I guess i really dont know how to start this. what i want to write about is this sort of online cult deal that goes on among friends/aquaintences/what have you within the group of online anime fans on AOL. what is going ON? i -know- i missed something along the way here (as always, i find myself left out quite a bit), but honestly. whats the DEAL? can anyone explain, or are you all just unaware of the fact that you isolate yourselves from everyone, and that no one understands you?

anyway. from what ive gathered, this cult dithers their time away in the chat room 'Anime' on AOL. Hikaru0 always includes, from this chat room, these inane quotes on her Mailing List - they go on forEVER, and none of it is funny. except of course, somehow is was funny to the people that have been quoted. in the quote theyre 'lol'-ing their asses off. perhaps, since i am not an initiated member of the cult, i do not yet have the secret to crack their clever code. dont get me wrong, i love Hikaru0's ML. but seriously, she should think about seperating her ML into two parts- an ML for those who just want to learn about the anime character shes featuring, and an ML with both the anime character feature and the secret chat quotes and anecdotes of the 'Anime' Chat Cult. because frankly (scarlet) i dont give a damn. maybe i would, if i felt included or even (SHOCK) was invited, but it is doubtful this will ever happen. and im not just saying this about myself - i believe half the members of the mailing list (the half that aren t a member of the cult, coincidentially) would agree with me. explain what the hell is going on! whats so DAMN funny about these weirdos and what theyre saying?

When UtenaSama fired KasumiFire from the mailing list staff, she mass-emailed everyone of interest to the fact. soon my inbox was filled with about 200 mass responses to that email. all from people in this cult. they were throwing insults left and right, and reminiscing about better days in 'Anime' at the same time. perhaps this is why i dont know about this chat cult; i just came onto the scene too damn late. another classic me move, by the way, bad timing. not that, in this instance, it was under much of my control ^^;;

bleh. maybe its just such a thorn in -my- side because i have an awful feeling that they all hate me. for this i would like to thank the infamous KasumiFire. I have never met this person; i have offended her solely by making banners for UtenaSama. doesnt that sound like a super thing to hate someone for? then, when i think again, maybe its all just a freakish coincidence that none of these cult members wants to talk to me, and im only 'flattering' myself that this Kasumi person even cares enough to badmouth me that much. maybe im really just a bore. is that it? i blend into the wall and i make some graphics now and then. seriously. i bet most of you reading this are like, 'UtenaSama, whats wrong with you? you know us!!' well guess what? this is Utena DIOS, not UtenaSama. I made these pages. not Utena. she doesnt MAKE webpages. she helps me with content a ton, but there are TWO of us working here... the title "Utenas' Page" is PLURAL, people. it freaks me out when i read the guestbook and people are complimenting UtenaSama on the entire page.

it goes something like this*:

Guestbook person: "nice job slaving for hours between Photoshop and Dreamweaver on your slowass iMac and letting your eyes go to shit, UtenaSama!! youre the greatest! your page rules!! it kicks my pages ass!!!"

Me: "hello!?!?!?!!?!?!? over here??" O.o;;; ::realizes she is yelling but no sound is coming out:: -.-

*grossly exaggerated for dramatic purposes

fun, huh? and now ive been asked to re-code the JSASANR homepage. which i want to do, really. well, kind of. for one, the thought of trying to scrap through the horrid disarray that was Kas' page is daunting. which brings me to the second thing, integrating all those shitage graphics into a decent page. holy lord. plus i have this damned drawing project to start and finish this weekend. perspective, which i dont mind, but it also involves me having to come up with some sort of impossible scheme like drawing the capitol building filled with maple syrup. why am i so damned uncreative when it comes to drawing? if i dont think of something soon, itll be embarassment city when i unveil my genius slapped-together drawing of my scanner made of jell-o. and of course, ive drawn every object in my room a bazillion times because i dont like drawing outside. people walk by and annoy me and ask what im drawing, blahblahblah. and its cold outside, damnit! but drawing in my room sucks too; my roommate is fucking nosy. i cant stand people constantly asking me what im drawing and if they can see it, and especially not my roommate because after she looks she never says its good, she always starts talking about this "friend" of hers who never calls or writes to her that can draw so damn well. wait, excuse me.. do i CARE?? i cant win! MAN >.< i want to be in Ste-Julie with Ku and forget about school.

anyway, back to the issue at hand. That is, i am a misfit and no one in the AOL online anime-loving likes me. hehe, no, kidding.. well, even if i wasnt, i dont really mind. i dont know you people. i only mind about it enough to write a zettai about it in the wee hours of the morning ^^;;

point? i invite one of you bizarre-o Anime chat room members - if o course, any of you might chance upon and actually read this page - to email me and explain what goes on in there. Hikaru, Sef, V, Akio, et al.. who are you and what goes ON in there?!!? ............

~Am | UtenaDios