by Ken Gage

Part III: The Manly Attributes

"Nature is just enough; but men and women must comprehend and accept her suggestions."
-- Antoinette Brown Blackwell

Prelude to the Project:
When the publishers of Charming Devil Magazine asked me to create an article about Satanic bachelor pads, I initially leapt at the chance. As someone who has sworn an oath to swinging bachelorhood and lifelong revelry (not to mention the Devil Himself!), I felt more than up to the endeavor. It was a feeling like destiny, only more genuine.

But as I analyzed the topic further, it became apparent that the task was not so short and simple...the scope of the project, I quickly learned, was burgeoning beyond that of the bachelor's residence. And so you come to this installment in the Secret's From Satan's Bedroom series of articles.

The Manly Attributes:

Understanding the basics of manliness is not so much a self-examination as it is a study on the male gender role. While many manly attributes are simply the product of socialized gender identity, many others are not. These others are truly physiological traits.

There is, of course, nothing you can do (short of a sex change) about your physiology. And why would you want to? And then again, as I'm only equally obligated to inform you, there is very little you can do to erase the forces of socialization that have shaped your thinking. But recognizing these basic differences between your physio-psychological gender characteristics and hers will help you play a better game. The driving principle behind this article is gender magnification -- generating attraction through perceived gender differences.

As you read these attributes, you must consider ways to communicate them to the woman of your intent. It is not as necessary to possess the attributes as it is to advertise the possession. Specific male traits, once identified, will be captitalized for ease of future reference. Remember also that real people aren't so simple to classify as these generalizations might suggest.

To start us off then...when it comes to VISUAL-SPATIAL SKILLS, men distinctly rule. This advantage comes as a result of the way male brains are "hardwired" in the womb. It allows men to be inclined to a natural superiority in things like technical drawing, competitive chess and navigating the ever-popular female anatomy. (And, for some reason, rope-tying comes to mind as another male-excelled skill.) By themselves, visual-spatial skills are merely semi-useful, but not the blatant attention-getters they could be.

Male brain traits (that do have multiple uses in girl-catching) include RISK-TAKING, HIERARCHY ALLEGIANCE and ROUGH HOUSING. Our risk-taking is why men hazard to initiate courtship and face possible rejection -- and also pay higher automobile insurance rates early on. But before I go into details about how this does that, I should take a second to note certain females tendencies that we males might not consider.

Women tend to have better verbal skills than men. And, generally, they communicate better overall -- even at reading non-verbal cues. Women also have a better sense of smell -- which, anciently, improved their chances of locating us stinky males in dark caves. Also, women seem to gravitate toward egalitarian social order (which some people consider a mark of civilization).

Now that we've made short work of singing praises to our females, let us return to the more invigorating task of standing at the top of the hill and beating our chests about male superiority.

The obvious difference between the sexes (outside of their genitalia) is PHYSICAL STRENGTH. A man has huge he-man muscles compared to a woman's little girly muscles. This is the primary reason women must be extra cautious when courting strange men who may be fuzzy on the meaning of "no" and other terms of standard communication. Yet, be that so, a man without muscles is about as appealling to a woman as a throw rug. Remember: women are soft (with curvy, bouncy parts); men are hard. (Especially around soft, curvaceous women.)

Women like men who are ASSERTIVE, who take control. So liberally remind your love-to-be of your dominance by mentioning that you have arranged an itinerary for the evening and that's that! The trick is to let her know that you already know what you want and intend to get it.

Men are generally taller than women, in case you haven't noticed. Keeping that in mind, HEIGHT becomes a valuable commodity. Unfortunately, height is genetic and, therefore, out of your control -- so forget a circus act of stilts and platform shoes! A woman will simply prefer a taller man, regardless of any faults he might have. (We short guys especially know that!) What I'm saying is, if you're 5'7" short like me, you can pretty much bet that the leggy 6'1" model you just met at the bar is not interested in bumping furries. On rare cold-weather-in-Hell days, a tall woman might be willing to let a short man play ball off her course, but we're talking about the exception. As a rule, a man's ideal bedmate will be shorter than him. Our main technique has always been to make the woman feel as feminine as possible. The best way to do that is by emphasizing your own masculinity. If you can't do that by your natural height, move onto another way quick.

RUGGEDNESS is one of those characteristics that women rarely acknowledge. In disdain, they may label it machismo. But whatever they call it, women want men who are tough. Men usually advertise their ruggedness in a variety of ways. With scars and tattooes, for example -- along with some anecdote (possibly true) detailing their acquisition. Martial arts. Sporting affiliations. Drunken brawls. Dangerous careers (firefighter, law enforcer, body guard) and dangerous hobbies (rock climbing, parachuting, shark hunting). Any military experience or war story will substitute. (Just bear in mind that some rugged activities are better lied about than performed!) If machismo is as stupid as women claim, it wouldn't turn them on so much. But this gets us back to risk-taking. Women know they wouldn't be stupid enough to engage in the senseless exploits you (claim to) have, so you have, once more, widened her perception of your differences. And, as you might expect me to remark, she in turn will eventually widen to invite you in.

Although it is not technically a manly attribute, a lot can be said for AMBITION. A man who doesn't want to be very much can do that without a pretty girl by his side. So either get some ambition or lie your rakish head off.

A little style does go a long way, so the final thing I want to bring up is APPEARANCE. When it comes to apparel, let your woman shine. Fancy dress and jewelry are her domain. Unless you're pimping it in the ghettos, the man should always maintain a plain look -- the no-frills style of appearance. No flashy clothes. No big Italian gold chains. No crass baseball caps. (And all baseball caps are crass, in case you didn't know!) Just you. And your gorgeous female companion -- who ought to be commanding the attention of all on-lookers.

Part of your appearance is grooming. For example, although many women do not like their men with facial hair, this is more a bias coming from her unfamiliarity with it. And even though whiskers will heighten her awareness of the gender gap, the attentive male will go with the winning hand -- even if it means a life of daily shaving. Likewise, 4 out of 5 women do not like guys with long hair. So if you're smartly playing the odds, you'll take note -- or else have to work that much harder in other areas. Which brings me to becoming a slaphead. The bald thing works on the level that it emphasizes masculinity. In fact, if you cut it any shorter, you'd be bleeding. But, as with facial hair, some women will find it too alien for their taste.

There you have it. More sage tips than any rapacious raconteur ought to get without paying for them. As for HIERARCHY ALLEGIANCE and ROUGH HOUSING, I don't want to say too much against them here, but guys do understand that getting laid is a priority to which little else is taken too seriously or too personally. Maybe we can compromise these two traits and call them by one name, our ROUGH ALLEGIANCE. Happy-a-go-go, gentlemen.

Next time we'll take an aesthetic look at Part IV and possibly a Part V.