AUTHOR’S NOTE:

1. Thanks to Kat and Tobiasrulz as usual, for being the best beta readers ever.
2. Sorry this is so long in coming. School. Life. Having to write when no one is home because I’m too embarrassed to write when someone might see it. That stuff sucks up a lot of time.
3. To all you Harry Potter fans, there is a riddle hidden somewhere in this story. A hidden reference (which really isn’t very hidden, if you pay attention). If you find it, email me at riftkeeper@angelfire.com. J
4. Enjoy and thank you for reading.

Pain. Everywhere, everything shrouded in a haze of pain. I couldn’t think for the spasms that raced along my spine, always ending too soon . . . Too soon, I thought, but could not seem to comprehend what that meant . . . it was important, but I just could not put the concepts together . . . my mind was too consumed with the pain . . .

I was half-conscious now. Where was I? I hurt so much . . . I could never remember hurting so badly in my entire life . . . Someone’s hands were on my back, my shoulders, someone was holding my head . . . they moved me . . . Pain exploded in my nerves . . . <Ahhhhhhh!> someone screamed . . . Was it me? I slipped back into darkness.

Have to hold my eyes open . . . I tried but my eyelids were so heavy . . . my head was spinning, I felt sick . . .

"Ax!!" someone was calling, very near. Tobias. I caught a blurry glimpse of his face above me.

<Uhh . . . Tobias . . .> Thought-speaking sent waves of pain through my head.

". . . hit a major artery . . . have to stop the bleeding . . ."

". . . get Ax back to the ship . . . call Erek . . ."

Blackness. A coldness crept over me and I fought to stay conscious. ". . . shivering . . ." I heard, but I could not hold my eyes open, I was too weak. I fell back into the black void, the coldness freezing my blood.

Pain . . . cold . . . no thought . . .

The Hork-Bajir I was fighting fell, and another one took his place. There were so many of them, they just kept coming! Suddenly Marco’s voice shouted, <Your Emperor is dead!> I saw him, framed in the doorway, helping Visser Forty-one to stand up. She had a long gash over her left eye that would need stitches. I paid for my distraction in several blows to my upper body that drove me to my knees.

"Arrest them!" the Visser ordered, pointing to the guards that were still fighting us, despite the news that their Emperor was dead. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that there was another group of Hork-Bajir, and several humans, standing off to the side, unable to enter the fray because of the narrow hallway. Jake ordered us to fall back and the peace-movement Yeerks rushed in to grab the guards.

"Were the attacks on Vissers One, Two, Three, and Four successful?" Visser Forty-one asked anxiously.

"Yes . . . my Empress," the guard said with a deferential bow. "They are being held prisoner."

"I’m not the Empress."

The guard bowed again. "Of course."

I looked around to see how we had fared. Jake was morphing rapidly out because he had received a dangerous slash on his belly. Rachel was nearly human as well. But where were Tobias and Marco?

And where was Ax?

I’d begun to morph out when Tobias appeared in the doorway. "Cassie, we need you in here! Now!"

<Ax?> I asked, just before my thought-speak ability disappeared. He nodded wordlessly. Rachel and Jake rushed in ahead of me. I stumbled forward, awkward in my half-Hork-Bajir, half-human body. A few seconds more and the change was complete. I ran in and said, "What . . .?"

My voice faded and I stopped dead.

"Oh my God," Rachel was whispering.

There was blue-black Andalite blood everywhere, splattered on the walls and pooling over at least half the floor. I knew that much of it came from the Emperor’s body, but there was also a rapidly spreading pool beneath Ax, who lay unconscious a few feet away.

"What happened?" I asked, kneeling next to him, and trying to ignore the fact that my knees were in his blood. Tobias was also kneeling beside him, gently cradling Ax’s head.

"I don’t know, I wasn’t here. Ask Marco." I looked questioningly at Marco, and tried to wipe some of the blood away from Ax’s back.

Marco was staring as wide-eyed as the rest of us at the bloody mess on the floor. Finally he said shakily, "Ax had killed the Emperor and was looking at me. He was basically okay at that point – he had some cuts but they weren’t bad. But then that guard" – he pointed at a dead guard in the corner of the room – "regained consciousness and attacked him. I tried to warn him, but I guess Ax was tired and couldn’t get out of the way in time. He moved enough to throw off the Hork-Bajir’s aim and he hit Ax’s back instead of his neck. He collapsed with the Hork-Bajir on top. I shoved him off and killed him. It was then that Visser Forty-one woke up."

While Marco was speaking, I had been examining Ax, which was difficult because he had fallen strangely. Finally I said, "I can’t see his back. It’s twisted. We have to move him. Jake, you hold his back. Tobias, keep holding his head. I’ve got his shoulders. Move him onto his right side. One, two, three."

We moved him as gently as possible. But everyone was shocked to hear him scream, <Ahhhhhhh!>

"Ax!" Tobias cried, bending over him.

We heard a faint moan and then an even fainter, <Tobias . . .> His eyes opened slightly, but they quickly closed again, and he slipped back into unconsciousness.

I examined his back from the new angle, which was still difficult because his fur was so soaked with blood. But I was able to say, "That Hork-Bajir hit a major artery. We have to stop the bleeding." I pressed my hand against the area the blood seemed to be coming from.

Just then Visser Forty-one ran in. "Our plan went off well. The top four vissers are in custody. But their guards are giving my people some problems. I could use a hand."

Jake nodded. "Sure thing. Tobias and Cassie, stay here with Ax. Rachel, Marco, and I are going with the visser. Cassie, do you need the communicator?"

"Yes, we need to get Ax back to the ship as soon as possible. We have to call Erek."

Visser Forty-one handed me the two-way communicator and the others took off. I turned it on and waited. "Jake?" Erek’s voice said.

"No, this is Cassie," I said. "We’ve got a big problem."

"Is everyone all right?"

"We’re all alive, if that’s what you’re asking. But Ax is hurt, badly. We need you to come down and get us."

"Sure thing. I’ll be there in a half an hour. Can you make certain the landing pad is clear?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Erek."

I clicked it off. "Half an hour, Ax," I said. There was no reply. I took his hand and squeezed it, but he didn’t squeeze back.

"He’s pretty bad off, isn’t he?" Tobias asked. I nodded wordlessly.

By the time Erek arrived, Ax had begun to shiver uncontrollably and his blood was still seeping through my fingers. Tobias and I were extremely relieved to see Erek come in, followed by the others.

"Can you carry him?" I asked.

"Yes," Erek replied. "But I’m not sure if I can do it without hurting him."

<It’s . . . all . . . right,> Ax suddenly said, weakly.

"Ax?" Tobias said, moving so Ax could see him without having to turn his head.

<I . . . understand . . . Just do it . . . quickly . . . please . . .> He squeezed my hand feebly.

Erek nodded. He lifted Ax as carefully as he could and rest of us followed him down the hall. About halfway to the landing pad, Ax’s agonized moaning ceased as he passed out again. I noticed with worry that we were leaving a trail of blood along the hallway, and I just hoped that we could get Ax back to the ship in time for a transfusion to work. There were several containers of Andalite blood in Ax's blood type stored in the infirmary, but at the rate he was losing blood, I was afraid it would be too late.

We finally reached the ship, and lay Ax on the shift-table in the infirmary. The others gathered in the kitchen outside, where I could care for Ax and still hear them. "Erek, you and Marco need to stay on the Yeerk world with the Visser. They have to copy the Chee technology and they’ll need your help. Rachel’s staying, too. The next couple of weeks here are going to be brutal."

Erek nodded. "Before you go, Jake, I think I should tell you that the Andalite ships that should have been guarding the planet are missing."

Visser Forty-one suddenly appeared, looking harried, and said, "That’s because they went back to the Andalite home world. There’s been a siege going on for several weeks now. I just sent out the order for our ships to cease the attack and return home."

"We have to go," I interrupted. "The sooner Ax gets back to the home world, the better." I was quickly hooking up a transfusion bag and inserting the needle into Ax’s arm. But unless I stitched up those gashes on his upper body and back, it would just be a race to see if I could put blood in faster than it could seep out. And at the moment, stitches were impossible for all the blood on his fur.

"Yes," Tobias agreed.

He and Rachel embraced for a long time. "Be careful," I heard him whisper to her.

"I will," she promised. To me she said, "Take care of Ax. He’s too good a War-Prince to lose."

"I know," I said, giving her a quick hug. "Take care of yourself. You, too, Marco."

He smiled and glanced at Visser Forty-one, who had the host body of Rachel’s sister, Jordan. "And don’t get married without us there," I ordered. He grinned, but didn’t promise anything.

The rest of them left and Jake went up to the bridge to handle takeoff. I soaked some rags in warm water and said to Tobias, "We have to get his fur clean."

We both went to work and in a short time there was a pile of stained rags on the counter. I shaved some of the fur off Ax’s back, and at last I could see where the slash was. "Just as I thought," I murmured, using an almost minuscule clamp to temporarily staunch the flow of blood from the artery. "Andalites have a major artery located in their back, near their second heart and just under the spine."

