The man's torso was directly in the rifle's sight when he swayed back towards the building. Heath slowly let a deep breath out while watching his target sway back and forth holding the small hostage tight to his left side. There would be no more time, it was now or never. The target was screaming demands at the police but Heath looked past the words. The man in the window behind the target screamed too and waved a gun. Both men had madness in their tone and something more dangerous was growing louder with every sentence, panic.

Panic, a familiar friend of Heath's from memories of the not so long ago. Memories of a time when a young boy learned hard lessons. One lesson was the fact you need to use panic, fully embrace it, while understanding the energy it can give, or sap from your, being. Panic was everywhere on this beautiful San Francisco street but Heath Barkley was the only one embracing it and using its strength to fulfill his mission.

Blocking everything out of his mind, the old comforting tunnel between Heath and his target began to form. CONCENTRATE! The rifle's owner said she stroked slightly to Heath's right, that was the direction of the hostage. Heath compensated for the rifle before slowly, carefully, and with utmost measure squeezing the trigger. The young man was so fully into his tunnel of concentration, the rifle's recoil barely penetrated his senses. Heath didn't need to look, wastes time, it was a good shot. Instead, Heath moved the rifle to watch through the sight while taking careful aim at the target in the window.

Seeing the original target fall through his peripheral vision as the hostage screamed with all her might. Heath was proud when she wisely fell forward lying flat on the ground in front of the suddenly surging crowd of police. Heath finally took another breath. The crazy man yelling from the window raised his gun to take his shot but the hordes of San Francisco Police saw his movement and let go with their guns. A incredible wall of fire came at the stunned man. A second later, he was off to meet his Maker. Heath jumped up and turned from the scene below, once Audra ran into the arms of their waiting brother, Jarrod.

Heath quickly handed the rifle back to its young owner and silently left their rooftop observation point. Once inside the roof access door, he stepped into an empty office. He bent over, with his hands on his knees, trying to gain control over his breathing. Suddenly, Heath's heart was pounding as if it wanted freed from his chest and his breathing was short, rapid, and tight.

With all his might, Heath fought the urge to run. Run for the line, run to find the Union Army, run for his life. RUN! Heath leaned back against the wall, unaware his entire body was covered in a cold sweat, as his hands went in and out of fists then ran up and down the outside seams of his pants.

"Get a hold of yourself."

Heath said it out loud once then, kept repeating the calming words in his mind. He never panicked like this during the war. Or did he?

When sharpshooters were deployed in battle, during the recent war between the states, they eased their way a few hundred yards beyond their Army's lines. Their units were tight-knit groups because they roved through the Army without a home. Sharpshooter companies moved from division to division being used by whichever general was planning offensive moves or being attacked at the time.

Heath and his buddies were always under orders from Captain McConnell to "take your best shot, Boys"and they were to stay put while the battle raged around them. Their mission was to create havoc behind the enemy's front line, take down officers plus, any one on horseback, or whatever moved into their line of fire. Once the sharpshooters opened fire, they usually became a priority target. The enemy's spotters used the sharpshooter's rifle flares as aiming sights for cannon, rifle, and small arms fire.

When they finished their mission, Heath's company lit out of their hiding places trying to make it back to the Union lines. Problem was, the line was often hundreds of yards from where they left it before moving forward. If the Union Army was winning, the line would have surged forward past the sharpshooters or to their left or right. If the South was pushing the Union back, Heath would be one of many sharpshooters fighting his way through enemy lines while trying not to become a victim of friendly fire.

As the battle raged around them, their company would reform in the rear and be given new mission orders according to the current field commander's battle plans. They would take their new positions and hold them as the battle either surged forward or the sharpshooters found themselves behind the enemy once more. Heath liked to think of it as a few minutes of absolute concentration followed by hours of making tracks across the countryside. His country boy side, paralleled the movements to a rabbit being chased by a pack of hungry hounds.

Heath preferred the missions when he found the lines quickly and was left to fight next to the regular soldiers while more of McConnell's company fought its way back to friendly lines. Regular soldiers always looked out for the sharpshooters and made them feel special. Everyone knew the sharpshooter's ability to wipe out the enemy's command ladder, and interrupt communications by shooting enemy riders, could often turn the tide of battle.

It was a strange existence in the middle of the insanity of war. Heath excelled at his job for many reasons besides his expert marksmanship. He was very young, smart, fast, and not old enough to think much about what he was doing. With time, Heath was beginning to realize age gives a man reasons to recognize the value his own life which, in turn, gives a man the ability to value another man's life.

Heath leaned his head back against the wall as his breathing slowed to a more normal pace. He let himself slide down into a sitting position. All those targets. It was a war! The man down on the street a few moments ago was a target, too. The problem was age was playing tricks on Heath's mind. He could imagine seeing through his Army issue rifle's scope once more. He now viewed his targets with a different eye. They had all been assignments, missions, and targets. They had all also been men.

Nick held Audra so tight she couldn't breath. Jarrod stood next to them wiping a few tears from his eyes. This was all his fault. The police warned him Jake Bonds and his brother, Larry, had broken out of prison. They asked Jarrod to lay low and accept their protection but the lawyer didn't want the brothers who murdered and raped their way across three states to feel they could control his life. Jarrod went on with his business and didn't even warn poor Sandra to lock the office when she was alone.

This morning when the police found Jarrod at the courthouse and explained the jury foreman, judge, and his assistant prosecutor on the Bond's case from so many years before had all been murdered in the past twenty-four hours, it was already too late. Audra was waiting for Jarrod at his office and they were planning to meet Nick and Heath for lunch at the hotel. Mother was treating everyone to a two-day pre-Christmas shopping spree in San Francisco and was busy socializing with old friends this particular day.

Jarrod rushed up the street with his police escorts but it was too late. The Bond's already murdered a young officer sent to his office in an effort to warn Sandra. The two brothers were now trapped in Jarrod's office but had Jarrod's secretary, Sandra, and Audra as hostages. All the brothers demanded was Jarrod and everyone knew if this demand was met, Jarrod was as good as dead. The attorney tried to stay calm while waiting for his brothers to join him in a building across the street from his office. Finally, Nick and Heath came rushing in.

"Are you all right, Pappy?"Nick barked as he came through the door and saw Jarrod's face. "Yes,"Jarrod accepted Nick's brief embrace and watched him rush to the window peering into the now empty street, asking, "are you?"

Heath followed Nick into the room and gave Jarrod a long embrace. It was obvious from his brother's faces, and demeanor, the police had fully informed them of the insane situation unfolding around them.

"Has anyone seen Audra or Sandra? Do we know if those men are heavily harmed? Do you have any new information?"

Jarrod simply shook his head in response to Heath's questions. While Nick paced off stress for them all, Heath joined Jarrod at a small table and sat waiting for the police to decide what to do next.

"It isn't your fault, Jarrod."Heath reached over and put his hand on his older brother's shoulder.

Jarrod shook his head in agreement but Heath noted the self- incrimination in his eyes. There would be time to discuss everything later. He stood up and decided to check out the situation himself. Chief Dolan came through the door as Heath reached it. They introduced themselves and then, Nick and waited for the Chief's opinion on the situation.

"We have the building totally surrounded. I've got sharpshooters upstairs on the roof. We haven't seen either of the women but must assume they are inside."

"I'll give myself up, immediately."Jarrod stood ready to go outside.

"NO! Pappy, that is simply suicide. Let's see if the police can get those idiots out of there."

Jarrod shook his head and started for the door but Chief Dolan stood in front of him blocking his way.

"We can't let you go out there, Mr. Barkley. It is my job to protect your life as well as those of the women across the way."

Jarrod started to answer but Heath interrupted him.

"Jarrod,"Heath's voice had a tone Jarrod never heard before, "those men are cold blooded killers. If you walk over there, before Audra and Sandra are safe, there is no guarantee any of you will see another sunset. You know that and so do all of us."

Nick walked forward and turned Jarrod to face him.

"Stay, Pappy. Surely, we can come up with another answer."

That was hours ago and now, Jarrod stood watching Audra try to come to grips with the afternoon she endured. Sandra was dead as where the two Bond brothers. There was much to do, and yet, Jarrod felt strangely tired. He put his arm around Audra and lead her to the carriage Nick hired to take them all back to the hotel.

"Aren't you coming, Jarrod?"Audra choked out between her tears as Nick jumped up beside her and wrapped a reassuring arm around her.

"No."His eyes darted towards the street in front of his office.

"OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! COME WITH US. WE CAN'T TELL MOTHER YOU ARE WONDERING THE STREETS WHEN I CAN'T FIND HEATH, EITHER!"

