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Tuesday, 25 October 2005
Abusive People Suck!
Mood:
 don't ask
It's appalling just how many women out there that are being emotionally and physically abused. I have several friends that share something in common with me, emotionally abusive exes. I'm so glad we all got out of our situations, but, there's still way too many women out there that are afraid to leave. It took me a long time to leave, mostly because I was afraid of what would happen if I did. Threats towards my social life were always plentiful. I was always made to feel like an idiot every time I opened my mouth, and the criticism was endless. When I defended myself and had valid points, I was being a bitch. I was constantly accused of doing rotten things. Granted, I wasn't an angel, but I wasn't doing bad shit every single time their back was turned. The way I spoke, how I chewed my food, my beliefs, were all criticized. It seemed like he could find something wrong with me no matter what I did. I was always talked over, almost as if anything that I said wasn't important, or to be taken seriously. Rumours from so-called friends were spread about me, and of course, he believed them. I wasn't allowed to seek advice about the relationship from trusting friends or family. I even refrained from writing about my abuse in this amount of detail until now, because for so long, I doubted my observations. I know now that YES, it was abuse, and NO, there was no excuse for how I was treated. I know that I wasn't "overreacting", because, ALL of my friends could SEE how I was being treated. I didn't have to say anything. And most of all, I knew it in my heart and mind the moment the abuse began. I really loved the insecure threats too, that if I didn't take my song down (which was expressing my feelings regarding the abuse) that they would sue me for slander. Okay, how? No name was mentioned, and, how would anyone know exactly which ex of mine I would be talking about? I've dated several dysfunctional people unfortunately, so, it's hard to say. Plus, the year that I wrote the song has no indication either, because I could be writing about an ex that I dated 10 years ago. Are they scared that the truth of their nature will leak out, and the eyes of those they hold dear will see through their ‘nice guy’ facade? Possibly. Abusers seldom admit their problem, and are VERY good at hiding it from friends and family. If you're interested in the song I'm referring to, it's here: Unlocked I urge anyone that is in an emotionally abusive situation, to GET OUT. It's not okay to be put down and to feel controlled. And, most cases of emotional abuse DO lead to physical abuse. The website here describes the signs of emotional abuse: Abuse Signs . Again, if you are experiencing the treatment described by me or on that site, I must stress, LEAVE!
Saturday, 15 October 2005
Weeee!! Insomnia!!!
Mood:
 not sure
For the past few months, I've been suffering from insomnia. It's getting rather frustrating, and hopefully it will pass soon. More bad news, I'm unemployed. I took stress leave from work, when they said it was all right, and was even assured that I wouldn't lose my job. Well a few weeks later, I got a letter saying I was terminated. I found it odd, because my boyfriend, Sheldon, took stress leave at the same time as me (to support me in my recovery), missed the same amount of days, and he didn't lose his job. We both started on the same exact day and they turfed me about 1 week before my probation was up. I, of course, felt really discriminated against, and lied to. I figured it may have had something do with me bringing up that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That, and the thought of one of their employees being mentally ill and needing to give me adequate recuperation time, may have left a foul taste in their mouth. Fuck it. Whatever. In the meantime, I'm struggling to make ends meet while I'm waiting for proper treatment. It takes almost a month just to get in to see a therapist, who will then refer me to a psychiatrist if need be. Well, I have almost 3 fucking years of emotional abuse to thank for my breakdown. I'm feeling safe and loved here, so, I suppose that's why I felt comfortable enough to crumble, and start from the beginning again. It's nice not to be judged and criticized for every fucking thing I do. :) Sheldon has been so loving and supportive through all of this, and I respect him and love him immensely for that. He also treats me extremely well, we've never really fought, just have had mere bickering now and then. He compliments me and tells me he loves me often. He's tender and understanding with me. He's a wonderful cook, and is a kick ass musician (He writes music, plays guitar, and sings). We share many common interests, including reptiles, motorcycles, goth culture, books, movies, most music, and gaming. And, he's a great lover, in both quantity and quality. ;) I couldn't ask for anything more. :) Well, that's enough out of me for now; I may post again in here in another few days, or months, depending on how I feel. :P
Thursday, 26 May 2005
Weee!!!!!!!!!
Mood:
 amorous
What a week this has been. I moved back home to Edmonton on May 21st, and all went fairly well. I had to drop my bigger stuff off in Sundry at my Grandmother's since I didn't have room to haul it all the way back to Edmonton. My Mother will be getting it with her truck at the end of this week though. I was really worried that I wouldn't get a job when I got here, but, I already had a ton of interviews lined up, and I landed a job at Convergys yesterday. :) It's full time, pays well, and has excellent benefits. :) I also have a new boyfriend. His name is Sheldon (I met him May of last year through my friend Heather), and he treats me like a Goddess. :) We were friends for quite while and recently decided to take the next step. I split with my ex, Ken, back in November. So, I stayed single for at least 6 months like I promised myself. I must say that waiting really helped me get a nice guy that accepts me for who I am, and treats me with love and respect. :) I hope things stay positive in all aspects over here, I've had a really rough couple of years, so, I feel this run of good karma is due!
