Good day to you! My name is Dr. Frederick Q. Masters. Er---I would've been Dr. if they hadn't kicked me out of Yale for dissecting my biology teacher, that is.

But that's not important. What's important is, THAT I WILL RULE THE WORLD! How will I do this? By stealing ideas from Apple Computer? No! You see, when I was cleaning up my newly-purchased lab--after those narrow-minded fools at Yale gave me the boot-- I discovered this pamphlet:

HOW I WILL RULE THE WORLD, By Clayton and Pearl Forrester! They devised to rule the world, by trapping a man in a sattelite, and sending him HORRIBBLY BAD movies, until they found one that could render the human mind inoperable, to make him BEG to be ruled, and all the world would crumble! HAHAHAAHA...eh hahaa...ahaha...ha. Hmm.

Of course, they never did. But I, I, DOCTOR Frederick Q. Masters, have discovered where they went wrong! Using a total of only two humans over ten years---Spike Hellson and Dole Bobson, or something like that---they never had a...mmm...ah...WIDE enough sampling pool. I, I, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, [ahem] Dr. Frederick Q. Masters, will have several subjects, before I'm through! Yes, I'm back, and using years of accumulated salary and benefits from my managerial job at my local Piggly Wiggly's, I have created the ultimate fortress of PAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [ahem] Anyway, I have created the ultimate fortress of pain.

It's a Alpo-bone shaped orbital space station, with accomodation for several once sane humans, who will soon grovel senseless at my feet! BWAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA---I gotta cut back on the nitrous oxide, one of these days---HAHA HAHAHAHA! And now[chortle], I will kidnap and bring pitiful humans into my claws, and crush their very beings, with all manner of horrible media, and I will rule the world with a tyrannical iron fist. [sniff] [wipes a tear from his eye] I get choked up just thinking about it. And so, you see, my friends, I will rule all of you. Oh and[snicker], if I[giggle]were you, I'd sleep with one eye open, because you might wake up in orbit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [falls over laughing]

HAHAHA--Ow. I think I pulled something...

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