Scenario: You have 15 bucks and a car. After you found out that your last date had an unsightly mole near her navel, you dumped her and got a different date this weekend. It's a steamy summer evening. You're a cheap bastard.
8:09 - Arrive at her house only 39 minutes late, dressed in homemade black tuxedo. Pick roses from her mother's garden, and present them to her. Give her parents a bucket of fresh fruit from your grandma's orchard, and a cheese wheel your mom got last Christmas. Talk to them for a while, stressing your high moral character, and promise to have her home by 10:30.
8:52 - Drive in Dad's El Camino (with hydraulics) to the arts festival in the park. Sit on a blanket in the grass, listening to a local folk singer sing some Joan Baez. Discuss the meaning of life, and why all other guys are insensitive, cowtipping pigs.
10:15 - Reboard the El Camino and speed on over to the local hill, which looks over the town. Pop in Tony Bennett's Greatest Hits and dance in the moonlight. Ask her if she likes lime Jello...
11:20 - Drive back to your house, and get the sixteen bowls of shining green lime Jello you so thoughtfully prepared last night.
11:27 - Leave for the beach, blasting Green Day all the way.
12:56 - Get to the beach. Wake her up. Spread the Jello all over the sand, and ask for permission to grope her. If she has any boils or repugnant growths on her body, leave her sprawled on the beach and go home. Otherwise, have a blast, but make sure to use protection (she's probably already gotten pregnant five times this way, and is looking for a guy who really cares)
12:59 - Fall asleep
5:06 - Wake up for the sunrise, hold her hand, and just cuddle
5:30 - Head for home
7:22 - Arrive at her door. Tell her that her eyes are bluer than the deepest oceans, and some other poetic crap. Tell her you truly respect her, and like her family alot. Discuss future dating opportunities, kiss her passionately, and go home with 15 bucks in your pocket.
