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0-200 in 19 Months!

(This was a MySpace blog entry, so clicking on any of the links below will take you to MySpace.)

This is my 200th blog on MySpace and, in keeping with tradition, I now present to you my last 99 blogs.  Not in full, you dafty, but, summarised for your skimming pleasure.

The list of my first 100 blogs is here.  I'd forgotten that at my 100 blogs mark I was excited about my 1000 views and 86 comments.  If you're interested, I've now got just over 4100 views and 414 comments.  Wow, if I thought I'd hit the big time then I must be, like, Oprah now.

12/02/07 Even better! - Ooo!  I'm going to be in The Princess Bride.
12/02/07 Random E-mail - Those are some serious creative writing skills, in a 'spammy' kind of way.
13/02/07 My house is drowning - The burden of living in a cardboard house.
14/02/07 I feel dirty... - I'm not at rehearsal...and I like it!
15/02/07 A little bit of inspiration has hit me... - Johnny Depp party + wedding dress = Corpse Bride.
16/02/07 Damn right - Quiz.  My definition, my obituary and my tombstone.
19/02/07 Piss off, rain! - It always rains just after I wash my car.
19/02/07 True story - I swear! - My dad doesn't 'get' theatre.
21/02/07 I really shouldn't do this! - Paying for music...pah, that's so 20th Century!
23/02/07 When I see that bloody Sandman... - My descent into becoming nocturnal.
25/02/07 Dear Mum, - I party, I get pissed and I crash at my mum's.  In a wedding dress.
01/03/07 Photo a Day - The first picture from my Photo a Day series.
02/03/07 I shouldn't watch television (+PaD) - MTV is evil, they make programmes that make me want to hurt my telly.
03/03/07 PaD - Coco makes an appearance.
04/03/07 Lush (+PaD) - Lush, how do I love thee.  Let me count the ways...
04/03/07 Off to buy a man... - My crushes were up for sale but, alas, I didn't have the guts (or the spendy buttons) to bid.
05/03/07 Bubbles - PaD - It's Bubbles, the cross-eyed cat.
09/03/07 Car Tonsilitis - My speakers lost the will to live.
12/03/07 Are you seeing this...? - A whinge for my preferred readers.
12/03/07 Subscribers... - A message to loyal readers of my blog...everyone else can piss off.
12/03/07 It HAD to be this one! - Photo a Day goodness.
13/03/07 OHMYGOD! Say it isn't so! - Future Prime Minister and Ruler of the Universe Jeremy Clarkson may leave Top Gear?!
16/03/07 The Pink Pillowcase - Crazy woman wants to fix my make-up on the opening night of The Princess Bride.
17/03/07 Note to self: - I talk to myself.  A lot.
26/03/07 Busy - Excuses, excuses.
26/03/07 Sorted - Internet woes, courtesy of Verizon.
28/03/07 Harry Potter geeks unite! - Ooo!  It's the cover of the last book!
28/03/07 A few minutes ago... - I was a dork.  But I'm used to that now.
28/03/07 No rehearsal. - Christ on a bike I was bored.  So I blogged.
28/03/07 I'll stop now. - Paolo Nutini lyrics.
29/03/07 Stupidity runs in my family. - My cousin falls off a cliff and makes the evening news.
29/03/07 Jewel Box Theatre burgled! - And the cast of The Princess Bride makes the news too.
30/03/07 Late night browsing... - Photos from Big Knuckles!
31/03/07 Stupidity runs in my family - now with video. - More articles about my cousin.
03/04/07 March - A compilation of my photos for March.
12/04/07 A distinct lack of bloggage. - My new BitTorrent obsession and trying to get my car to stop.
14/04/07 WTF?! - MySpace has some weird adverts!
17/04/07 Yuck! - Deep cleaning the cardboard house I live in.
02/05/07 Itchy... - My insect fear makes me go all paranoid.
02/05/07 April - A compilation of my photos for April.
09/05/07 Killing time - Finding cool shit to buy.
10/05/07 That's twice now... - A man bought me dinner...and I didn't even have to flash him.
10/05/07 Where do you get your bacon? - Mmm, push-button bacon.
14/05/07 Unexpected bonus/What would you do? - I kept the soap, we're all going to hell.
15/05/07 I love you, John Sweeney - Panorama riles up the Scientologists.
18/05/07 Nearly got away from me there! - My near death experience when the throttle coil snaps in my car.  Good times.
