Chapter 19

Trying to convince Marie to go anywhere near Logan was impossible. Jean tried to assure her that Logan was fine and that his body was just resting, but she refused to believe the older woman. Marie had used her powers on Logan and felt sick because of it. She had stood up for Kitty in her wedding the day after the incident but after that closed herself off in her bedroom, refusing to see anyone.

After the first day, both Jean and the Professor tried to sneak into her mind. Their intentions were good, but Marie was still so disgusted with herself for what she had done to Logan that she recoiled from their attempts at explanations and blocked them from her mind. That led to people showing up at her door and talking to her through the heavy wood. When this would happen, Marie would head over to her stereo and blare some really loud, angry music. Usually Metalica. Thankfully, by this time Kitty was on her honeymoon and couldn’t walk through the door to talk to her.

Marie hated herself for hurting Logan with her powers. Hated that she had been so weak-willed that she had almost killed him. Logan no longer possessed his unique healing abilities and, without them, it made his recovery that much more difficult. She didn’t need Jean to tell her that she had almost killed Logan. Marie could feel it. In her head and in her heart.

Aside from the few chocolate bars she had stashed in her room, Marie had eaten practically nothing since that night. For the most part, she spent her days curled in a ball in the centre of the bed rocking slowly back and forth. She chanted much like she would while doing her meditation except this chant was not productive. Marie would simply mumble, “Ah’m sorry, Logan. Ah’m sorry, Logan,” over and over again. It was her mantra. One that she prayed Logan could hear. Marie knew that it wasn’t very likely, but it kept her sane.

A knock on the door on the fifth day interrupted Marie’s whimpered chants.

“Go ‘way!” Marie called, her voice thick with the tears she hadn’t stopped shedding in five days.

“I’m not going away, Rogue!” Jubilee shouted through the door. “I’m here acting as messenger girl! I don’t give the message, I get in trouble. I get in trouble, you hear from me!”

Marie dug her fingers into her thick hair, pulling it away from her face. “Tell Jeanie that if she wants t’ talk ta me, t’ do it herself!”

“It’s not a message from Jean. It’s a message from your formerly comatose lover,” the other girl informed her.

“Logan?” Marie whimpered, not trusting herself to believe it. “Logan’s awake?”

“Bright eyed and bushy-tailed,” Jubilee assured her. There was a slight pause before she corrected herself. “Actually, it’s more like drugged up and groggy, but he still wants to see you. So get that little butt of yours out here this instant and down to the med lab!”

Marie shook her head, curling in on herself even more. “Ah can’t go down there, Jubes. Ah hurt Logan. Ah don’t deserve ta go down there.”

Even though she couldn’t see it, Marie could tell from Jubilee’s tone of voice that she was rolling her eyes. “Don’t you think that’s something your beloved bed buddy should get to decide? And, from what I can tell, he wants you down there very much. So get your ass out here and to go him! You know you want to.”

“Doesn’t matter what Ah want. Ah still hurt Logan. He’s been unconscious fer a week ‘cause o’ me,” Marie lamented, more tears beginning to fall down her pale cheeks.

“Don’t make me go get the key to this room from the Professor, Rogue. You’re going down to that med lab if I have to drag you kicking and screaming,” Jubilee threatened, her voice deadly serious.

Scrubbing at her cheeks with the back of her hands, Marie slowly made her way to the door. Every fibre of her being was telling her not to go, but she knew that Logan wanted to see her and couldn’t say no to him.

“Ya sure he wants t’ see me?” Marie whispered as she pulled the door open just enough to reveal her face.

Jubilee nodded her head enthusiastically. “Are you kidding me? This is Logan we’re talking about! The guy’s head over heels in love with you. So get down there and start playing nurse!”

Knowing that she didn’t have it in her to play nurse up to Jubilee’s standards, Marie simply rolled her eyes and opened the door the rest of the way. If her mood revealed someone who was emotionally wrung out, her clothes just finished it off perfectly. Marie was dressed in black sweats, a pair of wool socks and one of Logan’s sweat shirts. Her frame was completely lost in the massive shirt, but she felt comfortable knowing that it belonged to Logan. Reaching blindly towards the desk next to the door, Marie grabbed a hair tie and quickly pulled her hair back into a messy bun.

“You’re not out to wow him, are you?” was all that Jubilee said before turning and heading the opposite way of the med lab.

Marie stuck her tongue out at her friend’s retreating back then turned and headed towards the stairs that would take her to the main floor of the mansion. Despite their best efforts over the years, they hadn’t been able to convince the Professor to extend the elevator that led to the lower levels up to the dormitory floors. Marie was just grateful that she was on the first floor and not all the way at the top like Ororo. Of course, Ororo chose to be there so it was her own fault that she had to walk down four flights of stairs every morning.

