~*~An Hour Later~*~
"We all knew it was going to be this hard," Justin said to me, the two of us still wrapped around JC, who was know sleeping peacefully on his bed. Justin slowly rose, making sure not to wake JC up, and moved around to the other side of the bed. He crawled in behind me, cuddling close to my body.
"It just sucks that there's nothing we can really do, except sympathize, ya know?" he said, as I stroked JC's peaceful face. I sighed as Justin wrapped himself tightly around me, nuzzling his cold nose into the back of my neck.
I laid there silently for a while... I felt Justin's breath grow slow and monotonous as JC's chest continued to heave up and down as he dreamed.
"There's nothing we can really do..." Justin's words still hung in my mind, "...except sympathize..." I unwrapped myself from Justin's embrace, slowly sliding out of bed, being careful not to wake either of them.
'That's all any of you can do, Justin...' I thought, as I quietly opened the door and stept into the hallway.
Sympathy could only go so far. And at that moment, I didn't want any more of it... from anyone.
'JC's hurting... I'm hurting... all they can do is wait until we STOP hurting...' I said to myself.
'I've known her my whole fucking life...' The words rang in my head as I walked towards my hotel room.
'I know how JC and Mary Beth feel about each other...he has every right in the world to be in pain right now... But so do I...' I searched my purse for my key card. It wasn't there. Justin had it, I realized, and he was fast asleep in JC's room. I leaned hard against my door, sliding down to the floor.
My purse fell from my shoulder, spilling its entire contents onto the tacky carpeting. "Great..." I said aloud. I put my head into my hands and began to cry for the ump-teenth time that day. I was so involved in my thoughts that I didn't hear the elevator door opening.
'Stop,' I told myself. "It's not Justin's fault. It's not anyone's fault. He just doesn't understand. You have to deal with this on your own... it's better for everyone if you do." I mumbled my last thought out loud.
"If you do what?" came a familiar and kind voice. Startled, I looked up, wiping tears from my face.
Brian's blue eyes stared back at me. A towel was thrown over his shoulder and he was wearing a damp, clingy white T-shirt and basketball shorts. He had obviously been working out in the gym.
"Oh... nothing, I was just talking to myself-"
"And crying?" Brian cut in.
"...Yeah..." I tried to smile, avoiding eye contact, and blinking back tears as they formed.
"Why are you sitting in the hallway in the first place? I thought Justin was with you and JC," Brian knelt down in front of me, lifting my chin up to look at my face.
"They fell asleep... and now I'm locked out of my room..." I finally let myself look into Brian's welcoming eyes.
"So, instead of coming to me or the rest of the guys... you opted to sit alone and bawl until we had to leave for the venue?" Brian's smile was caring, matching his eyes.
"I didn't want to bother any of-"
"Bother? How in the world could you ever bother us, Shell? Especially me... you know you can always talk to me," Brian put a hand on my shoulder, rubbing softly.
"I know... but you're still dealing with stuff, and I didn't want to put my troubles on you," I said, sniffling.
"Shelly you helped me more than anyone could have by making me come here... and if you haven't noticed, I'm FINE... And it's 'cause of you," Brian said sincerely.
I started to speak, not knowing the words to say, and my tears ended up spilling out. I leaned forward, falling into Brian's arms. He sighed, holding me tightly until I could supress my sobs.
"Thank you..." I choked out.
I leaned over the rail into the, unusually sunny, Chicago winter afternoon. I took a deep breath, finally dry of tears. Exhaling, Brian joined me, standing next to me. We stayed silent, and I closed my eyes, smiling.
Brian wrapped an arm around my body, pressing my arms into my sides, "I bet everyone's lookin' for you by now," he said, and I could tell he had a smile on his face as well.
"Yeah, they probably are..." I sighed, opening my eyes. I turned, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him into a tender hug.
"You always know what to say, don't you?" I said, not really wanting an answer to the question.
Brian laughed softly, and then stopped. "It's 'cause I know YOU, Shell..." he hugged me tighter.
"God... what am I going to do when you have to go to Lexington? You have to be my replacement Mary Beth!" I laughed.
"You'll be fine, and you know it," Brian pulled out of our hug, smiling at me, "Besides... we survived on cell phones for more than a month... we can last until the end of your tour," he laughed, letting his eyes become little slits.
