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Q: Why can't gypsies have children?
A: Because their husbands have crystal balls

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Once, I was walking down the street, when I saw this huge pile of dog crap. Well, there was one little tiny fly on the pile, and I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. Because I knew that that fly couldn't have made a pile that big.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her first period?
A: Looked around for the S.O.B. that must have shot her.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Two. One to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q: Why are electric trains like a mother`s breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it`s the fathers who are always playing with them

If you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
A man had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the man stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
The difference between bathing suits now and then are that the bathing suits from the past required that you open the suit to see the butt.
The bathing suits of today require that you open the butt to see the suit.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earing." he replies sheepishly.
"So, really? How long have you been wearing one?"
"Er, ever since my wife found it in our bed."
There were two men who had gone to the same college and had become great friends. During college, they had a great time together. They were always right in the middle of anything happening.
When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate ways. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other. During the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for work.
"I'm an undertaker," responded the friend.
"What? That doesn't sound like you! During college, you were always the one looking for excitement."
"There is plenty of excitement in this racket," explained the friend. "Just the other day, I got a call to pick up this stiff in a hotel room. When I entered the room, he was laying there on the bed. He was stark naked with a huge erection. I didn't want to take him out like that, so I took a hanger from the closet and gave it a good swat. You want to talk about excitement? I was in the wrong room!"
Q: If i had a donkey, and you had a rooster, and my donkey ate your rooster's feet, what would we have?
A: Two feet of your cock in my ass
After espying a beautiful blond walking by a man says to God, "God, why did you make blonde's so beautiful?"
God responded, "So you would love her."
"But God", the man replied, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you."
When Blue Collar workers get together, they talk about football...
When Middle Management get together, they talk about tennis...
When Top Management get together, they talk about golf...
Logical Conclusion:
The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.
Q: What is a nymphomaniac?
A: It's a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
There was a limo driver taking a beautiful dark-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "I don't have time to wait for road service. Could you change it yourself?"
The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in a pool?
A: Bob
A bashful man went shopping for a brassiere for his wife. He entered a lingerie shop and waited till it was empty of customers. Then he scurried over and asked for a brassiere.
"What size?" asked the salesgirl.
"I don't know." replied the perplexed husband.
"Well, are they like grapefruits?"
"No..."
"Like oranges?"
"No..."
"Are they like eggs?"
"Yeah, like eggs -- fried!"
There were three guys flying over their countries in a hot air balloon. As they flew by the first guy's country he said, "I love my country!" and he threw down a golden star.
The second guy said as they flew over his country said, "I love my country!" and threw down a silver star.
The third guy as they flew over his country said, "I HATE my country" and he threw down a grenade.
When they got back they found a boy crying. They asked him why and he said, "A golden star hit my dad over the head and now he's dead!" They found another boy crying and asked him why, and he said, "A silver star hit my dad on the head and now he's dead!" They found another boy laughing, and when they asked why, he said, "My dad farted and it blew up the house!"
Q: What do you get when you mix Viagra and whiskey?
A: A stiff drink.
There were three moles that lived in a hole. Momma Mole, Daddy Mole and Junior Mole.
One day Daddy Mole smelled something, so he poked his head out the hole, and said "MMMMMMMM I smell Hotcakes...."
Then, Momma Mole Poked her head out the hole and said "MMMMMMMM I smell butter....."
Junior Mole couldn't poke his head out the hole because it was too crowded. Junior Mole then said "All I smell is MoleAsses..."
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There`s a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
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