We walked in silence, our feet cold and wet as we crunched through the snow. Nuriko leaned against me somewhat heavily, as quiet as the air around us. I glanced over at him occasionally, concerned, but kept my eyes mostly focused on the glossy ground in front of us.

"I'm sorry." He spoke softly, his eyes not straying from the ground.

I turned my eyes to face him, confused. My voice reflected what I felt inside, and when I spoke, my tone was puzzled. "Why?"
 
 

I couldn't let go of her, but I couldn't face her. My steps were uneven, creating staggered patterns in the snow. "Because... I didn't mean to worry you."

Her quiet voice sounded so close to my ear. "It wasn't your fault..." She paused for a moment, our footsteps the only sound. "Don't be sorry... please."

I was silent. It was my fault. Everything she had gone through had been my fault. If only I hadn't been so stubborn, I would have let her help. If only I had been willing to look weaker instead of pretending to be more than I was. If only I could have been faster, stronger, smarter, then she would not have suffered because of me. But she, of course, would deny it. I could only agree. "Yes," I said simply.
 
 

I cast my eyes away back to the ground and silence took us again, wrapping us deep within its still folds. The chill in the air was almost tangible; it brushed past my skin, trailing its long icy fingers across my neck, down my back, through the heavy clothing I wore.

He broke the uneasy silence, seeming a bit unsure what to say. His voice was uncomfortable. "I'm just glad you're all right." His voice was strong now, normal, not choked and whispered as it had been when he had lain on the snow surrounded by his blood.

I did not look at him, rather keeping my eyes focused on my footsteps through the snow. My shoes were drenched now and the cold was seeping through to my skin. Finding my voice, I replied, still not glancing at him. "I'm all right... but you almost... you nearly..." I could not bring myself to say the word. He had almost... But no, it was all right now. He was all right. But no thanks to me. I had not been able to do anything. At all. "And I couldn't do anything. I'm sorry."

His grip about my waist tightened slightly. "I..." he began, but then the words ceased for a moment, the silence creeping closer once again.  "I'm sorry... I... I just couldn't let him touch you..."
 
 

Her eyes turned to me. "No more apologies, ne? It's over now... you're fine and that's all that matters." Did she really believe that? Did anything just end like that?

I was quiet again, but just nodded, unwilling to voice my opinion. I remained silent.

I could tell by the way she was holding me, the position of her body, the stiffness of her limbs, that she was uncomfortable, but she was also silent, unsure what to say to me.

I spoke suddenly, softly, destroying the silence with only a few words. "It's all right now, right?"

She looked at me, her eyes a bit surprised. "Yes... it's all right now..."

Was it?
 
 

Nodding slightly, he moved closer to me, leaning against me, his small form shivering, shaking from cold and the memory of pain he had just experienced. I stopped walking for a minute, slowly pulling away from him. "Ne..." I began as I slid out of my coat which flew open in the wind since the sash that had once held it together lay blood stained and forgotten in the snow. "Here." I held out the jacket to him. "You're freezing."

He shook his head, his dusky violet eyes looking worried. "I can't... please keep it." His beautiful face, so frightened, so haunted still. He reached out a hand to touch mine, his fingers brushing lightly over my skin, his wide eyes reflecting the memories of horror that the blood that still stained my hands brought back. "You... we need to clean up..." His voice was whispered, a soft sound that fell from his lips and died completely, its sound destined for no echo in the snowy mountainside we now walked on.
 
 

She was covered in blood. My blood. It even stained her lovely face, so pure, as white as the snow on which we trod. I wouldn't take her coat, no matter what. I still would protect her. And our child. I couldn't allow her to be cold. I had to remember that I came after both of them in everything. It was all right.

She nodded slowly. "Hai... we do..." She slipped back into her coat. "I'm sure we can find a hot bath or something back at the inn..." Her dark eyes lowered to her hands and then turned back to me, a faint smile resting on her lips. "I love you." She smiled a very small, slightly sad smile at me. "I was afraid I'd never be able to tell you that again..." She seemed to realize we had stopped walking and started again, slowly.

