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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Great Gardening Accessory Giveaway!
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Greg's Hot Steals; Hampton, NB
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Super sturdy wheelbarrow - like new! When I say like new I mean it! I stole it from my neigbour only last week! Great for carrying stuff around the garden (That's if you've got one big enough! Dieppe residents don't seem to have gardens these days just big dull looking houses with even bigger, duller looking garages!) Oh well, it's yours for $100.00. Call Greg, 555-8981
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2.
60W Lightbulb, Perfect For Most Light Fixtures!
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Bertin's Hardware Shed; Memramcook, NB
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If you need bulbs I got 'em! Hundreds in fact. Just can't seem to get rid of them. If its a light deprived basement you live in, or simply somewhere that needs more light, then I'll see you right! Each bulb sold separately. $5.00 a piece! Guaranteed to last for weeks! Call Bertin 555-6234
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3.
Nice Pair of Shiny Red Boxing Gloves
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Sparring Steve's Sports Store; Crappy's Point, NB
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Need a good work out? Fancy bashng the sh*t out of your materialistic shop-a-holic neighbour? Here's a great way to pass the day, with a pair of my well-padded, sturdy boxing gloves. Yours for only $5,000.00 cash! Call 555-6328
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4.
White & Blue Stretchy Underpants Sale!
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Euclids Underwear; Dieppe, NB
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Are your husbands skids getting smelly, soiled or worn? Maybe he needs some new ones. My XL underwear come in two colours and fit the most well hung of gentlemen. They are strong, durable and stain proof. Give him something different to try on. Give him Euclids Underwear! Call 555-3234
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5.'
Jimmy 'The Finger's' Rusty Old Trash Can
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Mario's Mobster Memorabilia; Boston, MA
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One unique trash can. 100% Mob owned. Jimmy 'The Finger' Fabrizzio owned this back in the 1970's when he lived the high life. Many memories and secrets are contained within this antique mobster artifact. Your to own for $10,000 plus any unpaid union dues. Call Mario, 555-8976
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6.
Gerbil Lovers Get Yours Here!
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Mandy's Pet Curios;
Kanaan Highway, NB
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A cute, cuddly Gerbil just for you! Goes by the name of Spartacus. He's well trained, loves burrowing and tunneling around in deep dark holes. A perfect aphrodisiac for anyone. Give him a try he won't disappoint. Call Mandy, 555-9090
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7.
Adult Store For Sale: Prime Location
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Trailer Park Pete's Realty;
Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
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Want to run your very own store? Here's where to start! I'm offering you some prime real estate located right indowntown Coles Harbour. With plenty of drunks, pimps and prostitutes. Coupled with ex-cons, unemployed CN Rail workers and a host of other social misfits your guaranteed a steady flow of business. I'll accept $395,000.00 for the property, not a penny less! Call 555-MINE-TO-OWN
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8.
Superb Rural Family Cottage For Sale!
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Trailer Park Pete's Realty;
Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
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Vacant property. Needs a little TLC and DIY. Otherwise very affordable. Located just two minutes from the North Preston exit. It offers fantastic views of the highway, low lying scrub and blasted granite. Ideal for first time buyers. Yours for $275,000. Call 555-MINE-TO-OWN
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9.
Beautiful Little Property. First Time Buyers Must See!
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Trailer Park Pete's Realty;
Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
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Two-up, two-down townhouse. Located right by the Halifax oil refinery. Great opportunities! Great place to grow. Formerly used by illegal immigrants and drug users. This lovely little house has recently been fire bombed due to an unexpected Police raid, but its ready for you to bring in the interior design experts! A definite buy at $900,000. 555-MINE-TO-OWN
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10.
Beat Me Off With A Stick. 0% DOWN FOREVER!!!
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Chevbury Loundsolds;
Lewisville, NB
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We at Chevbury buy and sell prime auto crap. We admit it, but hey we are the No.1 car seller in town! Why because YOU asked for it! Cheap IS where you'll find us! Special offer this weekend only. Pick this upturned car off our lot for $500.00 Right Now Sucker! If you don't then some idiot will!!!
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11.
WHOA! OW! BITE ME! Super Family Saloon Giveaway!
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Chevbury Loundsolds;
Lewisville, NB
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We are giving away this silver-something-or-other today. The first turd to pull it from the side of our showroom gets it! Free! YES I said FREE. In a town where deals just mean hidden financial heartache, do yourself a favour for a change!
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12.
Sporty Convertible Right-Off. What An Absolute Bargain!
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Chevbury Loundsolds;
Lewisville, NB
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Are you a risk takin' SOB? Do you like buying crap and selling it for less than a 1% profit? Thought so! Take this piece of aerodynamic junk and sell it to a pal in Riverview for $50.00. Maybe he'll be silly enough to buy you a coffee in return!!! Or, buy it from us for $50,000 and we'll all laugh loudly for a while!
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13.
Need Crack? Check Ours Out!
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Class A Bootleggers;
Moncton, NB
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Whether you are new to the neigbourhood, an unemployed university graduate, or a newly released con on parole we have the best lookin' crack you'll see this side of Montreal! knock first. No Calls.
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14.
All your Coke needs right here! No Questions asked!
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Class A Bootleggers;
Moncton, NB
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You pay, we supply. That's our Policy. We're open 7 nights a week. You want cheap coke we've got the cheapest coke in the City. Tell your friends, tell businessmen, tell the cops, tell everyone! They'll be wanting a taste of the good stuff once they find out how cheap it is! knock first. No calls.
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Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors
© Copyright 2002-2004 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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