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The Shmata Business ©
By Joshua Tanembaum (

All contents under this column are the sole ownership of this writer. The Montreal Tribune and its publishers are not responsible in anyway whatsoever on whatever I write in this column. Any quotations or phrases taken out of in this column for republication are advised to seek written permission from this writer.

The city with the most beautiful women in the world leads again on legal issue about nudity, lap dancing and simulated sex acts performed in nightclubs around Montreal was settled by the Appeals Court of Quebec. What constitutes legal or not, had been handed down by the appellate court in the second week of March 2001. The Court concluded that simulation of sex acts on stage as long as they are not for real is all right. Topless joints in Montreal are much different from the ones operated around the world, especially those in developing countries where nightclubs are categorized according to the class of people, i.e., poor and rich. In Montreal there’s only one that everyone comes to visit. There are some organizations against this practice but the operators claim that organized crime groups are not involved and the performers were not coerced.

Speaking of women degradation, those that are in the third countries are usually abused by men of authority, political or economics. Those shmata men that moved to Hong Kong, are reported to have taken advantage of those maids from the Philippines; “Amas” as they are called in the former Crown Colony. These former Montreal shmata men simply cannot find any woman (here) interested due to their bad attitudes. They like young girls no matter how they look but could not find them here.

But in Hong Kong, they learned that by hiring someone in the Philippines as maids, their dreams could easily come true. Once under their employ they could turn these girls into their own sex slaves. I was told that the Philippine authorities are looking into so many reported incidents and just waiting for hard evidence to indict and arrest them once they set foot in their territory.

To continue, it is reported that these mental men usually rape the girls, and in order to keep them from filing complaints, they bribe them, or marry them. There you are, they have maids and at the same sex slaves (all the time)….. for “free”!

These sick people are treated criminals here, and in Hong Kong, they act like kings and untouchables. This menace in any society should be put in jail.

But who led (let) the dogs out to Hong Kong? Well, the first batch of shmata men that landed in Hong Kong, were good men … I was told, like the Carsleys, Zemans or Zinmans, Bloomfields, Feldmans, and others with names ending in “steins”. The textile converters where the ones more progressive and later followed by the garment people that settled in this tiny city full of con artists that comes from around the world. The next group that followed were just shmata-men who immigrated to Montreal from some Middle Eastern countries and Eastern Europe from the 70s to the 80s.

Rene Levary’s group came later in the early or mid 90s, but its only Rene who is not known to have enslaved an “Ama” nor married one. This one shmata man named Burdman married an “Ama.” Would the same definition of dogs that I mentioned above applies to him? That … I cannot tell, except for what my reporter was told; “whenever he visits Manila, he brings a lot of gifts for the family of his wife.”

One last thing about shmata men that moved to Hong Kong, most of them are in their 50’s, if not, older. The other reason why they moved there? What else they could be running away from? …. of course … from creditors or business partners whom they screwed on deals that went bust. By the way, they should know that the civil code of Quebec changed in 1994. All what they owed back when they left are already considered bad debts at this time. Those who want a copy of the civil code of Quebec, could send US$100 per copy, that includes shipping and handling. Send your order now through

It is possible that the next time you hear from me, one of these idiots could have come back already just to sue me. If that happens, I will keep you all posted.

Bernard Landry – My very favourite separatist is finally crowned premier of Quebec. Speaking of Landry, there’s no truth to rumours that he wants me out yet. I know that there’s something that he does not agree with the Jews, but, I think I am one that he would prefer to stay. It is quite known that I want the separatists to get Quebec out of Canada, because this will pave the way for us the Separatists of Montreal to form our own “Republic of Montreal.” We will use the US dollars; invite the United Nations to move here. We are not going to have an army or navy or air force, will let both the US and Canada takes care of that. We could turn this place into a free trade city, turn over external affairs to US, not to Canada. We can deal direct with the Americans, after all, they are already doing this for Canada for the past 50 years. Except for one we will control our immigration. This time we will make sure we don’t bring in idiots which we have been doing during the last 30 years.

I probably, would recommend Pierre Bourke to stay as mayor of the city due to the growing gay population, which by now reached about 35%. For our first president, I will nominate Brian Mulroney because of his close relationship with the family of US President George W. Bush. But, Mulroney the former prime minister of Canada could only serve as head of state, so he cannot sell us to the Americans as he did when he signed the Free Trade Agreement with them. As head of government, I will make sure a Jewish businessman from the shmata business is elected and for our international trade, I will recommend that we piggy back on Canada’s present minister of international trade, Pierre Pettigrew. If any of you out there have any suggestion or recommendation, please let me know.

From Aislin’s caricature File

Ahhh!! Ma belle Louise Beaudoin, the former Quebec French Language watchdog agency chief, is actually a very nice and fantastic lady. I would like her to be the first Republic of Montreal ambassador to France.

Oops! Alvin and Leanor Segal, shown here in the very recent pictorial at the Montreal Gazette’s society column of Rochelle Lash, saying that Leanor donated a million dollars to McGill University Institute for Jewish Education. I think the gossip about the two splitting due to a good looking secretary hiding behind Alvin’s desk is not true. My apologies to Alvin and Leanor.

Paul Walters, the wonder-boy of Canada’s retail stores is history. This Edmonton native was reported to have left Sears Canada last January after a dispute with the new Sears Roebuck chairman and chief executive officer Alan Lacy who replaced Arthur Martinez, after about eight years as head of one of America’s oldest department stores that’s based in Chicago, Illinois. Walters, was president of Zellers, and later Wal-Mart before he moved as president of Sears Canada four years ago. Paul should call me, I have something for him to take over … can anyone pass this message to him? Related Link: Archives

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