Monday, 17 May 2004
My Wings
I took this cute little test... and I must say, it described me to a tee. :)
I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm
concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.
Trying to find source, will be posted ASAP.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, 13 May 2004
UGH
As I said...UGH. I haven't been this damn sick for a long while. My lungs feel like I've been power dragging bonfire fumes, and my nose is running faster than San Jose is losing to us (By the by, I'm a FLAMES fan, living in Calgary and all *chuckle*). I was on the way to the doctor's office, when about halfway there, I smack my forehead and walk back home. The boyfriend still has my bank card. *DOH!* I need a doctor's note since I've been gone sick for three day, and the gouging bastards charge $10 for this piece of paper these days. Pathetic. So, now I have to wait until he gets home at 8PM, see if I can convince someone to drag me to the doctor's (if there's one OPEN!), and wait for 2hrs just to pay money for a piece of paper! *grrrrrr* Serves me right for being ill eh? Meh. Well, on a more pleasant note, I was back home in Edmonton from the 7th-10th. I had a BLAST. It was really nice seeing all my old friends again; Mike, Mark, Ken D., Heather-Lynn, I love all you guys. :) It was awesome seeing my parents and brother again too. My friend Mike drove me up (very sweet of him, eh?), and when we hit Edmonton, we drove straight to Sherwood Park, and chilled for a bit and shot the shit with my parents (this is also where I was crashing). Then we headed out to karaoke at the B-Street Bar. My friends Mark and Ken met up with us and we rocked the house. I got a standing ovation for doing Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit". On Saturday, after visiting with my brother, Heather picked me up and we headed to her parent's place. There I got to see my little nephew who is now a large, talkative 5 year old. :) (I last saw him when he just turned 3) Then we headed over to Heather's place, and waited for Mark to show up. We had some Birthday cake and then headed out to a goth club called "The Suburbs". My friend Ken met me there as well, and we all had a blast. I haven't danced so much in my life! And the freak culture in Edmonton RULES! :) I was as prententious as could be; smoking clove cigarettes and drinking absynthe. ;) On Sunday, I spent the day with my Mother in Sherwood Park, of course. :) My Mother made pork tenderloin, strawberry and spinach salad (well, I made that via her recipe), and mashed potatos w/ gravy. YUMMY! I got both my Moms a card (as I couldn't find anything else in Sherwood Park Mall). I picked up a circular saw while there since my step-mother got one that day on sale. :) Then I went out with Mike and Heather later in the evening to Ceili's Irish Pub for a few pints. Then, come Monday, it was back to Calgary after having lunch with Heather and Sheldon at Brewster's. Mike drove me back, on three hours of sleep mind you. After dropping me off and resting for about an hour, he drove back home to Edmonton. Man, he's got more gusto than I! *L* What a depressing day that was though. After being in Edmonton again after so long, I've grown quite homesick for the place. I've been bummed about it, but, I'm planning on going for another visit on May 29th. :) Later peeps!
Wednesday, 28 April 2004
Snakes And Stuff
On Saturday, April 24th, and Sunday, April 25th, TARAS (The Alberta Reptile And Amphibian Society) hosted a reptile show here in Calgary. I'm also a general board member of TARAS. :) It was a blast as usual, and, I did not walk out empty-handed. :) I got: A pink toe tarantula A male Northern Pine Snake - I named him Zuul. (There is no pine snake, there is only Zuul!!! *L*) And a gravid (pregnant) Jungle Phase Leopard Gecko Ken got: A pink toe tarantula A male Amazon Tree Boa A male Jungle Carpet Python A female Columbian Red Tail Boa A female Dumeril's Boa A female Aztec Anery Corn Snake We both got: A female Miami Phase Corn Snake We got this as a gift for letting our friends from Saskatchewan stay with us for the duration of the show. As I mentioned above, the leopard gecko was gravid when I got her. I got her on Saturday, and, by Sunday night, I had an intuitive feeling that she was ready to lay her eggs. So, I placed her in a humid nesting box overnight. When I came to check on her on Monday afternoon, she was resting beside two eggs. :D I'm so proud! I have to incubate the eggs for about 45 days. They should be due to hatch around June 10th. I'm counting the days! So now, I have 42 snakes, 3 tarantulas, 1 scorpion, and 2 geckos. Quite the zoo eh? :) Till next time...
Monday, 29 March 2004
METALLICA!!!!!!!!!!