There was a moment of silence, and I knew Tobias was coming to the same sinking conclusion I had reached. "Does that mean that his spine –"

"Was damaged. Yes, probably. I don’t know for sure yet. For now, I just want to keep him alive."

It took me a half an hour to repair the artery and stitch up the gash on Ax’s back. By that time, the blood bag had drained empty and I had to hook up a new one. Jake put the ship on auto-pilot and came down to check on us. "How’s he doing?"

I was working on the worst of the cuts on Ax’s chest. "I don’t know. He lost so much blood . . ."

"But he’ll be okay after you stitch him up?"

I didn’t answer. Finally I said, "From the way he was twisted when he fell, I would guess that his back is broken. I’ll have to do a more thorough examination to be sure, but that’s my best conjecture at this point."

There was silence. Then Tobias whispered, "Paralyzed?" I nodded grimly. "My God, that’s going to kill him."

"I know," I said. "But there are treatments back home. New ones that are very promising. We have to keep reminding him of that."

There were many bad cuts on Ax’s upper body, and it took me hours to finish them. "Done," I finally whispered in relief, wiping my forehead on my sleeve. I glanced down and saw in numb horror I had Ax’s blood all the way down my front. Looking up, I realized Tobias and Jake were both sitting in chairs, slumped over half-asleep. It had been an exhausting day, but I still had to examine Ax. However, I thought, there wasn’t much use in doing that until he was awake and could tell me what he could and could not feel. The ship was equipped with a small, portable x-ray machine, but I was too tired at the moment to operate it safely.

I woke up Jake, who stumbled off to our room. Tobias said he’d stay with Ax that night so I left as well, after instructing him to get me if Ax awoke.

I stripped off my blood-soaked clothes and threw them in the corner. "I think I’m going to burn these," I remarked, completely exhausted. Jake mumbled an incoherent response. I fell into bed beside him, burying my face in my pillow. But I was unable to sleep.

Ax was alive. He had survived his attack on the Emperor, but at what price? His spine had been severed, I was nearly 100% sure. I knew he had mobility in his arms and upper body because he had squeezed my hand, but his tail and legs were probably useless, a fact that would be completely devastating to him. There were treatments, but they were primarily experimental. These thoughts racing through my tired mind, I tossed and turned for some time before falling asleep.

A few hours later, Tobias pounded on our door. "Cassie!" he called.

I threw off the blankets and opened the door a crack. "Is he awake?" I asked. Tobias nodded. "Be right there." I threw on my clothes and almost ran to the sick bay.

"How are you feeling, Ax?" I said as I came in, trying to look as calm as possible. He was lying helpless on the shift table with a blanket over him, looking terrified and in pain.

<Cassie,> he groaned weakly, <I can’t feel my legs or my tail.> There went my need for an exam. However, it was possible that there was only swelling around the spine, as opposed to an actual fracture. But with the way the artery had bled yesterday, that didn’t seem likely to me.

"Are you in pain?"

<Yes . . . but it is worse not feeling anything. Cassie, what has happened?> His breathing, which had been slow and labored, was now fast and panicked.

I pulled a chair up and sat next to him, taking his hand. Tobias stood by his head, looking very worried. "Ax," I said carefully, "I need to do some x-rays, but I think your spine snapped during the fight."

<No,> he moaned. <Please. I would rather have died if that is the case.>

"No, Ax, don’t say that." I stroked his hand soothingly, but he didn’t seem to notice.

<It is true,> he replied painfully, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Ax – " Tobias said, placing his hand on Ax’s shoulder.

<And Salia . . .> Ax continued, sounding anguished. <I cannot ask her to marry me. Not now.>

"Ax, if I know Salia, she’ll stand beside you the whole way," I said. I was not surprised. Though he had not told me, I’d suspected for some time that Salia was the object of Ax’s affections. I noticed that Tobias wasn’t surprised either.

<Of course she would,> he answered, but he clearly wasn’t relieved. <She would love me, but I could never be the mate she deserves.>

"There are treatments, Ax! Good ones, spinal grafts . . ."

But he looked at me, heartbroken, and whispered, <You should have let me die.>

"Hold still!" I said to Jordan/Visser Forty-one.

"It hurts!" she replied.

"Oh, don’t be such a baby!"

"Will both of you shut up?" snapped Visser Ten, pausing. His human host had been a doctor, and he was now stitching up the cut over Jordan’s eye.

"Sorry," she and I said together. I glanced at her and she winked with her good eye. Jordan was in charge. That was something Visser Forty-one would never have done.

"There," Visser Ten said. "Don’t rub it. I’ll take the stitches out in five days."

"Thank you."

Rachel appeared in the doorway, looking agitated. "What’s going on?" Jordan said in an authoritative voice that could only have come from Visser Forty-one.

"Your incarcerated vissers are very angry," she replied with a dark look. "As you might expect."

Visser Forty-one sighed heavily. "Yes, I shall have to see to them."

"What do you plan to do with them?" I asked carefully.

She and Visser Ten exchanged looks. "We shall have to hold hearings for them . . . and interrogate the other Vissers and Subvissers," she finally replied.

"And?" Rachel prodded.

Neither of them answered. "How’s the Chee technology coming?" Visser Forty-one asked me. I glanced at Rachel. They had avoided answering us directly. That meant we weren’t going to like what they would have said. And I could guess at what that would have been.

But I didn’t press the issue. "Okay. We’re trying to copy the motion systems, Kandrona ray generators, communication systems, and sensory systems, but not the intelligence and reasoning systems. And we’re adjusting the gravitational focus to that of this world, which is pretty average for the galaxy. Earth is about the same. So is the Andalite home world."

"Not that we’ll ever be allowed there. How long?"

"With Erek working on it, probably a couple days until we have the first one. We’ll need someone to test it."

"I’ll do it," Visser Forty-one volunteered instantly. "Wouldn’t be good if I came up with this plan and then wasn’t willing to stand behind it."

I nodded. The mention of the Chee changed my mood, and I had to carefully hide my excitement. After Visser Forty-one was in a new host, Jordan would be free and we could be married – there had to be someone whose host had been a minister or a rabbi or a judge or a shaman in a past life . . . I would take anything at this point. We had the time to do it properly later. After everything we’d gone through, she and I wanted to be married as soon as possible. It was morbid, but in the back of my mind I knew that it was possible one of us could still be killed, and if I died I wanted it to be as Jordan’s husband.

But I didn’t say anything right then. Jordan and I had already talked about it. So I simply said good-bye and went to find Erek. "How’s it going?" I asked. He was bent over a half-built, humanoid, ivory and silver figure.

"All right." He sighed. "It should be done in a few days."

"That’s good. The sooner these are ready, the sooner we can really start toward peace."

Erek didn’t respond for a few moments. Finally he said in a low voice, "Do you really think peace is possible at this point?"

"Don’t you?"

He sighed. "Marco, I am very old. I have seen many wars, some that dragged on longer even than this one . . . but there has been so much bloodshed. There is so much anger, on both sides."

"Well, that’s the next step. For right now we just have to worry about surviving the next couple weeks." I paused. "And finding someone who can perform a marriage ceremony."

Erek laughed suddenly. "Actually . . ."

"Good grief, don’t tell me you can!"

He shrugged. "I was a justice of the peace at the end of the 18^th century. I suppose I’m still legitimate."

I smiled at him. "Thank you, Jordan and I would be very grateful. The idea of being married by a Yeerk kinda turns my stomach."

"Very understandable. As soon as Visser Forty-one is in her new android host, you two can tie the knot."

"Thanks," I said again, and started to leave. But suddenly I stopped and said, "Hey, Erek. I don’t think we can call these androids ‘Chee.’ Have you thought of a name?"

He stared at me for a moment and then gazed thoughtfully at the figure in front of him. "Yes," he finally said softly. "Bejine."

"What’s that mean?"

"In the language of my creators, it means ‘bringer of hope.’"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The first of the Bejine was finished in two days. Erek, the five "peaceful" Vissers, Rachel, and myself were gathered, waiting. Jordan tilted her head and Visser Forty-one slid out into Erek’s hand. From there, he placed it within the android’s head. We watched in anticipation as the Bejine’s eyes began to glow and it began to move.

 

"Visser Forty-one?" Jordan asked.

 

"Yes?" she replied after a moment’s pause.

 

"How does it feel?"

 

"Strange . . . it’s not quite like a real host . . . it’s not warm enough."

 

"Activate the Kandrona ray system," Erek replied. "It should warm up then."

 

There were several moments of silence. Then Visser Forty-one said, "Yes, that is much better."

 

"How is it in comparison to an organic host?" asked Visser Fourteen.

 

"Now that it is warming up, there is barely any difference at all."

 

"The moisture level’s okay?" Erek asked. That had been the biggest concern – Yeerks must have a damp environment to survive, and moisture and wires don’t mix well. Erek and I had had to insulate each of the individual wires in special water-proof coatings. It had been a pain-staking and arduous process.

