Are we crazy? No, we're not crazy. We just love Mr. Chicoine! (I'm helping with this page - Krystina). Omer Chicoine is our math teacher at good ole CHS in Manchvegas. Renée has Algebra II and Krystina has Geometry with the C-Man. They have been collecting his assorted wise quotes and random outbursts from day one, and, as the first semester draws to a close, have decided to share them with you. Enjoy, because Omer is the man!!!

QUOTES FROM THE C-MAN HIMSELF

"...and let's say for funsies the radius of a circle is R..."
"Guess WHAT...if you don't have numbers, you ain't got mathematics!"
"You are allowed seven questions a marking period."
"Anyone know the name of this set of numbers? This is Jimmy..."
"It's a finite set, a lil' rinkydink set of three numbers."
"If you were to pick you pick your fifty favorite numbers...well, if you had fifty favorite numbers, man, you're weird..."
"Tell me the answer...And 'um' has nothing to do with it."
"Oh, dear, I have to go back to what Sister Mary Godzilla taught me 50 years ago...how many of you have had nuns?"
Student: "Mr. Chic?" Mr. Chicoine: "Mr. Chick? Mr. Chick? You can call me Chicky baby."
"Really smart people are weird sometimes.. that's why I'm not normal."
"The last time all the clocks in the Classical were right was in 1972.. no lie."
"This is math, it's not supposed to be fun..."
"...Let's pause here for station identification."
"Will you ask me the damn question?"
"You may not use any other living organism to help you do this quiz."
"My life would be less exciting if I didn't have colored chalk. I know some of you are thinking, get a life..."
"Slow down, Chicoine, slow down. I'm sorry, I just get so excited sometimes when I'm talking about math."
"You make a chart, right! And that's how you do it...you pick a y, you pick an x, you plot them point to point, you stand back, and admire!"
"You should all go see A Beautiful Mind. It's a movie about a math teacher...oh, should I bring my puke bag? Christ, that sounds boring."
"Oh, we're all schizophrenic, I just hide it very well."
*writing on board* "Now, if you can't see this, go see your optometrist..."
"I just blew up this square so you could see it...(pause for emphasis)...MORE better."
"Can anyone tell me (and I don't expect you to be able to answer this unless you've been playing around with parabolas lately) what is the graph of y = -x squared?
"And now, something very interesting...meh...semi-interesting..." [at least he's honest]
"MAN, am I messed up today."
"D'you know how much MONEY I lost at the Flamingo in Vegas last year? It brings back rotten memories."
"Ah, nope. You've got it back-ass-wards."
"Aw, you're gonna kick yourself. This is so EASY, it's hard."
"Now, I think that's a cool question...and I have absolutely no idea how to do it."
"Ok, the floor is open...and I feel like jumping through."
"K, the quiz is tomorrow. But don't worry, I took it last night and I got a C on it."
"I love it when I scare freshmen." (after yelling at some kids talking in the hall during Renée's Alg. II class)
*STOMPS from ceiling above our heads*..."I LOVE that class upstairs! I think the name of the course is...'get the teacher to start drinking!'"
"And the quotient is...3 miles long."
"Now, I don't really feel like doing this because I'm getting kind of old and don't have that much time left...see, the 4 or 5 minutes I save, my wife can bother me for an extra few."
"I can plug the 3 in here -that's what normal people like you guys would do- or I could put it here, which is what abnormal people like myself do."
"Ok, cross my fingers, hope to die...no, not really..."
*singing* "Nobody knows the trouble I've been through..." *stops* "Ooops, sorry, I thought it was Sunday."
(handing out a project to do over vacation) "These problems are yours and yours alone...if anyone else sees them I'll pluck their eyeballs out. I keep 'em in a jar in my office."
"Ok, now lemme give you one of the simplest functions there is in functionland."
(to kid doing a problem on board) "You should get a zero remainder at the end. If you don't, we'll beat you up."
"In the good ole days, before you all were born..."
(Pauses while doing a long problem in a straight line across the chalkboard) "How long is the board? Sometimes I get very excited."
"Someday if you work real hard you can get to be almost as good as I am in mathematics. That should be one of your life goals...'I wanna be like Omer.'"
"Are you gonna ask us this proof on a quiz? No, probably not, because I don't want four flat tires on my car. But in case you do wanna give me a flat tire, I park over here right by the principal's spot, so feel free."
