Brian completed the Into the Millennium Tour without much difficulty. He had returned first to his home in Orlando to do some thinking before going to Atlanta, where Leighanne and her family threw him a combination welcome home/housewarming party.
What his soon-to-be-relatives didn't realize was that large groups, especially loud parties, terrified him. He remembered all those meet-and-greets and press conferences during the latter part of the tour. Brian had to struggle to decifer conversations because of the hum of the background noise. Such situations had made him feel more vulnerable before but now they were downright frightening.
Mostly, he worried about doing something that would divulge his secret. That once that happened he wouldn't be Brian anymore. He feared that no one would be able to see past his handicap.
That night was no exception. He tried hard to listen and participate but became easily frustrated. After a couple of hours, he retreated to his study. There Leighanne on his computer and closer inspection revealed him perusing the internet and scribbling notes on a yellow legal pad.
"Bri?" He didn't answer. "Brian," she said a bit louder. Still no answer. She moved toward him. Was he ignoring her? Leighanne couldn't help but feel hurt. "Brian." She tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hi, Leigh," he greeted brightly then kissed the corner of her mouth then drew her into his lap. "Something wrong?"
"Um, Brian, I've been calling you for about five minutes. Didn't you hear me?"
He sighed sadly. "I couldn't."
"What do you mean you didn't? I was right here in this room."
"I didn't say that I didn't. I said that I couldn't. There's a difference." They stood. Brian took Leighanne's hands, and led her to the couch. "I promised you a couple of weeks ago that I'd let you know what was going on in my life. I guess it's time.
"Remember the cold I had when we were performing here in February?" She nodded. "It was the flu and I got some medicine at a doctor in Texas. A few weeks later, I went to see a doctor in LA because I still wasn't completely well and I was worried."
"What was it? Was it your heart?"
"No, thank God. It was something else..." Brian found it hard to continue without choking on his words, but one look at the anguish on Leighanne's face and he knew he couldn't hold her in suspense. "The doctor said I had something called sensorineural hearing loss, a mild case probably caused by the antibiotics I took when I was sick and the loud music on tour."
"What? I don't understand."
Brian knew the confusion she felt was caused by denial. "Leigh, it has gotten worse. I have seen a specialist here and the deterioration has slowed. But the reality is...I could go completely deaf."
"Deaf? Brian, no." She tried to stand, to escape from the flood of emotions that Brian's confession had brought. Brian refused to let her go, though. He surrounded her with his arms as she struggled to break free.
Leighanne finally just gave into her grief and frustration, and the couple cried together. It was nearly 45 minutes later when they parted. Brian knew it was his chance to lay it on the line. "Leigh, this has been a lot for me to deal with. I want you to know that I don't want you to bear my burden. I'd understand if you no longer want to marry me."
Leighanne was silent. Brian figured she was thinking of a way to let him down easy. Truly she was stunned that would even give her the opportunity to opt out of their relationship, not to mention just a bit angry that he took their relationship so lightly. Didn't he understand how much she loved him? They were a team now. Brian and Leighanne - against the world if necessary.
"Brian, you have to give me more credit please. I meant it everytime I've said I love you. Maybe you've misunderstood, but that essentially means that I promise to stick by you through everything - even this. Remember your heart surgery in Minnesota?"
"I'd actually like to forget it all, except when I came to after surgery. The image I saw...I thought I'd gone to heaven. The vision before me was that of an angel."
"But I was in the room when you woke..."
Brian offered her a goofy smile. "Precisely."
"Brian Thomas Littrell," she admonished with a gentle slap to his arm.
"I'm serious, Leigh." The smile on his face was more genuine. "I love you. You are a big reason that I want to get through this and try to be as normal as possible." He shook his head. "Just so you understand, it isn't going to be easy."
"I know that, but I am willing to do anything I can to help. I love you, too."
"God, I'll never tire of hearing you say that," he commented before realizing the implication of his statement. Leighanne did, however.
She laced her fingers with his and gripped his hand tightly. "What do we do now, Brian?"
"I have to tell my family and the other guys. My doctor wants me to hire a tutor to teach both of us sign language - just in case."
"Whatever it takes...and next time you go to see your doctor, I'm coming."
"I'm sorry, I didn't take to you about this sooner." Brian hung his head shaking it slowly with disbelief and shame.
Leighanne would have none of Brian's self-pity. "Listen to me, I understand why. Just please next time have a bit more faith in me."
"I promise, Leigh. Thank you."
* ~ * ~ *
Dr. Swift found the couple a sign language tutor. Arin was from the same mold as Annie Sullivan of Helen Keller fame with her determination and Leighanne and Brian worked diligently on their new language. They practiced at home and even used it during some public situations as a means of private communication. Brian started to focus on reading people's lips and facial expressions in every conversation knowing he'd have to rely on both skills soon.
Leighanne became accustomed to watching television with the closed captioning running like a ticker at the bottom of the screen. She knew to touch Brian's arm to get his attention before trying to speak and did the same when someone else needed him.
The rest of the world - friends, family and fans - watched as the relationship between Leighanne Wallace and Brian Littrell developed. Rather than tearing them apart as he had feared, his handicap had served to bring them closer.
Not that anyone would have denied their love for one another before, but if there was ever any doubt, the couple's actions argued against it. Those on the outside thought it was because of the excitement of their impending nuptials and comment about what an incredible couple they made.
Brian and Leighanne would only smile knowingly.
