They had walked off into the distance under the clear blue sky, the sun shining upon them as they talked and laughed with each other, Tamahome, Miaka, and Nuriko. They had been going to visit Tamahome's family and bring them back to the palace where they would be safe. And then we would leave to search for the shinzahou. I had turned away after they were out of sight, wishing once again that I could travel with them, but other things needed my attention. And they would be back by nightfall.

Nightfall... It had been a few days since Akito had decided to lock us in my room. We slept together after that...

The boat we would be leaving on was nearly ready, a sturdy large wooden ship that would safely bear us across the waters to Hokkan. The preparations were almost completely in order, a crew for the ship, rooms for the seishi, food and other supplies. All was ready. The docks were lined with boxes waiting to be loaded onto the vessel and people stood in scattered clumps near the ship, looking on or helping in the preparation. I myself stood amidst them, looking over plans. Everything was set, perfect in writing; it only remained now to enact everything. We would be leaving in a few days, and we did not know how long we would be away. I would be accompanying them. Akito, after much persuasion and debating, had agreed that it was best I go along with the others. He would watch over things while I was gone. I had no doubt that the country would be safe, more than safe, in his hands.

"Heika-sama." I glanced to my right. Akito stood a bit behind me admiring the boat. "She'll be ready in a day or so... Everything is set- we're only waiting for supplies to be stowed aboard."

I nodded to him, turning my eyes to the sky. It had been hours since they had left and the first stars of evening were appearing in the horizon along beside a moon that was barely more than a sliver of shining light. They weren't back yet... and I was beginning to get worried.

Children take a long time to pack and don't travel very fast, I assured myself as I lay in bed later that night, alone. They would be here the next day. I fell asleep, a sleep filled with worried dreams and whispered fears that only slightly dimmed when daylight came.

They did not return until the evening of the next day. I was sitting in my throne room, the ship being tended by others. I was not needed, and so had left, preferring not to be in the way. Something was wrong, I was sure of it. None of them had returned. And then the door opened slowly, creaking softly, announcing the entry of a small figure, head bent, eyes to the ground.
 
 

"Chuei... Gyokuran... Shunkei..."

I could see the ball drop from his hand, hear his frightened words.

"Yuiren! Yuiren!!"

Miaka's pleas had barely entered into my awareness as she grabbed my shirt, screaming for Mitsukake, telling me to hurry. I couldn't do anything. My feet were frozen, trapped in memories.

"Niichan won't go anywhere!! I'll be with Yuiren forever!"

"You'll be with me forever, ne, niisama?"

"Of course, Kourin. I couldn't leave you alone. You'd get into too much trouble!"

"Niisama!!"

Children's laughter.

I could only hold her as she shook in my arms, Miaka, terrified. I had to be strong. I couldn't let myself remember. They needed me.

"Yuiren!!!!" His agonized cry rang through the small village.

She slowly dropped to her knees, still holding me. "So cruel... who would do this?"

Weak. Helpless. Perhaps I was using her as much of a support as she was using me.

And that was when I heard it again.

My eyes widened. "A flute..."

"That tune..." Miaka breathed, her eyes scared, her body taut. "This melody..."

I raised my eyes to the roof where a dark shadow desecrated the landscape.

"Amiboshi!" Miaka said, her voice hushed, fearful.

"Impossible..." I whispered. "You're still alive?"

"Oh no..." Her grip on my arm tightened slightly. "You... did you do it?"

The flute moved away from his mouth. A shiver ran up my spine. Impossible... Amiboshi had died...

"That's right..." he said, and there was something different about his voice. "I'm the one. This is revenge for my brother whom you murdered!!" He flung off his cape, anger filling his features.

I stepped forward in front of Miaka, my voice dark. "Miaka... get behind me." He would not hurt her. He wouldn't hurt anyone anymore when I was done with him. I was so angry. "That's not Amiboshi!!"

A black smile lit his lips. "I'm the Seiryuu seishi, Suboshi! You killed Amiboshi. He was my older twin!"

"You're wrong!!" I yelled back. "We didn't kill him!! It was an accident!"

His hands moved slightly, starting a spin on the ball he held in his hands. "I won't listen to poor excuses," he said simply. "I'll kill you!!"

I grabbed her and threw us out of the way, my head completely calm. I knew what to do. I had to keep her safe. I didn't know what he had thrown at us, but I did not particularly desire to find out. And I was right. The ball he had held slashed into a tree. The tree tipped and fell over on top of Tamahome's house. I just clutched Miaka in my arms.

"Well... how do you like the strength of my ryuuseisui?" he asked us, almost laughing at us.

"You," came Tamahome's soft voice from the doorway of his house. "You... my father, my sisters, my brothers... you killed them!!!"

The fight began. All I could do was watch.

His symbol blazed on his forehead as he caught the spinning ball in his hand. The boy, Suboshi, tried to dodge, but it was too late. Tamahome hit him so hard that he flew through the nearby fence, shattering boards, sending splinters flying. "Only you... I'll never forgive you!"

"It's my fault! It's my fault!!"

A child's tears.

"Back then," I said quietly to Miaka, fighting to control my voice, "Taiitsu-kun... she gave Tamahome this power... But... but it's too strong..." The girl in my arms was shaking. I held her a bit tighter. I would protect her.

Tamahome had the boy against a house, his hand pressed against his neck. "Here comes the fatal blow," he hissed.

His arm pulled back to deliver the promised punishment and a bolt of lightening burst from the sky. It engulfed them both in a flash of light. I cried out as it touched me, stinging my body with needles. In my arms, Miaka whimpered quietly.

A glowing figure lit up a rooftop, holding the boy in her arms. Tamahome stood up, still radiating power. "You're Seiryuu's?!" he shouted, fury visible in his eyes and posture.

"Seiryuu shichiseishi... Soi!" the figure introduced himself. "That was just a greeting. Tamahome, it looks as though you've increased your power. Just because your family was killed?"

His eyes widened, as did mine. I leapt away from Miaka and to him, grabbing his arms, trying to hold him. "Tamahome!"

A part of my consciousness registered his next words. "Control your power until we meet again." And he was gone.

He was struggling frantically in my arms. "DON'T RUN AWAY!!!!" he was screaming in rage.

"Stop it, Tamahome!!" I was nearly yelling at him, fighting to be heard over his own cries. "You'll destroy yourself!!"

"LET GO!!!"

He was striking me on the face with his elbows, trying to escape me, but I wouldn't let him go. "You... you're..." The tears were starting to fall from my eyes, the strain, emotionally and physically, taking its toll. "Sou Kishuku!!! A Suzaku seishi!! Suzaku no Miko!! You were chosen to protect Miaka as a seishi!!! A Suzaku shichisei..." I could feel him start to struggle less. The words that came to mind were just random, saying anything that would calm him down. "Tamahome..." The sob burst through my throat, my ability to control it vanishing. I just clutched his chest, the tears falling from my eyes freely now. "Now... you... Miaka... Miaka... you're making her feel as if it is her fault..." I continued to cry, the adrenaline that fear and necessity had built up fading, leaving behind only the scars.

"Miaka," he whispered. It was silent a moment, except for me. "Nuriko, I understand," he said softly, and took my arms out from around him.

I dropped to my hands and knees, unable to stop the tears or the sobs that came from my throat.
 
 

He walked into the room slowly, his eyes downcast and blank-looking, but none of this registered to me. He was home and he was safe. Relief washed over me like a warm spring rain as I saw him. "Nuriko!" I called to him, smiling.

He raised his eyes to me slowly, his face vacant, carefully held in place. "Konban wa..." His voice was as empty as his face as he looked down again.

Something was horribly wrong. I stood quickly and walked to him. His eyes were so strange... so hollow. Concern took a firm hold on my heart as I spoke. "Nuriko... what's wrong?"

"Tamahome's family... was killed." His words were flat, emotionless, so unlike usual.

My eyes widened. Those children? Tamahome's family... "Gods... how?" My voice was disbelieving.

He didn't look at me; his eyes stayed focused on the ground. "A Seiryuu seishi... Suboshi... for revenge for Amiboshi..."

I shook my head in disbelief. They had been so young, so innocent. It was not right. Another thought struck my mind suddenly. "Are you all right? And Miaka, Tamahome?" If they had been hurt in any way...
 
He nodded slowly. "I... I'm fine... you might want to go speak to them later..." His eyes still stared at the floor, not looking up at me, as though he were seeing something that was not there.

I nodded slightly, assuring myself by his words that they were all right. He was all right. I pulled him into a tight hug. "Gomen... I should have been there..." I should have gone with them. I should have been there with them.

He was stiff, unmoving in my arms for a second as though I were not there, but then he shut his eyes and tightened his arms around me. His voice was tight, strained with the effort to hold back tears that could not quite be contained. "The little one... she had just... been smiling... and... and... " He stopped short, his voice near breaking.

