Random Page (Ur MOM)

This Is my page of random thoughts. When I get bored, it'll be more fun.
March 6, 2002- Alone I am one, but with you makes 2... so without you, why go I feel like nothing?
March 6, 2002- Umhm. Ranting and raving... this page is going to become my best friend very soon. SO at lunch I went to the canteen and I ordered a cheeseburger. The meat, oh my. School food has got to be worse then prison food. It tasted like onions. Yummy. I can't stand this. Thinking thinking thoughts thoughts random... weary, tired. I could sleep last night, but instead I talked on the phone. For once I was tired. Its so fucking difficult to make the mind slow down long enough to let myself fall asleep. Its like my body cant keep up. I'm scared. I'm scared of people thinking. Ignorance, god its annoying. Okae, I've never said 2 g-d words to these two girls, and they have it out for me. They TALK about me. They have nothing better to do with their time then sit and talk shit. They dont even have anything to say tho. They had the nerve to bum a cigarette off me, and i gave them one. Its so not worth it. I really do give people too much credit. I'd rather give people the benifit of the doubt, I really would.
March 3, 2002- Its been a while... Life is really interesting, but Im not really into talking about that, I feel like ranting... SO RANT I SHALL... There's a thing about drinking... I like it. I drink. I smoke cigarettes. I'm 17. What does this tell you about the person I am? Well, it probably would make someone think I was irresponsible and out of control. But Im actually not. I think about death sometimes. Like what will the world say about who I was or how I effected them. Will someone find this and read it, and care? Will it just be lost forever in the eternity that is the internet? Why do I somehow think that people will want to read this? I cant stand the thought of being left behind. Left behind with nothing. If someone I loved or cared about, or even passed by randomly died,I'd want to know what they thought about, or what they believed in. I'd want to somehow be touched by the life they lead. i hope with all my heart people will someday understand that all I wanted to do with my life is show love. I want to be someone that people can say, yeah, I know she had love to give, or that they recieved it, or that somehow I made them feel special, even if it was something as insignifigant as a smile, wave, or squeeze on the arm. God, sometimes I feel like my heart is so full it could burst, like I dont know what to do with all of the compassion i feel. And other times, Im filled wiht so much grief that I dont think I cant stand it, like im breaking and shattering and i wont ever be able to understand and express it. I want to understand. I want to learn. I hate how that's not good enough for my dad.Maybe hes right, I dont really think my education in school is my first priority, because in the fairy tale world I've built my self, a smile and good word will get you far in life, yes even in the "real world". But i want to work hard. I want to achieve things, but my achievments might not be so great in the eyes of the people who judge me. But its not about them, its their life im leading, its mine, adn I want to take that and run with it, to expirience all that the world has to offer. I know my life is a gift, I know what I have... I know! I just want the freedom to stay up all night if I need to, or sleep for 20 hours strait, but just live at my own agenda. At my own command. THings will fall into place, they always do. The universe will always provide for me, because i have that faith. i put myself out for what i believe in. I stumble, I fall, I hit rock bottom, btu its still okae. I still have my self. I still ahve what i am, and thats good enough for me. It doenst have to be good enough for anybody else. Because I want to love, and feel. And I dont have ot be happy all the time. Im not just about feeling emotions that come easy. Im down for heartache, heartbreak, longing, loss, sadness, anger, selfishness, guilt... but not regret. Regret is something that I dont give myself the opportunity to have. Its a waste of time, I know I cant change things when they're gone and done. But i can learn from them. I can take the expirience in my grasp, and analyze it, and squeeze every last detail out of it until I find what went "wrong" or fell short, until I can feel in my heart that i have learned. Even if it means I make the same fucking mistake 3 billion times in a second in a row, thats fine with me, because Im always going to have the chance to learn from it. Until the day that I die. And even if that day came tommorow, I could honestly sit here and say, I have no regrets, I have no malace toward anyone or anything, and that I expirienced love, passion, hurt, guilt, joy, sadness, loss, and gratitude. In the 17 years I've spent on this Earth, I've used my time wisely in my eyes. I got out of my safety zone, I chased the moon, ran with the stars, seized the day, I lived. I loved every moment of my life, even in my darkest hour, even the world was falling and i was loosing grip on everything I ever had or wanted. Even when I didnt want to love life, or even live life... I can look back and say, yeah, that was so fucking hard, but look at me now. I apreciate it all. I have respect for it all, every curve ball thrown in my path that disturbed my quiet waters. And I have apreciated the people in my life, and loved them. I can only hope, wish and pray that someday they will have even the slightest glimpse into how much they were cherished and loved by me.
