(Author's Rantings)------------------------------------------- Now, dear reader, prepare yourself for a great deal of horror! Do not go any further if any of you doubt your courage! For death awaits you all with NASTY, BIG POINTY TEETH!!! (Beginning of Story)------------------------------------------ Episode Fourteen: Exorcism for Dummies Narrator: If you remember last time, our heroes were setting up camp in the woods as it was getting dark and Teem suggested that everyone tell ghost stories. Until, that is, they realized that Teem's story was true. Now they're run- ning for their lives against a homocidal maniac risen from the grave to destroy us all!!! AAAAAGH!!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!! I-- oh... heh... sorry, I got carried away! (The camera pans down to the dark forest. Suddenly a blurred image of the cast clambers madly across the screen, followed by a blurred image of Kernie. The camera then cuts to closer shots of the characters.) Ash: (Amidst frantic gasps for air.) Teem! How are going to get rid of this guy? Teem: (Also breathing hard.) Well (Gasp.), if I remember cor- rectly, someone from his family had to kill him... Jessie: (Gasping... okay, at this point everyone is gasping, so nevermind.) We don't HAVE any of his relatives in our group, Teem! > <; Teem: Or he could be reunited with his lost love... Misty: I'm not going to do that! Jessie: Me neither! James: I'm not dressing in drag ever again! Meowth: Well, we gotta' find some kind a' distraction! Brock: Meowth's right! If we don't slow him down soon, we're done for! Delet: Delet! Del delet! > <; Pikacu: Pika pika! > <; (Suddenly, Sirius and Max jump out from a tree, posing triumphantly.) Max: Prepare for trouble! Sirius: Make it double! Hand over Pikachu and Delet now! (The gang all run past Sirius and Max quickly.) All: Hi guys! Bye guys! Sirius: Hey, wait! We... (Kernie rushes past them laughing satanically.) Kernie: That's right, kiddies! We're SLASHING down prices lower than ever before! HAHAHAHAHAH!!! (He swings his chain- saw left and right.) Max: Uh... hey... guys... we... Sirius: ::blinkblink:: Huh? (Max and Sirius both look at each other with confused looks on their faces.) Sirius: Um... so! Heh... ^_^; Max: Get some pizza? (He shrugs.) Sirius: Nahhh... How 'bout tacos? Max: Okay, tacos it is, c'mon... (They walk off back into the woods. The scene changes back to the gang.) Pikachu: Pika... (Gasp.) Pikachuuu... {Ash... I can't go much longer...} > <; Delet: Dellll... {Me neither...} > <; Misty: COME ON, TEEM! THINK OF SOMETHING!!! > <; (As if called upon, Bry leaps out of the open, now wearing a pale blue Team Rocket uniform along with his shades. Every- one stops as he lands directly in front of them.) Bry: Prepare for trouble!!! Hehe. Hi guys, like my new look? Pikachu: Pika! Ash: Bry? James: Get out of the way, you FOOL! Meowth: D'ere's a crazy guy what wants ta' kill us!!! Bry: Yeah, I noticed! Lucky for you I just happen to be... Bry, the World's Greatest Exorcist!!! YEAH!!! (He leaps up again.) Delet: Let del delet delet del delet. {But I thought you were an escape artist?} Bry: Well, I changed my mind. ¬ ¬; (He coughs and looks around.) Anyway, let me at this guy!!! I'll show 'im what a REAL Rocket's made out of! Teem: Yeah, and he'll show us too when he splatters it all over the forest! > <; (He rubs his tail in his hands fear- fully.) Bry: Oh, ye of little faith, hide if ye must! (He pulls a priest's cloak over himself and everyone hides as Kernie races up and screeches to a halt in front of him.) Halt, evil servant of the Dark Side! (He holds up a cross to Kernie.) And bow before the true ruler of the spiritual realm! (Kernie blinks at him [which is odd, seeing as how his face can't move] and starts laughing uncontrollably.) Kernie: A cross? HAHAHAHA!!! You gotta' do better than THAT, kid! Bry: (He pulls out a Bible and begins reading the Lord's Prayer.) Our Father which art-- (Kernie whaps the Bible out of Bry's hand and picks up his chainsaw for a lethal swipe. Misty leaps up, poses drama- tically, dashes in, and jumps Bry, knocking him out of the way.) Misty: BRY!