(preparing a proof) "All right, if you haven't got your seatbelts fastened, I strongly suggest you do so now."
"Now, I'm making this up, so please remember everything I'm telling you may not be true."
"It's really a big deal...that just saved me almost 3 seconds of my life."
"What I'd do now is I'd cheat... Everyone's eyes just lit up when I said that."
"Sometimes I check to see if these numbers have collinear written on the back of their sweatshirts. That's usually a tipoff..."
"So let's joing these two points in holy matrimo -ah- together..."
"Whenever my wife tells me to make my own lunch, it's always PBJ."
"Ok, we're almost to Paradise!"
"So now I want you all to take a piece of paper and a piece of pencil and prove that (d)PQ = a/2."
"Then some guy named Lobachevsky (obviously an Irishman) disagreed with Euclid."
Now, we don't use the metal compasses anymore. Every year I'd find some kid with about six of 'em in his back. And then I'd have to go bury him. *goes back to problem, a few minutes later, adds:* "...Actually, I didn't bury him. I just threw him out the window. I let somebody else worry about the bodies."
"You've gotta use your imagination, Kennedy, that's all there is to it."
"If you use your imagination...or eat some of those funny mushrooms...you can think of it as a circle with a radius of zero."
"It's just like when you tell some elementary school kids that .999 forever = 1, and they go, 'Oh my God, what are you smoking out back?'"
"Infinity...can blow your minds."
"Sketch the point (3,4), and call it F, for Fantastic."
"Now, don't go crazy. I don't want you to O.D. on dots."
"Now, there's a line segment joining these two points, and there she be."
"So if you don't wanna pay attention to me, you could draw..."
L: "Oooh, can we have a free mod tomorrow?" Mr. Chic.: "We'll see." DK: "I love you." MC (amid laughter): ..."I ain't touchin' that baby with a ten-foot pole...
"Let's say for funsies (we do a lot of stuff for funsies around here)..."
(handing out his syllabus for the week) "Ok, here's one of those Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday things."
"K, most of you are staring at me, which means...wait, lemme use some logic here...you're done."
"I will pass my hat around and you guys can throw your loose coins in it."
Mr. C: "Why am I talking to the closet? Because that's where I spent most of my childhood, that's why." DK: "You were in the Holocaust?"
"Now I take out my trusty yardstick...we've been together for a long, long time..."
"NO. What part of NO don't you understand, is it the O that's giving you trouble?"
"...so you probably can't hear systems of equations speaking to you."
"All right, JP, you look like you're praying I don't call on you...how do I find the foci of this hyperbola?"
"This thing is SCREAMING substitution at you, isn't it. 'Substitute, substitute!'"
"Ok this problem just keeps on coming like the Energizer Bunny, here."
"Ooh, that's right, the magician's gonna come tomorrow. Alright, I'm gonna take my hat off and pass it around for donations so I can pay him to make my mother-in-law disappear. If you have a little extra, throw it in, cuz my mother-in-law is huge."
Mr. Chicoine: "Tacker, are you with me?" Tacker: "Yeah." MC: "No, you're not. You're on the planet K-Pax."
"If you haven't seen K-Pax, you should rent it. It's a good movie. No F-words...no sex...well, actually, there is a little sex in it..."
"So you look at this problem and the first thing you think is... 'What time's this mod gonna be over?'"
"It's a nice, nice number. You'd probably wanna take it home to meet your parents."
Mr. Chicoine: "Sandman beat you to death, Matthew?" MW: "No." MC: "Sure as hell looks like it."
"What I wanna do for the rest of the mod...is collect $100 from each of the students...but I can't do that."
"Now Jessica, just for the fun of it, I want you to say '9/16' as loud as you possibly can."
"I think I've just been taken off of Jessica's Christmas list...I'm not sure."
"OK, I'm gonna need a volunteer to come up here and do this problem on the board." [...dead silence...] *makes chicken noises* "You're all a bunch of chickens!"
"We don't learn much in here, but we have a lot of fun, huh?"
[After a student asked if the class could watch a movie the last few days of school] "NO. If you wanna watch a movie, pick a level one class. They're big on Goofy Goes to the Zoo."
"Now I'm gonna do it the way most students would do it. Some would throw up. Others would take the cube root of 64/27."
"There are other ways to do that, by the way. That is not the coolest way, but...I'm not cool."
"All radical exponents decay exponentially."