Wishing I knew what to say, what to do, I simply held him tightly, closely. Still trying to fight back tears, he spoke again, his voice quivering. "I was helpless... again... just like with... with... Kourin..." He buried his face in my shoulder, his small form shaking slightly in my arms.

Carefully, gently, I stroked back his hair, whispering quietly, trying to reassure him, anything to help him. "It's all right..." He let me hold him for a moment, just leaning against me quietly before he pulled away.

"Gomen..." His voice was a ragged whisper and he turned his face slightly away from me quickly. He was hurting so much; it was plain to see in his eyes, in his face, so tightly drawn in an attempt at composure.

"Why are you sorry?" I was so confused as to why he would apologize to me.

He wiped at his eyes with a part of his sleeve, pushing back the tears that lingered there. "I just... I don't mean to be a burden... You're so busy getting ready for us to leave..." He shut his eyes quickly, tightly, as though he there were something before them that he could not bear to see. "I was so scared..."

Reaching out a hand to gently brush away the small tears that still lay glistening upon his cheeks I shook my head slowly. "You're never a burden... never." I paused for a moment, and regarded him silently, seeing the pain he was in, seeing his sadness, wanting to help... and not knowing how.

His eyes slowly opened, watching their familiar spot on the ground, and he reached out and took my hand. "I thought... if they would hurt them..." He broke off, not finishing the thought, but instead turning his tear-reddened eyes up to me, his brows lowered. "You're coming with us, aren't you?"

I nodded, tightening my hand around his slightly. "Of course..."

"Good..." He watched me for a moment, eyes, so much like the sky after a storm, studying me. "Can... can my brother come to stay at the palace while we're gone...?"

I nodded again. "Of course..." My head tilted towards the side slightly as I looked at him. "Right away if you'd like."

His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. "Can we go see him tomorrow? Just you and me...?"

Pausing for a moment, I thought, wondering how I could persuade Akito to let me out of the palace walls for a time. I nodded to him, smiling slightly. If Nuriko wanted me to come with him, I would find a way. "Hai... I think we can do that..." I paused again, giving him another small smile. "I'd like to meet your brother..."

The smile he gave me in return was faint, small, but at least there, before he turned his head away from me. "I... I was never as close to him as to Kourin... I wish so much you could have met her..."

I looked at him a moment, studying silently, balancing a question in my mind. Perhaps it was a bad time to ask, but I felt if I did not then I never would. Cringing inwardly at my complete lack of tact, I spoke softly. "Ne... how... how did she die?"

He looks up at me, his dark violet eyes filled with a sadness that transcended space and time. His eyes lowered to the ground again. "She... was chasing after me... and she was hit... by a horse and cart... She was trampled to death." His hand tightened around mine slightly, an unconscious gesture on his part, almost as though he needed a link to the present as he spoke about the past.

I tightened my hand in return, wondering why I had asked him this now. "I'm sorry..." There was nothing else I could think to say or do. Nothing I could do to help him. Useless.

Vibrant eyes now clouded with sadness still staring at the floor, he simply nodded.

I wrapped my arms around him again, hugging him close and hating myself for being so useless, so unable to make things right. "We'll go to your brother tomorrow, together. Everything will be all right. I promise." My voice was a whisper. I would find some means to make it that way. I promised myself that.

He hugged me back. "Hotohori-sama..." he whispered softly and shut his eyes, going quiet again.

"Nuriko..." I ventured quietly, but then paused before continuing, my voice still quiet. "Ne... is it.... all right if I ask your real name?"

He pulled away, surprise flashing across his face. "H-hai..." He paused for a moment, looking as though he were deciding whether or not to tell me. "It's Ryuuen... Chou Ryuuen..." His eyes did not meet mine again, instead focusing on his hands.

Quietly, as though saying the words to some sort of spell, I repeated the name to myself. "Ryuuen..." His eyes jerked up to me suddenly, his face awed, surprised. I glanced back at him curiously, almost confused, and raised an eyebrow.

A faint shy smile flickered across his face, and when he spoke his voice as soft, almost as awed as his expression. "You said my name..." He stopped and looked away, a small frown falling across his features.

I was still confused as the frown came to his face and found myself unsure whether or not to apologize. Had I done something wrong? "I... I did.... is that all right?"

His arms were suddenly around me in a tight hug. "Yes. Yes. I'm so glad you're coming with us. I have to protect you." It caught me completely off-guard. No one had ever wanted to protect me before- usually it was the other way around. I hugged him back, once again caught without any words to say. He spoke again and his voice was stronger this time. "I'll do my best, and I promise they won't hurt you, no matter what. I love you so much. I won't let anything happen to you."

I smiled slightly at him, knowing that I would protect him too, that I would not know what to do if anything happened to him. "I love you too... so much... nothing will happen to me... or you either." My voice was quiet, whispered, and he did not reply. Instead, he just hugged me silently.

"Ne... it's getting late..." I pulled away, my hand searching for his.

Nodding slowly, he watched me, his deep violet eyes studying me in the dim light. "Hai... we're leaving after we talk to my brother?"

"More or less..." I nodded. The boat was ready as soon as we were.

Nodding slowly, he reached up to kiss me lightly, his lips barely brushing against mine. "Shall we?" His mood seemed lighter, but only a bit. Even so, I was glad

I nodded to him. "Let's go then." I led him off towards our room slowly as the sun set around us and darkness took the land.

I had been up very early this morning.

The remains of the money that I had won at the weight lifting contest were secured in a pouch tied to my belt. What I had bought with the money rested in the same pouch. I cupped a hand over it protectively.

I knew I would be all right. Despite how hard their deaths had hit me, I had to be strong for Tamahome and Miaka. And Hotohori.

A small familiar figure was walking down the hallway toward me. She glanced up at me, almost not recognizing me for a minute, but I smiled at her. "Yumi!"

Her eyes widened and she hurriedly dropped a curtsy. "Kourin-sama!"

I gave her another little smile. "How have you been?"

The maid seemed a little surprised to see me in such specifically male clothes. "I've been fine... You're the empress now?"

I stifled a laugh. For some reason, to have the son of a tailor be the empress of a country struck me as infinitely amusing. "Yes, I am."

"And you're happy...?" she asked me quietly.

It was nice to have someone care. I nodded slowly. "I'm very happy."

She gave me a little grin. "I'm glad then! Ne, if you'll excuse me, I have my work to do." She gave me another smile as I nodded and then she disappeared around the corner.

I hopped up onto the railing. I was in front of Hotohori's room. I started to swing my legs slightly, enjoying the feeling. I was dressed in very masculine clothes today to visit my brother. My hair was tied back in a braid with which my hands were idly playing. I had suggested last night to her that we actually try to act our parts, instead of showing him the charade we gave everyone else. She had- a little unwillingly- agreed. But she was taking forever in there. I was tempted to enter when I saw Akito walking toward the room.

"Ohayo, Nuriko-sama," he said, his voice quite frigid. I hadn't seen him for the past few days with how busy I had been helping prepare to leave on the boat and with Tama-chan's family.

I blinked, but gave him a sunny smile. Despite everything, I was in a good mood. "Ohayo, Akito-san!" My fingers ran over the little pouch, touching it again.

He gave me a sideways glance, suspicion nearly written on his face. "She's getting changed, ne?"

I tilted my head slightly, a little confused. Why the odd attitude toward me? "I think so..."

He nodded abruptly. "Then I'll wait."

I was a bit worried. "Ne, Akito-san, are you upset at me?" What had I done to lose his respect?

"Upset at you? Whyever would I be upset with you?" His tone was not quite matching words.

Now I was very worried. This man could make my life completely miserable. "I... I'm sure you'll tell me..."

He turned to face me. "Well, you're right."

I vaguely wondered if I wanted to be right, then decided I did not. I awaited my sentence nervously.

"You... that night... you touched her?" His gaze at me was dark.

I blinked again and gave him an odd look. What was he getting at?

He just stared back at me, meeting my gaze squarely. "Well, you did, ne?"

"Uhh... yes." I'm sure I looked a little thrown off. "I did." And I had. And I was glad for that.

He nodded, not looking overly pleased.

I started to get defensive. I had done nothing wrong. "You locked me in there!!"

He simply nodded again. "Well, yes, I did."

I crossed my arms. "You wanted us to."

"Yes, I did..." His gaze turned into a frown. "But I didn't want you to touch her!"

I was flustered. "How could I not?"

He opened his mouth and then quickly shut it, just shaking his head at me.

I sighed and lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry... but we're married, after all."

"I know. Believe me, I know." His expression softened. "It's just... she's... well, she may as well be my daughter. She's my baby; I watched her grow up and I don't..." He stopped, trailing off.

I looked up, giving him a gentle smile. "Akito-san..." He loved her so much and wanted to protect her. And if I hurt her, he would kill me himself. But I understood that.

