Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

Jacksonville, FL It was reported by Kathleen Sweeney, a Jacksonville Times-Union staff writer, that a bank robber saved Jacksonville police some time by writing the demand note on the back of a police report of his previous arrest.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL Actor Brad Renfro, the 18-year-old actor best known for his co-starring role in the movie "The Client", and a buddy allegedly tried to steal a 45 foot yacht from its berth at a Ft. Lauderdale marina. Our smart guys got the big boat started and were on their way...almost. They forgot to untie the dock lines and when they tried to pull away, the ropes tightened and yanked the $175,000 boat back to the dock. Nearby boaters were awakened by the ruckus and held the actor and his friend until the police arrived.

Lake City, FL A 20-year-old girl was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.

Homosassa, FL A man went into a hardware store to apply for a job. After completing his application he went to the section of the store that sold guns. He asked to see a couple guns, and the attendant left for a moment. The guy stole the guns. Not only was he video-taped, the police used the address on his application to go to his house and arrest him.

Boynton Beach, FL Michael Harrison and Kevin Carter were arrested and charged with armed robbery and murder. Why did they want the money? To attend the police academy.

Jacksonville, FL Two men intended on robbbing a bank during the night. They had a stick of dynamite that was supposed to be dropped in a bank vault deposit. The two men mistook a car wash coin deposit for the bank vault deposit. When the stick of dynamite exploded hundreds of coins shot out every where like a shotgun injuring the two men. They were stunned long enough for the police to arrive and arrest them for their crime.

Orlando, FL A few months ago, a rapist learned that being dumb can be fatal. After breaking into a woman's apartment and holding her at knife-point, he began assaulting his victim. In the throes of misguided passion, the assailant dropped his knife onto the bed. The victim picked it up and stabbed him to death.