me: Hey guys, I'm Pug...I'm supposed to be, uh, hanging out with you today from a dumb teenybopper mag called...oh yeah, Bop-
Chris: BOP!!!! MY FAVORITE!!!!! Read my little thing on there? I said Bop was my fav and, and---
Me: Yes Chris, I saw that. Now sit your ass down or something before you scare me totally.
JC: Don't lie. We hate liars...so Lou wants us to say- oh, we're just hypocrites!- We've seen your homepage with Brass!!! DONT LIE TO US!!!! DAMMIT!!! ARG!!!!!! WHERE'S MY CRA---err, "CAFFEINE"???
*eye pops like guy on "Daria"
Justin: Ah's be down wit dat page, ya hear? Yous be dissin dat Britney-Ho who be .... wut da word again, homeboy?
JC: Obsessed, and dont call me homeboy.
Justin: Ya, dat be it foo'-
JC: Dont call me Foo' either
Justin: Wut ever, LOSER! *Holds up a 'W' and a 'L' sign with his fingers like a valley girl* Britney-Ho be that.
Lance: *looking in compact mirror* Chris, hun, should I go with light or dark pink lipstick?
Chris: Lancie, I think the light will great with your complexion.
Joey: MMM, yum
*all stare at Joey* Joey: Justin...
Justin: Wut Foo'?
Joey: Youre head looks like a burger...yum...food
Justin: You's be crunk, yo. Newayz, girl, you 4gotz to be askin me bout mah good looks
JC: Enough with the looks, Justin. You're just jealous because all the former BSB fans came to me instead of you.
Justin: They be wantin a piece of me soon. I'm so hott- yeah, ya like that, doncha? I used 2 T's, like in mah name that I can't pro...nounce...- yo, Ah's gots mah Benz wit me 2 keep me some...?
JC: Company
Justin: yeah!
Chris: Anyone want to hear a cute knock knock joke?
*all groan and shout NO!!!!! (Even Lance)*
Chris: *continues* ...wasnt that funny? hehe, I crack myself up. Oh, Lancie, you look so pretty in that pink.
Management: LANCE! BE MORE MANLY!!! You have a fan here!-
Me: *mutters* Fan? Pshhh, *laughs hysterically*
Management *continues*: DON'T be yourself! You have a....REP-U-TA-TION!!!
Joey: OHH!!!! Dunkin' Donuts! Let's stop!
JC: No, Joey, just say no.
Joey: But I'm hungry!
ENTER BRASS
Brass: Don't worry, Joey! The Brass is here!
me: GO AWAY!!! YOU'RE RUINING THIS INTERVIEW!!!! YOU'RE NOT IN THE SCRIPT!
Brass: Oh, ok. *leaves with Joey following her out the door-a trail of drool all that he's left behind him*
JC: Whatever THAT was about...she didn't have my cra--*cough, cough* I mean, "caffeine"... Anywho, where was I? *Looks at the script* Oh yeah, Joey, you ate 10 minutes ago! Remember? WAIT! Where the hell did Joey go?
Joey: *returns, confused* I did? Oh well, lets eat again. Justin: Yo, foo', gimmie one of dem brown covered do-nuts.
Chris: *snickers in Beavis and Butthead voice* He said nuts. hehe
JC: It's called 'Chocolate', Justin
(See? Justin NEEDS JC!)
Justin: Dat be wut I said, hear?
Lance: Chocolate will mess up my pores and cause acne
management: LANCE! Warning you!
Lance: But I have to look good for my adoring fans!
management: .....
Me: But you dont have any fans
JC: Yeah, they're all mine
Joey: Mmm, food
Chris: Does Joey even know what we're talking about?
Joey: Huh? FOOD! *dives into the doughnuts like superman*
me: So...uh...Justin, you seem quiet, which I don't know if it's a good thing or not.
*Chris goes off to tell some jokes to an old man chompin his gums on cream of corn*
Justin: Ah Be thinkin bout u n me, baby. Wanna go to mah crib n chill? It'll be crunk, yo
me: No thanks. Can you talk English for awhile?
Justin: Ok, I just wanted to look cool.
*rest of guys (even Joey looked up) look at Justin in shock*
Justin: what?
Lance: You're talking English
Justin: Yeah, so? I did some extra reading in the English language last week..- In case this honey came to see and my Benz. The language is pretty fascinating, actually. *scoots closer to me*
Me: I dont want to see your Benz
Justin: *acts like he wasnt hurt at his car remark* How bout us 2 then? I know you cant resist these looks of mine
Lance: Nobody can, sweetie
*JC looks at Lance*
management: Guys, NO REPLATIONSHIPS! It will ruin your reps
Lance: I'm a guy?
