How to drink and stay drunk

(with minimal adverse effects)

A Percosolation Products common sense primer

and handy survival guide.

 

1. Where there is beer, there is fun (Play-doh, 170bc {before cans}). Get your ass a shitload of fine barley products.

a. Beer should be beer. With no sugar, salt or preservatives added. (i.e. Straub, you dumb-fuck)

b. Drink it.

c. Drink more.

d. Have one for the road.

e. Have one for your mum. (You can use her pussy to open the bottle).

f. Pass out

2. Now this time, seriously, starting from 1.d.

a. Never use your dog's asshole as a beer bong -- Tod!! The tail gets in the way.

b. Never say to a cop, "Is that your Billy-club or you just glad to see me?" or "What the fuck's your problem?"

c. If pulled over while intoxicated, lie.

d. Never use a pony's penis for a drink-stirrer.

e. Piss wherever you feel like.

f. Fart fairly frequently.

g. Scratch 2.F. It's better to burp and taste it than to fart and waste it.

h. Stumble where thou wilt stumble. It's fun.

i.   Cop as many feels as you can. Only you know just how drunk  you are.

j. Know when to say "I don't want water, I'm thirsty"

k. We're gonna run out of alphabet letters.

l. If too drunk to fuck, drink more.

m. Always, always make a complete ass out of yourself.

n. Scratch your balls in front of women. It turns them on.

o. Friends don't let friends stay sober.

p. Beer is a terrible thing to waste. So be thrifty.

q. Beer is your friend so abuse it often.

3. Flatulence

a. If your farts reek, your drinking the proper beverage.

b. Beware of beer's tendency to give you a penchant for hot food. It's easy to do, and your asshole will feel like you've just used 30 grit for toilet paper.