"Yeah..." I smiled. "I'll be fine," I said, letting myself believe it as I said it.
~*~Backstage, before the show~*~
"Are you sure you're not mad?" Justin placed both hands on each of my shoulders, making me look into his eyes.
"Baby... for the LAST time... I'm not mad at you!" I said, "You fell asleep... I freaked... Brian took care of me... I'm OKAY," I broke a smile at Justin's uneasiness.
"You're sure? 'Cause I'm so sorry-"
"Justin!" I laughed loudly, pressing my palms against his cheeks, "I. AM. NOT. MAD." I said, making him look into my eyes this time.
Justin smiled through his squished cheeks. I kept my hands tightly on them, making it hard for me not to laugh as I looked at him. He leaned in and kissed me with his pursed lips.
As our lips touched, I removed my hands from his face, throwing them around him, tightly. He responded immediatly, pressing me into his warm embrace, and holding me so tightly that my back arched.
"Well, well, well... somebody's out of the dog house..." Joey said, passing by us.
"Apparently I was never in it, asshole..." Justin said, pulling a few centimeters from our kiss to tell Joey that he was mistaken.
I giggled as Justin's soft lips caressed mine once more.
"Has anyone checked on JC?" I asked Justin when our lips finally parted.
"He was writing in his journal last time I checked...in the Toy Room," Justin informed me, scatching the light stubble on his chin.
"I think I'm gonna go see how he's doing," I patted Justin's chest lightly.
"Okay," Justin pecked me softly, and I made my way to the Toy Room.
Once I reached the door, I was surprised to find it quiet inside. Usually all the guys were in there having a ball. I pushed the heavy door open, and it creaked lowly. I stepped inside, and my eyes fell on JC's figure, which was slumped over on the edge of the couch.
"Hey there..." I said, trying not to startle him.
JC looked over his shoulder, smiling slightly at me. "Hey girl... how're you holding up?" he said, patting the cushion next to him.
"Uh, I'm actually doing okay... I'd be a lot better if I knew how you were doing," I sat down next to JC, looking into his puffy eyes.
"I'm... uh, I'm fine, I think. I mean... I've just been thinking about stuff. Writing a little... To get my mind off of things," JC ran his fingers through his brown locks.
"But..." I pressed JC to continue.
"But... I've been staring at my damn cell phone for 20 minutes straight," he sighed, laying back against the pillowy couch.
I gazed down at the coffee table in front of us, where JC's scribbled-in journal and cell phone lay, untouched.
"I'm such an idiot, Shelly... She's probably not even half-way to France, and I'm already waiting for her to call," he rolled his eyes and cracked a smile.
I put a hand on JC's knee, comforting him. "Josh, you're not an idiot... I'd be doing the exact same thing if I were you," I paused, looking at the clock on the wall, "But all the guys are here for you... not just me. But they don't know whether to let you drown in tears all day, or to try to get you to have some fun," I said.
JC knodded his head, knowing I was right. "I know it's easiest to be in here alone... but YOU know that it's not gonna make you feel any better."
JC sighed, "Yeah, I-" He was interrupted by the door opening. We both turned our heads to see Eric and Lance's faces smiling at us.
"Hi boys," I said, standing up.
"HA-AY!" the two chimed in unison, waving.
"Shell, we're up in 15 minutes," Eric said to me, as he straightened Lance's shirt across his chest.
"Okay," I said to Eric. I looked down at JC, who was still sunken into the couch.
"Come on Jace... Show your face to the others before you guys have to go on stage. It'll help everyone out," I put a hand out to help him up, "But more importantly, it'll help you."
JC took my hand and lifted himself up from the couch. "Thanks, girl," he said quietly, and pecked me on my cheek. I smiled as he walked past Lance and Eric, who were know both fixing their spikey do's in the mirror, and patted them each on the back as a greeting.
Outside of the open door, Justin strode by, tossing a hackey sack in his hands. I caught Justin's eye, and he stopped, peeking into the room.
"Hey baby," Justin flashed his bright smile at me.
"Hey pooky," JC mimicked, laughing and heading out the door.
Justin laughed, smacking JC lightly on the shoulder. I motioned for Justin to follow JC, and Justin immediately exited.
"Heads up, man!" Justin called as he threw the small ball in JC's direction. I watched the two walked on, as they laughed at their mediocre hackey skills.