Jarrod and Audra looked at him with questioning eyes.

Nick shrugged his shoulders, admitting, "Heath took that shot and skid-dattled. I don't think anyone has seen him since. I'm sure he'll meet us at the hotel later."

Audra's mouth dropped open. In all the confusion, she hadn't heard everything that happened. "Heath took the shot?"Audra leaned into Nick's embrace.

Jarrod patted her arm and walked away after planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Please, Jarrod,"Audra wasn't crying anymore with concern for her brothers taking over her thoughts, "let the police take care of her. You can't help Sandra anymore."

His sister's opinion fell on deaf ears. Jarrod walked across the street to say his good-byes to his secretary. Sandra was a single woman with no family who had dedicated herself to Jarrod's office when he was starting out on his own in San Francisco. They had become close friends and he wanted to see her before the police wagon took her body to the funeral home.

The Bond brothers shot the frightened woman in cold blood before many witnesses. They wanted to be taken seriously. They wanted Jarrod Barkley to be sure to understand the woman died because of him. They wanted Jarrod to come forward so they could kill him, and his pretty blonde sister, which would finish their mission of revenge with extra added sugar on top. They wanted to make others suffer as they insisted they had wrongfully suffered. Now, the Bond brothers lie dead in the street with no comprehension of the complete success of their suicidal mission. Jarrod bent down and touched Sandra's light brown hair. There was a large puddle of blood which had seeped from the back of her blouse onto the reception area floor but he noticed little blood on her white garment where Larry Bond shot her in the side. Her hands were cold but Jarrod held tight while he bent his head in prayer.

He gazed once more on his friend's face. Sandra must have been close to fifty-years-of-age, and yet, her office pale face still showed signs of the beauty she enjoyed in her youth. Jarrod was lost in his grief and thoughts when Chief Dolan entered the room.

"Mr. Barkley,"he waited for Jarrod to compose himself, "we need to get this crime scene wrapped up. I hate to disturb you and your brother."

Jarrod instantly looked up, questioning, "My brother?"

"Yes,"Chief Dolan motioned towards the street, "your younger brother is sitting out there by Larry Bond's body. He isn't disturbing anything but we thought it was time for you both to let us see you back to your hotel."

Jarrod looked back at Sandra. He lifted her hand and gently kissed it then, headed out to the street. Heath was sitting on the dirt street staring at Larry Bond's body. The dead man's empty eyes stared at the crisp blue San Francisco sky and, it seemed to Jarrod, his face still held the twist of insanity. Jarrod stood for a moment with his hand on Heath's shoulder.

"Com'on, Brother Heath, it is time to go."Jarrod somehow sensed Heath's confusion with the moment.

"Audra, okay?"

Jarrod knelt down next to his brother, whispering, "Audra is fine, thanks to you. That was a magnificent shot. You saved Audra's life and you saved mine, too."

"Yes, Jarrod, the San Francisco Police keep congratulating me on the shot."

Heath stood and lent Jarrod a hand up while they both took a last look at the man who almost cost their family multiple lives. The police provided a buggy and the brothers sat together in the back on the way to the hotel after the Chief and others said a few words to them. When they entered the hotel lobby, Heath stopped and turned to Jarrod.

"It was an easy shot, Jarrod. No wind, excellent light, great rifle, good ammunition, close distance, and no reason to doubt my purpose."

Without another word, Heath turned and walked back out of the hotel. Jarrod decided it was best to let him go. Heath often needed time alone. He headed for his mother's room knowing the rest of the family would have congregated there for the evening. Jarrod quickened his steps giving in to his need to be with his mother, sister, and brother. Hopefully, Heath would join them soon.

Shaking off these horrendous pictures, Victoria questioned Nick, "How did Heath end up taking the shot, instead of the police sharpshooters?"

Nick walked over and brushed his hand through his sobbing sister's hair then found a seat across from his mother.

"Heath and I left for the roof to better see what was happening on the street. Chief Dolan took Jarrod with him to help them try to negotiate with the brothers since Jarrod knew their histories and what happened at the trial. We simply couldn't stand just sitting in that little office when they left and Heath suggested we go up on the roof.

"When we arrived on the roof, Larry Bond had dragged Sandra outside and was screaming at the police. For a brief instant, Sandra pulled away and was at a complete arms length from Larry. There were two sharpshooters lying on the ledge right in front of us. They had absolutely clear shots of Larry on the street, and Jake in the window, but neither man fired.

"Suddenly, the opportunity vanished. Larry grabbed Sandra and pulled her close to him. He dragged her back towards the office while Jake kept yelling the police weren't taking them seriously. They wanted Jarrod to come forward without any further delays. With his brother's prodding echoing in everyone's ears, Larry pulled the trigger then dragged Sandra's limp body with him inside the office door. Poor Audra could be heard screaming inside when she realized what happened to her friend."

Nick paused watching his mother try to comfort Audra and keep control herself.

"Perhaps we should wait until Audra goes to rest?"

"No,"Victoria recommended, "we need to know exactly what happened. Audra was stuck inside with those crazy men but she had no idea what all was happening outside. Go on, Nick."

Nick finished his drink, continuing, "Heath grabbed the sharpshooter in front of us while I pulled the other one to his feet. There were babies, absolute babies."

As Nick thought of the young police officers, his head shook back and forth. They weren't much younger than Heath, or himself, in years but it was obvious the police sharpshooters were younger in life experiences. Today was their first true test. Nick remembered the absolute terror he felt during his first true combat test and couldn't fault the men.

"Heath asked the officer in his grasp if he'd ever killed a man but the young man only answered with some story about his being the best on the target range. Seems the San Francisco Police never thought sharpshooters would ever truly be needed when the man earned his spot on the name only squad.

"Time was absolutely flying by, Mother. Every one could feel the urgency! Things got crazy down on the street while Heath and I were engaged in a shouting match with these fine officers.ö Nick looked up and tried to assess Audra whose head was resting on their mother's shoulder, remembering, "When I looked down, Larry Bond was pushing Audra out in front of him. We had no idea what he would do next or if there would even be another opportunity to save her. Heath grabbed the officer's gun, checked the sights, asked a couple of questions about accuracy, laid down, and took aim at Larry Bond. One of the policemen ran for their superior while the other one tried to argue with Heath. Heath ignored us all then, he took the shot."

Victoria closed her eyes and was so full of thank yous she really didn't know where to start. Audra was calmed down but hung very close to her mother. Nick quietly nursed another shot of whiskey. All three waited for Jarrod and Heath to join them.

Heath wandered the streets for many hours finally coming to rest on a bench in a park across the street from their hotel. It was a strange feeling to be thinking about names, faces, and places from his time in the US Army as a sharpshooter. Heath was still proud thinking of how it felt to stand for inspection in his blue uniform, kappy, and know the badge on his shoulder defined him as one of McConnell's Company. A US Army sharpshooter, the best of the best!

For the first time, Heath understood how menacing memories of Carterson prison had, in many ways, taken over his life for more months than his actual imprisonment. He was frustrated and tired of the hellish place. Heath had never given himself the time to think through what happened to him in the regular army and deal with his feelings regarding those months. Carterson had forever changed Heath but he longed to lay his personal hell to rest. When he was liberated in April of 1865, at the age of 15, Heath was too ill to think about more than trying to make it one more hour, or perhaps, one more day. Then there was a year of recovery, in various army hospitals, followed by a short stay in Strawberry with his mother.

Heath loved being home but there was no work in Strawberry so, Heath went away to work on various ranches up north before getting a telegram to return home. Sitting alone on the bench, turning his collar to the cold evening breeze, Heath tried to figure out how these memories of only three years before could seem so very far away. It was as if they were from another life. Having the opportunity to return to Strawberry to be with his mother, Leah Thomson, for a few days before she died was a blessing Heath would always be grateful to have had bestowed on him. They talked for hours each day and he got to sit with his mother and tell her how much she meant to him. Finally, Leah used her last strength to tell Heath about his father.

In so many ways, her death was really the beginning of a whole new life for Leah's son. Heath never saw these separate stages in his life before taking this evening to reflect, after the realization he once again broke one of the Lord's commandments. For whatever the justification or reason, Heath killed another man. He closed his eyes for a moment of silence with his Maker. Heath wasn't sure of the time but, suddenly, felt weary and terribly cold. He wished he hadn't forgotten to put his pocket watch in his vest. Heath strolled across and into the lobby only stopping long enough to secure his room's key. Each step felt like a mountain before he reached the floor Victoria had chosen for their rooms. Heath started to unlock his door then, noticed the light was still shining under Victoria Barkley's door and walked across the hall, knocking gently. Despite feeling unusually tired, Heath found himself desiring the company of his family. He smiled thinking this was another change which occurred when he moved from his old life to the new.

