The Continuing Saga
Ok, so we are up the proposition. Well, I obviously said yes of course. Now
mind you, I was 14 at this time, and my parents weren't going to ever allow
me to marry anyone at that age without a pretty major reason. Well, a couple
of months later, we had a reason. So on the last Sunday of June 1986 (which was
the 29th), I married the man I'd always dreamed of, but never imagined I'd
ever find. And then, six months and a few days later on January 4, 1987, our beautiful little
girl was born. And no one could have told either of us anything on that day.
At that particular moment, there had never been anything so beautiful in the
whole world to either of us.
That was over 10 years ago, and in that ten years
we have overcome many obstacles. Our trust and faith in each other has been tested.
Our love for each other has been tested. Our faith in God has been tested. One
of our hardest obstacles to overcome was the tragic loss of our second child.
It happened when I was 3½ months pregnant. We had planned for this child. Our
daughter was about a year old when we started talking about another child. Well,
2 months later, we didn't have to talk about another child anymore. We found out
that I was pregnant, and we couldn't have been happier about it. Things seemed to
be going wonderfully. I wasn't even having morning sickness. Then on the weekend
after the 4th of July, I noticed something was wrong. I ended up in the hospital,
and they told me that my baby had been dead for 5 or more weeks, and that I may
never have another child. I was crushed. I felt that I had failed my husband
and my never-to-be-born child. I was in a constant state of depression following
that. I couldn't watch television or go out in public for very long at the time,
because I seemed to have a nervous breakdown everytime I saw a pregnant woman.
I can honestly say that I hope that I never have to face anything like that again.
I also hope that no one else does either. That was the one thing in my life
that almost killed me.
I do believe in miracles and guardian angels. Because after the loss
of our second child, they had told me that it would be very hard, maybe almost
impossible for me to conceive again. Well after 2 years of heartbreak, I did conceive
again, and I was so worried that it would happen again, that I couldn't eat or sleep.
I was trying to take care of myself and my body for the baby, but I was terrified that
anything I ate or did would hurt my baby. I went on like that until I was 6 months pregnant
with this third child. My doctor was highly upset because I had lost over 20 pounds
instead of gaining any weight and there was talk of hospitalizing me. Anyway,
I went to bed that night, crying as usual, and I finally went to sleep. I dreamed
I was playing in a public park with my daughter. I wasn't pregnant in this dream.
There wasn't a baby there with us. It was only me and my daughter. No one else was there at all.
Well suddenly this little boy (he was about 3 years old) came running up behind me.
He tapped me to get my attention, and when I turned around I was looking into the sweetest big brown eyes.
I asked him if he had lost his mommy. He just looked at me and smiled really big
and he said "Don't you worry Mama. Everything's going to be alright." Then as quickly as
he had appeared, he disappeared. I woke up, sobbing uncontrollably, but with
such overwhelming peace in my heart about the remainder of my pregnancy. I never knew it
at the time, but a few years later after my son was born, and he was about 3 years old,
the little boy in my dream looked almost exactly like my son. The two most significant
differences are that in my dream, the little boy had very dark, almost black,
brown hair and deep brown eyes. My son has blondish brown hair and green eyes.
Call me crazy, but I believe that the child in my dream was the child I miscarried,
and I believe that he is my son's guardian angel.
We had another miracle
happen a few years later as well. We were blessed with a third child. Also a son.
When people ask me how many children I have, I usually say 3, because, well most
people don't really consider my miscarriage as a "real" loss. I have heard it all,
from "these things happen, if something hadn't been wrong it wouldn't have happened"
to "it isn't like it was a real baby yet anyway"... People can be heartless at times.
But I will always know that I had a fourth child, even though I never held him in my arms,
I will forever hold him in my heart.
Here is a poem
that I found while surfing the net. It is close to my experience.
In Memory of my Baby - Justin Earl
I'm An Angel Now
One night I cried to Jesus as I sat beneath the tree.
I looked into the open sky and hoped He'd answer me.
I'm lost, dear Lord, I've traveled far but still I seem to roam.
Please light the way and lead me, Lord; I need to get back home.
I told Him of my burdens and of the sadness in my heart-
that from His gracious love I'd never felt so far apart.
Why did you take my child, Lord? I cannot understand!
No longer can I touch his face or hold his tiny hand.
I'm angry Lord, I'm missing him. I'm drowning in my sorrow.
Please help to heal my yesterday and face each new tomorrow.
It was then I heard his gentle voice and felt his presence near.
How I wanted so to hold him as I cried another tear.
He said, "Mommy, I'm an angel now, my spirit will be free.
I'm an angel now in heaven, so please don't cry for me.
I was chosen by our Lord above and now I'm in His care.
When you need me, look inside your heart. I promise to be there.
No one can ever take away our bond with one another.
For I'll always be your precious child as you will be my mother.
So if you cannot find your way or the road to home seems far,
Just look up to the Heavens and I'll be your guiding star."
He said, "Mommy, I'm an angel now, my spirit will be free
I'm an angel now in Heaven- no need to cry for me."
By Janice Grogan
Thank you Ashli.
that is about all of the interesting stuff, but here is a little more that I have added
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