i've decided to move out. i decided this a few weeks ago, and told my parents about it. all of a sudden there's a motherfucker of a broohaha about it. my mother cant accept the fact that i dont want to live here anymore. well, the fact is that i cant take this fucking place anymore, and i need out. im over being hassled, told what to do and when to do it and how i have to live my life according to them.
and i've been told im not allowed to do it. i've been threatened by them. my mother has said that she'd go as far as locking me in my room to stop me moving out. her excuse? "you're sick. look at you. you're pale and have an iron deficiency. you have nervous problems. you can't look after yourself." well, i say fucking bullshit to that. i do my own washing, i cook myself meals and i clean up my own stuff, because no-one else does it for me. i pay my own internet bill, despite my father and brother's use of it, and i pay not only my mobile phone bill but hers too. i also am "required" to contribute to the landline bill... sometimes copping the whole lot. she still tries to run my social life but to no avail... its too hard for her to keep up with. she has, however, collected a list of phone numbers belonging to my friends. why? so she can call up if she has to. erm, mum, i do have a fucking mobile phone of my own! (and chances are, if mine's off, so will theirs.)
i think part of the problem is the fact that im moving into a house which houses boys. oh dear. to her straight laced catholic self, thats practically a mortal sin. i mean, members of the opposite sex in the house! *gasp* im so over it. i wish she'd just let me live my life.
when i tried to tell her that my moving wasnt her choice, she replied that it wasnt my choice either. that kind of lost me. last time i checked, i was running my life (apart from the bits fate decided to stick me in the tummy with). i didnt want it to be like this. i wanted to be able to move with their support. looks like i'll have to do it while they're at work one day and burn every bridge between me and them. im gonna lose my parents and brother - perhaps forever. and while it upsets me, if thats what i have to do to get out of this place, then maybe its just what i have to do.
im terrified. if i go like that, then there wont be any going back. ever. i hope that its the right thing. and that its all worth it in the end.
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