"Heath!"Victoria's smile and open arms wiped out any guilt he was feeling about knocking at what must have been a late hour.

"I'm sorry, it must be late."

Heath didn't have a chance to finish his thoughts. When Victoria's door fully opened, Heath's brother was at her side and Nick burst into the conversation while wrapping his younger brother in a big bear hug.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, BOY? WE HAVE ALL BEEN WORRIEDö.

Heath thought he must have misunderstood the time since all the lamps were on full, the fire roared, and practically his entire family rushed to the door and dragged him inside. Jarrod held him briefly then slapped his back as they pushed, pulled, and prodded the confused young man to the center of the room. Gladly pulled from a restless dream, Audra stood up from where she had been dozing on the couch in front of the fire while the others waited up for Heath. The group parted as Audra pushed herself into Heath's open arms.

"Are you okay, Sis?"

Heath held on tight with his eyes closed while flashes of their afternoon passed before his mind. Audra didn't say anything, instead choosing to tighten her grip on the brother who was also her best friend. Heath bowed his head, smelt her perfume, and enjoyed the soft sensation of Audra's abundant blonde hair gently catching on his evening shadowed face.

The enormity of the rifle shot Heath earlier insisted to Jarrod was easy, suddenly hit Heath. He leaned towards the strong arms of his brother, Nick, who without looking the younger man knew would be at his side. The family moved as a group towards the sitting area and Heath collapsed on the couch with Audra still wrapped around his chest.

When he opened his eyes, Jarrod, Nick, and Victoria were standing by the two youngest members of their family. Heath lifted Audra's face with his left hand while rubbing her back with his right and she, reluctantly, loosened her grip on the man who undoubtedly saved her life. When Audra leaned back and their eyes met, she broke out into a wonderful smile and sat up while reaching her hands towards Heath's face.

"I'm the one who's been doing all the crying here."Audra chuckled, adding, "It's okay, Heath. I'm all right."

Audra leaned forward and kissed Heath's cheek. When her lips touched him, Heath was shocked to feel the moisture. He had no idea he'd been crying. They were good tears, tears of joy, gratitude, love, and relief. Heath pulled her back for a hug, and then, sat up accepting the double shot of brandy Jarrod offered.

"Heath's half frozen, Mother,"Audra held up his free hand, "Feel his hand."

Audra jumped up to get another blanket and Victoria gladly took the hand she offered and sat down next to Heath. Nick and Jarrod began to lament the late hour and the long wait the family put in while Nick teased about sending the police to find Heath. The two men settled into chairs across from the couch and silently held up their glasses towards Heath. He lifted his and smiled then, all three downed their brandy. Victoria held his hand as Heath enjoyed the instant sensation of warmth provided by the very smooth brandy Jarrod, no doubt, picked for them to enjoy.

Victoria looked deep into her youngest son's eyes while his brother's started telling him all the latest news from the police.

"Are you all right, Heath,"she whispered.

Heath didn't answer simply nodded and held her hand tight. Victoria knew an exhausted man when she saw one. She bent down and insisted Heath take off his boots. While Jarrod prepared another round of brandy for the entire family, Victoria made Heath take off his jacket and tie then, lie down on the couch. Audra covered him with blankets while Victoria went for a stack of pillows. In an instant, Heath had the couch to himself and began to feel very warm and comfortable. Victoria took a chair along with Nick and Jarrod while Audra scooted in front of her mother's feet on the floor with her head on Victoria's lap.

They sipped their brandy while discussing their grief over Sandra's loss, the funeral, and what other business would keep Jarrod in San Francisco, instead of traveling back with his family as planned. The police didn't seem to need the Barkleys for anymore details but Jarrod thought they should stay for another day or two, just in case.

"You can move over into my apartment, Heath. I don't think you've ever stayed with me there. Heath?"

They all stopped talking and looked over at the couch. Heath was sound asleep with his brandy snifter still full in his hand. Victoria walked over and took the glass while gently placing a kiss on Heath's forehead.

"Maybe I should wake him and get him to his room,"Nick offered quietly.

"No,"Victoria turned and sat back down in her chair, "Heath could have gone to his room but he chose to come in here with us. I think he is exactly where he wants to be."

"A toast,"Jarrod whispered.

His family members all turned while lifting their glasses and listened intently for Jarrod to continue.

"To our beloved, Audra, safe and sound in our arms. To Brother Heath, a gift in all our lives which continues to astound and amaze. And to the Barkley family, united in gratitude for our many, many, blessing. Cheers!"

They quietly joined their glasses for a brief instant then all downed the sweet liquid. Everyone sat and talked until almost dawn while Heath slept. Victoria would look back at this evening many times and always enjoyed feeling the warmth of the abundant love in her hotel sitting room.

Heath was in a strange dream. He was in Strawberry. It was early in the morning and he was setting the table for breakfast. The room was cold but the stove offered heat each time he passed while finishing his predawn chores. His mother was working on breakfast and it smelt Heavenly. There was the aroma of coffee, baked goods, bacon, and something more. What was it? They always had oatmeal for breakfast except on Heath's birthday, and Christmas, when Leah splurged on eggs. A Heavenly sweet smell permeated the air.

He fought, and finally, had success opening his eyes. Where was he? Heath looked around in a hazy daze then covered his face with one of his hands. Perhaps, if he rubbed his eyes, the world would make sense. He sat up and looked around. It was daylight.

"Good morning, Heath!"

Victoria caught her youngest son's eyes and realized Heath wasn't sure where he was. She stood up from the breakfast nook by the window and crossed over to the couch. Heath swung his legs to the floor and stretched his stiff back. He looked up as Victoria ran her fingers through his hair and smiled.

"Boy howdy, I was lost for a minute there. I don't remember falling asleep."

"You drifted off and we decided you looked comfortable and didn't wake you."

Heath was taking in the fact Victoria was dressed, they were alone, and the light coming in the windows was quite bright.

"What time is it?"

"A little after 10:30. I've never known you to sleep so late. You must have been exhausted."

Heath laughed and stood up while pulling Victoria into a morning hug.

"Guess I simply can't take shopping trips into the big city. Cowboy, that's the life for me."

Victoria shoed him off to clean up with orders to return, immediately. Heath freshened up in his room then, changed into a clean pair of pants and a new shirt. When he returned, Heath was struck by the smell in Victoria's room. He cocked his head and walked towards Victoria who was back to her paper in the breakfast nook.

"Strangest thing, I was dreaming I was with my mother and the cabin smelt wonderful."Heath could see the remnants of eggs, bacon, and syrup on the various plates around the table. "Now, I smell something all sweet, cinnamon, and ..."

Victoria looked up giving Heath an enormous smile while she lifted the silver cover off a large plate from room service. Heath let out a laugh and his mother joined him.

"Apple pie for breakfast?"

Victoria motioned for Heath to sit while she began cutting him a large slice. Heath poured them both coffee and was still smiling.

"Sure, why not. It's the holidays and I wanted to have something special waiting for you when you woke up."

"Thank you, Mother."

Heath lifted his coffee cup and their cups clinked. After a sip of the hot coffee, he dug into his pie.

"So, let me understand this dream,"Victoria was glad for a opening to talk about Heath's mother, "your mother baked apple pie for breakfast?"

"No, Ma'am."Heath chuckled between bites and handed his plate back for more. "It was probably 4 or 4:30 in the morning. I was setting the table and finishing my chores before work. Ma was stirring up oatmeal 'cause that's what we always had. The dream was weird because I could smell something Heavenly. It was your pie, Mother."

Victoria reached over and briefly touched Heath's hand. She tried to imagine the little boy in the few pictures Heath brought with him to the ranch. Young, skinny, incredibly blue eyes, light blonde hair, and working two jobs by the time he was six. Victoria tried to smile when she glanced over at Heath but he saw the flash of sadness in her eyes.

"Those were the best times,"Heath offered information instead of claming up, "when we got up early seven days a week. It was the only time that was all ours. Ma slept by the stove so she'd have the fire going when I'd hear her and get ready. We didn't talk, just did our share. Then, we held hands and said grace. If Ma had anything to say, we would do it then, or sit quiet simply glad to be together. She would leave for work and I'd clean up before getting started at the livery.