Justin: *back to ebonics* Ah be one hot guy
*Chris returns*
you all should of seen me go! I cracked myself up! only problem is...the old guy didn't laugh.
Me: Chris, no one laughs at your "jokes" but you.
Lance: I do...sometimes
JC: Joey, come back here. We're going.
Justin: Ah be goin wit dis honey right here
me: back off!!!!
Chris: Hey! I have another joke!
*GROAN. NO CHRIS!*
Chris: Here it is...*tells useless joke about iguana's and peanut butter*
Justin: Why dont a fly honey like you wanna git wit me? We can chill out n mah benz.
JC: Enough, Justin
Justin: Quiet, Mack Daddy. Yous be gittin on mah nerves, ya hear?
JC: Just beacuse I now have all the solo's and the fans...and DON'T call me Mack Daddy!
Justin: *looks in mirror...for the first time since MMC, still not realizing that he's white* Why are you so full of yourself? Look, Ah be so fine. All the ladies want me
*off to bus*
Lance: *taking out "How to be a Manly Man" book* I think you look fine *puts hand on Justin's arm*
Justin: Ew git off me, you be too Britney-Ho for me. I be takin all your songs! *solos*
Lance: But I dont have any songs, remember? Even "girl are you alone?" was taken. You convinced management to give you all my lines. Not to mention Chris and Joeys.
management: Lance! One more outburst and your fired! Joey's on the verge.
Joey: I heard my name...did you get me my birthday present?
JC: *sarcastically* Yes, Joey, we got you a birthday present. Now we must rest- we have a concert tonight. Where's my crack? I'm not gonna hide it no more. *shouts out the window like a mad man* I'M ON CRACK PEOPLE!!!
Management: SHUT UP JC! YOU'RE FIRED!
*Management comment goes yet again unnoticed seeing that the guys are trying to break away from the whole management-control stage*
Joey: Did you make me a food bar?...Hmm, I want ice cream- cuz Janet Jackson stole mine when we we on tour with her!
Chris: Shut up hot dog...hahaha, I'm so funny
Joey: Hot dog... *jumps on Chris*
Chris: GET OFF ME!!!!!!!
*Awhile later, when Joey is under control*
Justin: Me n mah good looks be on stage in a shot *second* Wait for me hun *tries to kiss me*
Me: Talk English
Justin: Ok, if you say so. I'm trying to impress you, is it working?
All: No
Lance: MAKE UP!!! My eyes need to be shown! MAKE UP! EEEK!!!!!!
Chris: One last knock knock joke...
management: Shut up Chris! No more! Or you're fired! Since I, Lou "$ Sign" Pearlman created you!
Justin: Where's Joey?
Joey: *Comes out from a room, girl in arm and a chicken drum stick in his other hand, grease all over his face* Huh? *eats big bite and goes back inside*
Justin: We have a concert to do, man. *takes JC off and comes back by himself*
Lance: Where did you take J-Crack...I mean, JC?
Justin: Uh... Ah guess Ah shouldn't lie. Ah tied him up so Ah can get da solo's. A fine ass boy like me and mah Benz *takes out wallet picz of his Benz named Janet J* needs to sound good for the honeys out there
Chris: You're fine anyway, Justin...whoa, I can't believe I said that. Oh Hey, it was, a, uh, joke. yeah, that's it! A joke! Lance, wanna go make a quilt?
Lance: Sure! *giggles and puts arm in Chris' and the skip off*
Justin: YES! I'm all by myself! Hun, after my concert, I'll be getting with you
me: Shut up *walks away*
management: Damn it Justin. You need the others so you can look good in comparison! REP-U-TA-TION!!!!
JC: *comes back with a gun*
Jusitn: JC...uh, man, I was just kidding!
JC: I hate you. I want you out of the group- Lance is even better than you.
*The two fight before retreating the others and go onstage. No one even suspected a thing..cept the grease on Joey's face and the new quilt on Lance...and that Chris stopped the song "God Spent" to tell a joke, and Justin spoke his white version of ebonics and shouted out "TENNESSEE!!! TENNESSEE WHAT?"...JC passed out of overdosage of drugs and was taken to rehab.*
F-Felicia aka Fe, B-Britney, D-director, G-guy behind glass, C-Carson, M-Mom.
F: Hilda, wake up
*Britney lies there, hungover*
F: HILDA!