He glanced over at me silently, not smiling, his eyes a bit sad and reminiscent looking.

"I'm not going to take her away from you... I promise," I said quietly. "But I do love her."

He gave me a slight smile. "Hai... I know you do. She's lucky to have you. But you're luckier to have her. Remember that."

"I know," I said quietly. And I was. I was the luckiest man alive. There was no way I could ever be worthy of her. All I could do was love her.

He gave me another smile. "Arigatou, Nuriko-sama." He inclined his head slightly and turned to the door, raising his voice so that he could be heard through it. "Sai-chan!! I'm coming in... scream if it's not all right." Without waiting for an answer, he opened the door, stepped inside, and shut it behind him.

I remained where I was, a bit puzzled at everything. I suppose I was easily seen from my perch, because there was suddenly a bandit at my elbow. He looked a bit sleepy. "Na... Nuriko, hi!"

I gave him a little grin. "Ohayo, Tasuki! Sleep well?"

He yawned widely, revealing his little fangs. I had always thought those were rather cute. "No..."

My grin widened slightly. "I didn't have much trouble."

He scrunched up his face in what might have loosely been called a grin. "No? You've been sleeping with the emperor, na?" If Tasuki was one thing, that was blunt.

I blinked. "Well..." I lowered my eyes. What did it matter if anyone knew? I loved her. "Yes."

His voice was curious, intrigued, and once more his question was blunt. "So you two have done it?"

I turned very red and just nodded, wishing that I wasn't there. Perhaps I didn't want people knowing about my night life. That was when I suddenly remembered that Tasuki didn't know she was a girl. I had to remember to keep her secret. A slip would not help her trust in me.

He just looked at me a moment. "Shit, the emperor really is a fag..." His face was slightly bewildered.

My eyes widened, anger bubbling to the surface of my emotions. "Don't say that!!!" It was one thing to tease me, but it was different to insult her.

He gave me a frown. "Hey... don't get so uptight... I won't go blabbing to the fucking public. I mean, shit, Nuriko, I may not be bright, but I'm not a total fucking moron."

I looked away, stung. "I love... him... and he loves me. It's not wrong." I had to remember they thought she was a man.

He blinked at me, shrugging. "Never said it was. Hell, if the two of you are happy, then why would it make a fucking difference? To each their own, ne?" He bit his lip, going silent.

I looked back to him, a little suspicious, silent. To each their own? Was he hiding something?

"Na... why're you lookin' at me like that? It's fucking creepy..." He shifted his weight, looking uncomfortable.

"Why does it bother you if... he and I are like that?" I was having trouble remembering to say "he." She was very feminine beneath her robes.

"Shit, it's none of my fucking business, Nuriko, just I dunno... Guess I didn't expect it mostly." He shrugged at me.

I lowered my eyes. "I didn't either..." To have her love me had been the biggest surprise, and not one about which I would complain.

He was confused. "You didn't?"

"For him to love me? No." I raised my eyes to him slowly, studying him. Dark, fire-colored eyes met mine. "I always wanted it... after all, I loved him for so long... but I was never any different from any other girl in the harem." I sighed quietly and decreased the volume of my voice, relating my fears of when I had been a harem member. "Except that I'm a man, which would make anything impossible."

He frowned. "But it happened... Does he love you, Nuriko?" He was actually serious for a second.

I nodded slowly, my eyes still on his. "Yes."

"Well, that's good then. I mean... shit... what're you making me talk about here?" He glared at me suddenly.

Confused at the sudden change in mood, I gave him an odd look. "What do you mean?"

"Fuck... I'm getting all sentimental and talking about some damned emotions. It's fucking unnatural." He gave me something that almost could be a pout.

I smiled at him and slid off the railing, leaning against it. "It's all right. Emotions aren't there just to be ignored, you know."

His hands were in his pockets and he looked a little annoyed at himself. Were his feelings so awful for him? "Well, whatever. I'm a bandit- I don't do emotions. I'm glad he loves you though. Shit, there are rumors that he married you so he wouldn't have to marry some other fucking girl when he couldn't have Miaka..."

Startled, I jerked my eyes to his face, staring at him, wide-eyed and silent.

"What?" he asked irritably.

I looked away, trying to control the surge of emotions which were playing on my worst fear. "Iie... nothing..." What if it were true? She really loved me, didn't she? Didn't she?

"Aw, shit," Tasuki growled. "Now I've gone and made you upset. Fucking wonderful. Stupid emotion shit."

I forced a little smile, trying to remember her words to me, the way she smiled at me, her promises of love and safety and faithfulness. "Hontou ni, I'm fine." I couldn't dwell on that right now. It would be too much right after Tamahome's family's death to find out I was a substitute. I changed the subject. "Are you ready to leave for Hokkan?"

The door opened and Akito walked out, speaking before he had seen who was with me. "Nuriko-sama... sh-" And then he saw Tasuki. "Shouldn't be much longer," he finished smoothly. "Heika-sama is just finishing up." He glanced at the bandit. "Tasuki-san... if you'd come with me please... I need to talk to you."

"I'm talking to Nuriko..." he protested, but Akito took his arm.

"Please," he said with a force I recognized too well.

I gave Akito a faint smile, Tasuki's words echoing in my ears. "Thank you... Tasuki, I'll talk to you later..."

Tasuki was cringing away from the emperor's chief advisor. "Shit, that hurts, leggo, I'm coming, I'm coming..."

I glanced once at them and then moved forward, knocking quietly on her door.
 
 

Blue. The dress was blue, a dark blue, lying just a shade or so shy of navy, with a neckline that plunged a bit lower than I was happy about, but then I had not had much say in the matter. Akito had chosen the clothes, as well as the shoes. I glanced appraisingly at them. They were small, soft, and slipper-like, and were actually comfortable. I looked at the dress skeptically again and set it across a chair for a moment. It was too strange. Shaking my head, I glanced at the discarded strip of cloth that I usually used to bind my chest to make it appear flat. Well... I would not need that today. Shrugging back my hair, I picked up the dress and slipped it on, smoothing out the new, cool fabric slightly. The neck line was indeed as low as I had thought it would be- nothing too revealing, but still it felt so different. Perhaps because I had never worn a dress before. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I spun around slightly, attempting to see the back, but mostly sending the skirt of the long dress flaring around me.

A small pendant lay in the crushed red velvet of an old jewelry box on my dresser. It had been my mother's, a small jade teardrop on a delicate chain. I lifted it carefully in my fingers and fastened it around my neck. Mother had given it to me just before she died. It had been special to her and she wanted me to have it. I had never worn it before, but then, I had never really had the occasion.

"Sai-chan!! I'm coming in... scream if it's not all right," a voice called and the door flew open and shut in one single motion. I simply blinked. Akito stood in front of the closed door, smiling at me. "Lovely, Sai-chan. Turn around."

"Akito..." I glanced at him. His voice was strange, neither the sarcastic tone he usually put forth nor the paternal tone he slipped into around me.

He shook his head. "Turn around," he said. This time I complied, knowing better than to argue with the old man when he was being stubborn. He half-smiled again. "Perfect, it fits wonderfully. I thought it would." Something must have caught his eye because he stepped towards me, a strange light flashing across his face. He reached out a hand and his strong fingers, untouched by the age that had claimed the color of his hair, brushed the pendant that hung at my neckline. "This was your mother's."

I nodded. "Hai... it was. She gave it to me... just before she died." My voice went quiet as I remembered my mother's death. It had hit me hard, seeing death take someone I was close to, someone I trusted. If Akito had not been there... I shook my head slightly, clearing it of the troublesome memories. Nuriko would be waiting outside. I should not be taking so long.

"I..." His smile was reminiscent. "I gave that to her... I never knew she kept it." His eyes came back to the present. "Sai-chan... you and Nuriko-san... you're happy, ne?"

The question caught me off-guard. "Hai..."

He nodded. "I'm glad... yes... good. Well, be careful today in town... I won't be there to watch out for you... and the city can be a dangerous place for a woman..." His normal smirk returned. He found all this very amusing, I'm sure. It was the sort of thing he would enjoy.

I smiled at him slightly. "Hai, don't worry. I will be with Nuriko, after all."

His hand on the doorknob he nodded, his smirky smile almost sad for a moment. "I'll make sure the way is clear for the both of you to escape." With that, he was outside and I was left to stare at the door.
 
 

I stood outside the door silently, waiting for permission to enter. This was my room too now, but it felt strange not to knock.

Her voice was wary. "Who is it?"

I kept my voice quiet. "It's me, Hotohori-sama..."

"Nuriko? Come in," she called through the door.

I pushed open the door and shut it behind me, not looking up at her. I left my eyes on the floor.

She regarded me for a moment, her arms folded across her chest. "Is something wrong...?"

