My
Thoughts
Let's face it, we all have the occational thought that makes us want to smack ourselves between the eyes because it is so ridiculously stupid, some of us more often than others, and these are some of mine.
- When I was a kid I thought that there were two different waves for hello and goodbye
- Sometimes I watch the weather channel when Marshall Seese is on and wonder if, when he was a little kid and misbehaving, his mother would say "Marshall, seese and desist"
- Once I was watching the credits for some show and there was a guy named Larry de Way and I was thinking if he married someone named Carrie, her name would be Carrie de Way
- Provolone? What kind of meat is that? Enough said.
- If you burn 16 calories nipping out then does someone with a third nipple burn an extra 8?
I've decided to start a new little section entitled moronic dreams.
- Once I dreamed that I was with Damon and he was in the bathtub and then he went down the drain which I found odd and then Travis came in and said that he was with Lex in the truck and they were being chased by terrorists so without question I said Ok I'll come with you and so I did and a chase ensued and then my bottom left canine tooth fell out and some odd bearded man who was in the truck for some reason said "I must confess, we've been smuggling diamonds in your teeth" and I looked at my tooth and it was all sparkly and then I woke up.
Also here's a little list I've compiled of not so moronic thoughts or tips I've learned in my 17 years upon the planet.
- Walmart is the best place to buy dog/cat collars I swear by it
- Everyone in the world is named Steve, those who call themselves different have legally changed their names.
- Bart Simpson knows all and sees all
- Don't leave candles by space heaters
- When someone says stop saying monkey or I'll hit you, stop saying monkey
- If someone asks if you're a good fisherman you're about to be set up for a joke
- Speech is a full contact sport
- Never put valve oil up a tuba, put a jump rope in a baratone, or try to fix a hole in a trumpet with scotch tape
- While we're at it, never lick your lips and then put them to a trumpet in 20 degree weather
- Never wear a leash on a trampoline or a swing set
- Always, always, always smell the milk first
- Don't tape people in Waukon, it makes them nervous
- There was a reason that tickle me elmo was so popular, if you own one you know
- While you sleep extra terrestrials implant microchips in your brain. You are now the property of Bill Gates and Glorb the space lord
- For the love of crumb cake, don't pierce yourself with a nail
- Don't play with dead mice, it makes you look crazy, unless of course that's what you want to look like
- That bran muffin has over 160 calories
- Never ever fall in love.