I reached out a hand to her, stopping her. She turned to me and I moved beside her, hugging her tightly to me, not caring that my blood- still wet- was covering her. "I love you too... I love you too... you were the only thing that kept me alive... I was so afraid and it hurt so much... But..." I tightened my arms around her.  "You were crying..."
 
 

I hugged him back, my arms around him tightly. It had been selfish, I suppose, begging him to stay despite the pain, but I was so glad he had. Without him... I banished the thought from my mind, managing to banish the tears that once again threatened my eyes as well. My voice abandoned me and I could not tell him how happy I was that he was with me, how he was my everything, how I would not have been able to go on without him. In that moment, standing in snow that went past my ankles and whipped furiously by bitter wind, with my arms around him, everything was perfect, and strangely enough, safe and warm.

He spoke, his voice thick with something held down, held back. "We should go..."

Agreeing, I nodded. "Hai, we should..." Despite my acquiescence, I did not yet release him, remaining for just a moment with my arms around him. I pulled away then, stepping back into the cold and just watching him. He was weak from spilling so much blood, and his normally pale skin was a shade lighter. Standing there as he was, in the snow, he looked like a fairy creature, just stepped out of a fantasy, beautiful, surreal.

He looked up at me, smiling slightly, the smile I had thought I would never see again. "I'd race you back to the inn, but you have a slight chance of winning this time..."

I smiled back at him. "Hai..."
 
 

We made it back to the inn and to our room, mostly quiet the rest of the way. I was freezing, so when we finally arrived, I nearly threw myself in front of the fire in the fireplace in our room. The snow melted quickly and soaked my clothes even more. I had to change.

I tugged off my clothes, still remaining close to the fire, shivering in the chill air, the ambiance of the room slightly uncomfortable.

I glanced to my right and saw Hotohori, out of her coat and her shirt. Both were covered with blood and laying by the door. She was clothed only in her pants, damp from kneeling in the snow and spotted with blood, and the tight cloth she used to bind her chest, sitting on the bed. She pulled her knees up to her chin, her toes at the edge of the bed. "I don't suppose I'll really need this..." She gestured to the binding with a hand. "For the rest of the trip..."

I paled slightly and looked away, my voice faint in the cold. "Of course..." I stepped over to where I had tossed my clean clothes earlier, frowning slightly as I saw nothing I really wanted to wear.

She nodded. "Hai... they seemed to take it well... although I don't doubt I'll have to give them some sort of explanation..."

I knew it wouldn't be that simple. "Of course..." I repeated, digging through my clothes again, facing away from her.
 
 

Fingering the small ring that still encircled my finger, twisting it around absently, I lifted my eyes to him and watched him silently, my head tilted to the side. Thoughts darted through my mind, each passing within a moment and giving way to the next. He was still shivering, shaking as he searched for something to wear.

Sighing softly, he stopped rummaging, seeming to notice my silence. "I didn't mean to... I didn't want to break my promise..." He hugged his arms around his bare chest, perhaps trying to ward off a chill of the air, or perhaps a chill from another place. "I wasn't even thinking about them... just you."

I kept my voice quiet as I spoke, still hugging my knees to my chest. "I know..." I knew he had not meant to reveal my secret to the others, but so much else had happened. My eyes were still focused on him, studying his kneeling form. No scar marred his perfect skin, no trace remained now of his brush with death. His long hair trailed down his back, coming loose of the braid that held it back, shining violet in the dim light of the room. "It's all right..."

He had not moved, his arms still tightly around him, still on his knees by his clothes. "I promised..."

"I know, but it's all right..." I was staring down at my hands again, playing absently with my ring once more, drawing some sort of comfort from the feel of the cold metal band against my skin. "I almost lost you today... it put a lot of things in perspective very quickly. Some things just aren't that important." And they were not. Yes, I was afraid of what the others would think, say, do... but it did not matter nearly as much.
 
 

I slowly turned my eyes to her, almost afraid to face her. I had betrayed her, broken my word. I stood, a bit wobbly, and took hesitating, small steps toward her. I looked down, not meeting her deep eyes. "I do love you," I said softly.

She raised her eyes to me. "I love you too... more than anything."

