GOVERNMENT JOKES

Quotes from D.C. Mayor Marion Barry
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against
diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a
very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And
second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington,DC

"Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third
term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George
Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are
racist. The law of gravity is racist."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an
international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As
mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to
Africa?"
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People have criticized me because my security detail is
larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are
there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill
the president? I can assure you there are."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which
were black, were the ultimate sacrifice."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the
slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by
law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he
was not a Republican."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just
because they deem it necessary?"
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask
you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my
responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
UP TO HERE
"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am
an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a
humble man."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

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DNA Test
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Crime Lab 2A-3356N, Wash DC

DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson

Dear Mr. Starr:

The test on the dress came back inconclusive.
Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.

Sorry,

The FBI

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Fortune Teller

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local
repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your
husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle,
then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"

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Letter to Heaven

LETTER TO HEAVEN A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send
it to President Clinton.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the
little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a
little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord,
which read:

Dear Lord,

Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, Inoticed that for some reason you had to
send it through Washington DC and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95...

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Not Milk?
A man walks into a T-Shirt store and on the walls there where three t-shirts on display for sale.

The first row had the picture of Richard Nixon with a thin white mustache and below the picture
it was titled: GOT MILK

The second row of shirts were the picture of Ronald Reagan with the white mustache and it was
titled: FORGOT MILK

And the third was of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache and under her it was titled:

NOT MILK

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Save my Spot

Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts
shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."

Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."

Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."

To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the
bathroom."

Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."

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The Wizard of Oz

Our three past and our current presidents found themselves following the famous Yellow Brick
Road, on their way to meet The Wizard. They were all missing just a little something and figured
The Wizard could help them.

They meet The Wizard and he asks each in turn what they need.

"Well", Jimmy Carter says, "I could use some courage."

"No problem," says The Wizard, and Carter gets his courage, no questions asked.

"What about you, Mr. Reagan?", The Wizard asks.

"If I only had a brain," Mr. Reagan replies, and voila, Mr. Reagan has his brain.

George Bush is next. "People tell me I could use a heart," he pleads, and The Wizard grants Mr.
Bush his wish.

"Tell me, Mr. Clinton, what do you most want?", asks The Wizard. Mr. Clinton doesn't hesitate.

"Is Dorothy around?"