There are many nights that Ah find mahself watchin’ over Logan as he sleeps. At the time Ah stared it seemed like somethin’ he really needed an’ it eventually just became habit fer me. Logan had come back from his search fer his past a little quiet an’ more subdued then when he had left fifteen months earlier. Ah didn’t even notice it mahself at first until Ah walked inta Logan’s room without knockin’ one mornin’ an’ saw the marks on his back.
There were no scars that marred the once perfect expanse o’ Logan’s back ‘cause he healed too rapidly fer it ta scar. Tattoos, however, were not outta the question unfortunately.
“They decided that I needed to be upgraded,” Logan mumbled inta his pillow. “Guess they found somethin’ stronger than adamantium.”
Not makin’ a sound, Ah shut the door an’ made mah way over ta Logan’s bed. Ah sat down next t’ him, smoothin’ mah fingers through his rumpled hair. Almost hesitantly, Logan turned his head towards me, a resigned expression on his features. Logan had already been through so much an’ it pained me ta see the almost broken look in his eyes then.
“No matter what they did t’ ya, yer still Logan. That’s never gonna change, sugah. Not unless ya let ‘em,” Ah told him, keepin’ mah voice soft.
Very slowly, Logan stretched out an arm towards me, wrappin’ it ‘round may waist. Ah understood his intentions right away an’ allowed him ta pull me down next ta him on the bed. Didn’t do anythin’ else, just laid me down next ta him so that we were breathin’ the same air.
“I didn’t wantcha to know about this,” Logan said quietly, frowning slightly. “It ain’t who I am.”
Wantin’ ta touch him so badly, Ah placed mah hand on his back, slidin’ mah fingers up an’ down his spine gentle as can be. “Seein’ this doesn’t change how Ah see ya. If anythin’ Ah think yer stronger now ‘cause o’ this.”
“But these marks’ll always be there,” Logan told me, shifting his massive frame so that he was lyin’ close ta me.
“Then how ‘bout we go t’ a tattoo parlour later an’ see what they can do with all these marks,” Ah suggested, tracin’ a thin black line that followed the curve o’ a rib. “You could have them removed or if ya don’t wanna do that they could make them inta a Celtic pattern or somethin’ Indian. Whatever ya wanna do, Logan, we’ll find someone ta do it.”
Logan heaved a great sigh at that, his entire body relaxin’. For the first time since he came back a month earlier, Logan seemed at peace. He wasn’t smilin’ yet, but the hard lines on his face were softer an’ his eyes didn’t seem quite so haunted.
We stayed in Logan’s bed fer the rest o’ the day. Fer the most part we were silent, lyin’ side by side, barely touchin’... just takin’ comfort knowin’ that the other was there. A lot o’ the time, Logan slept. It made me wonder just how much he had been sleepin’ lately. Unlike his last stay at the mansion, Logan an’ Ah weren’t roomed next ta each other. So that meant Ah couldn’t hear if he was havin’ any nightmares.
From that night on Ah more or less lived in Logan’s secluded bedroom. It wasn’t an official arrangement ‘cause Scott an’ the rest woulda gone ballistic. Instead, Ah would sneak inta his room every night-- sleepin’ with him if he heard me enter an’ sittin’ on an overstuffed chair if he was sleepin’ soundly. It wasn’t often that Logan was sleepin’ soundly. He’d hear the door open an’ Ah’d feel the intensity o’ his gaze on me before Ah even stepped inta the room.
This routine worked very well fer the first week. Logan was sleepin’ better an’ was no longer quite as subdued. Ah knew that he was well on his way ta feelin’ better when he stared crackin’ jokes at Scott again. Our Fearless Leader was less than impressed at the return of his archenemies. Ah, on the other hand, was just glad ta see Logan smilin’ again.
Two days ‘fore Logan an’ Ah were supposed ta get ourselves all tattooed up-- both with matchin’ Celtic symbols on our backs --disaster struck in the form o’ Dr. Jean Gray.
