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Free the Juice

Several years ago, a hilariously funny web site entitled "Free the Juice: A Tribute to Racial Harmony" appeared on the "Internet" and made us all reconsider how we view race relations in this country. In honor of the brave men and women responsible for this much-needed call to arms, we at FTJ3K are picking up the torch in an effort to educate the next generation of racially-confused youths.


People come in four colors: black, white, yellow and red. Black people come from africa, white people come from america, yellow people come from asia, and red people come from india.

All four races are equally good, with the exception of the red people, who are slightly superior. If a person is of more than one race, or if a person is a descendent of Thomas Jefferson, then that person is a mulatto.

This fortnight's mulatto is none other than George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States of America. As you can see, the President is 10% black.* That means blacks are responsible for 1 in every 10 parts of the President, just as 1 in every 10 blacks are responsible for him being the President. Rumor has it that the President is trying to increase his blackness, but this has so far proven unsuccessful. Nonetheless, such a noble effort must be applauded.
*This may not be true.

Know a mulatto? Lucky you! Share the wealth by sending a brief description of the mulatto to freethejuice3k@hotmail.com, along with why you think he or she deserves to be our featured Mulatto of the Fortnight.

Visit the mulatto Archives.
The late Dr. Song was famous for dispensing racial advice until he sadly past away in a rice-harvesting accident, which is widely believed to have led directly to the downfall of Free the Juice. Now, his eldest son, who is not officially a doctor but is asian, will attempt to follow in the old man's footsteps.

FEATURED QUESTION: Why does Andrew M. have such a keen appreciation for the Asian?
-Adam H., Virginia. 4.16.01

A. Fuck this, I don't care. I think that was a pretty dumb question.

Confused? Send your questions for Dr. Song, Jr., to freethejuice3k@hotmail.com.

Visit the Dr. Song, Jr. Archives.

FTJ3K is nothing if not a forum for our viewers to exchange their own racially-relevant encounters and experiences. We therefore encourage anyone to send us their stories, and some will be selected for online publishing.

FEATURED TESTIMONIAL:
Well, about a year ago when I worked at Ukrop's, there was a black girl who I was getting trained with for cashier. I made a comment that contained some sexual innuendo and her response was, "I don't want any cream in my coffee!"
-Marc L., Virginia.

If you would like to share your story, please send it to freethejuice3k@hotmail.com.

Read Past Testimonials.



Free the Juice was created August 28, 1998, in response to the L.A. Riots. FTJ3K was created March 23, 2001, in response to Free the Juice.

Peace.