I looked up then, watching her a moment. The guilt draped itself across my shoulders like a heavy cloak, soaked with rain. Devoid of any idea what to say, I leaned down and kissed her on the lips, wanting to show her how sorry I was, needing to show her how much I loved her. She kissed back, shutting her eyes. And I was suddenly afraid, because I couldn't understand, as I always had, what she was telling me with this kiss. Almost in desperation, I moved my hand to the back of her head, tangling it gently in her hair. She reached out and took my other hand, trying to gently tug me to sit beside her. I wondered for a moment what she wanted, sure I was incapable of anything but kissing, but in the midst of this, between her pulling me and my loss of balance, I fell onto the bed. A little startled by the change in altitude, I gave her a little half-smile.

It was then that it hit me. Things would work out. I was still alive. She was still alive. Our baby was fine. And that was all that mattered. I loved her and she loved me. My smile increased slightly.
 
 

"Gomen..." I apologized, smiling back at him.

He laughed quietly and moved over to me. It was so wonderful to hear his laughter again. "Not your fault I have no balance." His eyes met mine and I simply watched him, still smiling. Suddenly, he sat straight up, his eyes positively sparkling with an idea of some sorts. "I've got it!!!"

I blinked, confused. "Got what?"

He stood and burst out the door, disappearing into the relative dimness of the hallway before reappearing a second later, cuddling a soft blue outfit in his hands. "Yes..." he spoke to himself, seeming quiet pleased. I, for my part, simply blinked at him again, still confused. He certainly appeared to be in better spirits... for the moment at least.
 
 

With goosebumps all over my skin, I slid on the shirt. It was so soft and warm. Of course, most anything would seem warm to me at that point. I gave her a slightly embarrassed look as I slid off my pants. Though we had been married nearly three months now, I was still shy about some things. I tugged on the other, which were slightly large, and then went to sit beside her again, warmer and dryer than I had been. "Much better."

She laughed, her lovely musical voice dancing out into the air. "Good." She then peered a little harder at me. "Those look slightly familiar..."

I grinned. "They're Tamahome's."

She laughed again. The sound was so beautiful to me. Did she have any idea how perfect she was? "Stealing clothes from Tamahome?"

I gave her a triumphant smile. "I look better in them anyway." And that was true.

She nodded. "You're right..."

And if the emperor of the country said it, it became law. I smirked.

My thoughts suddenly turned around and I grew serious. I reached a hand out to her cheek, lightly touching it, the fragile flower petal of pink and white skin. "Ne... Hotohori..."

Her dark eyes turned to me. I could see my reflection in her eyes. I almost feared looking into her eyes. I was always torn. I wanted to look at her forever... but I didn't want to lose myself... and yet I did... "Hai?" she asked softly, interrupting my musings.

My voice contained the seriousness I was feeling. I could not figure out whether what I was feeling was for her or for me. "I'm here now... I won't leave you. I promise." Were my words for me too? Was I afraid? I reached out my other hand to lightly touch her stomach, my eyes not leaving her face. My child slept there. Our child. I had to be here for her. I couldn't leave her. "My word isn't much good anymore... but I want to see my baby." I gave her a tiny smile. "And I want to be with you."
 
 

I looked back at him, feeling his hand still against my stomach where our child grew. Looking back at him, I felt a warm wave wash across me at his words. It was all I wanted, to stay with him forever, to raise our child with him, everything. "I want you to too... always... and of course your word is good." And of course it was. My secret had been shattered, but I could not bring myself to doubt him. I would have believed whatever he had told me; I always would.

His eyes shone with clear disbelief, but he gave me a small smile. Before I could form the words to reassure him, he leaned forward and kissed me, his lips again meeting mine. It caught me off-guard, having my words stopped so suddenly in a kiss, but I kissed him back, my surprise quickly fading.

He pulled away after a moment, hugging me tightly and resting his head on my shoulder, his soft hair, falling lightly across my skin. His voice was soft. "You need to get dressed too..."

I nodded, just remembering that minor detail and glancing down at the binding that covered my chest and the blood-spotted pants. "You're right..." I said, trailing off.
 
 

I let my hand wander a bit from her stomach, pulling away and giving her another smile, though this one had less innocent intentions that the other. "Not that I mind..."