 

"Yes," she replied. "How soon can you have four more ready? Once the Council’s outfitted, we can work on the rest of the people."

 

"Give me twenty-four hours," Erek said. "Now that I know what to do, it shouldn’t take me long at all."

 

"Um, Erek?" I said as he turned to leave. "About that thing we talked about?"

 

"Oh, that’s right," he said. "Sorry. Do you want to do it right away? Here?"

 

"Yes," Jordan and I chorused.

 

"Jordan, don’t you at least want to do your hair?" Rachel asked incredulously.

 

"Rachel, Marco and I will do this again once this whole thing is done for. Then I can have the fairy tale wedding."

 

"Great," Erek said. "Now what do we do about rings?"

 

"Rings?" I repeated.

 

"Oh," Jordan said, looking upset. "I hadn’t thought about that. I do want a wedding ring. It’s symbolic, and I know it doesn’t really matter, but – "

 

"Wait, wait," Erek interrupted. He rooted through a pile of parts he’d discarded from the makings of the first Bejine. He held up two round, silver washers, one slightly bigger than the other. "Good enough?"

 

I sighed in relief when Jordan said, "Yes. Thank you, Erek."

 

"All right then. This is going to be very simple, because I haven’t done this in about two hundred years." Jordan and I stood in front of him. "Jordan, do you take Marco to be your husband, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

 

"I do," she said, grinning.

 

"Marco, do you take Jordan to be your wife, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

 

"I do," I said, returning her smile.

 

"Jordan, please place the larger washer – or ring – on Marco’s left hand. Marco, do the same with the smaller one." We slipped them on each other’s fingers. "This ring is a symbol of your love and devotion that, like a circle, has no end. Marco, repeat after me: ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’"

 

"‘With this ring, I thee wed,’" I murmured.

 

"Jordan: ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’"

 

"‘With this ring, I thee wed,’" she whispered, staring at me solemnly now.

 

"You two have now promised to love, cherish, and support one another as long as you both shall live. I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

 

I quickly stepped forward and swept her up, kissing her and swinging her – My wife, I thought in amazement – around in a circle. "I love you," I whispered, embracing her tightly.

 

"I love you, too," she replied.

 

And that was our wedding. The extremely short ceremony was performed by an android who’d been a justice of the peace two hundred years ago. It was held in a small, cramped computer room in the capital building of the Yeerk home world. We didn’t get to party or do anything very special afterwards – I had to put another Bejine together. But we were married. And neither of us really cared about anything else.

 

A few hours later, I was bent over another android host when I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up and saw Rachel standing in the doorway.

 

"Hey," I said casually. Rachel’s reaction to my relationship with her sister had been less than favorable. I didn’t know what her true reaction to our marriage was.

 

"Hey," she replied seriously. "Um, this just came." I took the print-out she handed me.

 

Ax going to live, but has major spinal damage. Can’t walk. Good treatments at home. Will send another transmission if there are developments.

 

"Oh, man," I breathed.

 

She nodded, and for the first time I noticed a tense muscle twitching in her lower jaw. "This is going to devastate him," she said, unusually quiet.

 

"Yeah, but he’ll be okay. He has to be." Even I knew how lame that sounded. I’m not real great at faking optimism.

 

Rachel just shook her head. "You know, when we were kids, I didn’t like Ax. In fact, I don’t think I realized how special he was until I began working with other Andalites. I thought he was arrogant." She laughed shortly. "Believe me, I had no idea what real arrogance was until I worked on my first Dome ship."

 

I nodded. "Not to be cold or anything," I added. "But there’s another reason Ax has to receive successful treatment." She looked at me questioningly. "Do you really think the Andalite Council is going to listen to us? Lirem and the others?" I shook my head. "We’re ‘just humans.’ It has to be Ax. But you know how the Andalites are when it comes to handicapped people. I don’t even know if they’ll let Ax testify if he can’t walk. In which case we’re screwed."

 

Rachel stared at me. "I hadn’t thought of that."

 

I shrugged. "I feel kinda bad for thinking of it at a time like this. But I don’t want all of this" – I gestured to the half-assembled Bejine – "to go to waste."

 

"Well, I’ll be damned if it does," Rachel replied harshly. "We’ve all risked too much for peace to be squashed because a bunch of stuffed Andalite shirts can’t swallow their pride for once in their arrogant lives."

 

I hid a smile. "Well, pray that Ax recovers in time."

 

She nodded, and softened. "Yeah." She turned and started to leave. But then she stopped and said quietly, "Marco, I want to congratulate you. If you and Jordan are happy, then I’m happy for both of you."

 

"Thank you," I said, relieved.

 

"Also, I’m sorry about the way I reacted before. I know I apologized already, but the truth is that I didn’t think it would work and I didn’t want to see her get hurt. But the wedding today made me realize that you two actually love each other."

 

"Thanks," I said again.

 

"One last thing." She stepped quickly over to the table and bent down so her face was next to mine. Then she said in a low voice, "You hurt her – and I mean ever, in any way – I will nail your ass to the wall so fast it’ll make your head spin. She’s my little sister, you got me? You hurt her, I hurt you. Clear?"

 

"Absolutely," I managed.

 

"Okay then. Just wanted to get that out of the way." She left, and I went back to work, shaking my head.

 

I worked until about midnight. By that time, the Bejine was about three-quarters of the way done and my vision was blurring. I poked my head in the next room. "I’m going to quit for tonight."

 

Erek looked up. "Sure. Thanks, Marco."

 

"See you later."

 

"Have fun."

 

"Oh, very funny." He laughed and I walked down the hall toward my room. I entered the access code and stepped inside, closing it behind me.

 

Jordan was sitting on the bed. "Hi," she said nervously.

 

"Hi," I answered, just as nervously. I sat beside her.

 

"So," she stated after a long pause.

 

"Yup," I agreed.

 

"We’re supposed to do something now, but I gotta tell you, I don’t even know where to begin," she said, shaking her head with a laugh. "I’ve never – "

 

"Me neither," I interjected. I was looking everywhere but at her. At last, wordlessly, she got up and went over to a dresser with a mirror. She let her hair down, until the long blond strands fell over her shoulders and down her back. Then she came back and knelt on the bed.

 

And began unbuttoning her shirt.

 

I said nothing, but I felt my heart speed up to about three times its normal rate. She removed her shirt and moved closer. "There’s nothing wrong with this, you know," she whispered, undoing the snap that held the collar of my uniform in place.

 

"I know," I murmured back, staring at her uncertainly. "I just don’t know what to do." I felt pathetic. You’re twenty-five, Marco.

 

"You could kiss me," she suggested, sliding her hands beneath my shirt.

 

I did, and felt my nervousness melt away as my lips touched hers. We were married, and there was no more natural thing in the world than making love to her.

 

Later that night, she slept in my arms. I lay my head next to her hair and breathed its scent, and marveled at the feel of her body. She was so soft and strong at the same time. For the first time in many, many years, I felt right. I felt safe. I felt like Jordan had given me something, a part of me, that I thought I would never find or experience. She loved me, and she loved me in a special, very unique way.

 

As much as I didn’t want to, the next morning I had to leave her very early. "Where are you going?" she asked sleepily, even though I had slid out of bed as quietly as possible.

 

"I’m sorry," I whispered in the dark. "I have to go. If not for you, I probably would have worked all night."

 

"Do you do that often?" Jordan asked, snuggling down under the blankets as I dressed.

 

"Yeah," I admitted. I paused. "But not anymore," I promised.

 

"Good," she murmured drowsily.

 

A few minutes later, I kissed her good-bye. "I’ll come see you later," she whispered. "Breakfast?"

 

"Sure." I suddenly realized that married life would entail things that had fallen by the wayside during my single life – like eating and sleeping. Little annoying things that I thought Jordan would probably consider important.

 

The light was on in Erek’s lab. As I walked past, he said, "Good morning."

 

I stopped in the doorway. "Yes, it is," I answered with a grin. "It’s a wonderful morning, in fact. Life is good. Peace and hope and – "

 

"Sex?" he finished with a holographic grin.

 

"Erek!"

 

He laughed and I removed myself from the conversation with a last, incredulous look in the Chee’s direction. "Sick," I muttered, tapping my access number into the pad by the door.

 

I’d barely finished when Visser Forty-one suddenly appeared at my side. "We’ve got a problem," she said urgently, looking at me with her android eyes.

 

I groaned. "How big a problem?"

 

"Some grenades were stolen last night."

 

"Grenades?" I repeated in disbelief. "What kind?"

 

"Chemical."

 

"Who?" I asked stupidly.

 

"I don’t know the who. But I know the why."

 

So did I. Assassination attempt, undoubtedly. Although Visser Forty-one was safe now in her Bejine host, the other peaceful vissers . . . Suddenly I felt my stomach drop as a sickening thought occurred to me.

 

"Visser, how many people that you now hold an android host?" I asked hurriedly, slamming the door shut even as I spoke. The damn Bejine would have to wait.