"If you have a radioactive element in your hand...you are insane."
"I'll just kinda lean up here and look ancient while you figure out the answer."
[Awaiting an answer] "Come on, Triet, I don't have much time left to live!"
"This is the cheapie way of doing it, but what the heck."
"Today, logarithms are not as important as they were back in the 60s or the 70s because of Mr. Calculator."
[Lindsey is standing in front of the board, contemplating a graph and what line she should draw to be correct.] Mr. Chicoine: "What are you doing?" Linz: "I'm thinking." MC: "Oh, well that's good." *pause...MC gestures wildly upwards* "...Maybe just go like this and hope to hell you get the right number!"
MC: "...And what would the inverse function of 1/2 be? Griffin?" *pause* "...rhymes with 'leggative fun.'" Griffin: "Negative one."
"Thank you for insulting our intellect."
"I hate getting old because...I don't remember things."
On syllabus: "Happy Valentine's Day! What TV star's (ask your parents) famous line was: 'Who loves you, baby?' He loved Tootsie Pops!"
"What's up with you today, are you guys not talking to me anymore? We were best buddies last week."
"You wanna be a good basketball player, you play a lotta basketball. You wanna be a good...logarithm person, you do a lot of logs! And - you're weird. A few years ago I used to have a student like that, he said, 'Mr. Chicoine, when I grow up I wanna be a good log person!'. Right now he's in a straightjacket."
"Now, if you can't do it this way I have no help for you."
"See what you did to me, Kinball? You screwed me up worse than before."
"Victoria's over there getting beaten to death by the sandman. Her eyelids are heavy, she's trying to stay awake, but the ole sandman is back there with his baseball bat, beatin' the hell out of her."
MC: "Soooo, Victoria... what's the log of 1/8 in base 2?" VS: "uhm..." MC: "-'uhm' is correct!"
"Now try this...what is the log of -100 in base 10?...I hope your calculator doesn't explode."
"Aw, you're laughing...is my toupee on crooked now?"
"...And we're gonna have fun fun fun till our daddy takes the T-Bird away!"
"I'm bluffing because I don't know what to do next. I'm stalling for time."
*walking back to give a graphing calculator to Matt W.* "Look at this, I'm like Domino's...I deliver."
"Now type in y=log(x)...hit enter...and you will get a crappy picture of a log curve."
[after asking one student for an answer and having another give it unasked] "Wow, did you throw your voice? That was pretty good, your lips didn't move and some dummy over there spoke!"
"Now what was I doing before I went stupid?"
"It's not all here, but then again, neither am I."
*AL blows nose* "Is there a moose loose in here again? Every once in a while a moose wanders in here, and me without my moose gun."
"God, if you don't know this one you better contemplate suicide."
"Here comes Mr. Cartesian coordinate system."
"Are you all familiar with the Greek letter Theta? Judging by the look on Triet's face, you are not."
MC: "Laura, what is the tangent of thirty degrees?" L: "Awww..." MC: "Right. And its reciprocal is one over 'awwwwwww'... *pause* If you don't hurry up [with the answer] I'm gonna call your mother."
"and the tangent of forty-five degrees is a/a, which is - I used to know this - one."
[draws 45/45/90 right triangle on board] "Get this triangle tattooed on your body somewhere."
"Put your hand up. I promise not to hit you if you're wrong."
"Now, I'm going to introduce you to a new kind of function called a wrapping function. Not 'rapping' like Eminem, but like a Christmas present."
*circling the correct answer over and over with colored chalk while speaking* "This is a very subtle hint I'm giving you."
"I don't give you a break in Level 4, I work you to death."
[handing out worksheet] "I made this nice little thing for you because I was bored last night. Actually, I made it last year."
"Five pi over four..." *writes five pi over six, slaps self* "...over FOUR, stupid!"
"And I say unto thee...yes! *writes while saying* "You are correct!"
"This is not important. I just thought I'd impress you with my mathematical abilities."
"600 pi. Which is somewhere up in the clouds on the S-axis."
"And the answer is...Thomas?" TF: "0." MC: "Did you hear that? He just said, 'I love you, Omer, you're the best math teacher I ever had!'"
"All right...I gots me a circle..."
"All right, here's the $64,000 question..." *grand pause* ..."What is the capital of Iceland?"

Krysie: "He randomly licks chalk off himself..."
Omah's two-Velcro-strap, ultra-trendy shoes