I still did not raise my eyes to her. "Hotohori-sama... I need to talk to you..."

Her voice sounded like a mixture of confusion and worry. "Hai... of course... you're using the 'sama' again..." She paused. "What's wrong?" She sat on the bed and gestured for me to come sit beside her.

I stayed where I was. "Ne... how do you feel about Miaka now?"

She still sounded confused. "Miaka is a wonderful person, and our miko..." Her voice suddenly went quiet. "Nuriko... why are you asking me this?"

I was silent a moment, putting my arms around myself in a sort of self-hug. I felt horrible and guilty for doing this to her, but I had to know. "Gomen nasai... It's not that I don't trust you... but Tasuki... he said..." I stopped. How could I do this to her? She was a fellow seishi, my emperor- my wife. How could I doubt her? "Gomen nasai..."

She stood, shaking her head a bit, and walked over to me. "Don't apologize... please don't." She stopped a few feet in front of me. "What did Tasuki say?"

I had not, at this point, looked at her yet. All I could see of her were her feet, in feminine slippers. "Just..." I took a deep, slow breath, hoping that it might calm me down. I was surprised at how deeply Tasuki's words had cut. But I had been frightened of that before. It was like reliving before she had told me she loved me. "That... you married me because you couldn't... have her..." My words nearly tumbled out of my mouth in an effort to get it all said. "But I know it's silly to doubt you and I'm very sorry and I believe you, it's just that before I knew how you felt, this is what I was so scared about and I'm so sorry." I broke off suddenly when I finally figured out that I had been babbling.

She smiled at me, and her voice sounded sad. "Oh, Nuriko... that was never a reason... I love you... not because I couldn't have Miaka, but because I fell in love with you. I thought you knew..." She reached out a slender hand and touched my cheek gently. "Don't be sorry."

I reached up silently, taking her hand in mine, keeping it against my cheek. I leaned my face lightly against our clasped hands, wondering if I had the control to speak.

I could feel her eyes on me a moment. "Gomen, Nuriko... I never knew you were afraid of that... I'm sorry."

I shook my head slightly, and finally looked up at her. "No..." I gave her a faint smile as I saw that she was in a dress. It was dark blue, making her look paler than she was, trimmed with light blue. It was rather daringly cut and I was sure that she hadn't picked it out. Akito, perhaps? "But you look so beautiful today... I knew you would."

She turned slightly red. "Thank you." She shifted her feet uneasily for a moment.

I suddenly pulled her into a tight hug, angry at myself for doubting her even for a second. "Gomen... gomen..." I then blinked and pulled away, sensing something very different about her.

She looked back at me, confused at why I had moved away from her.

I was studying her, puzzled. "Are you shorter today or am I taller?"

She laughed, gently, happily. I smiled to myself, wondering if she knew how beautiful and kind and sweet she was. How could I have doubted her for even a second? "I'm shorter..." She tilted her head towards the doorway and I followed her gaze. A pair of large-soled heels rested there. "I'm my normal height, for once."

"Oh..." I looked back at her, sizing up the new difference in our heights, which had decreased significantly. "I think I like this better..."

"Hai," she replied, smiling at me in amusement. "Akito felt it might be a good idea to try and tone down my height a bit..." She bit her lip. "And tone up yours..." Her light steps led her to the closet where she pulled out a pair of very masculine boots. "He got you these..."

I followed her over, examining them. They were actually very close to what I would have picked out myself if I had to do so. "Well, at least his taste isn't too bad..." I was suddenly suspicious. "Are they going to pinch?"

She laughed again. "I don't think so..."

"Hmm..." I accepted the boots from her and went over to the bed, sitting down and pulling off my regular shoes. I pulled the boots on. They were indeed custom made for me. The heels were disguised very well, blending in with the rest of the soft leather that made up the top and sides of the boots. I stood, suddenly a good two or three inches taller than I had been, and gave her a confused look.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You seem puzzled."

I was looking at myself beside her, nearly the same height as she was. "I'm tall..."

She granted me another of her musical laughs. "Hai."

I clomped over closer to her. The shoes were comfortable, but heavy on the wooden floor. "This is very strange... and loud." I made a face. No more being her palace spy for me in these.

She smiled. "You don't have to wear them if you don't want to."

I stood up a little straighter, trying to see if I could manage to be taller than her, only vaguely hearing her words. "No, it's all right."

She hid a smile, watching me. "All right... are we ready to go then?"

I was busy craning my head. "Che, I'm still too short..."

She let her smile escape. "I'll slouch."

I pouted. I wanted to be taller than her. It was a slight to my manhood that I was not. It was all right when I was cross-dressing- even necessary then. But I wanted to look the part of her husband. I wanted to be worthy. "Fine..." I suddenly turned serious. "Ne... you're not upset, are you? At me?"

She blinked. "Why would I be upset at you?"

"Well... earlier..." I shifted uncomfortably.

She looked at me and slowly shook her head. "Of course not... if I'm upset with anyone, it's with myself, for not making you more certain." She smiled at me slightly, but it was a smile tinged by sadness.

I reached out and took her hand, lifting it to my lips. "If you love me... that's all that matters." I looked back up to her. "Ne?"

She nodded, smiling truly this time. "Hai... it's all that matters. I love you."

I nodded back, still holding her hand, but I stepped back a bit to admire her. "Hmm..." Did she have any idea what she did to me? She was so lovely...

"Hmm?" she inquired back at me.

"It's quite unfair," I said, sighing. "You look better in a dress than I do..."

She laughed slightly, shifting her feet again. Was she shy about looking like a girl? But I suppose that I had been the same way when Miaka first had me wearing men's clothes. "It feels so different..."

"So beautiful," I said softly. A flash of green caught my eyes and I stepped forward to look. "Ne... what's this?" I touched something by her neckline a bit curiously. "It's very pretty."

She reached up a hand as well to touch the small jade pendant that adorned her neck, brushing her fingers over it briefly. "Arigatou... my mother gave it to me... it was hers..." It was in the shape of a teardrop, simply cut and perfectly shaped.

I blinked and then glanced at my bracelets from Taiitsu-kun. "We match." I held a hand up for her to see the jewel in the bracelets.

She nodded, smiling at me. "We do..."

My eyes suddenly lit up, an idea forming in my mind. "I can do your make-up!! And your hair!!" I sat her hurriedly on the bed before she could protest. "Wait here!" I burst out the door before she could say anything to me.

I flew to my room and dug through my things, searching for supplies. I grabbed my makeup and several combs and clips to hold her hair. Pulling them into my arms, I ran back to where she was waiting.

I reentered the room, my bundle in my arms, and set it down on the bed beside her. I knelt in front of her, studying her. "Hmm... you're a bit darker than me, but I can make do..." I studied her a moment longer and then pulled something out of my pile.

She was watching me with wide eyes. I smiled as I realized that I had worn makeup more often than she had. "Close your eyes," I said gently.

"If you say so..." she said doubtfully, but did as I asked.

I picked a color that would suit both her complexion and the dress and started applying it lightly to her eyelids. I was completely sure of myself in this area. "There... open them."

She obeyed again, watching me warily.

I gave her a little grin. "Now open your mouth like this." I demonstrated for her, grabbing something else out of the pile at the same time.

She attempted to mimic my face, but was having trouble stifling a laugh.

I gave her a dirty look. "If you don't hold still, I'll draw on your forehead," I threatened.

She nodded quickly in agreement. She knew I would do exactly what I had promised.

My grin renewed and I finished her makeup after a few minutes without further mishap. I climbed onto the bed, kneeling behind her, and brushed out her long hair. I pulled it back into a style that I favored, half-loose and half-tied back, held in place with a few ribbons. I took the hand mirror from my pile and climbed around her off the bed. I held it up for her. "Well?"

She blinked in surprise, looking at herself. "Amazing... I look like a girl."

I set down the mirror, smiling slightly. "The most beautiful in the world..." I hadn't done much at all to her. Just a little makeup to highlight her best points. I stood, still looking at her. "We should go then..."

She stood as well, smiling at me. "Hai... ne, Nuriko... arigatou."

I laughed quietly and took her hand. "Aniki will be so pleased to meet you."

We managed to sneak out of the palace, Akito directing traffic away from us. I doubted that anyone would recognize her- she looked very different in female attire- but I had been seen around the palace wearing male clothing. If they saw me with someone, they might look closer. It was, however, ludicrous to ever think of the emperor cross-dressing...

The road to my old house was so familiar. I remembered playing along here with Kourin and Rokou, threatening bullies that tried to bother them, throwing cows at the ones that persisted.

I reached up a hand and knocked on the door to my old house, my other hand tightly clutching Hotohori's. "Aniki?" I called out. I could tell she was just as nervous as I was. But I was sure he would like her. He had been so happy that I had been getting married- to a woman- that I doubted he would care that she cross-dressed as well.