 

"Not many. I was in council with the other vissers all last night."

 

"So whoever stole those grenades thinks you’re still in Jordan!" I gasped, turning away before she could answer. My mind raced. Early morning was the perfect time for an attempt if the person stole them last night. For all we knew . . .

 

I sprinted along the corridor, finally skidding around the corner and into the hall with our rooms. "Jordan!" I cried frantically. I pounded on the door and started to enter my code.

 

"Marco!" the visser said, coming up behind me and grabbing my hand. "If there is a chemical grenade detonated in there, you’ll be hit just as much as her. What’s the code?"

 

"11098," I replied.

 

"Okay, now get out of here!"

 

Weak-kneed, I obediently retreated beyond the hallway. I heard the door open, close, and then deafening silence.

 

My heart beat wildly. No, not Jordan, I thought. It’s not possible. After everything, this just couldn’t be happening.

 

But it was. A few seconds later, Visser Forty-one emerged, cradling my wife’s still form in her arms. She was limp, pale.

 

"NO!" I screamed, rushing forward. My mind was frozen in blind panic. Only minutes before I had held her . . . she had been fine . . .

 

"Don’t touch her!" she cried, beginning to run. "She’s still alive, but just barely. The gas was a mist and it’s all over her skin and in her lungs! I’m taking her to the infirmary where we can treat her. Get Rachel and Erek and meet me there! There’s an antidote and I don’t think she was exposed long!"

 

She disappeared. I stood there dumbly. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I leaned against the wall. I knew the odds, all too well. The Yeerks had focused more on a chemical weapons than the Andalites. In ground warfare, that was always the biggest fear.

 

"No," I whispered. "This can’t happen."

 

I had survived so much in this war. But this was something I could not survive, I suddenly realized with startling clarity.

 

I could not survive losing Jordan.

I looked at my wife's empty side of the bed, and then at the clock's glowing numbers. I sat up, drummed my fingers on the night stand, and finally threw off the covers and pulled on my uniform. Another sleepless night. I sighed. There'd been a lot of those on this trip. Ax was in bad shape, mentally as well as physically.

 

I found Cassie and Tobias in the infirmary, as I knew I would. "What’s wrong?" I asked.

 

Cassie looked at me with eyes that were bloodshot and red-rimmed, with dark shadows beneath them. She looked like she hadn’t slept in several days – which she hadn’t. Tobias didn’t look much better. I was worried about Ax, but I was worried about my wife too. She was running herself ragged. "He’s got a fever," she answered in an exhausted voice.

 

"A fever?" I repeated.

 

She nodded toward a microscope that was set up on a nearby counter. "A bacterial infection. I’ve never seen it before. It’s probably something he picked up on the Yeerk homeworld. We weren’t exactly worried about sterilization when he was bleeding all over the place."

 

I placed my hand on Ax’s forehead. He was burning up. "How high?"

 

"Over ninety-six degrees," she replied. I cringed – normal Andalite temperature was ninety-one point three. She took a damp cloth and pressed it against Ax’s forehead. He was sweating and trembling terribly.

 

"Antibiotics?" I asked.

 

Cassie nodded. "I’m giving them to him through an IV." I saw a bag of red liquid suspended from a pole, with a tube leading to Ax’s arm.

 

"Is there anything else you can do?"

 

"Hopefully the antibiotics will work and I won’t have to."

 

I sat beside her in one of the chairs. "Cass, go to bed," I said. "You’re exhausted."

 

She nodded. "I guess there’s not much else I can do for now. Tobias, you should get some sleep, too."

 

"I’ll stay with him," I offered.

 

"Thanks," Tobias said hoarsely. He adjusted the cloth on Ax’s forehead, and said quietly, "I’ll be back in a little while. Hang on, Ax-man."

 

After he’d left, Cassie gave me a hug, kissed me, and said, "Wake me if he gets worse or if his fever is much higher."

 

"I will," I promised. "Go sleep."

 

She nodded, and left with a last reluctant look over her shoulder. I sighed, and sat beside Ax. His eyes were closed. Whether he was unconscious or simply sleeping, I couldn’t tell. I watched the IV full of antibiotics drip steadily into his arm, and suddenly wondered what I was supposed to do if it ran out.

 

About an hour later, Ax’s eyes fluttered open. He moaned weakly.

 

"Hey, Ax," I said, startled out of doze. "How are you feeling?"

 

He looked at me with eyes that were larger than usual from pain. <Terrible,> he whispered, and I knew he must really be feeling awful. Andalite warriors are taught to be stoic. I had once had a warrior who insisted on going into battle, even though he was suffering from yamphut at the time.

 

"Cassie says you’ve got an infection. She’s got you on antibiotics."

 

He didn’t reply, as his training asserted itself and he lapsed into suffering silently. <How long until we reach home?> he finally asked, trying to sound as strong as possible.

 

"Two days. Not long."

 

<Salia . . .> he murmured, and a stricken look crossed his face. He always looked so sad when speaking of her. Our transmissions home to warn her of his condition had all failed.

 

"You’ll be better at home," I tried to convince him. "The doctors can treat you, and you’ll be fine."

 

He didn’t answer, and for awhile the only sound was the hum of the engines. I took Ax’s temperature, and it was still at a little over ninety-six – not good, but at least it wasn’t going any higher. All the same, I was extremely relieved when Cassie came back a few hours later, looking considerably better. The antibiotics bag was almost drained, and I couldn’t take the silence anymore.

 

"Hi, Ax," she said gently, bending over him.

 

<Cassie,> he managed. He looked worse, I realized. His eyes were glazed over from the fever, and the trembling continued unabated. She felt his forehead and took his temperature. Looking unalarmed, she took the cloth from his forehead and went over to resoak it in the sink.

 

"His temperature’s up," she murmured, running cold water over the cloth. "Over ninety-seven now." She wrung it out.

 

"It wasn’t that high two hours ago," I said, glancing at the clock.

 

She shook her head. "I’m worried. He’s weak anyway. This infection is really dangerous." She brought the cloth back over to him and pulled up a stool. She wiped his forehead with it, while he blinked up at her weakly. "I know you feel really lousy, but I’m doing my best," she murmured to him. She folded the cloth over his brow and eyes, and got up to change the IV bag. "Go get Tobias," she whispered. I dutifully obeyed.

 

Once Tobias was awake, I left them to care for Ax and went up to the bridge – they could do more for him than I could, and the infirmary was small. There was a transmission from Rachel and the others.

 

Everything going fairly well. Marco and Jordan married. V41 in an android host. We are calling them the Bejine – Pemalite for "bringer of hope." Hope Ax is better. Send a transmission when you reach home.

 

I took the print-out down to the others, hoping the part about Marco and Jordan would cheer Ax up. But I found him asleep and Tobias and Cassie looking very worried. "I gave him a sedative," she said with a sigh. "He needs rest."

 

I handed her the print-out. She read it and smiled tiredly before handing it to Tobias. His only reaction was to nod numbly.

 

We were all relieved to reach home two days later. Bringing the ship into the planet’s atmosphere was surprisingly easy, considering I had to do it by myself – it was very automated, thanks to Marco. But then I swung into the area close to where Space Dock Three should have been.

 

"Hey!" I yelped out loud, though I was the only one on the bridge. "What the hell . . . ?"

 

There was no space dock, just scattered debris and the occasionally piece of rubble. I checked my coordinates – they were correct. Quickly, I tried to get readings on the other two docks – nothing. I sat back in amazement. We had known the planet was under attack by the Yeerks, and that communication home had been impossible, but somehow it had never occurred to us that the space docks would just be gone.

 

I hit the intercom. "Cassie? Tobias? We have a . . . a situation here." Cassie had been keeping Ax fairly sedated. He was getting better, she said, but the antibiotics were slow in taking effect.

 

"What kind of situation?" she replied suspiciously.

 

"The space docks are gone."

 

I heard Cassie use a word I’d only heard her say twice. "What do you mean, ‘gone’?" Tobias asked.

 

"I mean, not there. At most, they’re piles of rubble."

 

There was a flurry of conversation and then footsteps pounded up the stairs behind me. Cassie ran to where I was standing at the main computer and stared out the window. She used that word again.

 

"Do you know what this means?" she asked.

 

"It means I have to find someplace else to land. And that God knows how many civilian Andalites are dead because of the Yeerks. It means that we are going to have a seriously hard time getting them to agree to peace." I wondered how many other places had been hit, if they’d ever gotten to the planet’s surface. I prayed they hadn’t – our children were down there.

 

"It also means all the research on spinal grafts is gone."

 

I stared at her. "Excuse me?"

 

"It was all at SD3. ALL the experimental research on everything. God, I bet at least half the doctors are dead. Nothing survived that." ‘That’ being the blast that had succeeded in totaling an entire Andalite base.

 

It was my turn to use that word. "Can you duplicate it?"

 

She nodded, but said, "It might take time, though. And the longer Ax is like this, the worse he’s going to get mentally."