"Ma didn't get back off her last job until 8:30 or 9 at night. I'd wait at Aunt Rachel's and we would walk home together. I'd hold her hand and be so sure everything was going to be all right. We'd catch up with the bills and buy lots of food, shoes, or new clothes. We never did get there."

Heath looked up and found Victoria's eyes. She smiled and held his hand when it was offered. "Funny,"Heath tried to smile, "I sat right across the street last night thinking about my new life. The one you gave me when I rode onto the ranch three years ago. I can never ..."

Victoria shook her head and interrupted, "None of that. I love you and you are my son. You are a member of this family because you are a Barkley, plain and simple."

"Yes, Ma'am,"Heath looked away, "but I'm still grateful."

Victoria felt Heath tiring of talking but longed for him to share more. Getting personal information out of her quietest son was an exhausting chore. It was a joyous morning indeed to have Heath wake up talkative.

Victoria changed the subject, quietly asking, "You've been with us for two Christmas seasons. Now, we are preparing for another. I know you still struggle with our celebrations. Tell me about Christmas in Strawberry, please?"

Heath leaned back and let go of her hand to stretch. A peaceful glow came to his face as he reviewed which memories to share. Victoria poured them each more coffee and waited.

"Christmas was grand. Ma sold Santa cookies and gingerbread men by the dozens so our cabin and Rachel's always smelt like cookies and ginger. I'd got one cookie to keep for every dozen I sold from a basket I walked around with on Strawberry's streets. Some people would pay me for two cookies and only take one. Those extra pennies made my day."

Heath stopped and enjoyed the memories of counting his money with Hannah, Rachel and his mother. He was so proud when he brought home lots of tips.

Smiling, he continued, "Christmas Eve, we'd walk the pies Ma baked over to Rachel's then, all four of us would go to services at Hannah's church. Ma and I would stop on the way back and help Rachel get the turkey all ready and in the oven. She liked to cook it long and slow so we could eat midday on Christmas."Heath stopped and caught Victoria's eye, admitting, "There was nothing like the smell of turkey slow cooking in Rachel's oven when we walked back over on Christmas morning. Anyway, Ma and I would go back to the cabin Christmas Eve and she would let me dig into the cookies I earned. We'd go to bed late but I never slept since I was so excited knowing Ma was going to be home all day. Christmas was the only day my Ma took off all year and she was mine, all mine."

Heath caught himself rambling and flushed bright red.

"Sweetheart,"Victoria smiled as she got up, walked behind her son, and wrapped her arms around Heath's neck, "thank you. I absolutely adore when you let down your guard and talk about your life before we knew you. I long to share your memories. Here's something only you would understand, I simply love your mother."

Victoria reached around and planted a kiss on Heath's cheek then returned to her seat. They were getting settled when Audra, Nick, and Jarrod came bursting in the room.

"WHAT? ARE YOU JUST EATING BREAKFAST, NOW? WHAT DID YOU DO SLEEP ALL MORNING, BOY!"

Without missing a beat, Heath replied, "No, I was tired of waiting for you so I started on dinner."

Nick walked up behind Heath and glanced at the apple pie still resting on his plate. He walked away to freshen up in his room believing Heath's tale since no one had apple pie for breakfast. They all dressed and went down to the dining room for dinner. They had much to discuss. Heath was going to stay and help Jarrod with Sandra's funeral and seeing to her estate. Nick would escort Audra and his mother so they could continue Christmas preparations and he could get back to work.

The ladies went with Jarrod after their meal. They were going to the funeral home to give their last respects and then, to visit the family Sandra boarded with for many years. Her landlord's five children were the benefactor's of Sandra's small estate. It was a pleasant afternoon, sharing memories and their grief at the loss of a good friend.

Nick and Heath headed over to the train station to exchange three tickets for the morning train to Stockton and get refunds on the other two. It was a cool, crisp, and wonderfully bright afternoon in the city. A few blocks from the station, at Heath's insistence, the two men paid the cabby and walked.

"Heath,"Nick's voice was serious, "We haven't been alone for me to thank you ..."

"You don't need to thank me, Nick."Heath interrupted. "I was only doing what you would have done, or Jarrod, in the same situation."

"Maybe so, Little Brother,"Nick patted Heath's back as they walked, "but I'm not sure I would have done it as well as you. Seeing Audra down there, I seriously doubt I could have pulled the trigger. That was one heck of a shot, Boy."

The men stepped inside the side door of the train station. Heath stopped, once they were in the warmth, and Nick stepped aside with him.

"I didn't see Audra, Nick."Heath took a breath trying to think of a way to explain when Nick's face readily showed his confusion. "I saw the target, Nick, nothing else. When you've hit as many targets ..."

Heath dropped his head and couldn't think of the words to explain, and yet, longed to know Nick understood. Nick put a hand on Heath's shoulder and waited sensing it was what his brother needed him to do. He bent his head low to Heath's face to hear clearly when Heath spoke again.

"I get lost in this tunnel between myself and the target. You could shout my pants were on fire, I wouldn't hear. That is how McConnell trained us. Many a day, I stayed in the midst of hell simply because I was concentrating on my target and didn't know the Union line fell back.

"Yesterday, that same feeling came back so quickly. I thought I'd forgotten or Carterson had beaten my army training right out of me. It was a strange feeling, Nick, that's why I ran away. I was headed out to find the boys in blue."Heath looked up into his brother's concerned eyes. "Insane, I know. Forget it, Nick."

Heath started to shake off Nick and tried to walk back into the crowd. Nick hooked Heath's arm and pulled him back almost knocking the air out of the younger man when he smashed backwards into the wall.

"Not insane, honest."Nick stepped closer so Heath could hear. "I think about them too."Heath cocked his head in response.

"All the people I killed in my life, mostly in the war. I knew, when I saw your face at the door last night, you were doing that same thing."

Heath pulled himself to a stand but no longer tried to break his brother's hold on his arm.

"This isn't the time or the place, Heath, but we will talk. In all honesty, if you weren't bothered when you shot a man, I'd wonder about you. This only proves, once more, you truly are the man I've come to know and respect."

Heath put his arm up on Nick's shoulder and they stood quiet for a moment.

"These are all tests you know?"

"What?"

"Father always taught me a man's life is full of true tests. Each man has to decide what he is going to do and then live with those decisions. You decided an idiot and his insane brother were going to kill our sister and probably our brother. You took action. Now, Heath Barkley, you have to live with your decision."

Heath nodded his head and dropped his hold on Nick knowing his brother was correct or, at least, Tom Barkley's teachings in this area sounded correct. He was ready to move on but Nick got a half smile on his face.

"One more thing, Boy,"Nick talked low so Heath had to strain to listen, "there's another lesson you still need to master."

Heath met Nick's eyes and the world seemed very far from them both.

"You aren't alone anymore, Heath. I'm here and I always will be. Jarrod, Audra, mother, and Silas ... Hell, Heath, we ARE your family. We'll get to talking when you get home but never forget part of being a Barkley is having a family. We can be a pain sometimes, okay, a lot of the time, but we will always be here for you. UNDERSTAND?"

Heath smiled and nodded. Nick slapped him on the back and they went to the end of the line for exchanging tickets. Deciding together on some exercise, Nick and Heath walked in silence back to their hotel. Later in the evening, the entire family enjoyed one last night together in front of the fire in Victoria's magnificent San Francisco hotel room.

Heath and Jarrod stopped back at the hotel for breakfast after seeing their family to the predawn train. They ate little but enjoyed sitting quietly watching the city come to life through the hotel dining room's large window. When they finished, both men went upstairs for their things and met in the lobby while checking out. They rode a cab for a few blocks to Jarrod's series of rooms in an upper floor of an old brownstone-type building.

"My goodness, Jarrod, I never knew you had so much space up here. I've only been in the foyer and your study."

Heath looked around wide eyed as Jarrod shared a tour of his San Francisco home.

"Yes, I went back to finish my last semesters at Harvard right after the war. Mother and Father knew I intended to set up practice here in San Francisco. A bachelor friend of Father's owned this two bedroom delight but lost his money in one of the original battles with the railroad. They bought the apartment from him and gave it to me as a graduation present. I still haven't recovered from many of our parent's generosities in my life but this apartment is near the top of the list."

Heath looked up from the bookshelf he was examining and smiled. Jarrod always surprised him. Sometimes, he seemed very cognoscente of his family's privileged life. Heath sensed he was more aware, than the other Barkleys, of the world of poverty lying all around them. Jarrod nodded and went on with their tour.