About two weeks before, Jean an’ Scott had finally ended their loveless relationship. It was kinda inevitable when ‘Ro became pregnant with his kid. So without Scott, Jean decided ta come after Logan. She’d been pursuin’ him fer weeks, not carin’ that he wasn’t the least bit interested. After all, Logan was with me. Sure we hadn’t done anythin’ yet, but that was mostly just ‘cause Logan wasn’t ready-- Ah had mah powers under control an’ we both loved each other a whole log, Logan just needed ta work through some stuff first.
In one split second, Jean almost managed ta ruin that.
It was the middle o’ the night an’ Logan’s frightened, nightmare-induced cries had woken me from mah sleep. Ah was in the process o’ easin’ him back inta a deeper, nightmare-free sleep when Jean burst inta the room wearin’ little more than a thong an’ a bra.
“What are you doing in here!” Jean shouted, unmindful o’ the fact that she was practically naked. “You should be in your own room!”
Ah glared at her, prayin’ that her shoutin’ wouldn’t wake Logan up. “Ah’m here ‘cause Logan wants me ta be here. What’s yer excuse?”
That last comment earned me a very nasty glare from our resident bitch.
“Jeanie, get the hell outta here,” Logan grumbled, not openin’ his eyes but rather borrowin’ his face against mah throat.
This time it was Logan who was on the receivin’ end o’ one o’ Jean’s glares. “You mean to tell me that after all the time you spent chasing after me that when you can finally have me you don’t want me? I find that hard to believe.”
“Believe what you want, Jeanie. Fact is that I don’t want ya here,” Logan told her, still not bothering ta look at the pissed off redhead. “‘Sides, who’d want an ice crotch like you when they could have a real woman like my Marie.”
The look on Jean’s face was priceless. Ah don’t think Ah’d ever seen anyone look quite so offended in mah entire life. Course it was Jean so Ah didn’t really care much. Ah was just real glad when she left. Though it woulda been a little more lady-like if she hadn’t slammed the door.
“I love you a whole lot, darlin’,” Logan mumbled, his entire body relaxin’ as he drifted back off ta sleep. “More than anything.”
Ah’d never get enough o’ hearin’ Logan say that. Ah especially loved the way his eyes would light up whenever he told me that he loved me. His entire face would light up whenever Ah would say it back ta him. Fer a long time after Logan fell asleep, Ah stayed awake just watchin’ him. Ah really did love watchin’ Logan sleep. He really is a beautiful man even if most people don’t see past his gruff exterior. Part o’ me was glad fer it. The less people who noticed just how wonderful Logan really was the less people Ah would hafta fight off in order ta keep him mine.
Course Ah shouldn’t have expected mah Logan-lovin’ utopia to last fer very long. Not with Jean knowin’ ‘bout us. So it didn’t surprise me in the least when the Professor called me inta his office the next mornin’.
“So Jean ratted us out, didn’t she?” Ah asked as Ah crossed the room ta sit in the chair facin’ his desk. “Look, Professor, Ah know that ya probably don’t approve, but Logan an’ Ah aren’t doin’ anythin’ wrong. All we’re doin’ is sleepin’ in the same bed. We’re barely even touchin’, Ah swear.”
The smile on the Professor’s face caught me off guard.
“Contrary to what Jean may believe, I have known about you and Logan for quite some time,” the Professor said, catchin’ me completely off guard.
“But we’ve only been sleepin’ t’gether fer a week,” Ah protested, leanin’ back in the chair Ah was occupyin’. “Ah only found out ‘bout.... ‘bout certain things a week ago.”
“Yes, I am well aware of what befell Logan on his journey north,” the Professor informed me, his dark eyes incredibly sad.
At first Ah was too shocked a respond. It had never crossed mah mind that the Professor would know what had happened t’ Logan when Ah hadn’t. It shoulda, though. The man is the world’s greatest psychic, after all. If anyone woulda caught onta the fact that somethin’ was wrong with Logan it woulda been the Professor.
“Why didn’t ya tell me somethin’ was wrong with Logan? Ah woulda helped him if Ah’d known,” Ah asked, absently brushin’ a few strands o’ hair behind mah ears.