She just looked at me, trying not to smile and doing a very poor job of it. "Well, make up your mind," she said plainly. "Do you want me to get dressed or don't you?" She stood, her face still a mask to hide her smile, and moved over to where her clothes were placed. My eyes trailed her longingly. I knew what I wanted but also knew I was quite incapable of it.

I pouted slightly, my eyes still lingering on her. I lifted my hand to my cheek, cupping it. "How cruel..."

She glanced at me over shoulder, her long hair falling in trails down her back of mahogany waterfalls. "Cruel?"

"Yes." I gave her a pitiful look. Why did the gods bless a man with eyes and desire and make him powerless to do what he wanted? "You're so beautiful and I can't do anything right now... it's quite unfair..."
 
 

I allowed my smile to escape, sure it had already done so despite my trying not to. Turning again, my back to him, I chose a shirt from my clothes and undid the binding around my chest, letting it fall to the ground at my feet, the cloth piling upon itself like a loosed ribbon. I could feel his eyes on me still, even with my back towards him. Still not turning around, I slid into the shirt, fastening it.

"Mm... try a dress my love." His soft voice came from behind me

I turned back to face him, my hands stopping half-way through fastening the shirt. Women's clothing? Now? "A dress? You think so?" If he thought it was a good idea... Well, there was no secret to protect anymore.

He looked serious, upset. "Well... they already know... it would seem as if you were..." His words stopped suddenly, and a small frown covered his features. "No... it's up to you."

My eyes remained on him for a moment as a quick flash of apprehension hit me. But no, it would be all right. The others knew, and if Nuriko thought it was a good idea, then I would not argue. I did not know what the other seishi would say, but it did not matter. It would all work out. I went to work unfastening the shirt, my fingers struggling a bit with the work, though they should not have. I was still nervous, but I trusted him... with everything. "My dresses are in with your things, ne?" I kept my eyes on him, watching him quietly.
 
 

I nodded slowly, silently, only gazing at her. What had possessed me to ask her to do such a thing?? But would it really be better to still pretend that no one knew?

She moved over to my clothes. "Any suggestions?"

I gave her a faint smile. "You look perfect in anything... you know that." And it was true. No matter how beautiful I had tried when I was in the harem, the emperor would never have noticed me for that- she was far more beautiful than I could dream. I prayed that our child looked like her.

She shook her head, still smiling at me. "All right... if I don't match, I'll blame you..." How could she still smile when I had betrayed her in such a large thing?

I nodded, knowing my face was too serious and that I was too silent. I would worry her.

She picked out a dress, her long limbs stretching to take it from my bag. She was nude from the waist up and amazingly beautiful. She could have been a creature of the snow, a goddess of the winter, her hair lightly curtaining her back and her breasts. "Something wrong?" she asked gently.

I blinked, a little startled, but forced a smile. "Nothing that will last long..." Long was a relative term anyway... I looked away from her glory. "Just... I think I'm still a little dizzy." I wondered if she could read my emotions as easily as I could read hers. If she could, she would know I was lying.

Perhaps she could. She frowned slightly, watching me silently.

I turned my eyes back to her, my mood too sober for me. Pushing myself off the bed with two hands, I stood shakily. "Shall we go down?"
 
 

"Let me just finish..." I said, giving him a wary look and slipping into the dress. His eyes were so distant. Something was wrong, something beyond the weakness that still settled about his shoulders from his brush with death. I pulled off the still-damp pants, trying not to catch the long material of the dress as I did so. He stood stiffly and his face was measured, but his eyes betrayed him. "There..." I said as I finished, my eyes not leaving him.

He nodded, leaning against the wall for support, his slender frame looking even smaller in Tamahome's clothes. He was always so strong, so sure, that it was easy to forget how human he was, how young he was... how young we both were. "I think I should get something to drink too..." he said, his voice a bit quiet.

I nodded in agreement, worried about him, wishing I knew something to do to help.

Pushing himself away from the wall, he started towards the door and held it open for me. He was silent, not watching me nor anything else, his dark eyes far away, more distant than I had ever seen them. I stepped outside, letting the silence take me as well, wondering what his eyes saw, knowing it was too far for me to hope to reach. He pulled the door shut behind us and it betrayed the silence with a small click into place, and then it too relinquished its sounds to the stillness.

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