They came to the guest room where Rosa, Jarrod's long time maid, had already placed Heath's bags. Heath walked in and found the room delightful. Jarrod watched his younger brother take a deep breath and smile, obviously, enjoying the bright colors which compensated for the lack of windows in the room. The walls were painted bright yellow with all solid light oak furniture. The curtains and bed covers where a refreshing ocean blue. A sense of the outdoors in the room cheered Heath. He picked up a picture from the dresser. It was a good photograph of a very young Jarrod with a clean shaven, young, Tom Barkley standing with an arm around him.

"When was this taken?"

Jarrod walked over and rested his arm on Heath's shoulder.

"The spring after my eighth birthday. Mother and Father had been through some rough times and we joined Father up here on a business trip. One day, Father took off an afternoon from the negotiations and we went ocean fishing. Nick was only four so he and mother stayed back at the hotel. It was a great day and the two of us had our picture taken. Seemed right to display it here in San Francisco where it was taken."

Heath stood concentrating on the photograph and without thinking brushed his thumb lightly across Tom Barkley's image. His father looked so young, happy, and thrilled to be with Jarrod. Heath did the math first but Jarrod soon caught up to why his younger brother lingered over this particular picture of Tom Barkley. The spring after Jarrod's eighth birthday was the beginning of Heath's life in Strawberry with his mother. Jarrod stood closer and took a long look at the images himself.

"I always wondered what he looked like when, I mean, most of the photos at the house, and the painting in the study, are from the last few years of Father's life. Never knew he didn't have the beard back when my mother knew him."

Heath put the picture down and started to turn away. Jarrod picked up the picture and moved to sit on the end of the bed while Heath took some things out of his bags.

"When I was eight, Tom Barkley was the center of my world. We all worked hard on the ranch but I remember things started to get easier from there on out. Guess that was the year we made a small fortune on the Strawberry mine. After all, that is what started everything in the right direction for the Barkley family, Strawberry."

Heath kept working on unpacking his things.

"Father had a great laugh. In fact, your laugh is quite similar, Heath. And, he had great big rancher's worn hands. One of my earliest memories, as a little boy, is feeling his hand around mine and it was so big. I never felt safer in my entire life than when Father held my hand. Father also liked to read and he read aloud to me. Perhaps that is why, I still value books to this day. He was a good father, Heath."

Heath took the picture from Jarrod's hand and gave it another look.

"I'm sure he was, Jarrod. You look really happy in this photograph. You're right, it's great it is here in San Francisco with you."

Jarrod smiled and prepared to leave Heath alone.

"We better get ready for the funeral. The cab will be here at 8:30AM and I'd like to be there early."

"Okay, Jarrod. I'll freshen up and meet you in the foyer."

Jarrod smiled and began to step out the door but then turned and caught Heath's eyes. "This is the only room in the house I completely changed when I moved into the apartment. Father liked to visit and stayed here when he came to San Francisco alone. We've always stayed in the hotel when the rest of the family travels north, nice splurge for Mother and Audra. "When I made my first bit of money, I changed this room. I decided to surprise Father with the light, bright, colors. Father really didn't enjoy coming to the city. He missed the ranch. I picked the colors so he wouldn't get depressed about being stuck inside at meetings or when he happened to be here during one of those weeks in Northern California when the sun never shines."

Heath felt a strange sensation knowing his recent reaction to walking in the bright room. "He never got to see it, Heath. The railroad made sure of that and Father was gone before I made it home."

"I'm sorry, Jarrod."

Jarrod nodded and left the room. Heath sank back into the bed with the picture in his hand. So, this is what the love of Leah Thomson's life looked like when she knew him in Strawberry. Fine figure of a man. Tom Barkley looked healthy, strong, and in charge of his universe. What would he have thought back then, if Tom knew Leah was frightened, alone, and about to have his child? For that matter, what would Tom Barkley think of Leah's child, the man, sitting in the room Jarrod fixed up to please his father?

So many answer-less questions. Heath placed the picture back down and finished getting ready. In a few moments, the brothers were back out the door and on their way to Sandra's funeral.

Sandra funeral was a terribly sad affair. Jarrod was glad Heath stayed in San Francisco and stayed close to his older brother's side. Sandra might not have had a family but she had many, many, friends and hordes of people who cared about her. They were united in their comments to Jarrod regarding Sandra's pleasure in working for one of San Francisco's brightest legal stars.

The wake, after the funeral, lasted until early afternoon before the crowd began to thin out. Sandra had chosen wisely. Heath and Jarrod both spent time with the children about to receive Sandra's small estate. Each child was capable of an unlimited future and Sandra's gift would help provide an education for them all.

Finally, there was nothing more for Jarrod to say and the crowd was thinning out to Sandra's closest friends. Heath and Jarrod bid all farewell, after Jarrod made an appointment with the family to come in for a formal reading of the will and signing papers after the 10th of January when Jarrod would return from Stockton.

They walked in silence for a few blocks and then heralded a cab. When they got inside, Heath waited while Jarrod seemed unsure of where he wanted to direct the cabby to drive. Finally, he looked at Heath as he gave the address for his office. Heath nodded and they rode down through town in silence.

When Jarrod unlocked the door, a few things hit both men's senses. There was an overwhelming smell of cleaning solvents and the rug which used to grace the reception area was gone leaving a freshly polished hard wood floor. The glue from the newly replaced windows added to the strong odor in the room. Heath walked across and opened all the windows, despite the chill in the December air.

Jarrod walked around Sandra's desk and sank into her chair. The papers she had been working on remained but during the frenzy ink had been spilt rendering the papers illegible. Heath left the room and returned with a large box the custodian graciously gave him. Without words, the brother's silently packed up Sandra's personal belongings from the desk, the room, the water closet, and Jarrod's office. The last thing Jarrod left on her desk was a small framed picture of Sandra standing next to Jarrod on the courthouse steps. While Heath made room in a closet in Jarrod's office to store the box until after the 10th of January, Jarrod rearranged the items on his own desk making room to add the picture of himself and Sandra.

It was the end of sunlight and an emotionally draining day. Heath and Jarrod closed up his office. Jarrod turned and shook Heath's hand, offering his gratitude as the only break in their many hours of silence. Jarrod froze for a brief moment as the enormity of Heath's hands struck him as familiar. Heath nonchalantly took the large brief case full of work and personal papers out of his brother's other hand and they began to walk up the street. After Rosa cleared away the dishes from their picked over supper, the men retired to Jarrod's study. Jarrod was tired from the day and tired from the long walk home from the office. He rarely walked all the way up the hill from the business district but he and Heath were standing in front of his building before Jarrod realized how long, and far, they had marched. Heath poured them both a drink, stoked the fire, and sat on the floor quietly going through a stack of Jarrod's books he pulled from the shelves around the entire room.

Jarrod rested back into his easy chair and found comfort in the fire. Nick complained incessantly about Heath's natural preference to be silent. As Jarrod grew into their relationship, he enjoyed Heath's quiet ways more and more. His younger brother never said a word most of the afternoon, or evening, and yet, Jarrod completely understood Heath's love, concern, and willingness to go anywhere or do anything which would comfort his oldest sibling. Jarrod slowly worked on his drink while finding a final resting place in his mind for his many thoughts, feelings, and memories regarding Sandra.

Heath took a few books and excused himself after once more stoking the fire and spoiling his brother by serving another drink while refusing to let Jarrod get up. Jarrod sat up late into the night but finally decided to try for a few hours of rest. While lying awake, with his mind still going over and over what transpired during the past few days, Jarrod came up with a plan. He and Heath had an entire day to spend since their train tickets weren't good for another day. Jarrod decided to show Heath a few special places the other Barkleys had never been interested in visiting with him. None of the other Barkleys, except for one.

Heath wasn't sure at first what lead Jarrod to choose the agenda he did but he enjoyed every minute of it. Perhaps it was waking up to the cold, gray, and wet San Francisco sky or maybe Jarrod had been planning these stops for himself and merely took Heath along since he was stuck in the city, too. Heath would never know Jarrod's reason with utmost certainty but he truly enjoyed the day.

Jarrod started their morning with a trip to a large open warehouse full of food pouring in from the sea and all the farms outside of San Francisco. They sat with the morning paper over lusciously strong foamy coffee. Heath drank a lot of coffee and enjoyed it whether it was served as black mud or thin rust colored water. The coffee served in the warehouse, combined with simply sitting amid the aroma of bags and bags of beans fresh from the ocean freighters, was an incredible experience for Heath. He found himself ignoring his paper and watching the wonderful warehouse world unfold around him. Jarrod got up much earlier than normal to provide Heath this experience and it was a much appreciated gesture.