“The choice was not mine to make,” the Professor said, wheelin’ his chair out from behind the desk. “Logan asked that I not tell you and I respected his request. Though I must say I am pleased that Logan chose to confide in you.”
Ah pursed mah lips, not really wantin’ ta ask the question that had been on mah mind all week, but knowin’ that it would be better t’ ask the Professor than it would Logan.
“They wanted to ensure that Logan would not forget who he was,” the Professor said suddenly, savin’ me the trouble o’ actually askin’ the question. “I offered to have Hank or Jean remove the marks, but at the time Logan refused to even speak of it. I was hoping that you had faired better.”
“Actually, Logan an’ Ah were plannin’ ta go see this amazin’ tattoo artist t’morrow an’ get ourselves both outfitted with matchin’ tattoo’s on our backs. Ah suggested he just get the marks removed, but Logan didn’t like that. Said it was like denyin’ what had happened ta him. So instead he wanted t’ improve on it. That way if-- Gawd ferbid --the doctors catch him again, they’ll be able ta see the new tattoo on his back an’ know that they didn’t win. That they didn’t break him.”
By the time Ah’d finished speakin’ Ah was almost outta breath. Ah’d just said it all so quickly, wantin’ ta be able ta say it t’ another person. It made what was happenin’ more real. Fer me, at least. Ah don’t think it’s possible fer things ta get more real fer Logan then they already were.
The Professor an’ Ah continued talkin’ fer ‘bout another hour or so. Much of our discussion revolved around Logan an’ his progress, but we also talked ‘bout plans fer the comin’ holidays. It seemed odd that Christmas was only a few weeks away. Ever since Ah found out ‘bout what happened ta Logan, time seemed ta be standin’ still. Whatever mah sense o’ time was, Christmas was still roughly two weeks away.
“I was curious as to whether or not you and Logan had any definite plans for the holidays,” the Professor inquired as he steered his chair over t’ one o’ the countless bookshelves that lined the room.
Ah furrowed mah brows, tryin’ ta recall if Christmas plans were among the things Logan an’ Ah had talked about over the past few days. “No.... No, Logan an’ Ah don’t have any official plans. Why?”
“Well I was thinking that perhaps you and Logan could make use of my family’s home in Scotland over the holidays,” the Professor suggested, comin’ back over ta me, photograph in hand. “I would go myself but there is a conference in Washington that I must attend and thought that you and Logan could use the break from life at the mansion more than anyone else.”
The picture the Professor showed me was incredible. It was more like a castle than an actual house. Massive stone walls, turrets, there was even a drawbridge. The house had everythin’ ya needed fer a good fairy tale. An’ if Ah convinced Logan ta go, Ah would even have mah very own prince charmin’.
“Ah can’t believe yer offerin’ me an’ Logan somethin’ like this,” Ah murmured, tearin’ mah eyes away from the picture. “This is everythin’ a little girl dreams about. Yer like the fairy godmother Ah’d always dreamed Ah’d have.”
The Professor gave me a warm smile, pattin’ mah knee. “I hardly see myself as a fairy godmother, but you are more than welcome, Rogue.”
“Ah’m gonna go talk ta Logan ‘bout goin’ away fer Christmas,” Ah told the Professor, unable ta stop smilin’. “D’ ya mind if Ah take the picture with me ta show Logan?”
The Professor waved absently at the picture. “By all means take it. I hope that you are able to convince Logan to take this trip.”
“So am Ah.”
Ah found Logan just as he was comin’ outta the shower in our room. Now that Jean knew ‘bout us, it was only a matter o’ time before the rest o’ the mansion knew so Logan an’ Ah figured there was no use livin’ in separate room anymore. That mornin’ we had moved all mah stuff inta Logan’s. So it was now officially our room, somethin’ Ah think gave Logan a great peace o’ mind.
“Ya look nice an’ wet,” Ah commented, takin’ in his damp appearance. He was dressed in only a pair o’ boxers, his hair still mussed up from his shower. “Just what have ya been up ta that requires a shower in the middle o’ the day?”
Logan grinned, pullin’ me inta his arms. “I beat the shit outta Scooter in the Danger Room.”
