It was nearly one and Brian was awake again. Nick had promised to be home on hour prior so the two of them could talk but he had not yet arrived and there was no phone call indicating he would be late. Brian had given up and decided to join Leighanne, who had retired to bed early.
"Leigh, that's it. We aren't having children." He sighed as he sat down at the foot of the bed.
"Why don't you call his cellphone again? You know how impossible it is to get a signal in that arena."
"Yeah. Hold on." Brian dialed carefully and prayed as he listened to it ring. "Come on, Nicky. Pick up."
"Yello?"
"Nick?"
"Yeah, yeah, it's me. What doya want?" Brian could hardly hear with the music thumping in the background.
"You still at the concert?"
"Nah. Left there...um, four hours ago. I'm just hangin'. Got suma my buddies here. We're havin' fun. You should come."
If Brian didn’t know better, he’d say that Nick was channeling pre-rehab A.J. McLean. "Where are you?"
"Dunno. Hey, sweetie what is this place called again...."
Brian quickly scribbled down the bar's name as Nick recited it – although with some diffiulty. "Okay, Nick, don't move. I'll be right there."
"Hey, everybody, Briyan's comin' to partay with us."
No, Nick, Brian thought, I’m coming to figure out where my best friend went.
The scene Brian saw as he approached the VIP section in the club in Buckhead was an all too familiar one. The bouncer at the door told him that Nick had arrived around 10 and sequestered himself in the upper corner of the VIP balcony with a crowd of hangers-on and groupies. The manager, who was more than ecstatic that not one but two Backstreet Boys has chosen his club on that night and unaware that two Backstreet Boys would quickly become none, eagerly offered to lead Brian to his friend.
Brian sighed as he approached the party and found Nick making out with the brunette on his lap. This was the type of activity expected from A.J. not Nick, although all the guys had noticed their youngest brother had been dabbling in more and more destructive behaviors in the last year. The couple paused for a breath when Brian arrived.
"About damn time, Rok," said Nick in greeting before throwing back the shot that had been sitting on the table. He then motioned for the waitress. "Another shot for me and my girl here," he requested and turned to his friend. "What can I get you?"
Brian shook his head at the blonde waitress. "Nothing thanks. And it looks like you've done plenty of damage for the both of us. Maybe you should call it a night?"
"Oh, come on. Let me have some fun. If you don't want to be here, you can just leave."
"I'm not leaving without you."
“Well then, you’ll be hanging out then cuz I ain’t leaving.”
Brian sighed again before muttering,” God, I hate it when you get like this.” But that wasn’t what Nick heard.
“Get in line.”
“What?”
“I said, ‘get in line.’”
“Get in line for what?”
“What? You think you’re the only one that hates me?”
“I didn’t say I hated you, Nick.”
“Oh really, somehow I don’t believe that.”
Brian shook his head. “I’m sorry you don’t have faith in me or our friendship.”
Nick seemed to sober at the statement. “I don’t have faith in a lot of things anymore.” He reached for the new shot and threw it back. The alcohol abated the sobs that threatened from the back of his throat or at least made it seem as if his eyes were watering because of the alcohol’s burn rather than the feeling of being burned by those he thought loved him.
“When are you going to understand that you don’t need this crap?” Brian leaned closer. “Don’t do this please. Don’t throw away your life like A.J. did.”
Nick’s face burned red with anger. “How dare you?” He seethed. “Take your righteous self and get the hell out of here! I don’t need my mother. I sure as hell don’t need you either. I don’t need anybody!”
Brian suddenly understood. “I don’t care how much you try to hurt me. I will still love you, Nick. You’re my brother, my family. I will still love you no matter what.”
Brian’s words hung in the air even after he had begun to walk away. Nick wasn’t certain what he should believe anymore. What he did know was his heart couldn’t take much more hurt.
Why couldn’t this just be simple? He took a deep breath and glanced around him. These people didn’t know him, but it was easier that way. If he didn’t get close enough, they couldn’t hurt him. And he had been hurt so much in his life – by his friends, by his family. Still there was one thing that scared him more than a broken heart and a damaged soul and that was being alone.
His mind made up, Nick motion to the waitress and quickly paid his bill. Walking out of the club, he had to wonder if he was sober enough to drive home. That was until he saw a familiar Mercedes making its way out of the adjacent parking lot.
“Brian!” He watched as the car made a quick right turn onto the main road and without another thought, stepped into the street to flag him down. The headlights were like lasers burning his bloodshot, tired eyes as they approached. “Brian!”
The brakes on the beamer squeaked slightly as the luxury car stopped abruptly to avoid Nick. Brian rolled his window down, “Jesus, Nick, what the HELL are you doing?”
“Please, I’m sorry, Brian. I didn’t mean it. Don’t hate me, please. I can’t lose you, too. You’re all I have left.”
It was then that Brian really saw the truth behind Nick’s behavior. “I told you that I don’t hate you. Come on. Get in the car. We’ll talk about this at home.”