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! > <; Bry: (He blinks up at Misty, then begins blushing uncontrol- lably.) Beh heh heh... Hi... Brock: Wow! Misty's good! (Everyone else nods, wide-eyed. Kernie is about to swing the saw at Misty and Bry when Abra, Alex, and Jolteon [as if cued] jump into the scene.) Alex: Hold it right there! Abra: Yeah! You can't just go and kill off our friends! Even if Jessie, James, Meowth, and Teem aren't in Team Rocket anymore! Oh... and uh... Misty and her friends too... (She says it as if remembering an insignificant detail.) Alex: Yeah, 'cause, you know, Misty's sorta' cute. Abra: WHAT? (She whaps him.) Alex: OW! Not as beautiful as you, my love! Jolteon: (Ignoring them.) Besides, we may be bad, but we ain't lettin' ya' go and kill off all d'ese people! D'at's just really, REALLY bad! And kinda' sick, too! (Abra and Alex both look at Kernie, then nod in agreement with Jolteon's "words of wisdom.") Kernie: Ahhh... The lasting bond of friendship, how sweet... TOO BAD I'LL HAFTA' KILL YA'!!! HAHAHAHA!!! (They all scream and Kernie suddenly stops and looks distantly at Abra. Various black and white images of Kernan with his girlfriend [who looks a lot like Abra] flashback on the screen. Everyone looks a little startled at the flashbacks.) Teem: (He shivers eerily.) Ewwww... Badly done film flash- backs! I feel like I'm in a Stanly Kubrick film all of a sudden! > <; (He holds his tail fearfully again [like the Cowardly Lion] and Delet whimpers and hides in his vest.) Kernie: Olivia? Is that you? Why did you leave me? Abra: (She looks up.) Huh? What? Kernie: And who's this jerk? You left me for HIM? (He points to Alex.) Alex: JERK? JERK AM I? Teem: (Yells from the bushes.) HE HAS A POINT, AL! Alex: Shut up, Teem! Jolteon: He's right, you are a jerk! Alex: Grrrr... Kernie: If that's how you'll treat me, then you'll die just as well! (He revs up his saw and chases after Abra, who, with Alex, Jolteon, Bry, and Misty, spin around and follow the others through the woods, bumping into Sirius and Max.) Sirius: OOF! Max: WHOOHA! Alex: Sorry, guys, no time to talk! Abra: Come on! (She grabs Sirius and Max. Everyone eventually runs into an abandoned old house and slams the door shut.) Max: Who the @$#% was that? (Gasping for air.) Meowth: Koinie da' Face. Sirius: Who? Meowth: Koinie da' Face. What? You can't follow what I'm sayin' hea'h? Jessie: Kernie the Face. Max and Sirius: (Still obviously confused.) Oh... (Meanwhile, James and Brock are putting up boards against the door and anything else they can think of that's heavy enough.) Brock: That oughtta' keep him out. James: What do you think, Teem? Teem: (He has a very cold, deadpan expression to his face.) I don't know, guys... If I know my movies well, that'll never keep him out... (A chainsaw suddenly tears through the door and Kernie kicks it down.) Kernie: Heeeeeeeerrrrre's KERNIE! Bry: AAAAAAAAAAGGGK!!! Where's the GhostBusters when you need 'em? (Everyone dashes up the stairs, the whole time with Teem protesting morosely.) Teem: It's not going to work, guys... We're going to die... He's going to get us... Jessie: (She turns around and slaps Teem.) Stop SAYING that, Teem! (Teem looks up at her evilly, then shivers and starts laughing like a madman.) Jessie: (Nervously.) Ehhh... Teem... calm down, I didn't mean it... Teem: (His voice becomes deep and eery.) He's no longer in control of this body... WE ARE!!! (A huge squadron of ghosts grabs everyone and pins them to the wall. Kernie dashes upstairs. He and Teem slowly advance upon everyone with a similar, unblinking smile. As Kernie hacks at Ash, he suddenly wakes up, gasping and sweating. He looks around and sees everyone in their sleeping bags.) Ash: AAA-- Huh? ::blinkblink:: Oh... (He wipes the sweat from his forehead.) Just a nightmare, I guess. (The camera pans around to everyone talking in their sleep.) Meowth: (Curled up like a kitten.) Mmeewweoorrr... Cossandra... Pikachu: (In Ash's hat.) Pikaaaaaaa... Brock: (Grinning stupidly.) Nurse Joyyyyyyy... Misty: (Next to Brock.) Bryyyyy... James: (Next to Jessie, with his arms around her.) Jessie... I do... Jessie: (With her arms around James.) James... I do... Delet: (Curled up next to Teem.) Delll... {Teeeeeemmmmm...} Teem: Redrum... (Twitches a little.) Redrum... (Spazzes.) Ash: Creepy little American. (He shivers fearfully and inches closer to the people nearby. He then slips back to sleep.) Mmm... Last badge... ZZZzzz.... Teem: (Opens an eye, adjusts his glasses, then grins and checks off Ash's name in a small notepad. He already has Meowth, Jessie, James, and Brock written down.) Hehehe... 5th one tonight! That story works EVERY time! By the way, thanks for the help, buddy! I couldn't have done it without you! (He looks back and Kernie is standing behind him with the chainsaw.) Kernie: (Peace sign.) No problem, see ya' around. Teem: Yeah, hehe. (Suddenly, Teem wakes up screaming.) AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGK!!!! O o; (Gasp, choke. He blinks and looks around.) Oh... only a dream... (Sigh of relief. Suddenly, he looks around and realizes that he is a male delet. Delet turns over sleepily to him.) Delet: What's wrong, Teemie? Are you okay? Teem: ::blinkblink:: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGKKKK!!!! The End(?) (The Last Word)----------------------------------------------- Geeze, I wish I knew who's dream that was at the end and whether it was a nightmare or not... Delet? Uh... why are you giggling, girl?