They moved to another area of the warehouses for breakfast. Walking through the large buildings, Heath couldn't get over all the languages and accents he heard. They stopped at a small booth where Jarrod bought them their food. They sat at a tiny table and watched the world as Jarrod smiled seeing Heath's delight.

The food was strange but Heath liked it. He watched Jarrod first, to know what to do with the items on his crowded plate. Jarrod took the thick bread, spread on soft white cheese, added bits of the sweet smelling onion, and finally, added the salty, thinly sliced, cold fish to the top. Unsure what he thought of the concoction, Heath hesitated before his first bite. Within minutes, he was finding the mixture of the various strong tastes which pleased him most and enjoying every bite with another strong cup of coffee.

They walked off their breakfast all along the piers. Heath was fascinated by the pulleys and various means the dock workers used to load and unload the mighty ocean going vessels. The US Navy had a strong presence in the harbor and he lingered while looking over the gun boats. Heath seemed oblivious to the weather and Jarrod was thankful his old raincoat fit the young man. Finally, they took a cab away from the warehouse district but Heath eagerly offered how much he loved seeing another side of Jarrod's city.

The shop Jarrod took Heath to next was one of his favorite places in the entire world and a place he never shared with any of the other now living Barkleys. They quietly entered the book shop which looked rather unattractive from the outside. Heath stopped in his tracks letting his eyes take in the store. There were books lining the walls from the ground floor up through three stories of building. Spiral staircases, between floors, gave the illusion the books went from where Heath stood to Heaven itself. The ground floor area was full of tables stacked with books on sale while the upper floors had overstuffed chairs and large tables provided for the shoppers to sit and read.

The brothers checked their watches and agreed to meet back by the door in a few hours. Jarrod was working through a good book while enjoying a cigar in an overstuffed chair when he realized the time had flown by, as it always did when he gave himself the gift of Leon's book store. He rushed to the front of the store and watched the door area while the clerk wrapped his books and wrote a receipt. Jarrod left the books with the clerk and began searching for Heath.

Jarrod looked in the areas he guessed the books would interest his brother. Finally, he did a room to room search and found Heath sitting cross-legged on the floor reading a novel printed in Spanish. Jarrod would never have looked in the multi- language section if he hadn't been getting desperate.

"Well, Brother Heath! I thought I'd lost you."

Heath jumped when Jarrod spoke and flushed with embarrassment.

"Oh my goodness, what time is it?"

Jarrod smiled and related Heath's being half an hour over their agreed time.

"Jarrod, I'm sorry. I got lost in these books. What a store!"

They walked to the cashier on the first floor together. Heath quickly thinned out his large stack, too embarrassed to admit he already did the same twice upstairs. So many wonderful choices. Before the cashier was finished, Heath had him add two small metal bookmarks with the stores name engraved on the front.

After Heath paid, the cashier needed a moment to wrap his package and finish the receipt. Jarrod suggested Heath walk over and check out a large atlas with great details he knew Heath would appreciate. When his brother walked away, Jarrod requested the store manager write down the names of the books in the large stack Heath rejected with obvious regret. The store manager agreed to keep the list for Jarrod to use when picking out future gifts for his youngest brother.

They walked to a small restaurant in the basement of an older office building. The tables were covered with brown paper and each had a strange array of items on top. Heath smiled as he noted the vinegar, salt, pepper, wooden hammer, small picks plus, a large stack of linen napkins. The men at the tables around them were loudly enjoying each other and their meals. A large pitcher of beer, two mugs, half a round bread, and an enormous bowl full of the sea's various crustaceans appeared. No menu existed since everyone received the same meal.

For the first time in many hours, the brothers launched into conversation. Their meal had been cooked in red pepper sauce which made the beer taste wonderful. There were no plates since everyone simply left the shells and other rubbish right on the brown paper which covered the tables.

They stopped to wash up after their meal and Heath got Jarrod into a roll of chuckles imitating the various methods men around them used to enjoy their meal while implying their styles probably gave clues to their personalities. Heath was starting to really dislike Jarrod's insistence on paying for everything. As they moved towards their next stop, Jarrod explained he would consider it a gift if Heath would relax and let him provide the ideas, finances, and plans for their day in the city. Heath reluctantly gave up and agreed.

Their afternoon flew by. Heath and Jarrod stopped in the city's library, art museum, a jewelry store to pick up Victoria and Audra's gifts from Jarrod, and an enormous shop which sold only cigars. They walked silently through a large park with breathtaking views of the city, and its harbor, as they watched fog roll in and out of the city. Heath was so delighted with the walk, Jarrod forgot about the drizzle which started down before they finished.

The brothers ended their evening at a restaurant in the Chinese section of the city. Heath had no idea what Jarrod ordered but enjoyed every bite of the sweet, hot, and, occasionally, spicy meal. They collapsed into the study with their books, glad for the warm fire after a day of chilling fogs and drizzle with only a few periods when the sky brightened but never a hint of the sun.

Heath retired early and left Jarrod with his thoughts after thanking him again and again for a wonderful day. Jarrod sat alone by the fire once more. How fascinated and proud Tom Barkley would be with Leah Thomson's son. Jarrod knew Christmas was always the hardest time for them all, Tom Barkley absolutely loved the holidays. During the coming holiday season, Jarrod knew he would often think of his day in San Francisco watching Heath's eyes light up at many of the same things which so delighted their father. These new memories would help ease Jarrod's grief this year and for many more.

Jarrod smiled thinking of all the large and small things a man inherits from his parents. In Heath's case, the traces he showed of Tom Barkley were even more fascinating knowing the young man never once in his life was exposed to the man. Jarrod found the entire day refreshing, comforting, and somehow peaceful. He always delighted in being the older brother but, as he climbed the stairs, Jarrod tried to figure out what was different about the feeling he had this day.

After much thought, Jarrod found his answer. He decided the comfort he was feeling was the satisfaction of knowing he had been a good big brother today but also an able substitute for his father. Heath never had a day with Tom like the man made sure each of his children enjoyed every year. By walking were Jarrod and his father walked, lingering where they loved to linger, and experiencing the tastes, aromas, and sensations Tom and Jarrod kept as their special pleasures when Tom visited the city, Jarrod was hoping he silently shared a bit of their father with the son who never knew him.

For the first time in many nights, Jarrod went to bed and slept soundly until Heath aroused him so they could make it to the station for the early train. Jarrod had inadvertently tested his paternal abilities and felt an uncommon joy knowing his day with Heath was a complete success. The brothers rushed to the foyer. While Jarrod hailed a cabby, Heath ran back inside insisting he forgot something in his room. When Jarrod returned after the holidays, he would be delighted to find a gift from Heath. The picture Heath discovered in the guest room, of Jarrod and Tom the spring after Jarrod's eighth birthday, was resting on Jarrod's night stand with the bookmark from Leon's leaning gently against it. Heath kept his matching bookmark in Stockton. Both brothers would always use their bookmarks while being reminded of their special day in San Francisco.

The Barkley brothers boarded the train and settled in for the long ride home. Nick would be impatiently waiting for them at the station. The entire family would be preparing for the next two weeks of holiday activities. Jarrod Barkley felt ready to enjoy this special season for the first time since his father's death. Jarrod decided Heath wouldn't understand if he tried to explain how grateful he felt, or would he? They read their books and rode home in silence.

The week after Jarrod and Heath arrived home seemed like a flash in time to both men. Nick and Heath worked from dawn to dusk repairing winter storm damage while getting the ranch work slightly ahead. Many of the hands were leaving the area for one or two weeks. The Barkleys liked to enjoy the holidays themselves and tried to provide a special time for the workers who remained on the ranch. On the days immediately before and after Christmas, only the absolute "must do"work was assigned with each man, Barkley or not, taking their turn.

Christmas Eve finally arrived and Heath agreed to manage things around the ranch for the day. Nick was off to his friend Amy's house while Victoria, Audra, and Jarrod saw to the constant stream of visitors through the Barkley's home. The ladies left briefly to see shut-ins and deliver gifts but Jarrod stuck it out entertaining and providing good cheer to all who chose to visit the ranch. Victoria stood in the foyer, hands on her hips, and smiled from ear to ear as she watched Jarrod escort their last visitors to their buggies an hour after a beautiful winter sunset.

"Jarrod,"Victoria took his arm as he reentered the finally quiet house, "I can't remember the last time you seemed sincerely happy about the holidays. It is wonderful to see."