 

"Well, I have to bring us down somewhere. Let’s start with that and cross each bridge as we come to it."

 

"How about the fields behind Ax’s scoop? They’re pretty flat."

 

I nodded, and brought up a visual. "Wish me luck."

 

"Just don’t crash."

 

"Thank you, I hadn’t thought of that."

 

She ran back downstairs, and I prepared to land. In the back of my mind, I was remembering how much trouble we’d had landing on Earth – and that had been with all of us working on it. Now it was just me.

 

I suppose I was lucky. The computer didn’t malfunction and the auto-control behaved itself and stuck to the coordinates I fed into it. We didn’t crash, though the landing was a bit bumpy. Or so Cassie said when I went down to the infirmary after we had touched down.

 

"I’m sorry," I replied, giving her a look. "And I also apologize if the meals weren’t to your liking."

 

She laughed, a surprisingly giddy sound. We were safe, really and truly safe for the first time in weeks.

 

I heard a thump as Tobias lowered the hatch, and a waft of fresh, clean air. I breathed deeply and looked at Cassie. "Go see our children," she whispered. "I have to stay with Ax, because he’s going to be coming to in a few minutes, but you and Tobias should go see our kids." We didn’t even want to think about the possibility that . . . I couldn’t even manage to form the words in my mind. We hadn’t discussed it the whole trip, because it was just too horrible to think about.

 

I nodded, embracing her for a moment. "We did it," I murmured into her ear.

 

"Yup," Cassie said, her voice cracking slightly. "We did."

 

I stepped outside the ship and stared up at the red and gold Andalite sky. Nothing seemed to have changed, but I didn’t take much comfort in that. I would not feel safe until I held my children and knew they were unharmed. Tobias looked at me. "I wonder if they heard us," I said, forcing a light tone. He didn’t answer.

 

It seemed to take forever, but at last we reached Salia’s scoop. Tobias and I stepped inside and, to our infinite relief, saw the three kids crouched near the back, huddled around Salia. No wonder – after the Yeerk attack, the sound of space craft landing nearby much have scared the daylights out of them. When they saw us, they stared at us with wide, unbelieving eyes. "Daddy?" Julie gasped.

 

<Jake? Tobias?> Salia said in shock.

 

And then Julie was running toward me and leaping into my arms. I hugged her tightly. "You’re home," she whispered.

 

"Yes, sweetheart," I replied. "I’m home." Tom reached us, toddling on unsteady legs, and I pulled him into my arms as well.

 

But suddenly, Julie pulled back and looked at me, panic-stricken. "Where’s Mommy?" she asked, frightened. Sara wore a similar look, and turned questioning eyes to Tobias.

 

"They’re both fine," I quickly reassured them. "Julie, Mommy’s back at the ship."

 

"And Sara," Tobias said. "Mom’s not here right now, but she’s fine and she’s coming home as soon as she can."

 

"Where is she?" Sara asked.

 

He looked at me. I nodded for him to tell her the truth. "The Yeerk homeworld," he said hesitantly.

 

<What?!> Salia cried in a very unAndalite-like squawk. Sara looked terrified.

 

"No no, sweetheart," Tobias said. "She’s fine."

 

But Salia still looked sickened. "Look, it’s a very long story," I said. "We’ll tell you everything soon." None of them looked satisfied with that answer.

 

I exchanged looks with Tobias. We had to tell Salia about Ax so that she wasn’t completely shocked when she saw him. Finally I said slowly, "Salia, Tobias and I have to tell you something."

 

Her eyes widened and she looked even sicker. <No, please, no,> she begged. <Do not say it. Please!>

 

"It’s not what you think," Tobias said quickly. "Ax is alive. But he’s very badly hurt. He . . . he can’t walk. And right how he’s very sick as well. He caught a bacterial infection on the Yeerk homeworld."

 

<Where is he?> Salia said instantly. <Please, take me to see him.>

 

I nodded and led them out of her scoop. I carried Tom and held my daughter’s hand, while Sara rode on Tobias’s shoulders. Salia walked behind us, staring straight ahead, trying to mask her fear and worry behind an unreadable Andalite mask. But in controlling her face, she forgot to control her hands, which clenched and unclenched anxiously as we walked toward the Elfangor.

 

Tobias and I led the others into the ship, where Cassie and Julie had a tearful reunion. Finally, clutching Tom, Cassie turned to Salia. "Thank you so much for taking care of them," she whispered.

 

<It was nothing.> Salia’s stalk eyes were trained steadfastly on the infirmary door.

 

Cassie handed Tom to me and took Salia by the hand. "I’ve been keeping him sedated," she said gently. "He just woke up, so he’s very groggy, and his fever’s still pretty high."

 

Salia nodded, and followed Cassie into the sickbay. There was some mixture of anticipation and fear in her large, blue-green eyes as she glanced at me before entering. A few moments later, Cassie came back and softly shut the door behind her, nodding slightly at me.

 

"What’s wrong with Ax?" Julie asked worriedly.

 

"He’s not feeling well," I said. "But we’re taking care of him."

 

She nodded, and hugged my leg. "The Yeerks came," she whispered, and it struck me as odd that no one had mentioned the invasion until now. I suppose that no one wanted to think about it, when we were simply so happy to see each other again.

 

I picked my daughter up. "I know," I said. "But they’re gone."

 

"What if they come back?" Sara asked, clinging to Tobias.

 

"They won’t, sweetheart," he answered. He looked at Cassie and I. "We promise."

 

It was several minutes before Salia emerged, looking shaken. "You okay?" Cassie asked, laying a hand on her shoulder.

 

Salia looked at us, and finally gave an uncertain nod. But then she whispered, <He’s so weak . . .>

 

"I know," Cassie said reassuringly. "But that’s the infection, and the injury, and the sedative all mixed together. When that infection clears up and the sedative wears completely off, he’ll be much stronger."

 

<Is he in pain? He said he was not, but I do no know if he was truthful with me.>

 

Cassie shook her head. "I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I’ve deadened the pain . . . and he can’t feel anything below a certain point on his back anyhow."

 

Salia seemed at a loss, and gazed around the room, avoiding our eyes. <How?> she finally asked.

 

"It’s a long story," I said.

 

<I want to know what has happened,> she replied. <What events could possibly take you to the Yeerk homeworld?>

 

"Okay," I said, looking at Cassie and Tobias, and then down at our kids. "We’ll tell you."

I stared at my sister.

 

She was lying in a human hospital bed, unconscious. She was as white as a sheet. I held one of her hands in mine, but it was limp and cold. Marco sat on the other side of the bed, head bowed.

 

"She’ll live," Visser Forty-one said. "The antidote worked."

 

"Then how come she’s not awake?" Marco asked. He looked up for the first time in hours, and I was struck by his appearance – his face was as white as Jordan’s, and his eyes were red-rimmed, bloodshot, and dark-shadowed. Worry lines creased his forehead.

 

The visser, who was now the leader of the Yeerk Empire, hesitated. "Jordan will live," she repeated, carefully, "but there has been extensive internal damage. We cannot repair it here."

 

"Where, then?" I asked hoarsely. In all probability, my sister was the only family I had left. My father was dead, I knew that. My mother and my little sister Sara – God only knew where they were. Jordan was all that remained of my family.

 

"It is beyond Yeerk technology," Visser Forty-one admitted. "But it is not beyond Andalite technology. They are far more advanced in the medical field."

 

Marco looked at me. "Then we’re going home," he said decisively.

 

I nodded. "I’m sorry, Visser. But – "

 

She shook her head. "Everything is under control. You should go. I will arrange a ship now."

 

I nodded and smiled gratefully. But suddenly I said, "Visser, the ship – "

 

"Will be discreet," she promised.

 

"Thanks," I said. I didn’t think we’d be very welcome if we came home in a Yeerk vessel.

 

A few hours later, Erek, the visser, and I were gathered around a small ship. It lacked all external signs that it was a Yeerk vessel. Jordan had been moved inside, to a flat, narrow bed that was bolted to the floor. Visser Forty-one had arranged for a Yeerk physician, who knew quite a bit about humans, to accompany us, in a brand-new Bejine host. Marco was inside with his wife.

 

"Good luck," I said to Erek and the visser.

 

"To you as well," Visser Forty-one replied. "Take care of Jordan. She is a very special person."

 

I nodded. "She is."

 

"Send transmissions," Erek said.

 

I nodded. "We’ll see you both soon." I made my way up the ramp and closed the hatch. Then I joined Marco at the cockpit.

 

"How’s Jordan doing?" I asked.

 

"She’s short of breath," Marco replied tersely. "That Yeerk doctor just put her on oxygen."

 

I nodded wordlessly.

 

Marco directed takeoff, and then went back to his silent post beside Jordan. The Yeerk also said nothing.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

All in all, it was a silent two weeks. Marco never left Jordan’s side if he could help it, and didn’t talk unless someone spoke directly to him. The Yeerk, whose name was Senius 419, was not any better company. He made it quite clear that he was accompanying us as a favor to Visser Forty-one; he was to drop us off at the Andalite homeworld and leave as soon as possible. He was risking his neck to get us home, and chit-chat was not part of the deal.

