A lot of people ask me... stupid fuckin' questions A lot of people think that... What I say on records or what I talk about on a record That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody That.. I'm actually gonna do it or that I believe in it Well, shit.. if you believe that then I'll kill you You know why? 'Cause I'm a CRIMINAL CRIMINAL You god damn right I'm a CRIMINAL Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge That'll stab you in the head whether you're a fag or lez Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes" Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic Starin' at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (Ooh!) That's my motherfuckin' balls, you'd better let go of em They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em Hey, it's me, Versace Whoops, somebody shot me! And I was just checkin' the mail Get it? Checkin' the 'male'? How many records you expectin' to sell after your second LP sends you directly to jail? C'mon! - Relax guy, I like gay men Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!) Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus Heal this child, help us destroy these demons Oh, and please send me a brand new car And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher You can't reach me, my mom can't neither You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause I watch TV, and Comcast cable And you ain't able to stop these thoughts You can't stop me from toppin' these charts And you can't stop me from droppin' each March With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards (Duhhh) And to think, it's just little ol' me Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave **I'm a CRIMINAL 'Cause every time I write a rhyme These people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a CRIMINAL But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin' I don't take shit from no one [x2]** My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed But how the fuck you s'posed to grow up when you weren't raised? So as I got older and I got a lot taller My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin' the word... My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired and my nose is pointy I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die in plane crashes and laughs As long as it ain't happened to him Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em -inem and Kim combined - *kch* the maniac's in Replacin' the doctor 'cause Dre couldn't make it today He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place (Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh? I'm a CRIMINAL [Interlude Skit] [Dre] Aight look ([Eminem] Uh huh Just go up in that motherfucker Get the motherfuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there [Em] Aight I'll be right here waitin' on you [Dre] Aight Yo Em [Em] What?! [Dre] Don't kill nobody this time [Em] Alright... god damn, fuck... {*whistling*} How you doin'? [Teller] HI, how can I help you? [Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl [Teller] Okay [Eminem] Put the fuckin' money in the bag bitch and I won't kill you! [Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me [Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin' around... [Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me... [Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you Hurry the fuck up! {*BOOM*} Thank you! Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it So I'll be disguised in it And if anybody identifies the guy in it I'll hide for five minutes Come back, shoot the eyewitness Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough to say the stuff I say So this tape is shut Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass And if it's not a rapper that I make it as I'ma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask **Chorus** | ||||||