"Just a minute!" called his voice from inside. "Ryuuen-chan, is that you?"

I winced. "Hai..." Well, there went all my pretense of masculinity.

"Just open the door then!" he called again, his voice growing a bit more distant.

I glanced up to Hotohori to see how she was doing and she gave me a slight smile back, staying quiet.

I pushed open the door, my hand tightening slightly around hers, stepping in and pulling her after me. "Ne, aniki, we need to talk to you..."

My brother came out from another room- what had been Kourin's room- holding a pile of cloth. "Ryuuen!" He grinned at me and then blinked. "And... heika-sama?" He bowed hurriedly, then looked up at her a little curiously.

She was glancing around at the house. It was rather dusky in here, but Rokou had never been much of a housekeeper and he was living alone now. "Hai," she said softly. "And please... call me Hotohori. It's a pleasure to meet you."

I turned surprised eyes over to her and only a little up. Her voice had been... feminine. Very feminine. She had spoken much higher pitched than normal, and it was the first time I had heard that.

Rokou smiled at her. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Hotohori-sama. I'm glad you two are happy. If you'll just excuse me a minute...? I need to set these down."

I shut the door behind us and felt her glance over to me. She gave me a quick grin and then nodded to my brother. For his part, Rokou disappeared behind a curtain.

I was still looking at her, puzzled. "Hotohori-sa... er, Hotohori... your voice..."

She smiled at me and spoke, her voice still sounding girlish. "Hai... you didn't think my real voice was that deep, did you? It's strange though... I haven't spoken like this in years... it's almost unnatural. I'm sure I sound strange..."

And she did sound strange, but her voice was beautiful. I smiled back, a little amazed. "No... wonderful..."

"Sorry about that," interrupted Rokou as he returned. He glanced at me. "What's the occasion for this delightful visit?"

I glanced up at her, wondering if she wanted to explain or if I should. She shook her head slightly and waited for me. I turned my eyes to my brother. "We're going away for a while. Our seishi duties and all..." I took a deep breath, the vision of blood still too close to my mind. "One of the other seishi's families was killed two days ago. So... if you want, you can come stay at the palace. It would be safer for you there."

He gave me a slight smile. "Always protecting me, hm, Ryuuen?"

I gave him a little smile back, silent. I always had and always would.

He nodded at us. "I would be honored. When should I leave here?"

I looked up to her, wondering the same thing. She smiled generously at him. "Whenever you're ready... A place has already been prepared at the palace for you."

He nodded again. "Thank you very much." He gave me a dark smile. "She's certainly pretty, Ryuuen."

I grinned. "I know."

She looked at the two of us, a little perturbed, but shrugged. Did she mind us talking about her like that? "Perhaps you could accompany us back to the palace... if you'll be ready to leave soon... we can wait, can't we, Nuriko?"

I gave her a half-smile, half-smirk. She had no idea what we were talking about. I decided to lay it on thickly for my brother. "Up to you, my love."

Rokou was chuckling quietly. I was glad he still remembered our vow.

She knew she was missing something, glancing back and forth between us.

"I might be a while," he said, hiding a grin.

I smiled slightly at her. "Would you like to stay then?"

She blinked. "I would... but we do have to get to the boat. They shouldn't have to wait for us. Some other time?" She gave him an apologetic smile.

We simply smirked at each other.

I gave my brother a quick hug and turned to the door. "Ja, aniki!" I called out behind me.

"Ja!" he shouted back, laughter in his voice.

I shut the door behind us and glanced up at her, smiling. "He likes you."

She was looking at me a little warily. "I'm glad."

I chuckled. I would tell her later. "I am too." A mischievous thought crossed my mind and I suddenly took off in a burst of speed. "I'll win getting back to the palace!" I shouted behind me.

"Not in those shoes, you won't!" she yelled back and started running after to me.

I just laughed.
 
 

Traveling. That's what had caused it, the traveling, or perhaps the strange and irregular diet that presented itself on board. But I was sure, completely sure, that it was something sane and logical like that because the other option was something I was not willing to entertain. We had been on the water for two full weeks now, the seven Suzaku seishi and our miko. It had been a fairly uneventful voyage; the boat sailed smoothly over the water and we took it upon ourselves to enjoy the cruise. And it had been enjoyable, everything had been wonderful... until now.

But even now, it had to be some sort of stress, maybe because of the upcoming challenge we would be facing. That, coupled with the traveling and the strange eating habits I had been forced into, would explain everything. That would explain why I was late. Gods, late. Almost a week now. It bothered me at first, but a few days do not make much of a difference one way or another, but a week... I refused to acknowledge it, but the nagging fear kept eating away at the back of my mind. It could not be true. There was absolutely no way I could be pregnant. Well... there was a way... and it was not impossible... but no. No. I was not. It was just the stress of traveling.

The others sat around me as we gathered at the table. Miaka and Tamahome sat at the end furthest from me. Mitsukake sat to my left, quiet and impassive, but I could feel his silent eyes on me, studying, and it made me uncomfortable. Chichiri chattered on to Tasuki, trying to tell the bandit the better points of water. Tasuki simply glared at him, his mouth fixed in a childish pout. Nose in a book, Chiriko leaned against the back of his chair, his short legs not reaching the ground. Nuriko sat beside me, watching the others, inserting comments happily.

Turning my eyes to Mitsukake, I caught his eyes and simply said, "Traveling. That's what it is. Right?" The poor man just blinked at me, caught off-guard and confused beyond measure. Not wanting to explain, nor really being able to in the company I now held, I simply smiled a bit sheepishly, letting my mind wander to the subject I was so avoiding.

Pregnant. That just could not be it. Not now. Not with everything that was already happening. I could not do it. I couldn't... I... wouldn't allow myself to believe it. There had to be another reason. There had to be. But there was not. Nothing else I could think that would... No.

The next time we landed, I would be sure to check... there must be a healer somewhere. I could sneak off... in disguise if that would be necessary... and make sure... make sure...

But I already knew. Oh, gods. I knew. But it could not be. It was impossible.

Impossible. I almost felt like crying, but managed to keep any trace of tears from my eyes. Tears would not help, had never helped. The others were glancing at me strangely, probably disturbed by my silence. But I did not quite feel like talking.

A cool wind blew in through the open door and the ship rocked with a soft swaying motion that threatened to lull the senses. Outside the sun shone brightly, glittering on the clear gentle water. It was a beautiful day, completely perfect in nearly every way. But I barely noticed or cared... if it were actually true... I did not know what I would do.

It was later the same day, aboard the deck of the boat, beneath the sunshine, that we caught sight of land. A place to stop, rest a bit and find some supplies. Good... we would pull ashore here. Wonderful. The plans went on around me and past me for the most part. I simply stood, leaning against the wooden rail of the boat, lost in my own thoughts until we heard the boat's bottom scrape the floor of the ocean and Chiriko's urgent voice.

"This place... is bad news!" His child's face was earnest in its need and he glanced to each of us in turn, eyes wide. "Everyone!! Please, to protect yourselves, hurry and dress up as women!!"

I blinked at him, as did the others, and collective sounds of confusion came from the group.

Chiriko quickly explained something about Nyosei country, an island where it was life-threateningly dangerous for a man... Where...

That was when his symbol disappeared. Without the mark of a Suzaku seishi, he could not remember what he had been going to say. Devoid of any other alternative, we decided to do as he had said and dress like women. Better safe than sorry...

I watched as Nuriko dragged the others, save Miaka, Chichiri, and myself into our room. Dressing like a woman. Wonderful. In front of the others. Shaking my head, my hair being flipped about by the breeze, I stood outside the door, arms hugged close across my chest. Everything at once... And I was still late. It was impossible. I could not be pregnant... It was... impossible. Impossible.
 
 

"I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO WEAR THE SKIRT!!" Tasuki yelled, storming away to the other side of the room. He angrily threw the dress I had lent him down at my feet from where he was.

I sighed quietly. As the only one who had brought female clothing aboard, it was my job to make sure that everyone had something that made them look like women- and for some of them, it was hard.

I, for my part, had no trouble, as usual, looking like a girl. Miaka was fine. Chichiri had told me that he would use his magic. I gave him a suspicious glance, but agreed to let him do that. Tamahome had consented very unwillingly. He was staring in dismay at what I had given him. Tasuki, as of yet, staunchly refused to even try it on. Chiriko was a little upset, but his character was gone. He had just agreed, trusting that we weren't just trying to make a fool out of him. I had had a little trouble finding something for Mitsukake, but eventually came up with a skirt and passed off one of his own shirts as feminine enough. I had also added a shawl to his ensemble. He was off elsewhere, trying to fix the outfit as best as he could.

And Tasuki...

I kept my voice calm. "Tasuki, you heard what Chiriko said." I reached down and picked up the dress and tossed it back to him. He glared but did not throw it again.