 

So I sat by my sister, and held her hand. She never responded, and I wondered what sort of internal damage Visser Forty-one had meant. I knew Marco was thinking the same sort of dark thoughts, and we weren’t going to help each other much by talking about them. Come to think of it, I realized, perhaps we were better off not talking.

 

We sent a message to the others, letting them know about Jordan and that we were on our way home. I was dozing, leaning against the wall next to Jordan, when we received our reply. Marco tore off the printout and handed it to me.

 

Hope Jordan is better. We will be waiting for you at Ax’s scoop. Space docks destroyed during siege, you should land in the fields on Ax’s property. Cassie will treat Jordan as best she can, but the casualty rates here were high and many of the Andalite physicians died. A lot of research was lost as well, including the stuff on spinal grafts. Ax is very depressed, but being home helps.

 

I groaned. Marco paced, and I heard him muttering words under his breath that would have made shock comedians blush. I ignored him, and looked at my sister. "It’s gonna be okay, Jordan. Cassie will help you, and you’ll be fine."

 

The Yeerk physician stared at me with his expressionless android eyes. "She cannot hear you."

 

I glared at him. "I know that you think she can’t. But I think that she can sense me, on some level."

 

He shook his head. "Humans," he muttered, with none of the exasperated affection Ax used to have when he said the same word. I had to bite my tongue to keep from using some of Marco’s language on him – or worse, my grizzly bear morph. The latter was particularly tempting.

 

By the time we reached the Andalite homeworld a few days later, I was at wit’s end with the Yeerk’s arrogance and Marco’s silence. "Where?" Senius asked tersely, as he operated the controls. He didn’t trust Marco or I to do it. I gave him the coordinates and he brought us down. "Good-bye," he said, lowering the hatch. Marco and I exchanged glances. He certainly wasn’t eager to hang around.

 

"Guess he probably doesn’t want to come in for coffee," Marco muttered out of the corner of his mouth. I would have laughed, but at that point, he and I were attempting to wrestle Jordan’s stretcher/bed out of the ship, while Senius stood at the doorway, gazing about worriedly.

 

"Thank you!" Marco called as soon as we were on solid ground again. There was no answer, just the thud of the hatch slamming shut and blast of hot air as the ship took off.

 

Marco and I looked at each other. Impulsively, he bent down and scooped Jordan into his arms. "That thing weighs a ton," he said, nodding to the stretcher as he straightened up. "And it’s not like her bones are broken." I nodded, and we began to make our way toward Ax’s scoop.

As we came to the top of a rise, I saw The Elfangor at the bottom of the hill, in a flat area. And very near were two small figures, one of which looked up and suddenly squealed.

"Mommy!" Sara cried, and raced toward me. Julie jumped up as well and ran into the scoop. I knelt down and hugged my daughter tightly.

 

"Oh, sweetheart," I whispered. She looked at me with wide brown eyes that were all her father’s, and I smiled waveringly. "I want you to meet someone. This is my sister, Jordan. Your aunt."

 

Sara stared at Jordan. "She looks like you."

 

"And like you," I replied. Even with my sister blanched white and my daughter rosy from playing in the sun, the resemblance was evident.

 

"Rachel." I looked up, and my heart leapt as I saw Tobias standing a few feet away. Slowly I went to him, and buried my face in his shoulder, fighting back rare tears for my daughter’s sake. Marco watched us, and then, holding his wife even more firmly, continued walking.

 

"Jordan," I managed, choking despite myself.

 

"I know," Tobias murmured, tightening his arms around me. "But we’re all together again. And this group’s proven more than once that it can do the impossible."

 

I’m tired of having to do the impossible, I thought bitterly. I’m tired of being Xena. Slowly I reached out and drew Sara to me. Then I looked up at Tobias. There was so much work ahead. The responsibility of peace rested with us. My last mission was over, but we were far from finished. It would be a long time before I could promise with certainty that I would never leave again. So though I longed to tell them I was home for good, Tobias and I both knew it was an impossible promise. I remained silent.

 

"Let’s go," he finally said, taking one of my hands. I gripped my daughter’s with my other.

 

"Put her in there," Cassie was saying as the three of us entered the scoop. "Rachel!" she cried when she saw me. Quickly she hugged me. "Thank goodness you’re home," she said.

 

"I’ll second that," I replied with a small smile.

 

<Hello, Rachel. Welcome home,> a familiar female thought-speak voice said. I looked up and saw Salia standing in the entryway of one of the scoop’s divisions – Ax’s room.

 

"Hi, Salia. Thank you so much for taking care of Sara," I said.

 

She shook her head. <It was my pleasure.>

 

"How’s Ax?" I asked.

 

Her eyes saddened. <Aximili is . . .> She trailed off and shook her head. <He refuses to speak to me, no matter how much I try. He says his injury makes him unworthy of me. He doesn’t understand that I do not care if he cannot walk – I love him! Rachel, he respects you. Perhaps you could make him understand. He will not listen to me.>

 

I was surprised to say the least – I hadn’t known about Ax and Salia’s relationship. But I tried to hide that, and nodded. "I’ll try. But Ax can be stubborn."

 

<I know,> she said, with a sigh of what might have been resignation.

 

Later that night, I kept my promise to Salia. I went in and sat by Ax. I decided to go for the direct approach, because I don’t have Cassie’s gift for tact. "So why are you being stupid?" I said bluntly.

 

Ax’s head jerked. He had not even acknowledged my presence until that point. <Pardon me?>

 

I sighed in exasperation. Ax was not getting any special treatment from me – in fact I thought that that might be part of the problem. Everyone was pitying him, making it that much easier for him to pity himself. "Salia, you Andalite idiot."

 

There was silence. "Don’t ignore me, Ax. You’re not going to get pity from me, because I know how much you hate that."

 

<Salia deserves a mate who is whole.>

 

"Whole?" I echoed in disbelief. "You think that an injury – which, by the way, will probably be temporary – makes you less of a person?"

 

<It makes me less worthy of her! Can you not see that I do this for her sake?>

 

"Can’t you see how much she loves you?" He didn’t answer. "What if it had been me?" I asked. "What if I were the one who couldn’t walk?"

 

<That is different.>

 

"Why? Because you’re an Andalite? You know, for a species that is supposed to be more evolved than humans, you have some decidedly backwards notions. An honored warrior who kills the Emperor of the Yeerk Empire, but injures his spine in doing so, is worthless?"

 

<I cannot walk!> he spat angrily. <I cannot use my tail!>

 

"I don’t even HAVE a tail, Ax!" I shot back. "Does that make me less of a warrior?"

 

"Rachel!" I looked up. Cassie stood, framed in the doorway. "That’s enough. I need to talk to you."

 

"Think about it," I said to Ax as I left. Cassie led me outside. "What?" I asked.

 

"You shouldn’t get him upset," she replied in a chiding tone. "Ax is barely over a rough illness, and he’s still badly hurt."

 

"But that’s the problem!" I cried. "Everyone treats him like he’s about to break, so he half believes it. And he’s not going to be like that forever."

 

She didn’t answer. Finally she said, "No. But I may have to rebuild all the research on spinal grafts. Only one physician who was working on that project survived the destruction of SD3."

 

I bit my lip. "How long do you think it’ll take?" I asked, somewhat chagrined.

 

Cassie shrugged. "I don’t know. He – the doctor – is coming tomorrow to take a look at Ax and see what he can do."

 

"What’s the recovery period like?"

 

"A month, or at least that was their best guess."

 

"Best guess? You mean they’ve never done a spinal graft before?"

 

"Not on an Andalite."

 

I shook my head, and decided to change the subject. "Have we heard from the Andalite government? Please tell me the Council is intact."

 

She nodded. "The Yeerks didn’t know where they were. So they survived. Jake sent in our report two days ago, but we haven’t heard anything."

 

We were silent. At last, she broached the subject I had been avoiding. "I examined Jordan."

 

I nodded and swallowed hard. "Have you talked to Marco?"

 

Cassie nodded and almost smiled. "He refused to leave her side. I finally told him to shut up, because he was distracting me with his questions."

 

"Is she going to be all right?" I asked.

 

Cassie sighed. "The chemicals did a lot of damage, most of which a combination of treatment and time will repair. As far as I can tell without tests, there hasn’t been any brain damage. But her lungs are badly scarred. She will probably be frail for the rest of her life." She took a deep breath. "I told Marco that I didn’t think children were a possibility. The strain on her body would be too much, added to which I don’t know if she can even conceive."

 

"What did he say?"

 

"‘Just save my wife.’"

 

I stared inside the scoop. "He really loves her." Cassie nodded slowly, wordlessly. I stared up at the Andalite night sky.

 

"I’m going inside," Cassie said after a few moments of silence.