21/05/07 If you don't hear from me for a couple of days... - Creepy truck follows me home.
23/05/07 Woo! - This house becomes less and less of a shithole every day.
23/05/07 Why did I click on that...? - An alligator makes a snake explode.
04/06/07 What an advertisement... - I take a look at London 2012's logo and declare it rubbish.
05/06/07 Pants! - I found a hideously uncomfortable thong-like creation and decide my knickers aren't so bad after all.
05/06/07 This is so me! - What would happen if I went on Big Brother?  Something like this...
06/06/07 Bundle! - Ten interesting things about me.
07/06/07 The Newses - Two weird stories from the day's news.
13/06/07 Let's face it... - I still don't think I'm that interesting.
14/06/07 It's Simple - A letter to my cousin, before I try to kill him.
15/06/07 You can thank Maria for this... - Ten more interesting things about me.
17/06/07 Wow - I was boredy bored bored.
18/06/07 Playing Favourites - Why do half-naked pictures of me get more attention to my pretty pictures?  Why?!
22/06/07 So... - Dealing with the unreasonable little shit...
23/06/07 Woo! - I got an award for one of my photographs!
25/06/07 I am who I am - And I have multiple personalities.
27/06/07 Well chuffed. - The BBC likes my photos.
03/07/07 Kitty speaks the truth - Cats always speak the truth, if they like you.
03/07/07 Don't call me 'babe' - Because if we're related, it just sounds creepy.
04/07/07 I've not even done this... - And I'm surprised I haven't, because it's just crazy enough that I'd try it.
06/07/07 Heat sucks - And boy was it hot this year!
09/07/07 And another...! - The BBC keeps liking my photos.
11/07/07 Harry Potter (mildly spoiler-ish) - My review of Harry potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
18/07/07 For those who don't know... - Just a little press release for you all.
19/07/07 This is very bad, very bad indeed. - I 'happened' to 'find' a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows a couple of days early.
23/07/07 Sometimes, I hate PCs - HP broke my computer!  Bastards!
23/07/07 Word of the day: Pseudomamma - Still gives me the creeps to look at it.
26/07/07 "Devious Bastards" - HP broke my computer and then they made me pay for it!  Twunts!
26/07/07 Harry Potter and the Fluctuating Friends - MySpace friends weirdness.
29/07/07 Hurray! Hurrayhurrayhurray!! - Good riddance to bad rubbish!
29/07/07 Stupid cat video! - It still makes me a little weepy.
03/08/07 I want to do this... - Except I probably wouldn't give people their stuff back.
07/08/07 And the winner is... - I never thought I'd love a PC as much as I love this one.
15/08/07 I've been rather absent - Catching up with life-y type things.
23/08/07 This town stinks - 'Yeah, because it's Bakersfield!' I hear you cry...
25/08/07 Driving a death trap - I like to live life on the wild side when I drive.
07/09/07 I guess I'm not a nerd. - I kinda wanted to be a nerd...
09/09/07 Just so everyone's clear... - Venting my frustration via the medium of photography and Photoshop.
12/09/07 W...T...F?! - This gorilla could have been in our drumline!
12/09/07 Ooo, kit-ty! - I love Gordon Brown's pussy.
13/09/07 Local arts coverage: almost nonexistant or just rubbish? - I take on the newspaper and they ignore me.
20/09/07 I'm in love - And he's gay...the story of my life. [sigh]
22/09/07 Rain...and more rain. - The most painful night of Twelve Angry Jurors yet.
23/09/07 Heard on QI... - A joke.
23/09/07 Apologies - The full story of why I'm back.
25/09/07 Don't mess with B3ta (with new, improved linkage) - A dirty coin almost brought down the Tory party.
30/09/07 I see what you did there - More stories from Twelve Angry Jurors.
02/10/07 Congratulations - Jim and Natalie, they're such a cute couple!
08/10/07 Sodding Verizon... - More Internet troubles.
16/10/07 And now back to our scheduled programming... - Internet fixed, woo!
17/10/07 It's all coming back to me - Adventures at the job fair.
24/10/07 Call off the search - the houmous has been found. - Mmm, good houmous.
24/10/07 I can't decide... - Bad trumpet playing + bad dancing = fun video