Victoria cocked her head and waited in a chair while Jarrod poured them both a pre-supper drink.

"I feel sincerely happy about the holidays this year, Mother. For the first time since Father's death, I truly feel the spirit. Makes me feel good when I remember how much he loved Christmas and all the fuss it entails."

"I'm glad."Victoria held up her glass, "A toast."

Jarrod smiled and held his glass by his mother's.

"To Thomas Barkley, a child at heart who never forgot what it felt like the morning he saw his first Christmas tree at his parent's home in Philadelphia. And to the man, Tom Barkley, whose pure joy in the season left his family with many wonderful memories and traditions to cherish and maintain. Cheers!"

They clinked glasses and downed their drinks. Jarrod leaned over and planted a firm kiss on his mother's cheek. As Audra entered the room, he added a wink sharing his delight in Victoria's toast.

"Where's Heath?"

"He hasn't ridden in. The crew came in and Silas is already over helping the cook with their supper. I'm on my way to help. Care to join me?"

"I'm sorry, Mother. I'm still working on Heath's gift."

"What?"Jarrod had not been aware of the project Audra took on and had no idea his sister had fallen behind on it's completion during all the holiday festivities.

"Never mind, Jarrod,"Victoria smiled at Audra, "you go finish up and we'll hold supper. Jarrod will help at the bunk house."

The group split up and went to work. There was a glow about the entire evening. The hands were all in good moods and grateful for the bonus money all were provided plus, the extra slipped in for those who chose to stay and work through the holidays. Once Jarrod and Victoria retreated back inside their home, they began to feel concerned about Heath's absence. One of the new hands, a young boy named Jimmy, was still out with Heath. They decided to wait supper until after church services still hoping Heath would be able to join them.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?"

Nick had been taking care of Coco in the barn when he heard riders out front. He was rushing after spending longer than planned at Amy's and he wanted to get inside and put out some gifts before the rest of the family returned from church. Heath was riding behind Jimmy with Nightfire trailing behind Charger. Nick grabbed Charger's reins from Heath while yelling for some help. Hank Young ran out from the tack room to assist.

"Jimmy's horse threw him over in Miller's Creek."Heath slipped down from behind the younger man. "Watch it, Nick! Jimmy's got a busted forearm on your side."

The three men managed to get the tired, cold, and still wet boy wrapped in Heath's winter coat down from Charger. Hank left for the doctor and more hands rushed out to get Jimmy into the bunk house. Heath went inside with the others than, came out with Nick.

"That's one lucky kid, Nick."

"What spooked Nightfire?"

Nick gave Jimmy special permission to ride a young stallion for the day. Jimmy was a good rider but he owned a well- experienced older cutting horse. Nick was wondering about his decision now.

"I'm not sure and neither was the kid. Jimmy didn't do anything wrong, Nick. He rode Nightfire well all day. He was thrilled you trusted him, Nick. Just something that happened."

Heath tried to smile but without a coat and having been wet since dragging Jimmy from the water a few hours ago he was shivering too hard to truly smile.

"We'll talk later,"Nick started to push Heath towards the main house, "let's get you warmed up before Mother sees you and makes you spend Christmas in bed."

Heath took Nick's warning serious, hearing the air of personal experience his brother's voice contained. They got inside and Nick did his last minute Christmas chores while Heath rushed through a warm bath and cleaned up. They met in the living room as the rest of the family rode in from church.

"Nick! Heath!"Victoria rushed forward into the living room. "I'm so glad you're both home.

Now, we can really start to celebrate Christmas."

Heath stood up from his seat on the hearth while Nick rose from his on the couch. Victoria gave each of them a hug and lingered when she kissed Heath's cheek.

"Heath,"Victoria stood back and really looked at him, "your hands are ice cold but your face is flushed and feels too warm. Are you well?"

"I'm fine."Heath smiled and couldn't believe Victoria's quick assessment.

"Under two minutes!"Nick patted Heath on the back. "That's a new record."

The brothers unsuccessfully buried their smiles while Jarrod announced the Doctor's buggy was arriving over at the bunk house.

"Is someone ill?"Audra walked over to Jarrod's side and peeked out the French door windows.

"I'll see to it."Nick grabbed his coat from the foyer and rushed over to see what the doctor had to offer regarding Jimmy's arm.

When Nick returned, the family was finished with Heath's story of his afternoon with Jimmy. They were now reviewing the various visitors throughout the day for Heath. He was back on the hearth but had a nice glass of whiskey with him. Nick could hardly hide his disappointment not to find his younger brother under six blankets trying to recover from a large dose of their mother's horrible tasting cold remedy.

They adjourned to the dining room and enjoyed their overcooked beef dinner while the wine started to get everyone in the mood to celebrate. The entire family cleaned up and did the dishes for Silas since he was getting up early to prepare the large ham dinner the Barkleys always had midday on Christmas. Silas laughed and smiled as the overly large group somehow managed to get the job done without messing up his kitchen beyond repair.

The Barkleys returned to the large Christmas tree in the foyer. Victoria and Audra had every single inch of the house decorated in some way but the tree stood majestically with only a few strands of garland and a large star on the top. As was Barkley tradition, the big boxes of tree decorations were opened along with a few bottles of champagne. Each person had their own array of ornaments which Victoria and Tom began for each of their children hoping they would put them on their family trees when they grew up and left the ranch. Heath helped with the general family ornaments plus, the few Victoria had supplied him since his entrance into their family.

Victoria had one of the couches moved out so she could be comfortable while watching her children do the decorating except for the name balls. Every year, she reserved the pleasure of putting on the colored balls with a name sparkling brightly on each one for herself. This year, Victoria did them by age. Tom's rested at the top of the tree by the star followed around and down by Victoria, Jarrod, Nick, Heath, and Audra's balls. Satisfied, Victoria moved back to her sparkling wine and a seat on the couch.

Nick moved a brown box from under the tree and nonchalantly made sure Heath found it the next time he went to pick up decorations. He watched his younger brother from up on the stairs and pretended to be as shocked as anyone else when Heath started to wonder aloud regarding where the decorations could have come from.

There was an assortment of ornaments inside including: a small glass strawberry, a chunk of wood painted to look like a gold nugget, a blue uniformed toy soldier, a small rifle, a small pony painted to look like Heath's Modock, a large gray horse like Charger, an array of wooden animal shaped ornaments, and finally, a flat metal ornament like the one each of the Barkley siblings received from their maternal grandparents for their first Christmas. Each of Heath's brothers and his sister's ornaments were engraved with their names and birth dates. His new ornament only had Heath's name but it was his full name so it filled up the ornament leaving no room for his birth date.

"Mother!"

Heath walked over with the box and started to thank Victoria.

"Let me see those."Victoria took the box as Heath sat down on the couch with her. "Heath, Sweetheart, I've never seen these lovely ornaments before. How perfect they are."

Victoria and Heath turned their stares back at the other Barkleys but all shrugged their shoulders and headed over to see Heath's treasures. They lingered over Heath's ornaments then, Audra helped him arrange them on the tree while Jarrod and Nick downed more wine. The conversation went round and round on who could have snuck the box under the Barkley tree. The mystery remained unsolved when the entire Barkley family went to bed.

Heath woke up early and decided he definitely had way too much champagne the night before. He could swear he smelt a turkey baking when he knew very well the Barkley's table would include many things, none of them turkey. After quickly dressing, he jogged out the front of the house wearing an old jacket of Nick's. Heath settled into his chores after checking on Jimmy. The doctor set the boy's arm the night before and he was still sleeping. Ciego and his wife were graciously caring for the young man.

Nick came out and wished all the men a happy Christmas and got everyone laughing as he offered comment after comment on Heath's ill-fitting coat. They finished up the chores which couldn't be left, wished the crew which volunteered to work the day with the foreman well, and headed back to the house for a light breakfast while knowing Silas and Victoria would be putting out an incredible spread in the early afternoon.

Nick headed to the bathroom to wash up and Heath should have followed him but he wandered back to the kitchen instead. He peeked through the door and was sure there was a turkey in the oven. Heath entered the room with an enormous smile on his face.

"What's turkey doing in the Barkley kitchen on Christmas day?"

Silas smiled and turned back to his chores when Heath wrapped Victoria in an embrace.

"I wanted to try your Aunt Rachel's system out. Silas and I put the bird in last night and let it slow cook. We'll simply take it out and let it stay warm by the oven while the ham heats the rest of the morning. I have to admit the turkey is smelling awfully good to me too."

