You could say I got married the first time because I had no where else to turn and no way out of the situation I found myself in. My parents were moving back to kansas and the lousy job I had at the time didn't make enough to feed a dog let alone pay for rent etc.So marriage to the dip-shit was the answer.
I met my first husband where I was employed at the time. He was not much to look at but I was lonely and ...what the heck. I started to flirt with him by sending cards to him...small gifts etc. In time he asked me out on a date. Bare in mind...no one ever asked me out on a date...my nights out with men boiled down to meeting them and haveing a one night stand.So I was thrilled...heck...I was being treated like a normal person I thought. Well...he took me on a date and it amounted to going back to where we worked...a filthy and dirty place...the job involves sewing tobacco sheets and repairing them. So here we were...and he takes me into the office where a projector is set up...and low and behold he starts showing me porno movies...I was in shock...here I thought I would have a real date for once and all I get is porno.I just sat there not knowing what to do..I started thinking that I must be pretty worthless if all the guys I go with want just one night stands...and just sex. Granted I let myself be used..but at the time my opinion of myself was at an all time low....so there I sat...and later we fucked on a pile of dirty tobacco sheets. That set the pattern for my life with my first husband...we got together to fuck (and he was a bad one at that!). After awhile he started to get to know me. My parents moved to kansas like I said and here I was...I moved in with Chuck (my first husband) and tried to make a go of things.
His parents hated me from the get-go...I was not a college grad (he wasn't either but that didn't count I guess)...I was not from a rich family..neither was he....and I was not from the south..but the dreaded Kansas where sherman was from that torched the south so long ago...so I didn't stand a chance in that dept. Like I really cared what my in-laws thought..but my ex acted like they walked on water and their needs always came before mine or later even our son.
So...the first time we went to get married we went down to south carolina for a quickie...translation you did not have to get a blood test and my ex was scared of needles. Chuck decided after we got there that he did not want to marry...but proceeded to spend all the money we had on the trip having a good time. Six months later we went down again and tied the noose. I should have saw the first mishap as a sign from god or something and ran for the hills.
Shortly after we married Chuck got me drunk one night and had him and a friend of his enjoy themselves with me. I somewhat knew what was happening at the time but was in no condition to stop it. Many years later I found out that my son was not fathered by my ex...but on that night...but that is another story.
I found out that my ex was a pervert...like it weird in the sex dept. he even went so far as to take pictures of me nude and publish them in a swinging singles mag. The only way I found out that he used the pictures for something other then his own personal stock was when a copy of the mag arrived at our door with my picture inside. I was so mad....and disgusted...and had nothing to do with the idea of swinging.Of course this put a wrench in our sex life according to my ex...and sex pretty much stopped after that for the next 19 years of our 20 year marriage. Of course it was always told as being my fault for the lack of sex.
My marriage and life from that point on was hell on earth. I was told what to do ..how to do it..and there was no argument from me..or my life was made miserable. I became pretty much a hermit from this treatment..and started to gain a lot of weight. The year wore by and they wore at me. I aged and died with each year that came and passed. My family thought then and to this day that Chuck was the best thing that happened to me. They did not believe what I told them of what home life was like..or maybe they didn't care..for then they would have to help and become involved. I found that I lived my life for my son. He was the best thing that happened to me..and he was the reason that I never ended my life..though the thought came to me often in those years.(cont.later)
