My Soul, Fleshed Out

My heart shines like
No other beacon.
But as just, I
Make my voyage alone.

Mine own eyes judge,
Biased and slanted,
Beauty set upon a golden scepter.
Alas, my poor heart’s
Bereavement irradiates any
Hope of love.

If you move too fast,
And fright will stopper
Your wayward passion.
Move too slow,
And disinterest gives
Blow for blow.

My soul yearns
For companionship:
A coupling that will
Unite my haste
And my hesitation.

Give time its course
And flow with the
Changes of the tide.
This ebb of new ideas
Charges me with an
Air of hopelessness.

Solitude coupled with
My heart’s own depth
Finds me confused
And in despair.

It is so much
Simpler to hate than
It is to love. Hatred
Is blind and follows
But one path.

How I’ve grown weary
Of the trudging
I have encountered
Along that disdainful,
Unintelligible path.

Love is a bouquet
Of pleasantries
Set a top a
Venutian body.
It incorporates
Life’s many splintered
Pains and triumphs.
I search for that
Indiscriminate passion.

Hatred is blind
And deaf to my
Soul’s immaculate plea.
This dead-eye beast
Cannot learn this
Basic equation.

Why am I alone?
Why do I hesitate?
Why do I wish to push
To the front?
Where is the light
To show my soul
An untainted world?

The breath of love
Puffs itself within my lungs
And provides me with life.
The joys of childhood are
Released inside my mind
And I am intoxicated
With the innocence and
The love that is so common there.

Hatred has blown me
Off course and I know not what
The concrete values are of
What I desire to obtain.
My family and my friends
Present me with a puppet show
Of what that should be.

A fairy tell, methinks.
Just the same it provides
More answers than what I
Thought I knew of before.
What I desire is not something
That can be shared within
The confines of familial love.

The itch that I must scratch
Lies far deeper within my soul.
The breath of life puffs
Deep within my lungs,
But yet I feel as if I will
Suffocate if I ponder on
This any longer.
What is this binary force
That pushes me to
My threshold of pain and
Beauty? My overwhelming
Need to couple is
More than I feel that I
Can take. Yet I am
Still here.

My cup overflows with
Generosity and compassion,
Yet it runs empty when I
Look to see whom it
Is beside me. I see a
Reflection of myself. That
In itself keeps the blood
Pumping through my
Perceived masticated
Veins.

Yet it is not enough,
Nor palatable to suit my
Soul’s hunger. As I shed
My skin and decapitate
Myself with apathy,
I am filled to the brim
With anxiety.

I run around my frantic
Track, then I feel my
Levels of normality
Return to their rightful
Marks. Exhaustion is the
Bedfellow of my body’s
Delight. It marks my ability
To chide myself. It proves
The theorem that I can
Overcome.


BLP – 11/20/02