 

"Okay. Thanks, Cass," I said. Her footsteps padded inside. I closed my eyes and felt a breeze brush my face. I inhaled the smell of alien flowers and grass, and listened to the familiar sounds inside the scoop.

 

"Sara! Go to bed!" Tobias was saying in an impatient, this-is-the-last-time-young-lady tone.

 

"But I want Mama to kiss me good night!" she replied.

 

I heard echoes of a time long past. A different Sara, on a different planet. My parents were still married at the time . . . At the thought of my father I felt my throat close up painfully.

 

But thankfully I didn’t have time to get mushy. Tobias came out and put his arm around me. "Our little cherub wants you to say good-night."

 

I smiled at him. "Okay." He slipped his hand into mine as we walked back into the scoop.

After Rachel left, I turned my head and stared at the wall. I felt a burning pit of hate lodge itself in my stomach. I hated the way I could feel the table and blanket beneath me until a few inches past the base of my torso – and then nothing. It was as if there was nothing there. I hated that lack of feeling more than anything in the world.

 

I hated Rachel for not pitying me, and expecting me to be strong enough not to pity myself. I hated Salia for continuing to love me, even when it was better for her not to. I hated the pity in Cassie and Tobias’s eyes whenever they looked at me – perhaps it was compassion, but I did not want even that. I did not want to be coddled like a helpless human infant.

 

But most of all I hated myself.

 

My mind drifted back to the first time Salia had seen me after I was injured. I was lying on the table in the infirmary of the Elfangor, barely conscious after days under a sedative. I was still extremely ill from the infection I had caught on that blasted hell hole the Yeerks call home. When Salia appeared above me, I almost did not believe it was her, but some hallucination conjured up by my fevered mind.

 

<Aximili?> she whispered, tentatively taking my hand.

 

<Salia,> I replied groggily, my head spinning and clouded from the sedative and fever.

With her free hand she stroked my face. But the tingle that her touch always produced did not reach to the tip of my tail as it usually did – it stopped halfway down and became a cruel reminder of why we could not be together.

 

However, I was too weak at the time to resist. After all this time, she was there. I wanted so badly to let her care for me, love me, and let her love help heal me. And for a time I did. She took a wet cloth and wiped my hot face with it. After a few minutes, my mind cleared enough for me to reach up and stroke her face with my hand. I ached physically because of the illness, and emotionally because I knew we were not possible. For her sake and because I loved her, I had to let go of her.

 

Once I regained some of my strength, I tried to tell her as much. I told her I was no longer worthy of her. I told her I was not whole, that I could never be the mate she deserved. I told her she must find another, one who could give her all that she needed and would not be a burden.

 

But she refused to listen. So I pushed her away. Though it broke my heart, I stopped speaking to her and refused to look at her when she came to see me. Cassie attempted to reason with me. "You won’t be like this permanently," she said. But I could not believe that. If the spinal graft failed – and, my mind reminded me, with all the research lost, it very well might – and I had expected it not to succeed from the beginning, nothing would be lost. But if I had to handle that failure as a disappointment, I would die.

 

But then, there were nights when death seemed sweet. When I lay in the dark and stared into the shadows of the room I knew so well and wished for death to come. It seemed I would never know joy again.

 

Then there was Rachel. What had she called me? "Andalite idiot." I almost smiled for the first time in days. She did not use euphemisms or treat me as though I were about to shatter. But she did not know what it was like to not be able to move. Every morning, I awoke and stretched and saw my once strong tail lie limp on the table. And while Cassie fed me liquid grass I fought the urge to scream, because I could not run and graze as I should.

 

Suicide, I had once thought, was a human weakness. But I was discovering that I had never known despair until now.

 

With these thoughts tumbling through my head, I fell into a dark and dreamless sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day the Andalite physician who had worked on the spinal graft project came. While he examined me, I studied him. Albius-Siriun-Lupier. He was old, with intelligent and kind eyes that would have made me like him if not for the fact that I simply refused to trust him.

 

Finally, he finished prodding my numb back and said, <It appears as though a graft would succeed. There was no splintering of the spinal column?>

 

"Not so that I could see on the x-rays," Cassie replied.

 

<Then it should be fairly simple,> he said with a smile. I did not return the expression.

 

"Wait, wait . . ." Cassie said. "The research is gone!"

 

<Yes, that is a small problem,> he admitted. <But we kept copies of all the records away from the space dock. It was only the cultures that were lost. I can perform a spinal graft quite easily.> He smiled kindly at me, but all I saw was more pity in his eyes.

 

<How?> I asked belligerently.

 

He was not thrown by my tone. <I shall take a sample of your fur,> he said, <and convert the cells to those of the spinal column using genetic engineering. Then you will undergo some very simple surgery to implant the cells. From there, it is a matter of time.>

 

It sounded far too simple. I refused to believe him, I could not believe him. <You have never done a spinal graft before,> I accused.

 

<No,> he said readily. <You shall be the very first.> He sounded so confidant, and I wished I could bring myself to believe him. Then perhaps I could consider the idea of Salia and I, something I wanted to do so badly I hurt to think of it. But still I turned my face away.

 

"I’m sorry," I heard Cassie whisper to the doctor.

 

<Quite all right,> he replied, including me in his thought-speech. <I have been treating patients with paralysis for many years. Most of them react very similarly at first.>

 

I felt a surge of anger at his patronizing tone. <Aximili,> he said. <I am going to take a sample of your fur.> I heard the sound of clippers snipping some of the blue strands off my back. Then Cassie led him away, saying she had set up a temporary lab in the Elfangor.

 

"Do you have the equipment you need for the genetic manipulation?"

 

<Yes. Thankfully, that was not at Space Dock Three at the time of the bombing.> Their footsteps faded.

 

I rolled my head toward the entryway and fought down feelings of optimism. Expect the worst, I reminded myself

 

It was approximately an hour later when I heard the sound of hooves entering the scoop again, followed by Rachel speaking in low tones with someone. Then she laughed, and I knew it was not the doctor, but Salia. I quickly turned my face back toward the wall.

 

She was walking toward me. Even faced away, I could sense her. Then she touched me and I involuntarily shivered. <Aximili,> she whispered. <Please speak to me.>

 

I did not answer. <Please,> she repeated. <Please . . . the physician said you will be fine.>

 

Still I said nothing. I felt her hand, which had rested gently on my neck, slowly slide off. <Aximili,> Salia whispered. <Do you really not love me anymore? If the answer is yes, I will walk away and never come back.>

 

My heart began to beat faster. No, NO, I thought. This was not what I wanted at all. I needed Salia, more than anything. What was I thinking? I suddenly wondered. How had I been so self-centered to assume that she would continue to love someone who showed nothing in return?

 

But . . . that was what I wanted. I wanted her to leave me, to find someone else. For her sake.

 

Long seconds had passed in silence. <Good-bye, Aximili,> she said. I heard her turn and begin to walk away.

 

Let her go, I ordered myself. It is better for her. LET HER GO!

 

But I could not. As she walked through the doorway, away from me, prepared to leave me forever, I pushed myself up on my weak arms and cried, <Salia!> She turned and looked at me hopefully, her eyes large and bright. <Please do not leave me,> I pleaded. <I am sorry. Just . . . please . . . I could not bear it if you left me.> I stared at the floor. Why had I done that? The nearly overwhelming self-hatred I had endured the night before returned in force. I had been too weak to do what was best for her, too selfish to let her go and find happiness with another.

 

In a few steps she was beside me again. <Thank you,> she whispered. She ran her hands gently over my face. <Thank you. I love you.>

 

<I love you as well,> I said, in spite of myself. I caught her hand and said, <Salia, you understand that the spinal graft may fail. If that is the case – >

 

<If that is the case than I shall be your wife, and love you anyhow. Do you not understand? I love you, not your ability to walk, or your ability to use your tail in combat.>

 

I tightened my grip on her hand. <Thank you, my love.> I reached up and stroked her face. Her arms encircled me and she cradled me. Somehow I found no pity in the gesture, only intimacy and compassion. For the first time, I allowed myself to feel optimism. Even if the spinal graft did not succeed, I could survive.

 

The next week was one of change. There is a human saying: "Time heals all wounds." Time itself did not heal my wounds, but it allowed the cells that would heal me to multiply. And, with the help of Albius and Cassie, time healed many of Jordan’s wounds. She regained consciousness a few days later, and the atmosphere within the scoop lightened considerably. Marco and Rachel were especially relieved.

 

Time also aided Salia and I in rebuilding our relationship. She began staying at my scoop at night, sleeping beside me. Her presence was a great comfort, and more than once I gave silent thanks that I had not allowed my stubbornness to prevail.

 

Meanwhile, we had finally received a reply from the Andalite Council. They requested that Prince Jake, Rachel, and Marco come to the capital, which was close to where Space Dock Two had been, to meet with them. They needed more information in order to decide where the best course of action lay.

 

"Well," Rachel said. "I’m certainly surprised they asked for us."

