Well, this is sort of a historic point in my life thus far. For a while (a year and a half, almost 2) I have been smitten with the internet.. and somehow i got involved with a guy there. okay, more than one. I'M SAD, I'M SORRY. However. That is now over. I'm not saying the internet fascination is over, but this whole relationship starting online business is definately over. besides, one of the reasons i broke up with my boyfriend is that i have a crush on a friend of mine and i felt guilty... lalala.

But let me just say a couple words about why this deserves a zettai entry more than any of my other entries. I truly had a revalation this last weekend. I realized that what my parents have been saying for the past year is true. i hate to admit it, but i have to. they know me better than anyone else. Every other aspect up of my life up until the point i started this whole relationship was totally reasonable and smart. and then blam, something went wrong in my head. i think i blew a fuse. maybe it had to do with me not having been in a relationship for over two years. plus frosh year in college i had no friends on my floor. i was starved for affection of any type! whatever. heh.

But this last weekend i realized, i hate everything about the relationship. not him, but all the repurcussions it created upon my life. i hated telling people i have an internet boyfriend. i hated the fact that he wanted me to marry him in exactly two years. He didnt care that my family would have disowned me (and my family is one of the most important forces in my life, i couldnt live without them). Then, with no relations or support, he wanted me to move to the boonies of Quebec. thats the last the world would ever hear from me. I'd have a couple kids, lose a couple crappy jobs, and end up on some sort of freaky canadian version of welfare. JESUS CHRIST! no thank you.::shudders:: canada.. anyway. I want to relax. i want to take my time. I WANT TO SCHMELL THE ROSES, DAMNIT. I want to study abroad, i want to take my time finishing school. I want the only pressure in my life to be that i have no money (to which i can also thank this relationship).

Anyway, the breakup was of course hard.. i think mostly for him, but since he kept blasting me with emails and phone calls, made it hard for me too ^^; Since it was such a rational decision in my mind, it hasnt been such an emotional time as it has been a "i just gotta get through it" time for me. He, on the other hand, is writing me these freaky emails. and when he gets upset, his english gets really bad.. I just hope he knows that i am giving him a chance for him to meet the right girl. i am not her!! He'll find the right person and, somewhere, in the back of his mind, he'll be like, thank you so much for letting me go. and when i meet my own Mr Right, i'll pat myself on the back. (and even if i NEVER meet anyone right, i'll still pat myself in the back).

Let this be a lesson to any and all of you out there in dead-end relationships. GET OUT!! Life is much better on the other side, unless co-dependancy will make you happy and pay your bills.

and oh yes, lest i forget the OTHER valuable lesson i have learned.

The hardest part about breaking up really IS getting back your stuff.