We were in Hotohori's and my room on the ship, as that had been the location of the greatest amount of female apparel. The two beds in the room had been pushed together- not that one was used in any case- to make room for all the men we had in here. Tamahome sat on one of the beds, the pink dress still draped in his arms. Giving up Tasuki as a lost cause for now, I walked over to Tamahome.

"How mortifying..." His shoulders were slumped. "Are you sure I have to do this?" He looked up at me, a pitiful sight.

I nudged him lightly. "Ne, do it for Miaka. If what Chiriko said is true, then we have to stay safe, right? You can't protect her unless you're safe first."

I tried to hide a smile as he nodded dismally. Didn't he realize that I dressed like this all the time? Was it different for me than for him? I pulled him to his feet and he reluctantly started getting changed.

As he was busy, I shoved Chiriko out the door. "Go tell Miaka we're almost ready," I commanded him.

Happy to be useful, he scampered off. He was wearing something of Miaka's because she was closer to his height than I was. I always felt good standing next to him. Very tall, unlike with Hotohori.

By the time I had turned around, Tama was changed and Tasuki was laughing his head off. I strode across the room, grabbed Tasuki, and started pulling his clothes off.

My seishi power was strength. His was speed. However, when someone has one by one's neck, speed is rather useless. Between Tamahome and I, we stripped him and forced the dress on him, despite his struggling. The names he called us do not bear repeating, but we managed.

I did up their hair, enjoying every minute of humiliating them. I wondered for a second if that made me cruel, but the situation was so absurd and so funny that the thought did not remain long.

Tamahome submitted to my ministrations somewhat willingly, though Tasuki squirmed and fought and strove his hardest to make life difficult for me. Eventually, I just got Tamahome to hold him down.

Finished. I moved away from Tasuki, smirking my triumph. "Ah, kawaii, Tasuki-chan!" I exclaimed, putting a hand to my cheek. "It's you!"

"Kawaisou!" he spat at me and made a vulgar gesture, storming out of the room.

Tamahome chuckled and then paled as he realized he would have to wear this in front of Miaka.

Fixing a stray hair that had come loose in the tussle with Tasuki, I turned back to the door. "Well, Tama-chan," I said sweetly, "you're on."

He nodded, stricken, and stepped out the door.

Alone in the room, I stepped to my trunk where I was keeping my clothes. Unfortunately, I would not be able to bring all my clothes with me once we reached Hokkan- they would have to go back with the ship. I pulled a long green dress out of it and lay it on the beds. She would find it there. I had taken some of the dresses Akito had had made for her and packed them with my things- they would not be out of place there. I had brought them along on case there was a special occasion. I laughed quietly to myself. One never knows what might happen...

I examined myself in the mirror one last time then stepped to the door. I opened it, and to my surprise, the sweetest face on earth was in front of mine. I smiled up at her. "Hotohori... I left something for you on the bed."

She looked very upset and worried. "You... your clothes won't fit me..."

I stretched up and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Go see, Sai'ai." I gave her a little smile. "And don't worry. All of us men have to do this."

She gave me a shaky smile and a nod. "Hai... of course." She then stepped by me into the room. I shut the door behind her tightly and leaned on it slightly, waiting for her.

There was something wrong. She was upset more than was necessary for this. More than a bit pensive, I waited in silence.
 
 

I stepped into the room, gazing around it silently. The women of Nyosei Island had provided us with a banquet and lodgings and had been perfectly congenial after they had taken Mitsukake away from us, having seen through his disguise. Obviously Chiriko had been right. Mitsukake had been taken because he was a man, but we did not know where he was or what danger he was in. Chichiri had popped off shortly after the banquet to look for him. Nuriko and I had been directed to the room we would be sharing with the mysterious monk.

Nuriko's quiet steps followed me into the room. "Mm... at least they have good taste," he said, glancing around at the furnishings.

Only vaguely hearing, I nodded in agreement. "Hai..." My mind was still elsewhere. Oh gods, pregnant. It just could not be true. I had not said anything to anyone yet... It just was not right. Not now. Everything was so uncertain. We had to find the shinzahou, call Suzaku. I had to protect our miko. If I were truly pregnant I was not sure I could do that. And I was only eighteen. Eighteen. I felt so much older sometimes, especially when I looked back on my childhood that seemed so far away. I could not do it. I could not have a baby. Not now. Not yet.

A hand touched my arm, softly, gently, and a familiar musical voice spoke up. "Hotohori...?"

I nearly jumped, stiffening slightly beneath his touch. Turning around to look at him, I wondered what he would say. I would have to tell him. Soon... "Hai?" I asked, my voice sounding strange to my own ears.

He was quiet for a minute, his deep violet eyes worried as they watched me, studying me. "What's wrong?" A small frown settled on his face. "Is it just dressing like this...?"

If he only knew. I would have to tell him. But not now. Not now. I couldn't... because I still could not accept it as true. I shook my head. "Iie." I laughed slightly and it sounded only a little forced. "It isn't the clothes... it's nothing... really... I'm fine," I lied.

The frown on his face deepened, his eyes clouding with thoughts. "Hotohori..." His voice was anxious, worried, but he seemed content to leave it at that. He spoke again, his voice softer. "Saihitei." Lowering his hand from my arm, he found my hand and took it in his, his eyes not leaving mine. I tightened my hand around his, so glad suddenly for the contact. It seemed as though, for a moment, everything stopped slipping away. I managed a small smile at him, but this one was not forced. He smiled back, albeit a bit warily.

I glanced away. "Ne... sorry if I've been quiet lately... just... there's a lot to think about..."

He nodded slowly as he listened, moving a bit closer to me. "I want to help."

I gave him another smile, grateful for the reassurance, knowing he was there. "Arigatou..." I went silent for a moment, knowing I had to tell him, but not willing to speak it aloud. If I said it... it would be true, and I still was not ready to believe it. I was scared.

Concern spread across his features slowly, only barely visible upon his face. "Ne, Hotohori, are you all right?" He moved so that he stood directly in front of me and remained there, looking up at me. His eyes searched for mine, but I could not meet them.

Instead, I focused my eyes on the smooth wooden floor and the deep crimson carpet that covered only a small portion of the room's floor space. Still unable to bring myself to answer his question, I asked one of my own. "Ne... when we were at your brother's... a few weeks back... why were you smirking?" I was grasping at straws, trying to steer the conversation away from the inevitable. Sighing inwardly, I went to sit on the bed, folding my legs beneath me.

I could feel his eyes on me for a minute, following me, before a slow smile broke over his face. He followed me to the bed and sat cross-legged on it, beside me. "Well..." he began and started laughing to himself.

Raising an eyebrow, I gave him a look. "Are you going to explain?"

Choking back his laughter, he attempted to hide a smile, and more or less totally failed. "Well... when aniki and I were younger... I was about eight I think... we got into a huge fight..." The look he sent my way was sly and half on its way to a smirk that he was trying to hold back.

"About what?" I was curious now.

His mischievous smile nearly exploded across his face. "Who would marry the prettier girl." His voice held the laughter he was trying to keep from surfacing. "I'm sure for a while there he thought he would win..." The mischief faded from his smile and his eyes returned from their deep lavender memories. Slowly, he reached out and touched my hand lightly. "He can never beat me though..."

I smiled back slightly, nearly blushing, but not. And I watched him for a moment. I had to tell him. My smile faded slightly and the fear that had made itself at home within my chest resurfaced. I felt cold, and a silent shiver ran down my spine. It was still too soon for all this to happen.

He must have seen the change, for he suddenly sobered, his voice quiet. "That's not what is bothering you..."

"Iie... it's not..." My eyes strayed from his face.

"Can you tell me?" His voice was still quiet, gentle.

I paused a moment. Could I? Could I tell him now? Could I admit it to myself? But there truly was no choice; what was true was true. No amount of wishing or delaying would change that. I knew this to be true. I had seen it proved so many times before. I nodded to him slightly. I... I could tell him.

Slowly, he reached out and took my hand again, watching me with silent worried eyes.

My eyes were wide as I looked at him, trying to form the words in my mind despite my refusal to believe them.

His hand tightened around mine slightly, and his face was nervous, nearly mirroring my own.

"I..." I bit my lip slightly, took a breath and just said it all at once. "I... don't know for sure yet... but... I think... I think... oh, gods... I think I might be pregnant..." My voice was tight, controlled, because I was afraid that if I didn't control it, the fear might escape through it.

His eyes positively lit up and a look of happy amazement crossed his face slowly, spreading the rays of the sun. His voice was awed. "Hotohori..." He hugged me suddenly, tightly. "Oh, how wonderful..."

I did not hug him back; I could not. I was too busy trying to fight back the tears that were threatening my eyes as I finally came face to face with the truth I did not want to admit. And I did not understand his reaction. He was happy?