I can’t decide...

I can't decide which is more painful - her out of tune trumpet or the really bad dancing. Help.

Call off the search - the houmous has been found.

If you recall, way back on the 30th of January, I was moaning about the distinct lack of houmous in town and my quest to find the good stuff.

Recently I took up this quest again.  It started at the get-together after Twelve Angry Jurors.  Jennie announced she had houmous from Green Frog Market, a local independent grocer, but she wasn't sure if it had gone off or not.  I took a look at it and offered to be the guinea pig.

And, oh, it was good stuff.  Not quite as good as the infamous Tesco houmous, but still good.

Then today, I'm roaming the aisles of my local Vons when I happen to check the houmous spot.  I didn't expect to find anything new - why should I?  They've had the same shit brand of faux houmous for the last year.  But wait...what's this?  A new brand...

I pick it up and inspect it.  The lid is clear so I can see the actual product, I take a good look at it.  Could it be...?  I grab the shit brand off the shelf next to it turn them on their side and compare labels, all the same stuff from the looks of it.  I look in the little window on the top of the package again and see the houmous inside slowly slide back into place.  It sounds vile, but it's a promising sign in houmous.  Anyway, in the trolley it goes!  I run back around to grab some crisps (plain/ready salted since I can't get my nice Walkers Sensations crisps over here) to go with it.

When I finally got home I threw all the other groceries in where they're supposed to go and ripped open the houmous.

Oh.  My.  Fucking.  God.

My mum works for Vons.  I've already phoned her to tell her that if they ever stop carrying this brand (Sabra, if you're curious) of houmous I will burn down the store.

It's like the Sabra people have gone to Tesco, bought a load of houmous, dumped it into their own containers and shipped it over here.  It's perfect.

Now, please excuse me as I scoff the lot...

It’s all coming back to me

I'm slowly beginning to remember what I kept telling myself I'll just have to blog about when my Internet stops being fucked.  Dirty Internet, you hussy.

It started with the job fair.  Nothing like a free event targeting the unemployed in Kern County to bring out the freaks.  What I was doing there, I don't know.  I'm not unemployed, I'm a 'lady who lunches' - as they say in the UK.  I even prefer 'jobseeker' to 'unemployed'.

Anyway, I drag Kayla along on my fact-finding mission.  I'm supposed to be there to find gainful employment but instead I find myself mostly bitching about how useless most of the booths are because it's not at all clear what the company is about or what they're hiring for.  Most of the booths don't even have a list of positions vacant and I'm not going to go 'round like the Queen asking everyone 'What do you do?'  Bollocks to that.

On our wander through the booths, Kay and I stumble upon the Taco Bell booth and she makes me ask for a purple Taco Bell megaphone.  I've learned that it's easy for me to ask for things from people I don't know because most people are so stunned by my accent that they'll give me anything I ask for.  Then, a little further along, a tyre place has a stack of frisbees so I get to ask for a frisbee this time.

Ladies, a little tip: wearing low-rise trousers is perfectly fine, however, leaving the majority of your arse crack to flap in the wind does not make pleasant viewing for the general public.  It's also not a good idea to put on that show for your (possible) future employer - unless you're applying to be a plumber.

On our way out I spy the Bakersfield Californian booth and it takes every bit of my willpower to stay away and keep my gob shut.  I really wanted to ask them if it takes a special kind of stupid to get a job at the Californian.  Maybe I could have even pointed them toward the blog where I had a bit of a bitch about them.  I had a second glance at the booth and realised that the mongs behind the table were probably just a couple of underpaid intern monkeys, so I left them alone.

So, after all that I came away with: a chocolate, a bag of crisps, a star-shaped pack of mints, a list of jobs for the county, a Taco Bell megaphone, a frisbee, a mouse mat and an application for KBAK (which I never filled out because I forgot what jobs I was supposed to be applying for).

I think I'll stick with my agency, thank you very much...

Had my hair done on Thursday.  It's now free of split ends and back to its pleasing shade of 'Holy shit! red'.

I have some terribly distressing news to report: I have one grey hair.

It's starting.  I'm getting old.  First it was the wrinkles under my eyes and now my hair's going grey.  Pretty soon I'm going to fall down and break my hip, or something, and then I'll be trundling along on my Zimmer frame shouting at the young 'uns about how it was in my day and taking my teeth out so I can scare small children.

On the way back from getting my hair done, an idiot decided that he was far too important to leave enough time to arrive at his destination.  He roared up on my backend and gave me the perfect opportunity to drive like the old lady I've become.  I immediately slowed down to match the speed of the car next to me, blocking his passing route.  Then I started to slow down a little bit more.  He must have known I was playing with him because I could feel his stare of death on the back of my head.  As I came up to my turn I liberally applied my brakes while still fully in the lane and only moved over at the very last second.  As he swerved around me I turned to him and gave him a wave and the biggest smile ever.  He gave me evils and gestured out his window.

...And that's why they call me Buffy the Wanker Slayer.

And now back to our scheduled programming...

So, the broadband's been fixed for nearly a week, but I've just been lazy with blogging. There were a few things I wanted to blog about, but now I can't remember them. I'll just post a video instead...

Rather funny advert, may not be safe for work because it's rude and requires sound.

And this, I still don't know how I got this score...

Sodding Verizon

My Internet's well and truly fucked.  It took me 20 minutes to get here and post this so don't be offended if you don't hear from me for a while.  I've been here before and it can take some time to get back.

See you next year...

Congratulations

Congratulations are in order for my friends, the lovely Jim and Natalie, who got married on Sunday. I hope they have many happy years together and I wish I could have been there.