During her little trek to the main floor of the mansion, Marie felt her confidence wavering once again. Even though she knew perfectly well that she had her powers under her full control, it didn’t keep her fears at bay. Marie was almost entirely convinced that she would accidentally drain Logan even more if she so much as brushed a finger against any part of his exposed skin.

Rogue, Logan is asking for you, the Professor’s voice cut into her thoughts.

Ah know, Professor. Ah’m on mah way down now.

The Professor’s voice was silent after that and Marie was grateful for it. She wanted to have these last few minutes by herself. If she wanted to make perfectly sure that nothing happened to Logan, she would have to make sure that she was perfectly calm. She had to be in control of herself or she might accidentally drain someone like she had Logan.

It wasn’t until she stepped into the shiny metal elevator that Marie realized just how worn out she really looked. Her clothes were all rumpled, her hair was a mess, her skin was incredibly pale-- paler than normal --and her eyes were red and puffy from spending the past five days crying almost non-stop.

Marie found that she really didn’t care what she looked like. Logan was awake and that was al that was important. It didn’t matter that she didn’t look perfect because she knew that Logan wouldn’t care and, quite frankly, Marie didn’t care much either. All that she really cared about was finding out whether or not Logan really hated her. Everyone had been trying to convince her that he didn’t, but Logan hadn’t been awake to confirm their beliefs until now.

“Remy was beginning to think that you wouldn’t come, chere,” the red-eyed Cajun said as the doors to the elevator opened

“How’s the hand, Remy?” Marie shot back, referring to his right hand that had two broken fingers as a result of the fight at the bachelor party.

Remy grinned broadly. “Jubilee has been most helpful takin’ care of her poor, wounded man. Fact, if she had it her way, Remy wouldn’t have to even get out of bed.”

Marie simply rolled her eyes. “You two are worse than a pair o’ rabbits. Ah can only pray that ya’ll don’t reproduce.”

“Remy is hurt, chere,” the Cajun exclaimed, pressing his hands to his heart. “Such a hurtful thing to say.”

“It’s an honest fear, Remy. Ah don’t think the world’ll ever be ready fer a child that a combination o’ both you and Jubes,” Marie told him. “Now, if ya’ll excuse me, Ah’ve got someone waitin’ fer me.”

Marie smirked at Remy’s dramatic bow then continued towards the area she knew Logan was in. For the first hour after it had happened, Marie had refused to leave Logan’s side. It was only after Jean had told her that Logan had slipped into a coma that Marie began to panic. But he was awake now, so things could only get better.

“So Jubilee was able to talk you into coming down,” Jean said as Marie entered the outer area of the observation room.

Her eyes trained on Logan’s still form in the other room, Marie nodded her head. “Yeah. It’s no’ like Ah had much o’ a choice, though. She wouldn’t o’ gone away till Ah agreed ta come down here.”

A reflection of Jean could been seen in the window. She was grinning from ear to ear. “That was the point, Rogue. We all know that it’s impossible to say no to Jubilee. Besides, Logan really does want to see you. Your name was the first word out of his mouth when he regained consciousness. He was rather annoyed to find out that you weren’t around.”

“Ah just didn’t trust mahself round him,” Marie admitted softly. “Ah was scared that Ah was gonna hurt him again.”

“I take it everything’s under control now.”

Marie nodded her head. “Everythin’ is fine. Remy just kissed mah hand and he didn’t fall down dead or nothin’.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, Rogue,” Jean told her, placing a comforting hand on her arm. “Now go in there and see Logan. He’s been waiting for you for quite some time.”

Gathering her courage, Marie took a deep breath before heading into the room Logan was in. He looked so peaceful, the lines of his face completely relaxed. There wasn’t a mark on him, which was a good thing. Not a single one. Even the marks on his knuckles from when he’d accidentally extended his a day or so before the party had healed completely by that time.

Taking a deep breath, Marie sat down on the chair next to Logan’s bed and lightly picked up his hand. Tears in her eyes, Marie ran her fingers between his knuckles before bringing his hand up to her lips and placed a kiss on his palm.

Logan moaned quietly then, his eyes flickering slightly. As soon as Marie caught sight of his deep brown eyes, she gave him a watery grin and pressed the back of his against her cheek.

“Glad ta have ya back, sugah,” Marie whispered softly.

Logan gave her a lop-sided grin, his fingers tightening around hers. “I missed ya, kid.”