He pulled away, seeming to have notice my stiffness. His face was a bit surprised as he looked at me for a moment. "Hotohori...?" Worry crept into his voice, overshadowing the joy that had been there a moment ago.

Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes, but I did not notice them. "It wasn't supposed to happen now..." Didn't he understand? I could not have a baby now.

He put a hand to my cheek, warm, reassuring, barely resting on my skin. "Oh, Hotohori, it will be all right... I promise..." His voice was worried, but excitement marked his face vividly. "Please don't worry... I'm here..."

"I... I know..." I was trying to contain myself. He must think me so ungrateful. I had known as well as he that we were trying to have a child. And I wanted to make a family with him, but it was not supposed to happen this quickly. We were not ready. Everything was still in turmoil, still happening. The world flew past me too quickly for me to keep up with it. Even my own life was not guaranteed, never mind the life of an innocent unborn child. It was too soon. "I... I love you... I want to have a family... but... I don't know how... what if we can't find the shinzahou... what if someone finds out my secret?" How could I keep my secret safe if I were pregnant? Surely someone would find out I was a woman. I spoke again, quietly, almost ashamed of my next words. "I'm scared..."

He pulled me into a tight hug, his fingers gently twisting into my hair and stroking my back lightly, as though I were a child who had just awoken from a nightmare. "Sshh... I'll protect you... and even if they do, they won't tell. You know they won't. Everything will be all right. I promise. I promise. And I'll be here."

I leaned against him, clinging to the safety that he provided, and nodded slightly. The tears I had been holding back for what seemed to be such a long time began falling silently from my eyes onto his shoulder.

I could not see his face, but his voice gave away the smile that I knew rested on his face. "What if it's a boy? What will we name him? Akito? Or a girl... hmm..." His arms tightened around me slightly. "Oh, Hotohori..."

I hugged him back this time. "Nuriko... we... we're not sure yet... I... don't see what else it could be... but..." It could not be anything else though. My fingers tightened unconsciously around the fabric of his clothing.

His voice was nearly dancing; it left his lips with a soft musical sound that spoke of happiness. "You'll make such a wonderful..." He paused for a moment as though pondering, and then pulled away, perhaps to ask me a question. His dark eyes widened as he caught sight of the tears that had slipped from my eyes. "Hotohori..." Reaching up a hand, he gently brushed the tears away from my cheeks. His touch was soft, light, and his voice was soothing, so full of concern. "It'll be all right..."

I nodded as my tears slowly subsided under his touch. "Hai... it will..." My words were an attempt to assure myself as much as they were to agree with him. It would be all right. It would have to be. Because he had said so. And he would be there.

He moved his other hand to my cheek as well, holding my face gently between his hands. He met my eyes, his own still sparkling with happiness and hope. "I promise." He leaned forward slowly and kissed my forehead lightly. "I'll keep you safe." A shy smile flickered across his lips. "Both of you."

I managed a small smile back, and for the first time in a while, it was not forced. It would all be all right. I had to believe that.

"You're so amazing..." he said suddenly, his voice awed once more.

I raised an eyebrow slightly. "Amazing?"

He smiled slightly, sweetly, blissfully. "And brave and wonderful and perfect and marvelous and sweet..." He lowered his hands from my face. Moonlight shone through the window and the song of a thousand crickets could be heard in the moment of silence where we just watched each other. "I love you so much."

I watched him a minute more, the very last traces of tears already cried lingering in my eyes before disappearing into the darkness of night. The candles that lit the room flickered in a sporadic frantic dance, spurred on by the small breeze that made its way into the room through the little openings at the doors and the windows where the wall did not meet the frames. I hugged him again, suddenly, tightly, as though he were my only link to sanity, to safety. And he was. "I love you too..." My voice was quiet again, almost overshadowed by the sounds in the night. "I'd be lost without you..."

A quiet laugh floated over his lips and he hugged me back. "Silly... you would manage..." He smirked. "And you wouldn't be pregnant either..." His arms tightened around me suddenly.

I laughed slightly at this, not letting him go. The fear was fading from my voice. "We're going to have a baby..." It was almost incomprehensible.

He chuckled quietly. "No, you are. I just get to cheer you on and be a pest."

I pulled away, shaking my head slightly in laughter, but then my laughter faded and I grew serious. "Ne... gomen... for acting like that..." I was ashamed at myself for acting like that earlier. I should have had more control.

His smile was small, but honest. "Well, I won't say I'm not scared."

Smiling back slightly, I nodded slightly, my face mirroring his. "Good... because I'm terrified..."

He laughed and then a mischievous look crossed his face, his smile turning almost evil. "What on earth will Akito-san say?"

My eyes widened. Akito. Telling him was not something I had thought about yet. "I don't know... I'm almost afraid to hear it..."

He grinned. "I don't care what he says." He was truly glowing. "I'm happy." His expression suddenly sobered and he looked at me seriously for a moment. "Are you all right about this then?"

Was I all right? I looked at him for a moment, wondering the answer to that question myself. "Hai... just... unsure of what to do... what's going to happen..."

Something like pride shone in his eyes and he smiled at me. "I'll be there. It will be all right." He glanced around at the darkened room. "Ne... I don't think Chichiri is coming back..."

I glanced up as well, suddenly realizing how late it had gotten so quickly, and how dark. "I don't think so either."

"We should get some sleep then,” he suggested quietly.

Agreeing, I nodded slowly, wondering what would be keeping the blue-haired man out so long. Had he run into trouble? "You're right... "

I glanced at Nuriko just as he leaned backwards and flopped onto the bed, sprawling out all across it, his feet hanging over the side. "I'm comfortable..."

I could not help but laugh. "Well... that's good..." He truly was a child sometime. I loved him for it.

A hand grabbed my wrist and I found myself suddenly pulled on top of him. He shut his eyes. "Mmm... warm now too..."

Not moving, I laughed slightly before shutting my eyes as well. "Glad you're happy..."

His arms wrapped around me, holding me close. "Mm." He did not open his eyes, and I simply lay against him, listening to him breathe. Everything would be all right, as he had said. He was there. I was not alone in this. I fell asleep still lying against him, warm and safe.

It was later that night when I awoke suddenly to loud shouts and noises from outside. I sat upright, instantly awake, my entire body stiff and tense. Something was going on. I turned to Nuriko, who still lay where he had fallen. His chest was rising and falling in steady even breaths. He was sleeping, undisturbed by the sounds outside. I reached down and shook him, gently, but urgently. "Nuriko..." My voice was a quick whisper.

"No..." he mumbled, rolling over.

I shook him harder. "Nuriko...wake up..."

Blearily, his eyes blinked open and with some effort, focused on me through the darkness. "What?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"Something's going on..." I told him, still whispering and casting anxious glances to the doors.

Yawning, he sat up slowly. "What do you mean?"

I gestured to the outside where the sound of running footsteps and shouting voices filled the cool night air.
 
He blinked, still looking half-asleep, and smoothed a hand over the clothes in which he had fallen asleep. "Oh... should we go see?"

"Hai..." I nodded.

He stood up, rubbing his eyes sleepily and heading towards the door. I followed close behind him, grabbing my sword as I walked past it. I carefully fastened the deity sword Taiitsu-kun had given me to my clothing and stepped outside just behind Nuriko. Our footsteps betrayed us only by soft padding echoes across the hallways. A blur of running figures blew past us and recognition came only after they were past us. "Tamahome? Miaka? Tasuki? Chiriko?" Nuriko called after them a bit disbelieving. They stopped, turning to look at us as we quickly caught up with them. The female disguises had fallen completely to pieces. Quickly, in a hurried rush of an explanation, we learned that we had been found out and the women of the island were after us. We were all doomed because of what they did to men.

Well, I was not doomed... but I was not about to point that out to them at that point in time. Somewhere amidst the chaos of running and hiding we decided to spilt up. And split we did, although a bit unevenly. Miaka ran off first, but before she could quite get anywhere, I called her back and gave her my sword. A just-in-case measure. I am not quite sure what possessed me to do it, but I was not given long to think. A group of the Nyosei women came towards us and we ran again.

The frantic night continued until we found ourselves standing once again together, on a cliff overlooking the churning waters of the ocean below. We would not have made it, we would have been killed, if Chiriko's symbol had not reappeared. He had saved us all, for the second time since we had met him.

I was glowing.

We were going to have a child.

Maybe it would be a little girl. Maybe we could name her Kourin. Maybe a boy... I was a bit unsure about naming him Akito though. I wondered vaguely what her mother's name had been and could not quite recall. We could name her Saihitei or him Ryuuen, but that could get confusing. I also didn't much like it when people named their children after themselves. It seemed to me to make the child merely an extension of themselves. So those were out. But Kourin... that might work. If she wanted that, of course.

