The Diary

The Diary

June 25, 2049--Destiny walked into her mother's house and took a deep breath. It had been a month since her mother passed away, and Destiny had finally gotten up enough courage to go and pack up her mother's things.

She decided to start in the bedroom. Going through her mother's dresser, she found an old diary. The lock on the diary had been broken, and, out of curiosity, Destiny opened the diary and began to read

. . . .

"April 3, 1999--My wedding day is about two months away now. I'm having doubts about it--Michael and I have been together for over a year, so I shouldn't have these feelings, but I can't help it. I can't picture myself being a little housewife, car pooling to school and PTA meetings. It's just not me.

I never should have agreed to marry him. But it's too late now. The invitations are ready, my dress has been bought. And I do think he loves me, in his own way. And I think I love him. Oh, I'm so confused. What am I going to do?

April 4, 1999--We went and picked up my dress today. It's so beautiful. I wish I could be as excited about it as my mom is. She's just about to cry, she's so happy. I wish--I really don't know what I wish right now, except that I could be as sure as everyone else is that Michael and I are a perfect match. I need some space away from him. He's around constantly.

I've got to get my feelings straight. I'm going to be his wife in two months. I have to be ready.

April 15, 1999--Michael has been called away on business for two weeks. I pretended to be upset that we would be separated for so long, but inside, I'm very relieved. Maybe I will make up an excuse and head to my friend's place by the beach. I need some time away from everyone. I think I'll scream if I get congratulated one more time. I think I'll call my friend right now.

April 15, 1999: later that day--It's all settled. I'm headed to Florida right after Michael leaves day after tomorrow. No one seems to think it's strange that I want to be by myself. And the wedding is pretty well under control--my mom has made sure of that. I guess I'd better go pack.

April 18, 1999--I never should have come here. Now I'm even more confused than I was to start with. Maybe writing it down will get it in perspective for me. My mind is all tangled up right now.

I went to the beach this morning, early. I thought no one would be there -- it was barely even light out. I set up my beach chair and settled in with a book and my radio. The book didn't last long; I dropped into a doze almost as soon as I sat down.

I felt someone watching me and I opened my eyes to see a pair of the bluest eyes I had ever seen. They were framed by a gorgeous mane of blond hair, and the guy flashed a brilliant smile at me that took my breath away. "Hi," he said. "Could I ask you what time it is?"

"Sure," I answered. I could barely catch my breath.

He waited a minute, then asked, "Well, what time is it?"

I felt really stupid at that point. "I'm sorry," I told him, checking my watch. "It's eight o'clock."

He thanked me and started to walk away. I was just beginning to calm down when he turned around. "Are you vacationing here?" he asked me.

I nodded. I didn't trust my voice. He looked at me a minute, then walked back. "My name is Nick. I come out here a lot in the early mornings. How long are you here for?"

"Two weeks," I managed to squeak.

"Good," he said. Then, of all things, he asked me to breakfast tomorrow. And I said yes! What is Michael going to think? I guess he won't think anything, because I'm not telling him. Now, I'm more confused than ever, and I don't even know this guy's full name.

OK. Breakfast, then I tell him I'm engaged. That should end this.

I never should have come here.

April 19, 1999--What a day! I hope no one ever reads this diary, because what I'm about to write could probably sink me. The good thing about today is, I'm not confused anymore. The bad thing is, I think I'm going to have to go home and call off the wedding. I can't marry Michael. At least, I don't think I can. Maybe things will be different in the morning.

Let me write down what happened. It all happened so fast, I'm not even sure I'm not dreaming.

I met Nick for breakfast at the beach. He brought a huge amount of food, and I wondered why he brought so much. But the sea air makes your appetite huge--we ate everything he brought. We talked while we ate, and he told me he was an entertainer. When he said that, I knew why I thought he looked familiar. He's a Backstreet Boy. I like them a lot, but I don't get to listen to them or watch them much because Michael is kind of insecure.

I know what you're dying to ask, diary. No, I didn't tell him I was engaged. I couldn't. Besides, I'm not even sure I want to be engaged anymore. So why tell him?

Nick and I spent the day together. Nothing romantic; we just had a really good time. He showed me around, and we had lunch at an open air cafe. It was really nice.

I think I'm starting to like him a little too much. Maybe I should tell him no if he asks me to do anything tomorrow. This could get dangerous.

April 20, 1999--I didn't say no. I went with Nick to the beach. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did anyway. Now, he's upset with me, and I guess I'll pack up and go home to Michael tomorrow.

I went to the beach early this morning, knowing Nick would be there. He was. We sat and talked for a while, then went for a walk. We found a secluded strip and went wading into the surf. I lost my footing, and Nick caught me to keep me from falling. That's when things got out of hand. He looked down at me, and he kissed me. There's definitely something there, diary--I never believed in love at first sight; I've known Michael forever, I've even agreed to marry him, and I don't think I'm really in love with him--but with Nick, I'm not so sure.

I pulled away from him quickly. Love or not, I'm spoken for. "I can't do this," I told him.

"Why not?" he asked. He looked so confused.

