Right, well I kinda stole this off an email but it's still class!!!

Geordies/Mackems/Smoggies This is for those of you who confuse the three.......


Signs that you're a Geordie
1. You call everyone "pet"
2. You think that crossing the Tyne to Gateshead requires jabs & a passport
3. You think that anyone from below the Tyne drinks shandy & smells of lavender
4. You call Newcastle "The Toon"
5. You think Eldon Square rivals both the Metro centre & Oxford Street
6. Anyone from Middlesbrough is a c**t
7. Anyone from Sunderland is a reet c**t
8. You only go to Whitley Bay for your summer holidays each year
9. The A1058 is the road to the coast
10. You still read Viz
11. You still find Viz funny
12. You call your lunch "bait" (pronounced baert)
13. Your speech is punctuated with "howay!" and "aye"
14. You think that Byker Grove should win a BAFTA
15. You also think that Ant and Dec have sold out and are now southern shandy-drinking poofters
16. The A19 south is the road to ruin
17. Hexham, Ponteland and in particular Darras Hall are where you aspire to live when you win the lottery
18. You would rather Man U won the FA cup if you had to choose between them,Sunderland & Boro

Signs That You're a Mackem:

1. Shandy is an exotic cocktail
2. You would rather cut your own genitals off than support Newcastle or The Boro
3. Anyone not from Sunderland is deeply suspicious
4. You tell everyone you're proud to be a mackem
5. You go to South Shields for your holidays each year
6. You aspire to live in Newcastle when you win the lottery
7. You secretly fancy your sister
8. You drink Double Maxim from a half pint glass believing it to be superior to Broon Ale
9. When you're away from the north, you drink Broon Ale in a half pint glass because no-one knows what Double Maxim is, and Broon Ale is northern, innit?

Signs that you're a Smoggie
1. You always refer to Middlesbrough as The Boro
2. If you're posh and from Middlesbrough, you pronounce it "Middlesbroe"
3. You know someone who knows someone else who knows Chubby Brown
4. You aspire to live in Yarm and Nunthorpe when you win the lottery
5. You have no job and no money, yet you dress only in the most expensive designer clothes from Triads and Psyche
6. You call everyone "mate" (pronounced "mayert")
7. You know what a Parmo is
8. You think a Parmo is quality food
9. You think nothing of going everywhere by taxi
10. You beat up anyone who refers to you as a Geordie
11. Anyone from Sunderland is a right c**t
12. You're proud of the Riverside stadium, but you usually leave it just after half time in despair
13. You refer to Sunderland's football ground as the Stadium of Sh*te
14. You tell everyone that Chris Rea is great, but secretly you hate him
15. You go to Redcar for your summer holidays...or Whitby if you're feeling adventurous!
16. You don't trust anyone from Stockton, Hartlepool or Sunderland. Especially Hartlepool cos they hang monkeys and are inbred
17. If you've been out to dinner, you tell all your colleagues the next day what you and your fellow diners had for each course 18. You refer to your food as "scran", your friends as "marras" and blokes as "gadgeys"
19. At the end of the night you tell everyone you're "gannin yam"
20. You find shell suits deeply stylish
21. You enjoy rippin nappies off young girls under 22. Your daughter is also your girlfriend

Obviously the person who wrote this is a genius!

Cheers,
STE