"Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know, that something wasn't right here, oh pretty baby I shouldn't have let you go, oh" Sidney sang to Britney Spears, "..Baby One More Time".
'God that songs old' Nick thought."Have you been goin through my old Cd cases again?" he asked, glancing over at Sid who was tightly strapped into the passenger seat of his Durango.
"Yep, but ya said I could" Sidney answered.
"I know, I was just askin' if ya did or not" Nick said back as he took a left turn on the road.
"Where are we going?" Sidney asked.
Nick didn't really know what to say, what was he supposed to say...he mixed words around in his head before actually deciding to speak. "Well, to see somebody, except your not really going to see them" he answered, knowing that he made no sense to the little girl.
"Huh?" she asked.
"You'll understand soon enough" Nick answered, swallowing as his destination was in eye sight.
The car pulled off to the side of a steep hill and came to a sudden halt. "This it?" Sidney asked.
"Yeah, c'mon and you can get out on my side" Nick answered, unbuckling her seat belt and lifting her over the center of the seats then out of the Durango, he held onto her hand tightly as they walked down the hill and into the place Nick had became quiet familiar with.
"What are all those things?" Sidney asked, pointing to the stone peices that stuck above ground as far as the eye could see.
"Headstones, people sleep under them" Nick answered, Sidney just nodded, still not clearly understanding what her daddy was talking about. He continued walking until they went down yet another hill and a lake could be seen, a single headstone was placed near the lake, Nick's swallows became harder as he got closer and closer to it.
"Who sleeps there?" Sidney asked.
"Whit....." Nick whispered.
"Who?" Sid asked.
"Mama" Nick said, more clearly now as he sat down in the grass.
"Mine?" Sidney asked, more intrigued by every question.
"Yes" Nick answered, closing his eyes as a breeze blew by, in it he could smell her scent. He inhaled deeply.
"You Ok daddy?" Sidney asked.
"Yeah, come sit down beside me" he replied, she did as directed and took a seat in his lap. "You see that?" he asked, pointing to the headstone with a picture of a girl aged at the most of twenty years with a wide smile and eyes that shown the bluest of any ever seen by any mortal.
"Yeah, thats mama right?" she said.
"Yeah, thats mama" Nick whispered.
"Where is she, can't we just wake her up?" Sidney asked.
"No Sid, I wish I could, god I wish I could, but its not that easy, look up, you see all those clouds?" He asked. Sid nodded, shading the sun out of her eyes. "Shes right above those" he finished.
"Sleeping with the angels?" Sidney asked.
"Yeah, sleeping with the angels" Nick answered, swallowing back tears in the process, he buried his face in his hands, determined not to let her see him cry. He swallowed back more and more tears, fighting even harder to hold them back as he heard approaching footsteps, he knew who it was.
"Sid, come up here for a little while, I need to talk to you" Brian who stood to their side said. He had tried calling Nick's house, no answer. Nick's cell phone, no answer. The only place he ever went and cut off any type of communication was when he came to where he was now sitting. Brian knew he needed to be alone and happened to be in town so he figured he'd stop by and take Sidney for a walk or something.
Nick sat there a few moments after they had left, just staring at the headstone, not quite knowing what to do or what to say. He was afraid if he attempted to talk it'd all come out as sobs and he'd break down on the spot, but if he didn't talk he'd have no way to occupy himself. "Can you see her Whit...Can you see how beautiful she is?" he asked, glancing over at Brian and Sidney who walked back towards where the cars were parked. "She doesn't understand why I'm here, she will eventually, I just wish you were here, I wish you could see her grow up like I do, its a wonderful experience to wake up to her jumping on the bed, but its heartbreaking to know that she doesn't have a mother whose there for her twenty four seven, not your fault though, it was never your fault" he spoke again before pausing to regain his composure which was slipping rapidly. "I wish you could have heard her singing in the car today, she was playing Britney Spears and was singing to '...Baby One More Time', shes got the voice of a pop star, must run in the family" he spoke again before breaking to laugh a little. "God I wish you were here" he said, sliding his hand down the front of the granite stone as tears slid down his cheeks. He bit his lip, "I love you so much, and Whit theres not a minute that goes by that I don't think of you, I just want you to know that. Today's J's birthday so I think we're gonna go out somewhere, I don't really want to, but......you know how the guys are. Sidney's yelling for me now so I'll be back here in about two days, we gotta record a couple of days, heres part of the new song" Nick began before swallowing so he could sing:
I don't know
Why you had to go
Away.....
Why you were chosen
My heart broken
That day....
I didn't get a goodbye
Just a taken life
Gone away....
.
And I want you to know
Wherever you go
Your in my memories
And I can still see...
.
Your wide smile
Mystical eyes
Deep in my soul
I'm losing control
I can't take anymore
Without you here.....
.
I know theres a time
When we all say goodbye
But it wasn't then....
We had so much ahead of us
So deep in love
But we didn't win.....
I'd give up my world
For one more time girl
I'd hold you again....
.
And I want you to know
Wherever you go
Your in my memories
And I can still see
.
Your wide smile
Mystical eyes
Deep in my soul
I'm losing control
I can't take anymore
Without you here...
.
Baby I miss you so much
Longing for your gentle touch
If I had one more chance
We'd dance our last dance
I'd hold you closer
If I could do it over
But it comes down to tears
Cause your not here.....
"So what do you think?" he asked as he finished the song and wiped the remaining tears that were still there. "I wrote it myself" he added as he stood up and brushed his hand across the grave, he blew a kiss towards it as he turned around and walked back to find Brian and Sidney. "I love you and miss you Whit" he whispered.