Ah couldn’t help but laugh at the smug grin on Logan’s face. “Please tell me there were no broken bones, sugah. Ah really don’t feel like havin’ t’ apologize ta ‘Ro ‘cause mah boyfriend beat up her boyfriend.”
“No broken bones,” Logan promised, pressin’ a kiss against mah forehead. Then, pressin’ his cheek against the top o’ mah head, he asked, “So how did your meeting with Chuck go?”
“Real good,” Ah assured him, givin’ him a quick squeeze. “Turns out the Professor was hopin’ we’d get t’gether.”
Logan pulled back, givin’ me a confused look. “He did?”
“Yep. He said that he knew you needed someone right now an’ was glad that ya picked me,” Ah told him, reachin’ up ta smooth mah fingers through his hair. “He also gave me a Christmas present fer the both o’ us.”
That caught Logan’s attention right away. “What kinda present are we talking about?”
Steppin’ away from Logan, Ah held out the picture o’ the Professor’s house in Scotland fer Logan ta see. “This would be the Xavier’s Scotland home. What d’ ya think?”
“Chuck is giving us a big house in Scotland?” Logan asked, utterly confused by it all.
Gigglin’ slightly, Ah shook mah head. “No, the Professor isn’t givin’ us a house. He lettin’ us spend Christmas there. If ya wanna, that is.”
Logan furrowed his brows, takin’ the picture from me an’ starin’ at it intently. After a time, he looked up at me, chewin’ on his bottom lip. “What do you wanna do, Marie?”
Grabbin’ hold o’ Logan’s waist, Ah led him t’wards the bed. Sittin’ him down on it, Ah stood between his knees, gently massagin’ his shoulders. “Well, Ah was thinkin’ we could go fer a few weeks. Just you an’ me, relaxin’ in the Scottish wilderness. It’ll be perfect. Ya love the outdoors an’ just imagine all that glorious snow. Ya’ll love it, Logan.”
“I don’t know, darlin’....” Logan grumbled, scrunchin’ his face up. He latched onta mah hand then flopped down on the bed, pullin’ me t’wards him.
Ah went willingly, stretchin’ out next ta him. Ah rested mah head on his chest, the way Logan liked it, an’ wrapped mah arms ‘round his waist. “Nothin’ bad is gonna happen by us goin’ ta Scotland, Logan. In fact, Ah think it’ll do us a whole lotta good. ‘Sides, we’ll have our new tattoos by then so we can go show ‘em off.”
Logan lifted his head and stared down at me, quirkin’ a smile. “You ain’t showin’ off that tattoo. The only way to show them off properly is by wearin’ no top at all. That’s not happenin’.”
“Then Ah guess Ah’ll just hafta make sure Ah wander ‘round our room half dressed a whole lot,” Ah teased, pressin’ a kiss right over his heart.
Logan let out a deep moan, rollin’ onta his side. He pulled me tight against him, windin’ his legs through mine as he curled his massive body around mah slighter one. “I’m not opposed to that.... So you really think going to Scotland is a good idea?”
Ah nodded mah head against his shoulder. “Ah think it’s a good idea. An’ it’s not like we’re goin’ ferever. Just a few weeks. We’ll have a good time, sugah, Ah promise.”
In the end Ah managed ta convince Logan ta go ta the Professor’s house in Scotland. A part o’ me wanted ta go right away, but we still had ta get our tattoos so our trip would have to be put off fer at least a day.
Ta make sure the guy got it right, Ah’d given him a sketch o’ the marks on Logan’s back ta work from. The end result was truly amazin’.... At least on paper. They could look a little different once they were on us, but Ah was sure they’d still look very beautiful.
“This won’t hurt too much, will it?” Ah asked the guy at the tattoo parlour when Logan an’ Ah got there the next day. “‘Cause, Ah gotta tell ya, Ah’m not too fond o’ pain.”
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I can give you something to dull the pain,” Preston was quick to assure me. “It’s the same thing dentists use to numb mouths. You won’t feel a thing.”