 

"They know Ax is hurt," Marco replied, nodding toward me. They had gathered in my room to discuss this matter, so that I could participate in the conversation. Jordan had come as well. It was the first time she had been out of bed since her injury. She looked pale and weak, but determined, sitting beside Marco.

 

"In any case," Cassie said, "it’s probably going to take some talking to convince them to agree to a peace conference."

 

"Yes," Jordan said, speaking up for the first time. "You must encourage peace, or we’ll end up with a war that’s twice as bad as the last one."

 

"With the Yeerks in android hosts, I don’t see how they can not agree to peace," Tobias said.

 

"I’m sure they’d find a way," Rachel replied darkly.

 

That meeting ended somewhat abruptly, as Jordan was seized by a coughing fit. She gasped for breath, and the handkerchief she held to her mouth was flecked with red human blood. When it had passed, she was too weak to walk back to her room, so Marco lifted her gently into his arms, and carried her. Rachel hurried after them, her mouth set in a thin line.

 

The cells that would be used for my spinal graft required a week to grow. The surgery to implant them was a simple procedure, I was assured. I was not nervous. Salia, however, could not conceal her anxiousness, and on the morning of my surgery, she paced until I finally requested that she stop. <I know I am not helping you,> she said. <Perhaps it would be better if I left.>

 

I did not stop her this time. <I will see you again before they administer the anesthetic?>

 

<Of course,> she said. She stroked my face for a moment and stared into my eyes intensely. Then she left, deftly avoiding running into Tobias as she walked through the entryway. I admired her natural grace as she stepped nimbly aside, smiled at him, and disappeared from view.

 

"Hey, Ax-man," Tobias said. He pulled a human chair up beside the table where I lay. "How’re you feeling?"

 

<Fine,> I replied truthfully. The pity in his eyes that had made me so angry was gone, I realized. I had ceased to pity myself, and in turn, the others had stopped pitying me as well.

 

"Good," he said. "I wanted to come see you before the surgery."

 

<Thank you.> We were silent for a few moments. Then I said, <Humans have a custom of having their closest friend stand beside them at their wedding, correct?> I knew this. Marco had stood beside Jake at his wedding to Cassie. I had stood beside Tobias at his wedding to Rachel. Cassie and Rachel had done the same for each other.

 

But Tobias nodded anyhow. "Yes. When Marco and Jordan get married – again – Jake’ll be his best man."

 

<After I am well, Salia and I will marry,> I said. <I want you to stand beside me during the ceremony.>

 

He looked surprised. Andalites do not have the same customs as humans do for weddings. It is usually simply the bride and groom, and a judge. There is an exchange of promises, and that is it. It is not the elaborate ceremony that humans have.

 

"I would be honored," Tobias said. "But I have to ask – why? Andalites don’t usually do that."

 

I shook my head. <No. But there are certain human customs that I like very much, and that is one of them.>

 

"Thanks, Ax." He smiled at me.

 

A few moments later, Cassie and Albius entered. "Ready, Ax?" she asked, smiling.

 

<Yes,> I said.

 

"Good luck, Ax-man," Tobias said. Marco and Prince Jake came in, and they moved me onto a stretcher. The surgery would be performed in the sickbay of the Elfangor. Once I was settled on the metal table inside, they each wished me luck.

 

<Good luck to you as well,> I said to Marco, Prince Jake, and Rachel. Their meeting with the Council was scheduled for that afternoon.

 

At last it was just Salia, Cassie, and Albius left. <I will be there when you awake,> Salia promised.

 

<Thank you,> I said. <I love you.>

 

<I love you, too.> She left, closing the door behind her. She would wait with Tobias in the living area of the ship, outside the sickbay.

 

<All right, Aximili.> I felt the prick of a needle sliding into my arm. A few moments later, I my eyelids grew unbearably heavy. <You must relax now,> Albius told me. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to lose consciousness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I awoke slowly, dragging myself out of a drug-induced fog. When I at last managed to open my eyes, I saw Salia’s face hovering above me. <Aximili,> she said softly.

 

I moved my head, still too groggy to reply. After a few more minutes, I mumbled, <Time?>

 

Cassie moved into view. "You’ve been out for about three hours," she said. "How do you feel?"

 

<Tired,> I replied. <Graft?> I could not seem to manage full sentences.

 

<It went very well,> Albius’s voice said. <You should regain sensation in your lower back, legs, and tail within a few days.>

 

<Thank you,> I said, just before falling asleep once more.

 

When I awoke again, I had been moved back into my scoop. There was no light coming in the entryway – I had slept all day. I stretched my upper body and peered down at my tail, hoping to see it move as well. It did not, and I felt a stab of disappointment.

 

"Albius said it would be a few days," Cassie’s voice said from the door.

 

<I know,> I said quietly, turning my head to look at her. <But I thought that perhaps – >

 

She laughed gently. "Don’t rush it. You’ve still got a long road ahead of you, Ax. Albius expects it to take you at least a month to relearn how to walk."

 

<How to walk?> I repeated in dismay.

 

She nodded. "Don’t worry about it just yet, though."

 

I sighed, but said, <Where is Salia?>

 

"I sent her home to get some sleep. It’s pretty late. She was here all day."

 

<How is Jordan?> I asked, as I heard a coughing fit from the room next to mine.

 

"Her lungs are messed up," she said, suddenly looking somewhat worriedly toward the door. "But Albius and I are doing everything we can. You should both be up and about before the conference."

 

<Conference?>

 

"Oh, I didn’t tell you, did I?" I shook my head. "Well, I guess Jake and the others made a convincing enough argument for peace. The Council has agreed to meet with the Yeerks and discuss a treaty."

 

<That is wonderful,> I said in amazement. I could hardly believe that after so many years of war, peace was hardly a few weeks away. I had never lived in a world that was not at war.

 

"Yes," she said, but she did not sound as elated as I thought she should.

 

<What is wrong?>

 

"Jake thinks that the Council may insist upon severe retribution from the Yeerks."

 

<Such as?>

 

She shrugged helplessly. "He doesn’t know. But," she said, yawning, "there’s no good in worrying about that just now."

 

I agreed, suddenly tired despite having slept all day. Cassie went to bed, and I closed my eyes. Peace, I thought, with a sense of awe, before sleep overtook me once again.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Albius had warned me that the new cells would require at the very least a few days to begin to function. I also knew what he did not say – that perhaps the graft would fail altogether. It was the fear of this last possibility that caused me to constantly attempt to flex my tail, and strain to feel the table beneath me. I was desperate to feel something, anything. I knew that I could survive if the graft failed; that it would not, as I had once thought, kill me. But I was an Andalite, despite how human I might feel at times. And freedom of movement is an ingrained part of the Andalite psyche.

 

One morning, a week after the surgery, Salia came to see me. There was nothing unusual about this. But this day, as she looked at me and touched my face gently, there was something in her eyes that made me pause before returning the gesture. <What is wrong?> I asked with a sinking feeling.

 

She averted her gaze for a moment. Finally she said, <Aximili . . . Albius believes that the spinal graft should have shown signs of taking effect by now.>

 

I did not reply. In my hearts, I had known that was what she would say. I wanted to cry, but Andalites cannot cry. So I simply looked away. At last I said, <Then . . . then I shall not walk. We shall find another way. But I will testify before the Council at the peace conference.>

 

Salia stared at me for a moment. <Do you think they will allow you to do so?>

 

<They shall have no choice,> I answered, more fiercely than I had intended. <I am not a fraction of a person. We have far too much prejudice within our society over disabilities. Warriors who are discounted because of physical wounds. Little ones never allowed to be born because they are shown to be "imperfect." It is unfair.>

 

<You would see this changed?> she asked, and I caught a note of condescension in her voice. She was humoring me. Even Salia thought it was impossible.

 

<Yes,> I said firmly, staring intensely into her beautiful eyes. <But a society cannot focus on self-improvement while it is at war.>

 

She nodded slowly, and turned to leave. I fought down the wave of self-pity that threatened to engulf me. There was life left for me, this did not mean I was through!

 

Salia had left. Alone, I covered my eyes with my hands and longed to weep.

 

And then . . . I felt it.

 

It was faint, almost too soft to feel. But it was there, near my tail blade.

 

Shocked, I raised my head. And there Salia stood, a hand lightly touching my fur, staring at my once strong tail. There was a sadness in her eyes she had never allowed me to glimpse.

 

<Salia?> I gasped.

 

Her head came up abruptly. <I am sorry, Aximili,> she replied softly. <I simply –>

 

<No, no!> I cried. <I felt your hand!>

 

<What?> she said unbelievingly.

 

<I felt your hand,> I said in amazement. <I thought you had gone, and then . . .>

 

<You felt me touching you? You . . . you truly felt me?>

 

I nodded. She touched me again and my heart pounded. Then she stroked my face with her palms, her eyes bright. I knew what Cassie and Albius would say when we told them, that it was only the first step on a long road ahead of me.

 

But at that moment, there was only one word in my mind, only one thought as I stared into Salia’s eyes. It was the last word of my brother’s hirac delest.

 

Hope . . .