May 30, 2001- Oh my. I'm in tuorial, its like a study hall only not that lame. I get to play on computers ;). Hurray. Brb
May 29, 2001- whoa. there are some serious assholes in the world, guys who love to put people, girls in particular, down and smash whatever self esteem society has left them with into the ground. Especially those who dirve white mini trucks and first name starts with "M". Where do guys get off on making girls feel like crap? Hey guys, have you ever seen a really hot chick who hated guys and was on the verge of being a lesbian? Its guys like that that make them that way. Seriously, then they wonder why women hate men. I have a million and one reasons, and no one cares to hear about them. Then they have the nerve to tell me to "suck it up" and "stop being so damn sensitive". You wonder why i am the way i am, maybe i've had shit happen to me that would break any "man" in half, and shatter any "man's" self esteem. So I dont know where some of you get off on being assholes, but just remember, what goes around, comes around, you jerks. Damnit. Damn you all to hell. Stupid boys. Stupid stupid boys. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a once in a while thing, but its like all the time. Just about every guy has a huge element of asshole, but it kills me that they all seem to seek me out and find me and show me that side. I'm honestly thinking becoming a Nun, O wait, I'm not Catholic, damn. Well, my next option is being a lesbian, but thats I dunno, not the same. Stupid boys. Damn them all to hell. You and your overactive egos and sideways logic and obsession with naked chicks.
May Sumpthing, in WC- The following is NOT me, its a freshman from my World Cultures Class, its amusing, enjoy: huh f u and i think your site is pretty cool. shoot me um f u no dont like censor it u suck shut the up phone shut up thats not wut i said im gonna kill it just kill it and feed it to its fing motha wow no no fu mmhhhmmm shut up phone, im getting so angry commercial commercial commercial i can't take it answer the phone what? f u ummmm fu why do u hafta censor it? exclsive behidn teh scences, i have a bevorage here man beeevvvooorrrraaagggeeee, fu if u give a mouse a cookie, he'll ask for a glass of milk, if u give a drunk a peanut, he'll ask for a jug of beer, f u put it into my veins. fu are we still goin? you fing stole my shoes and my teddy bear. i had this one poem that said fu the pen is blue..... fu thats all i can say halrious i see little green men at night is it time to go yet? in english we had to yeah, f u. umm fu i can't think of anything else to say. jose, hoe, jose, ho, jose, ho hoh oho hofu hofu is good for you too fu yeah and communist bastard, drinking! away my chicken, i dont want to grill, shoot me phone again. i cum in peece, fu -Keenan
May 15, 2001- Hi. I'm in World Cultures Class. It's mad boring. You know what I don't like? I don't like people who think they're better than other people, and George Bush. Man. How did he get elected? He can barely talk! The only ounce of respect I have for the guy, is because of the speech he made where he made fun of his "speaking abilities". Gotta respect a guy who can laugh at himself. And dude, what was up with Al Gore making out with Tipper at the democratic thingy. Dude. Gross. Who wants to see that? And Nazis. What a bunch of lack of thinking skills losers. How do you justify hate? Why would you want to? Annnnnoooyyyiiinnnggg!!! That just bothers me. Yeah. I do like people who are accepting. yeah. But not people who hate people who aren't. Everyone should just learn to get along. Do your thing, as long as the thing your doing isn't direspecting others. Others should have the same respect. There should be boxing matches at skool for people who can't get along. They did that at Pacific Grove High Skool when my Dad went there. Kids would get permission slips from parents and then suit up with gloves and head gear and just go at it. After every match, they shook hands. It was great. That's a good idea. :) Man. I feel bad for subs. They take a lot of crap. Its almost not worth trying to hold a class. Just let us do our own thing and our grades will suffer, and it'll be our fault, but don't kill yourselves over it. Okae. Next topic. topic topic topic topic topper toeless opentoed openended openminded mind power mein kampf cufflings camping summercamp summer time summerlove summer fling fling flutter butter bread table last supper Jesus religion christianiy love life truth the way the power the life the commercials commercialism capitalsim capital tall tapioca topic topic topic topic that was fun. Why do I even bother? Who reads this crap? In History we had a "socratic seminar". I talked a lit. People like what I say. I say a lot. they listened. They responded. Resonable resonable tea and crackers salt tines time television everclear cowboys i think Hawaiian hometeams no volume raw bomb poet tell me just do it so what oh my god the i sucks all your fault, what did he call me hit angry songs every thing bam bam yellow music. Yeah. By the way, Im not crazy. My shrink tells me that eveyday. Because you care. Its scary what a person's mind does when left to go off and wander. This is a perfect example. I think im going to submit this to Callum. Maybe he'll like it, or hate, or maybe delete it. ::shrug:: So this is my longest entry. I think I have been inspired to create a new random page. Love you all- Lynny