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Ocelot, Issue # Ten


Yeah, it just so happens I titled my rant 'untitled.' Technically, that's not even a title. It simply acts as a positioning point, in which, I may later decide to come back to and actually write something of importance. No matter, it stays 'cuz birds of shade. So, what's the matter with those Flips these days (yeah, I know they aren't directly related to the Japanese, but they look funny and are universally accepted as scapegoats. In fact, I can already envision the day when children accused of mischievous acts make utterances such as "It weren't me! The Flips forced it!")? Yeah, so, they're everywhere. And you know what I mean. You can't go two blocks without running into one. You suburbanites don't count. I can already see this isn't going to have any structure, so I'll simply think of something......yeah, Princess Mononoke. You folks have heard me talk of it before. Hayao Miyazaki, quite possibly the finest working animator we have these days directed the piece (and if you still don't know what I'm talking about, it's most likely because of those dern Flips). Here we have Miramax distributing the film to the US with a relatively competent dub (so I've heard). Thing is, they distribute it to top-priority cities such as LA and New York---and that's it (and we all know that LA's a lost cause because they will sink along with 'The Big One.' Ran already has some money in on that, I'll second it if needed). So we who live in the lesser cities, namely encapsulating the rural side of the US, must grit our teeth and await for further announcements. I think the opinion of Miyazaki when he agreed to sell the rights toward distribution to Disney was the exposure of his works to a wide-based economy. He makes films for the Japanese, but that doesn't imply that he wishes no one to see them besides those funny islanders. The problem is likely to stay as such because Americans are stupid. Yeah, Americans suck as much as the Chinese, we just dress nicer and can pronounce our 'l's (and how the Chinese fit into this is entirely based on my subconscious, I really couldn't pinpoint it to you). The majority of Americans go to films to be entertained, and only that. We simply don't comprehend the idea of, perhaps, some learning devices implemented into our entertainment (you know, like how we always have to pick those mushrooms off the pizza). So it's the hegemony of sex and violence that dominates the minds of not only adolescence but adults. Sure, porn is fun and that "Cum guzzlers" tape of mine has probably been worn down to the plastic, but it doesn't matter. We need substance to our movies. Miyazaki is set to deliver that. I guess this paragraph is getting semi-long, and you folks are already bulging your eyes at the mere task of reading it. So, here I go. There. Yeah, well, Ran doesn't switch paragraphs. I'm sure all of you skip over his work and come straight to mine as it is. Yeah, humor me a bit, because I need some luvin'. And, speaking of Ran, I'd like to point out that those previous rants were quite old. In my defense, I probably wrote that one under the influence, though I guess I was coherent enough to strike the keys. In fact, this is just one bold lie of mine to derail the oft-times funny gibes that Ran made toward my writings. But I'm an American, and that requires me to place the blame on someone else---and we all know who that would be. IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE THEN STOP READING NOW, BECAUSE THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY FORM OF TYPING THAT YOU FAMILIARIZE YOURSELVES WITH AND CAN CONNECT TO. GO NOW. The answer will be given at the end of this document. Yeah, stupid speds. I'm sure the minute etchings of this type already drew away their attentions. Not that it would matter, I really don't have anything of importance to say. But, hey, whatever. A new paragraph and nothing to say. Utena would probably reprimand me for mentioning rape, not that it's cool or anything (though, admittedly, anything is cool after ten beers and a couple shot-glasses, even flips). Have I insulted black people yet? Oh, yeah, well they suck. They voted against some democratic guy in this weeks elections because he supported a fair-rights ordinance. Not that that speaks for the majority of them, because they're cool and well-endowed. Plus they have rhythm and can smoke a dance floor. Right, this disproves white supremacy. White people suck, 'nough said. Alas, another, (and as I'm sure some of you are hoping) yet final paragraph. What have we learned today, kids? Right, Flips are bad. They're the reason OJ murdered his wife and that Miramax offered such a limited release to Mononoke. They're even the reason those Columbine kids died. And I'm sure you've also learned of my insecurities and prejudice, so you can make fun of me for that too. But I'm cool with everyone, I love the lot of you. And no, Flips don't count as people. So, I've run through the majority of my thoughts and I feel content (though not really) to end this rant. If any one is still with me at this point, I feel more sorry for you than me. Bye now. The answer to the question: Flips