the bench, watching everything go on around her.
"And the sun's so warm! It just makes your whole body warm. I love the feeling of the sun's rays touching my skin." She grinned like the little child she was supposed to be.
"Here." Nick said, leaning down and picked a flower for her. "This is for you Mary." He said, giving her the bright red rose. "Its beautiful like you!"
"Its so pretty!" Mary beamed, taking the flower in her hands carefully. She leaned down so that her nose was almost touching the flower, and inhaled deeply. "And it smell is so good." She smiled. They sat there talking for an hour or so, as Mary gave Nick a new perspective on the world around him. He had never really stopped to enjoy nature's beauty, but Mary had. That's all she had been able to do for four years of her life, but only an outsiders view. Now that she was inside, she was overwhelmed with it all, being able to actually see, and touch all that she had watched for so many years.
"Well Mary…I think we should head back in. Its getting kind of cold, and the sun's starting to set. But I promise we'll do this tomorrow, okay?" He asked, picking her up and putting her back into the wheelchair.
"Yeah…" Mary sighed, watching the sun dip below the horizon, and the multicoloured rays which shone brightly in the sun's last attempt at displaying its glory. "Tomorrow…" Nick wheeled her back into the hospital, to find the other guys packing up what they had brought with them, and getting ready to leave.
"We've gotta go." Brian whispered. "Visiting hours are over."
"Okay. I'm just going to take her back to her room and say good bye." Nick said, and Brian nodded. "Here we go." Nick said, parking the wheelchair in front of her bed. Then he lifted her out, and placed her gently on her bed, tucking her in once more. "Now I'll be back to see you tomorrow morning, okay?" Nick kissed her forehead gently.
"Okay." Mary smiled.
"Okay. Bye." He waved, and she waved back. Then he gently closed her door, and made his way back to the others.
"Looks like somebody made a little girl's day today." Brian smiled. "Feels good, doesn't it?" He added, and Nick nodded.
"I have to stop at the mall on the way home." He said, helping the guys carry the stuff back to the vehicles.
"Sure." Brian smiled. "We can do that." They loaded the two cars, and then Brian and Nick said good-bye to the other three and headed towards the mall.
"Wait here, I'll be right back." Nick said, getting out of the car.
"Okay." Brian nodded, and waited while Nick went inside. Moments later he came out with a box that was beautifully gift wrapped in colourful paper, with a big bow on the top of it. "Who's that for?" Brian laughed.
"Mary." Nick said, getting in, feeling proud of the present he had just bought her.
"Okay…ready to go home now?" Brian laughed.
"Yeah." Nick nodded, and was silent on the drive home.
The next morning he awoke to the sun, and rushed around the house quickly. He showered and changed, and then grabbed his keys, heading for the hospital. When he arrived, he hid the box behind his back and headed for Mary's room excitedly. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she opened the package. When he reached her door he knocked quietly, and then opened the door, only to find that the room was empty.
"Excuse ma'am." Nick said, approaching a nurse. "Do you know where Mary Jane Bentley is?"
"Yes. She passed away last night." The nurse said quietly.
"But she was fine when I left here!" Nick said, getting upset.
"We knew that she only had a few days to live. She had trouble breathing around eleven o'clock last night, so we put her on a ventilator. Her condition continued to worsen until she eventually passed. May I ask who you are?" She smiled sympathetically.
"Nick. Nick Carter." Nick replied.
"Well then I have a message for you from Mary. She whispered to me to tell a Nick 'Don't miss me when I'm gone.'" She explained, and then turned to finish her work.
"Thanks." Nick said, feeling the tears comes to his eyes, but he couldn't cry. It was something about what she had said. How did she manage to use every last bit of her strength, as she was dying…to say those words for him. She was definitely a strong little girl, and he would never forget her. "Can you please give this to some little girl on this floor that is really upset? And Merry Christmas." Nick said, leaving the hospital. He drove directly home.
"Hey Frack. You were up early this morning." Brian smiled, taking a seat in the living room.
"Yeah." Nick nodded, and then made his way over to Brian's eight months pregnant wife, Shari, and placed his hand on her stomach.
"Well hello Nick." Shari laughed, putting down her knitting. "What's wrong?" She asked, seeing sorrow in his eyes.
"Just promise me that if you have a daughter, and she ever asks for a Barbie, you'll get it for her." Nick said.
"Okay…sure Nick." Shari smiled.
"And if she ever gets sick, you won't just throw her away." He added, looking to her with tears in his eyes.
"Of course I wouldn't do that. A child is meant to be cherished, no matter what's wrong with it. If its sick, it just needs that much more love." Shari said, giving him a caring smile.
"Thanks." Nick nodded, wiping his tears away.
"No problem Nick." Shari said, giving him a hug.
"Babe…is there a problem?" Kristin asked, placing her hand on Nick's shoulder.
"No…just…" Nick hesitated, as they headed over to the other couch. "Just promise me that we'll end up like those two." Nick said, motioning to where Brian was giving Shari a hug for no apparent reason.
"Okay Nick. If that's what you want." Kristin smiled, and then pulled him over for a hug. "What's gotten into you?" She asked, holding him close.
"Mary." He sighed. Her name just brought him a sense of comfort that was unexplainable, but he knew that he would carry her memory inside of him for the rest of his life.