*Britney opens her eyes*
B: Oh, me?
F: Yes, you, dummy. Sorry I didnt call you "Britney".
B: My name is Britney?
F: Nevermind. Get up. What did you do last night?
B- Um....*thinks hard* Justy...sex...drugs...beer...
F: Dammit, Hilda
*Brit pays no attention*
F: Hilda!
B: What's with that name??? *angry*
F: It's yours, remember?
B: *thinks hard* Guess you're right. *giggles* Hehe, I'm sorry.
F: Get dressed and use breathmints.
*Brit checks her breath with her hand and downs a whole pack of breathmints*
B: Where's my laundry?
F: At Justin's
B: BUT MY FAVORITE THONGS ARE IN THERE! FE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
F: You did it.
B: *confused* I did?
F: Just wear this *forks over a padded bra and triple padded haltor and a mini*
B: Fe! That's not the right shade of pink, and I needs new undies. I poo-pooed in mine
F: Do you need me to run to the store and get your more diapers?
B: *stubbornly* Of course not! I'm 35
*Fe fetches a pinker shade and new "undies"*
B: SQUEAK!!!
G: bring in the double!
*a bimbo stick look alike walks in and sings for Britney*
g- Perfect! No need for extra synthanizer- not like "Baby One More Time...", which still sounds bad...
F: Britney, time for a TRL performance
B: What do i do again?
D: Try not to act so dumb and stand NEXT to Carson on his left *shows left*. When I touch your shoulder, you go on. Here's your shoulder *touches shoulder* and that's Carson *points to Carson*
B: I know Carson, silly. *giggles* oh wait, that was my cue, right? *walks on stage*
*Director slaps his head in disgrace*
C: Here's Britney Spears, a little early
B: But that guy with the head set thing said to come out now...?
C: It's ok, it doesnt matter
B: *crys* But...but...but...
C: Dammit, Brit, it's ok.
*Director signals commercial*
*Carson leads to commercial*
D: *comes out, fakes embarrased smiles to audience* Britney, darling....*hisses* Pretend that was acting. It was a set up. Got it? Stop crying! *nervous laugh and says louder* Nice acting, Britney. Everyone, a hand for Ms. Britney Spears
B: Who? Me? Spears? But my last name is-
*Director quickly covers her mouth* *audience claps, director goes offstage and show restarts*
B: Thank you, thank you *curtseys and fakes smile*
C: I can't take it no more!!! Any more "Britney Spears" *quotes with fingers* and I'm quitting! MTV ratings will drop to zero!
D: COMMERCIAL!!!!!
C: No! No, camera on. Let me tell everyone this. Britney is a fraud! *lists things why she's a fake*
*audience gasps-lol-and director runs on stage* D: Carson is only kidding, arn't you Carson? This is all staged.
C: No it's NOT! *jumps on director and beats him up*
*Britney watches before checking her teeth in the camera's reflection. She takes her dentures out and squeaks them clean before daintly kicking the two fighting*
B: That will well, dont you think? *picks nose* oh, look, a boogie!
F: Shut up
B: I'm telling mommy!
F: Why dont you just tell 'Justy' while you're at it, too?
B: *crosses arms and squints stubbornly ahead* maybe i will!
F: I had enough of your stupidity. Stop the car! *limo stops and Fe gets out, dodging all the cars across the street*
B: Who needs her? *out window* WHO NEEDS YOU? *back inside* She'll be back.
*mom calls*
M: Where's Felicia? I had a feeling something happened to her.
B: She left me alone in the biggest city I've ever seen. You know, with that MTV thing...
M: New York City? She left you in New York City? DAMN YOU, HILDA, YOU DID IT AGAIN!-
B: Oops!
M: WHY MUST YOU BE SO DUMB?
B: I am?
M: Agh! You frusterate me! Your little sister is smarter than you
B: I have a little sister?
M: Either we didn't tell you, or you forgot. Your fake sister. Remember, it's supposed to look like one big happy family, not like me and your "father" picked you off of Lou.
B: I have such a nice pimp, renting me out to you.
M: Yes, unfortunatly. Now we wish we didn't sign that contract. But on that note, you also have an older brother.
B: Is he cute?
M: He's your BROTHER! What do you think?
B: Yes?
M: Think again. We're related ...Wait, we're from Louisianna. Oh, yes, it would be so great if you and your brother got had a kid and then got married! Ohhhhhh!!!!!
*so Britney gets pregnant by her brother and marries him, having an open 3 way affair with Justin*