Heath shook his head and kissed his mother once more before heading up the back stairs to change for breakfast. After a light meal, the Barkleys descended on the tree. Each person had quite a pile, including Silas, who argued and lost every year when Mrs. Barkley insisted he join the family to unwrap his gifts. When the gifts were unwrapped, the men started to clear away the rubbish while the ladies enjoyed arranging the various family members treasures in specific spots around the living room.

The Barkleys were barely finished with their clean up when it was time to serve the Christmas meal in the buck house. The hands enjoyed another wonderful feast served by the Barkleys and the ladies served desserts while the men cleaned up assuring the cook an afternoon off, too. By the time they walked back over to the main house, the entire family was more than ready for their Christmas meal and Silas did not disappoint, all was delightful. Victoria was pleased when the family graciously reacted to the addition of turkey to their ham dinner. She shared a smile with Heath when Nick took second helpings of the bird.

The remainder of the afternoon was spent entertaining more guests. Nick and Heath went out for a ride but Jarrod declined their invitation for an escape. The lawyer didn't dare admit to his brothers but the role of patriarch during the holiday celebrations was making him very happy this year. Everyone collapsed and joyously ate ham and turkey sandwiches while picking at all the left over desserts so Silas and Victoria did not have to cook supper.

"Heath!"

The voice came out of the dark. It was Nick's baritone but he was whispering in the loud way only Nick could and Heath's room remained dark.

"Heath Barkley!"

Heath sat up and felt Nick's presence by his bed.

"Here,"Nick dropped clothes he quickly pulled off Heath's bedpost onto his head, "get dressed."

"Nick,"Heath pulled his pants and shirt off his head, "what the heck ..."

Nick leaned in close, whispering, "Did I tell you to ask any questions, Boy?"

Heath was intrigued but not frightened. All must be well. Nick was calm, no lamps were lit, and no one else was screaming or shouting.

"Okay, okay."Heath pushed his brother out of the way while he quickly pulled his pants on.

Heath followed Nick through the dark. They snuck down the stairs into the study where Jarrod was waiting in a room lit by only a roaring fire with a card table all set up and ready to go .

"I see, Brother Nick,"Jarrod raised an eyebrow Heath's way as he still attempted to tuck in his shirt, "our little brother mistakenly thought Christmas was over on the Barkley ranch."

"Yes,"Nick smiled and pulled out a seat nodding for Heath to sit down, "I'm afraid the boy comes to us unprepared for the test."

Heath raised an eyebrow and smiled back at Jarrod. Nick walked across and brought out glasses along with a bottle of liquor.

Heath looked at the bottle, lamenting, "Sergeant's Old Red?"

"Why, yes, Little Brother."

Jarrod took the bottle and after examining the label nodded to Nick who sat and opened the bottle using his teeth to hold the cork. Nick poured shots into each of the four glasses and pushed a glass towards his brothers. They raised their glasses and Heath followed suit.

"Happy Christmas!"Jarrod smiled and clinked glasses.

"Happy Christmas,"came the reply from Nick and Heath.

Before they drank, Jarrod stood up and put the fourth glass on the mantle under their father's portrait. He turned and all three men downed the expensive scotch whiskey.

"What is this stuff?"Heath put his glass down and shook his head.

"Ah, Little Brother, this is the finest from the county where our Barkley ancestors were born."

Heath smiled at Nick, chuckling, "Well now I know why they left Scotland!"

Jarrod cleared his throat and sat back down at the table. He dramatically slapped a deck of cards down and spread them out in a thin line. He smiled at Nick while Heath's eyes were on his hands.

"Brother Nick, if you would."

Nick refilled the glasses while Jarrod explained the game.

"Father always brought us down here late Christmas night. When we were small, the test was played at much lower stakes and, of course, we didn't drink or stay up all night. In fact, we couldn't fully participate until after our eighteenth birthday so I had many more years of Christmas tradition than Nick. In Father's absence, I will conduct this evening's business. The name of the game is 'True Tests.'"

With great joy, the Barkley brothers began round after round of picking cards. Low card drank a shot of Sergeant's then, had to answer a question posed from high card. High card got to decide the question and which brother to make squirm with a personal question or matter he longed to have answered all year. The first man to drop out of the game had to buy the Sergeant's for the following year. Sergeant's could only be procured at one of San Francisco's more affluent importers and was only available for a very large sum of money. Nick had been the proud owner of a bottle for far too many years. He and Jarrod decided this Christmas they were ready to restart the tradition.

Hours passed as the brothers not only asked wickedly personal questions but ended up in discussions regarding their lives, loves, and the many tests they had passed, or failed, as they stumbled towards being the men they were this night. The Barkley boys lived through the entirety of Christmas night around a card table under their father's picture. A few times, the game almost ended when the brothers laughed so hard their world's began to swim but they pulled themselves together and came back to finish the game.

Heath's uncanny card luck held him in good standing but the other two brothers had plotted against him. They conspired to ask him questions whenever either of them picked the high card. This system worked for a few rounds but then the men were enjoying their time together too much to pick on any one person and end the game prematurely.

Nick finally stood up and walked over to the fire. He weaved as the dark haired man looked up and took in the image of his white haired and bearded father. How Nick missed him this day and all the rest of the days throughout this entire year.

"Good night, Father,"Nick saluted for some unknown reason, "and happy Christmas to you two gentlemen."

When Nick whirled around to talk his head went spinning. He slid down into one of the big easy chairs and closed his eyes.

"I do believe, Little Brother,"Jarrod's eyebrow was raised and he had a mischievous grin on his face, "Brother Nick owes us a bottle of Sergeant's for next year."

Heath smiled and nodded while enjoying the sight of Nick sprawled across the chair.

"One more round, Jarrod,"Heath eye's twinkled as a plan came to him, "double or nothing?"

"Double or nothing?"Jarrod was intrigued by the offer but unsure of the terms.

"We both get one more card,"Heath started shuffling the deck then slapped it down for Jarrod to cut, "if you pick high, I answer two questions. If I pick high, you answer one."

Jarrod smiled and cut the deck making sure to slam the cards on the table. The older brother picked first and drew the Queen of Hearts. Heath drew thinking the bet lost and was delighted to see the King of Clubs in his hand. Jarrod sat back and threw his shot into his mouth. He held the whiskey for a long moment with his eyes closed before the man swallowed. Jarrod leaned forward to listen for his question.

"Do you believe me when I tell you Sandra's death was not your fault?"

Jarrod sat back to think. He and his brothers had spent the evening discussing the first time they were tested in combat, what it felt like to kill another human being, how hard it was to do the right thing, their first attempts at loving women, what made them happy, what made them mad, the various measures they'd taken in life to stop others from hurting people, when they themselves hurt people, and the price they paid for the lives they picked. They discussed serious, silly, sexual, and ridiculous topics which made them all laugh, gulp for air, and feel they knew each other better than the evening before.

"Yes, I believe you. The Bond brothers were pure evil and no matter what I did, or tried to do, the situation was not going to have a positive outcome. If you had asked me a week ago, my answer might have been different. Time is a great healer and so is the love of a man's family."

Heath smiled and both brothers clinked glasses and downed another shot. Jarrod watched while Heath winked then stumbled to the couch and closed his eyes for the night. The attorney sat alone. Luckily, Jarrod had been the one asked the least questions this night. Next year, Nick and Heath would probably gang up against him. Jarrod looked up at Tom Barkley's image staring down from the wall above the mantle.

Jarrod walked over and took his father's glass from the mantle. Tom Barkley had been correct. Life sets a series of challenges before a man. Each man must decide what is the right thing to do but then the true test is to live with your decisions.

The Bond brothers did not win. Oh, maybe they appeared to win, for one horrid afternoon, but in life they were losers. Jarrod smiled at the thought of his father walking in and finding his three drunken sons out cold around the family's study.

"Thanks, Father."

Jarrod raised the glass and downed the contents then threw the glass into the remaining flames. Jarrod Barkley left his brothers where they lay. He climbed the stairs with great joy knowing Victoria Barkley would not be happy to see this tradition back. She never mentioned the men only Christmas night tradition after their father's death and appeared silently pleased to see it end.

He and Nick should have taken a moment to warn Heath. He was unaware the game would hold painful consequences for them all on the 26th of December when their mother got them up early and made them sweat out the alcohol by working hard, all day.

Jarrod laid down on his bed still wearing a smile. Tomorrow would be another true test for he and his brothers. They decided to drink the Sergeant's, now, they would have to live with their decision.

Please, forgive typos and any Barkley errors. Thank you.

COPYRIGHT L.E.CONNELL July, 1999. Revised May, 2001.