Billie Joe Bob's
Instrument Repair World
"we fix it 'til it's good enough for us!"
Hi there folks! My name is Billie Joe Bob and I want to welcome you to our new site. I repair the fluteophones and I am happy to tell you all about our new service repairing your band instrument. We can't tell you how long we've been doing it so we just let you guess how long after you get your instrument back from one of our specialists. If you can recognize your instrument when you get it back, then you qualify for our super guarantee. And if you're really lucky, it might play! We guarantee that you will never need to bring your instrument back to us because of our quality of workmanship. We will usually tell you that you need an overhaul when you bring it in. Charging an outrageous amount just to turn a screw is why our customers really love our service! Unlike Bruce's Sousaphone heaven ("where we fix your instrument to our satisfaction") our motto is much better. We can actually say that we never have a returning customer!
Now, take a look at our shop and meet the folks who will be happy to do amazing things to your band instrument!
This is our shop in a very established area! Woodwinds are repaired in the west building and the brass are repaired in the east building. We keep costs down by not having ugly black pavement to repave when the weather ruins it. We hope you like the boat decorations!
This is our warehouse and training center just up the road. It's in a very safe neighborhood where the only resident is our friendly moose, well, ex-moose.
Meet the boss. His name is Rufus and he is in charge of overseeing all the repairs. Most of the time we don't bother him with checking out our repairs. He just tells us "Ya'll are doing good enough for me!"
This is our marketing person, Rodundra. She tells everybody around how good we are! She has a lot of influence and promises lots of customers. She used to be a very good flute player. Just contact her if you would like her to come to your school and rehearse your students. If you're nice to her she might let you pet her snake.
Meet our lovely secretary, Miss Mary Sue Roach. She does a good job with all the paperwork and payroll for our shop. She likes to sing in the church choir and teaches how to make pot holders for fun. She wants to have a best friend some day, she said.
Meet Nathan, our driver who picks up instruments at the local school. He's off parole now so he is a very happy man! We trust him completely now. Just make sure your instrument is insured.
Meet Ralphie, our supply person and computer geek who handles all our Internet orders! He used to play the piano in the local church, but met his new friend and now they can't go there anymore. Maybe people get jealous of them!
We don't have to worry about security with Bubba Joe around! He says his looks can kill, and from what we have seen- we believe him! Your instrument is safe with us! We like to party with him!
Here's Deedra and she fixes our oboes and bassoon things. She was so good on oboe in the community band that she got paid not to go to rehearsal. Deedra is so good on the oboe that she can actually peel paint! She was also a runner up in the World Guinness Book of Records where she competed to make the most annoying sound ever possible on a musical instrument. She almost won! The winner was a beginning bagpipe player being accompanied by a jackhammer. The locals like to hire her to kill the varmints that live in their houses. She used to be first chair nose flute in the local band until she got a cold and misplaced it. It was a real nice aluminum, gold-plated and custom-made by a member of our staff. If you happen to see it anywhere, please contact her asap!
Meet Jardan, our 28 year old customer service representative. He always tries to sell stuff to people and they never say no. He has great influence on our customers and we think he secretly wants to be a music rep some day. He used to be a tuba player in Ding Bat Billy Bob Band in the nearby town.
We're very pleased to have Darben join our team of experts. He likes to invent things for our customers. Right now he is working on a mouth tester for musicians to see what number reed to play on. You can see he is quickly learning to avoid putting super glue on the item before he puts it in his mouth.
Jethro joined us last month and we are pleased that he is with our company. His specialty is the plating department. Right now he is busy testing the cyanide solution to see what the alkalinity levels are in comparing the gold to the silver. This is his first attempt. We dared him to try! Over the weekend he left a trumpet in the solution and it disappeared for some reason. Pardon us for using technical jargon. We're just showing off our knowledge!
Mitchell is our woodwind expert and has been with us for a year now. He likes to repair piccolos the most because he likes the tiny keys. He is certified to repair contra-bass bassoons and he plays in the Bubba Bendover Band. Mitchell has been playing 8th chair alto clarinet for 10 years and says that his goal is to have his own wood instrument and to play THE SCALE in whole notes up and down. Go Mitchell!!
Juspin is proud to be our brass specialist. He knows about Bruce's Sousaphone Heaven and says he can fix anything even if it has a mouse or rat in it! Nothing stops him! Juspin used to party with Bruce but ever since they went on the Jerry Springer show and found out that they were related, it was all over. What funny guys. We feel special that we have a celebrity with us! And Bruce, if you are reading this, come visit us sometime!
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Last updated 04/14/2006 06:46 AM
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