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Ran, Issue # Nine

(See Ocelot's Rant)

Well now, isn't someone Mr. Sensitive around here? Well, though I couldn't possibly live up to the humour and wit of everyone's favourite insecure little ranter, I sure as hell can do a lot better at grammar and proper wording. And so, as it seems like the easiest and quickest way for me to make any kind of comment back, here it is, almost every mistake in Ocelot's little rant thingy. Let's go through this thing line by line, shall we? 1. "his fucking little excuses about the fucking pointless nature of having a fucking title" Right. That doesn't work, see, because I'm not in need of an excuse for the absence of titles. I am at liberty to point out advantages though. Its a set precedent. Having titles is a useless exercise, which is why only Ocelot bothers with it, so, ironically, the title of this rant itself is wrong and almost doubly stupid 2. "Ran's goggle-mouthed, pre-pubescent, tentacle-fucking, nubile-sucking, lesbian school-child's mouth" Uh huh. Someone tell me what goggle-mouthed is. A mouth shaped like a goggle? Bwuh? And pre-pubescent? Ocelot is younger than I am. Tentacle-fucking is right out, as there aren't any hentai demons living in my immediate vicinity, and the kind folks at Omaha Henry Doorly Zoo won't let me touch the animals anymore, so no octopi for me. Now, nubile-sucking...doesn't make sense at all. If I'm nubile, it means I'm ready for marriage. Poor Ocelot obviously hasn't been studying his vocabulary. Now, that lesbian school-child thing I have no problem with, except maybe it would be more proper to call me a schoolgirl 3. ".I listen to the futile chimings of his IMs" Um, when he wrote this, he first IMed me. And calling it futile doesn't make sense, as it suggests that I had a cause in IMing him, which is ludicrous. I lost all desire to accomplish or acheive anything, accepting the constant failures that represent my life 4. "I too have often donned cotton-laced panties of the edible nature" Yikes. He's alone on that one 5. "I too have wasted away over many beers" Now he's just blatantly trying to be like me. Come on, everyone knows I'm the one with the drinking problem here. Besides, Ocelot is too young (or not; the first time I ever got wasted, I was nine) 6. "never lower my puss to such natures and tendencies" That actually did make sense, but you probably thought the word 'puss' was used incorrectly. Look up its multiple definitions, one of them will work 7. "Ran would like to make you think that I enjoy the occassional mingle with hot ass" Of course that's not true. I thought Ocelot's flaming homosexuality was obvious. Why would I try and make you think anything, especially something as elementary as his fruitiness? And the proper form of 'mingle' would be 'mingling' 8. "I find Tom Cruise's ass to be a god of sorts" Trying to be like me again, dammit. Tom's ass is mine, you homewrecking hooker 9. "wonder why the Hell Ran comments about using paranthesis which are far too long when I, in fact, can top such a feet by including an entire paragraph in the ass-wrenching things. Is this pointless I ask?!! YES! But hot-damn, it feels so great to purge the demons that exist in Ran's remnants of a soul" Apparently, Ocelot concluded that by misusing parantheses even worse than I did, he is somehow purging demons existing in my soul. How'd he come by that one? ::shrug:: Oh, and the word is 'feat,' not those things at the end of your legs, mind you 10. "The fact of the matter is, Ran's jealous" I'm jealous of only two people: my sister, who's shadow I've lived under for the better half of my lifetime, and Utena...I mean, anyone would envy her, she's got me as her bitch. Oh, but Ocelot is saying I'm jealous of, no 11. "his brothers and sisters were taken out back for the family romp whilst he was left behind to whittle away at the fleshy remains of his withered penis" No brothers, one sister, one half sister, and our family existed in a state of such strong dysfunction that any gathering, no matter how joyful or how sinister, would simply be out of the question. And what exactly is it that withers penises? And why the Hell would I be whittling anything anywhere near good ol' Ranimal? Surely, only Ocelot would know as he's the one making the call on such things. Most likely, he's got some first-hand experience with this matter 12. "a title of sorts for each and every morsel of my rants" That phrase would mean 'a title of sorts for each and every piece of my rants.' Isn't that a bit obsessive, titling each and every piece of your rants? But wait, he only titles his rants, not any parts or pieces of them, making this phrase yet another mistake for me to criticize 13. "piece of prick-shit" I'm assuming he's referring to uncircumcised penises and the odd phenomenon of uncircumcised penises, smegma. Otherwise, he'd be saying penises produce fecal matter, and I just don't want to think about that Well, now you have a rebuttal with more flesh to it. And it is 'rebuttal,' not 'rebuttle.' Mind, I would have preferred simply sitting back and enjoying a laugh at a very hilarious rant by Ocelot, instead of being a bitch and writing this thing.