"I just can't." I ran as fast as I could away from him. He didn't chase me or call for me to come back, so I guess he figures I'm just nuts and he's better off without me. I got back to the condo and I've been here ever since. Twice I've picked up the phone to dial home and tell them I can't marry Michael, and twice I've put it back down without dialing. Now that I think about it, I guess I should go home and marry him and be the good little housewife everyone expects me to be. If I wasn't prepared for that, I never should have said I'd marry him.

There's somebody at the door. I'll finish this later. . . .

April 20, 1999: later that night--The knock at the door was Nick. I finally told him. We sat right on the couch and I told him I was engaged to someone else. He just looked at me and got up and left. I think I've hurt him. How could he feel anything for me after two days? I guess the same way I can feel about him like I do. I feel so much more for him than I do for Michael. But I guess it doesn't matter now, does it?

I have to stop writing. If I think about it anymore, I'll cry, and the diary will get all smudged.

May 15, 1999--I'm home, and the wedding is less than a month away. I feel in my heart I'm making a huge mistake, but I'm in too deep right now. I can't get Nick out of my mind, but I know things are finished with him. They have to be.

I think Michael knows something is wrong, because I see him looking at me with the strangest expression on his face sometimes. I have to get past this. This has to work. There's no other way.

May 18, 1999--I can't believe this is happening. This can't be real. Today has been the most horrible day of my life. And it's all my fault; I'm the cause of it all.

I was standing in the living room, trying on my dress, when my mom came in, a puzzled look on her face. "There's a young man here to see you, Becka. He says his name is Nick."

I tried not to act shocked. But inside, my stomach was fluttering. Nick, here? What was he doing here?

Nick came in and looked at me in my wedding dress--the dress I didn't really want to wear. Finally, he said, "You look nice."

"Thanks," I said. I sat down on the couch, nervous as I could be. Nick sat next to me, a little too close. That was dangerous for my self-control. I finally got enough sense to speak. "What are you doing here?"

He didn't answer for a long time. Then he said what I did--and didn't-- want to hear. "I came to ask you not to go through with it."

I held my breath. "With what?"

"This wedding. You don't love this guy. I could tell when you were down in Florida."

"I have to, Nick. Everything's arranged--" I couldn't finish. I knew he was right, but what could I do?"

"You don't have to," he insisted. "Just say you won't do it."

"It's not that easy, Nick." I stood up and went to the window. He followed me and gently turned me around.

"Sure it is," he said, and kissed me.

Then the horrible thing happened. Right when our lips met, Michael walked in. He looked at us, and we looked at him, then Michael turned and walked out.

"Oh, no," I said, breaking away from Nick.

"You have to leave, Nick. This can't happen."

Nick just looked at me, then, for the second time, he left. And this time, I didn't know if he'd come back.

I sat on the couch in my wedding dress and cried. Then I took the dress off and cried some more. I'm in my room now, writing in this diary, and I'm still crying.

What a mess.

May 19, 1999--It's all over, thank goodness. Things are like they should be.

Let me explain. Michael came to see me this morning. He looked upset, and I knew why. We sat in the den, and he said bluntly, "You don't love me, do you?"

I knew I couldn't lie. "No, Michael. I don't."

He sighed. "That's what I thought. Do you love the guy from yesterday?"

"I don't know," I answered. "Maybe. Maybe not. I'm kind of confused right now."

Then Michael, bless him, said the sweetest thing he could have ever said to me. "I called off the wedding this morning."

"You what?" I couldn't believe it. "Why?"

"I can't make you marry me, knowing you wouldn't be happy. I know who you want." Michael handed me a piece of paper. There was a hotel and a room number written on it. "This is where he's staying. Go to him and tell him not to leave."

"Where did you get this?" I asked. I've never been so shocked in my life.

"He caught up with me after we left yesterday. I wanted to punch him, but I didn't. We went and had coffee and had a long talk. I realized you don't belong with me. You deserve better than a life as a housewife." Michael sighed, and my heart went out to him.

"Michael," I said quietly, "you'll make someone very happy someday."

"Just not you, huh?" he asked.

Once again, I couldn't lie. "No, not me. I don't think it was ever in the cards for us."

"Neither do I." He shook his head. "Now, go to that hotel room before he leaves."

I kissed Michael and ran out the door. I had to get to Nick before he left.

I caught Nick in the lobby with his suitcases. We stared at each other from across the room, then I walked over to him. "Don't leave," I said.

"What about the wedding?" he asked.

"There's not going to be one. Michael called it off." I repeated my words. "Don't leave."

He finally smiled at me. "I couldn't leave you. . . . ."

Destiny was still looking at the diary as her father walked in. The hair was still thick and wavy, but it was gray now. The eyes, however, were as blue as ever.

"What do you have there?" Nick asked, sitting next to Destiny.

"Mom's diary," she answered, closing it.

"It's kind of old, though." She looked at her father thoughtfully. "I didn't know Mom almost didn't marry you. She almost married Uncle Michael?"

Nick nodded. "She did. But it all turned out for the best. Michael is very happy with BJ, and I was happy with your mom." He sighed deeply. "I miss her more everyday."

Destiny held out the diary. "I think you should have this, Dad. As a memory."

Nick held the diary, then gave it back. "I don't need this for memories, Destiny." He tapped his forehead. "All my best memories are in here. Your mom will always be with me here," then he tapped his heart, "and here."

The End