I FINALLY got a chance to post about the best night in my life, let me tell you about it. :) On Wednesday, March 24th, I got to see Metallica, it was the BEST CONCERT EVER! To make it even better, Godsmack opened for them! I got whiplash so bad, I regret nothing! Metallica's playlist was as follows: Blackened Fuel The Four Horsemem Fade To Black Frantic The Memory Remains I Disappear St. Anger Sad But True Creeping Death Battery --------------- No Leaf Clover Nothing Else Matters Master Of Puppets One Enter Sandman --------------- The Wait Dyers Eve Godsmack put on a wicked performance as well, lots of pyrotechnics (at one point, I thought Kane was coming out *LOL*). And, the singer teamed up with the drummer to put on a really awesome drum solo. Both drum sets were on rotating platforms, it was really neat. I was sitting (well, standing) in section 106, row 15, seat 5, not a bad seat at all. :) They're coming back in 6 weeks, hopefully I'll be able to go again and get a damn t-shirt this time! *L*
Monday, 15 December 2003
Catching Up....
Wow, I sure haven't posted in here for a while. Well, since being turfed also unreasonably from the "place that shall not be named" (I seem to be on a streak since the first cursed place turfed me) I've been so much happier. I'm now in the IT field and AWAY from retail! Yay! I'm also making more money then I've ever seen in my life; doing tech support...sad eh? Meh. I'm happy. :) Well, I'm up to 28 snakes, a gecko, two tarantulas, and a scorpion now. I have quite the zoo going. I'm hoping someday that Ken and I can do educational shows with them. Last Saturday, I went and got my lower lip pierced. It actually wasn't all that bad, it just felt really gross going in. I really took kissing, eating, and brushing my teeth for granted before getting this! *LOL* I'm virtually back to normal now, I don't have to cut up all my food anymore with a knife and fork. *L* My Birthday is a short 11 days away. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. I'm going on 25 years old. It's both a stepping stone in life, and a fast approach to middle age. *shudder* Last weekend, I went to a 10 year anniversary reunion for a BBS I recently joined. I had such a blast and eveyone that I met was fantasic. :) Till next time......
Tuesday, 30 September 2003
Changes...
Wow has a lot happened since I last posted. First off, I got undeservingly turfed from my job on the 16th. It was for some pretty petty reasons too. Basically, two weeks prior, they knew I was looking for another job, but, I hadn't given my two weeks notice, as I didn't get a call back from the place that I interviewed at. I think that just gave them the incentive to get rid of me. Basically in my termination letter, they gave reasons for things that I had been told about ONCE and things that I did several MONTHS ago. I had not once received a written warning from them. ONCE my tattoo was showing, and it was pointed out, so, I covered it. It was mentioned casually to me that I dress fairly dark and should try adding some color into my wardrobe, which I did. I took that as a helpful suggestion, not a warning, but they used that as ammo in my termination letter too. A long time ago, I was prone to being on the company phone. I stopped doing that months ago and apologized for it. No written warnings on that. That was also ammo. I ONCE called other locations to pick up shifts before consulting my manager. I got told ONCE and never did it again. Also ammo. I would organize the store if things were looking messy or out of place, they used that as ammo and also said that I was over-stepping authority doing so!!!! The DISTRICT MANAGER was usually the one telling me to rearrange stuff! They mentioned that I did it in another store, yeah, because the district manager TOLD ME TO! I did nothing but bust my ass there and show up whenever they needed me, plus, my sales kicked ass. I couldn't believe that! I've NEVER been fired from a job before, it just baffled me! But, a week after being unemployed, I managed to find TWO jobs. I'm working every Sunday in a pet store and Monday-Friday in a technology company doing tech support and help desk. It'll be awesome money, so, this is the silver lining that I had been waiting for since my termination, it opened me up to more options and more money. :) Working at the pet store is a blast; of course I'm working the reptile department. :D On my first day, I gave all the reptiles food and all the tarantulas and scorpions water. It was a lot of work, but, I felt at home doing all that. Thank god I know something about these critters, I didn't feel like a dolt at all at work until it came to people asking me about the fish. *L* Speaking of reptiles, I'm up to 25 now, and I recently bought a Pink Toe Tarantula. :) Updated pics are on my snake page. Later Erin
Wednesday, 20 August 2003
The Babies Are In!!!!
Well, as I stated in my earlier post, I had new snakes coming to me. I was only expected a max of five, and my boyfriend came home with SEVEN! He came back with three Ghost Corns, two Snow Corns, one Lavender Calfornia King, and one Vietnamese Blue Beauty. If you want to see pictures of the new additions plus the ones I had beforehand, go to my Snake Page.
They're all eating like champs and should be growing like weeds in no time! :)
Thanks for reading! :)
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