I Won't Bite
TITLE: I Won’t Bite
AUTHOR: Rich (Starbug42)
RATING: Let’s make it PG.
FEEDBACK: It would be appreciated. Money would be even more so…
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me and tell me where it’s going. Then I will tell you no. :)
SUMMARY: Oz writes a song for Willow…from a mental hospital.
DISCLAIMER: Sue me.
For Karen. It’s her birthday. Doi.
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“I Won’t Bite” 1/1
Oz scratched the back of his head. He didn’t walk in here with much more than a comb. Of course, they broke all the bristles off so he couldn’t use it as a weapon. He figured he could leave that behind. Which meant he was all packed. They were letting him out today after five weeks of being in a mental institution. Turned out he wasn’t crazy. Which was kind of a shame because Oz was really starting to like it here. He got three meals a day, which was more than he got from the monks. At least here people would talk to him.
Oz walked into the main office. He had only been in here once and that was only because he kicked that former telemarketer in the crotch. He deserved it. He tried to sell him shares for this cabin in the Bahamas. During dinner. You don’t do that, man. It’s just not cricket.
The head guy, Oz called him Shatner because of the way he sat in his big leather chair, handed him a large brown envelope marked Ozbourne Personal Items. Going through it, he found the keys to his van, his wallet (minus the money, mind you) and his songbook. Flipping through it, he laughed at some of the songs he had written over the years. Oz spotted a pen on Shatner’s desk. And thought of his favorite red head. “Willow,” he thought. “I think after all this she deserves a song.”
For the life of him, he couldn’t think of a tune. He wasn’t really good with that kind of thing. That was usually left up to Devon. Oz decided that, since no one else would see this, he’d write it to the tune of “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down. Why the hell not? Weird Al Yankovic got his own TV show for doing the same damned thing.
Oz put the pen to the paper and began to write…
I took a walk around the world
And ended up in Tibet.
I came back for you and you got some
Blonde chick as your pet.
I left the town again,
This time to see a shrink.
He told me I was on the brink.
Yeah…
I told him all about
How I like to howl at the moon.
He called the cops and told them
That I was a loon.
I really don’t mind being locked up in the loony bin
As long as I get my electro-shock session.
If I’m not crazy, then can I still dress like
Superman?
They say I’m sane, but they still
Won’t let me back in the band.
I’m coming back to you
Although the moon’s full tonight.
I won’t bite…
I’ve been in this place for weeks,
Having fun with all the freaks,
Playing chess with the guy
Who thinks he’s Chevy Chase.
They walked in, got me out of bed,
Told me I was sane instead.
Pick up my stuff. Man, I sure am
Going to miss this place…
If I’m not crazy, then can I still dress like
Superman?
They say I’m sane, but they still
Won’t let me back in the band.
I’m coming back to you
Although the moon’s full tonight.
I won’t bite…
Yeah!
If I’m not crazy, then can I still dress like
Superman?
They say I’m sane, but they still
Won’t let me back in the band.
I’m coming back to you
Although the moon’s full tonight.
I won’t bite…
Oz read over his words. And then he laughed. This would probably scare the hell out of her if she read this. With that thought in mind, Oz stuffed the paper in an envelope and addressed it to “Mr. Devon McAlester” with a Post-It note that read “Please sing this at the next Bronze show. Love, Oz.”
THE END
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Am I the only person that thinks insane asylums are fun?
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