Four days later I went to a clinic about an hour from school and had an abortion. Brooke went with me. I didn’t want anyone else to know. I didn’t even tell Ashley because I was afraid that once she knew, Drew would know and probably tell Rob.
I can’t even describe the feeling I had as we drove back to school. It’s a feeling of relief mixed with guilt. I was relieved that I was not pregnant anymore and didn’t have to worry about that. But I felt so incredibly guilty. I killed someone. I had a human life in me and I killed it. I was really upset and did not come out of my room all weekend. Brooke was great. She brought me food and everything and didn’t let anyone bother me. Nick had called me and tried to make me feel better but nothing really helped. It was awful.
As time went by, it got a lot easier to deal with. I talked to Nick at least once a week. He and Mandy were still together. Mandy really hates me. She doesn’t even try to hide it. It’s not like I want her boyfriend or anything. He’s just a good friend.
It was getting down to the end of the school year and finals were approaching. The guys were getting ready to release their second album, Millenium, in a couple of weeks so they were running around the country promoting it.
I was sitting outside one day in early May, studying for one of my finals, when two hands covered my eyes:
“Guess who?” Hey, I recognize that voice:
“Hmm…some dumb blond.” The hands dropped from my eyes and grabbed my waist, spinning me around:
“You know you love me.” I giggled and wrapped my arms around his neck:
“Hey Nicky!” He picked me up and spun me around:
“Did ya miss me?” I shrugged:
“Not really. What are you doing here?” He put me down and and we sat down where I had been studying:
“We were in New York promoting the album and I had a few days off before we have to start rehearsals so I thought I’d stop by.” I smiled:
“Don’t I feel priveleged.” I gathered up my books and we went inside.