The place we were gettin’ our tattoos was a very unique one. The walls were air brushed with images o’ Jim Morrison, Bob Marley an’ other 60’s icons combined with all sorts o’ psychedelic artwork. On the ceilin’, however, was a reproduction o’ the ceilin’ o’ the Sistine Chapel. Strange as it may sound, the two styles went t’gether real well. Knowin’ that we were comin’, Preston, the man who ran the parlour, hadn’t lit any incense. Ah’d told him that Logan was allergic to incense an’ after commentin’ on what a shame it was, had agreed that the place be incense-free when Logan an’ Ah came fer our tattoos.
Logan an’ Ah had arranged it so that we were gettin’ our tattoos at the same time in the same room. It would be better than Logan smellin’ mah blood an’ goin’ berzerker ‘cause he couldn’t see me. Then there was also the fact that Ah’d hafta take my shirt off ta deal with. Logan was very protective o’ mah body an’ wasn’t too keen on another man seein’ mah breasts. At least this way he could keep an eye on what was seen an’ what was not.
“I don’t want them touching you,” Logan growled quietly as we were led into the room where we’d get our tattoos.
Ah gave Logan an exasperated look. “Sugah, if they gonna put a tattoo on mah back one o’ them is gonna hafta touch me.”
“You know what I mean,” Logan grumbled, slidin’ an arm about mah waist.
“Yeah, shoogs, Ah get the message loud an’ clear,” Ah told him, leanin’ mah head against his shoulder.
It took well over two hours fer Logan an’ Ah ta get our tattoos. While Ah was blissfully unaware o’ any pain the sharp needles produced, Ah noticed Logan wincin’ quite a bit. Not able ta reach out an’ touch him in any way, all Ah could do was smile at him an’ talk ta him.
“Ya know, Logan, if ya didn’t always insist on bein’ such a macho tough guy ya could be joinin’ me in blessed numbness,” Ah teased, carefully maneuvering mah hand which was next t’ mah face an’ brushin’ some hair behind mah ear.
Preston snorted at that. “Your girl’s got a point there, Logan. This is one hell of an intricate tattoo she had me design.”
“I don’t need whatever you jabbed Marie with,” Logan insisted, playin’ every bit the bad ass he was. “She’s the wuss.”
“Issac, smack him please,” Ah said ta the man who was workin’ on Logan’s tattoo.
The tattoos turned out wonderful. Logan’s did at least which was the main thing. There was almost no evidence of the awful marks those wretched doctors had left imprinted on his back. Since mine was on mah back, Ah couldn’t really see it that well., but Logan kept tellin’ me it looked great.
That night while we were in bed, Logan spent a great deal o’ time starin’ at mah back. Ah’d gone ta bed wearin’ nothin’ but a pair o’ panties so he had an unobstructed view o’ the black lines which now stained the skin on mah back. Lines which Logan was silently tracin’ with his eyes. Ah could tell that he wanted ta trace them with his fingers, but at the moment mah back was incredibly tender so he refrained himself from actually touchin’ me.
“This makes you mine forever,” Logan mumbled as he dropped his head down next ta mine on the pillow. His voice was filled with so much awe that it made mah heart swell.
“An’ ya’ll be mine ferever,” Ah whispered back, reachin’ a hand over ta cup the side o’ his face.
In the dim light, Logan’s smile was positively blindin’. “I like the sound of that, darlin’.”
Now if Ah really wanted ta, Ah could tell ya the rest o’ the story. Talk about the fantastic time Logan an’ Ah had in Scotland, ‘bout all the stuff Logan an’ Ah did, a lot o’ which revolved ‘round the expansive king size bed in the main guest room. The way Ah see it, though, the only people who need ta know ‘bout it are Logan an’ Ah. Not anyone else. Ah haven’t even told Kitty or Jubes anythin’. But there is one thing Ah will tell ya.
In about three months Ah’m gonna be cursin’ a certain part o’ Logan’s anatomy that will be partially ta blame fer mah bein’ in an extreme amount o’ pain as Ah give birth t’ our baby.
An’, unlike most women, Ah’m gonna make him wait the whole six weeks ‘fore we have sex again.