Yet that would get confusing as well. Everyone knew that Kourin was the name of the present empress. I sighed quietly, not unhappily, tightening my arms slightly around her waist. Her hands were gripping my arms already. The horse bounced underneath us. We were all sharing, two to a horse. And this one was skittish.

We were traveling in Hokkan. It was a rather desolate place. It was also freezing cold. One thing that I could always boast about was my ability to be cold, whether it was warm or not, a very female trait. I had bothered Tasuki several times to warm me up with his tessen, but he was getting annoyed at me for that, so I had to content myself with leaning closely against her, seeking body heat. And comforting her.

She was so frightened. I didn't know how to make everything all right, as I had promised. I would be here for her, assuming I wasn't killed as we traveled, but no one had gotten very hurt yet, except Miaka, so I didn't expect any serious threats to our lives. The horse was cantering a little roughly. We had gotten them at the last stop, a place where Tamahome had saved a child. They had been our thanks and payment.

They had told us to go to Toran. It was the biggest city, they had said, and if we sought information on the shinzahou, they would be the most likely to know.

Snow. Everywhere. The fields were flat and stretched for endless miles of dull, freezing, white snow. I did not like it. It had been beautiful at first, a glorious, shimmering treat, but this was a bit much. Everything has to come to an end, doesn't it? And it was so cold. I missed the fields of Kounan, covered in grass and wildflowers. I missed the trees and the blue sky, not this grey dusk that always seemed to loom overhead. I missed being able to move when I was trying to sleep, instead of being weighted down with blankets. And, brief though it had been, I missed what private time I had been able to have with Hotohori. I knew how difficult it was for her to keep her secret amidst the other seishi, living with so many others. A few times it could have been possible... but no. No one else knew. And I would keep it that way.

I could see lights far ahead of us. Perhaps that was Toran. There was only one way to be sure.
 
 

The snow was quite pretty, both as it lay on the ground and as it drifted gently down to the ground. The lights of the town before us sparkled like stars that had fallen to earth with the snowflakes. They promised shelter, warmth... rest.

The cold was not unbearable, but it was chilly, and only getting more so as the night drew on and the sun set. The sheet of grey that covered the sky was dimming to a charcoal color. The moonless, starless sky made the coming darkness seem even more complete, and perhaps it would have been overwhelming were it not for the town we were approaching.

Nuriko's arms still held on tightly around my waist, and I could feel him leaning against me, shivering in the chilled air. He had been so happy, despite our less-than-ideal traveling conditions, ever since I had told him. The smile that graced his face only brightened whenever I brought up the subject of our having a baby. His happiness was encouraging and, while I understood it, I could not bring myself to agree with him. But it was nice to see him so happy. It helped to take some of the fear, some of the chilling uncertainty, away. Because he was there. Because he had said everything would be all right. And it would be. He would be there, always. We would be together, as long as we both lived.

But still... I shivered despite myself, but not from the cold. I had never thought about being pregnant before. I had never expected that it could happen. But as the cool wind stirred some of the powdery white snow beneath the foot of the horse, sending it up into a swirl of sparkling dust, I knew it was something with which I needed to come to terms. I just wish I knew what would happen. It was frightening.

I felt Nuriko's arms tighten slightly around my waist again as he shifted position. The gates of the town lay open behind us as we entered the city and came to the inn as the last vestiges of daylight slipped behind the distant grey horizon.
 
 

The table was cool on my arm. I was leaning on one elbow, watching the most beautiful flower that had ever bloomed from Kounan. She was gazing across the room, her head slightly bowed, her hair cascading over her shoulder, shadowing her features, casting dusk across her pale face. Her dark eyes were stormy, reminiscent of the last embers of a fire fighting to survive. Her hands rested lightly on the table, unmoving, but tense. She sat beside me on a small stool. I smiled slightly to myself. If only she could see herself. If only she could see herself through my eyes.

"Akito... I'm not sure it will fit..." I said, still smiling, interrupting the silence.

We were in the small room beside the dining area in the inn that we had decided to make our home for the night. We were alone in the room. The others were upstairs, presumably asleep, but she had not wanted to go to bed yet.

Her dark eyes turned to me. She was still scared. Despite how much I had tried to comfort her, she was frightened of what was happening. But I knew we would be all right. No matter what happened. "And we'd never hear the end of it from Akito either..." The lone candle at the end of the table flickered as if it were about to die.

I laughed quietly. "True enough." I watched her a moment more, wishing I could reach out and feel the tiny life that was growing inside her, to understand how it felt. "Girl or a boy?"

She gave me a faint smirk. "Does it matter?"

I lowered my eyes, hiding a grin. "It might..." I looked back at her, then suddenly leaned over, lightly kissing her cheek. "But, of course, you are right as usual." That caused me to wonder. What if we had a girl? Would she succeed Hotohori? Would she have to find someone like me? That had many possibilities. I wasn't sure I wanted my child to grow up in my footsteps.

She smiled at me slightly and opened her mouth to say something, but there was suddenly a looming shadow over us. I glanced up and gave the tall man a happy smile. "Konban wa! Mitsukake, you're up late!"

He nodded once to me. "Hai... Konban wa, Nuriko... heika..." He was looking between us, seeming to see something that wasn't there, gazing at us with his dark, perceptive, silent eyes.

I cocked my head at him, looking up at him a bit curiously. We weren't exactly the closest of friends, but the healer was not very close to any of us. I glanced once at Hotohori and then back to him. "Why don't you sit down? Is something the matter?"

He accepted my suggestion and did so, giving us both a slight smile. "Nothing's the matter... I was just wondering..." He broke off, looking slightly anxious, surprising to see on his normally calm, controlled face.

Hotohori, a little frown settled on her eyes, looked up at him. He was one of the few men taller than her, at least when she was wearing her shoes. She had not briught them on the trip, so she was about the same height as Chichiri. I wore the special shoes Akito had given me. I liked feeling tall. "Wondering what?"

I looked at her again, trying to decipher her emotion in the dark, a little confused. There was a sudden electricity in the atmosphere that I did not quite understand. I turned back to Mitsukake, waiting for him to answer.

He was studying her quietly. "I was just wondering if you'd want to be looked at... checked, that is.. by a doctor."

Her voice was nervous, almost tremulous. "Why... why would I need to? I'm not sick..." She cast me a nervous glance.

I could not respond, the feeling in my stomach suddenly tight. I watched him silently a moment. He knew. He knew. "Sou ka," I said softly. I slowly turned my eyes to her, silent again.

His voice was gentle, trying to reassure her. "Well, you're pregnant, ne?"

She just blinked and stared at him. "I..."

I had only seen her eyes so terrified twice before. The first time had been when I had walked in on her and her secret had been revealed. The second had been when she had discovered she was pregnant.

I reached out and took her hand, looking only at Mitsukake. I tightened my hand slightly around hers, leaving my voice quiet. "Yes, if you would be so kind."

I could see out of the corner of my eyes her own frantic eyes.

I couldn't look back at her. What I was doing was betraying her. But it didn't matter now. He knew. "Please."

He nodded, his face unreadable. "Hai, of course."

He reached out his left hand and placed it on her forehead, a tiny light emanating from the hand rivaling that of the candle. She did not move or say anything, her eyes lowered, but I could feel the fear in her just by touching her hand.

I bit my lip. Was it betrayal? But he had known... I couldn't look at her. Had it been betrayal to tell her my real name? I had sworn to Kourin that we would always be together, that I would be her as long as I lived. But I had married a woman. I was no longer acting as she had. I was myself...

Yet... Hotohori had fallen in love with me. With Ryuuen.

I kept my eyes focused on the table in front of me. Either way, I lost. With Hotohori, I could no longer be Kourin. Without Hotohori, I could not live.

I felt unworthy to even be touching her hand. Would I betray her one day too? Would there be some promise that I had made to her that I would break too?

His hand started to move down from her forehead, about an inch away from her, over her face, over her neck, over her breasts, and finally to her stomach. Where our child was growing. After a moment, he drew it away and simply nodded.

She was still silent. Was she angry at me? I could not look up.

"Well, you are pregnant... it's early, but you're both very healthy so far..." It sounded like he was smiling. Good. They were fine. She tightened her hand around mine slightly.

I tightened my hand as well, a tiny smile slipping onto my face. No matter what, I still loved her. And I was so happy we were going to have a child. I looked up to Mitsukake a little shyly, my voice still soft. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Of course... any time I can be of help..."

She was still being remarkably quiet.

I nodded back and then finally forced myself to look at her. She met my gaze, not smiling nor frowning, just looking rather unsure. Relief poured through me. She wasn't angry with me.

"Heika, you do not have to worry," Mitsukake said, his deep voice resonating in the small room. "I will not tell anyone anything. You have my word on that."

"Gomen..." I whispered to her. And I truly was sorry.

She shook her head. "Iie... don't apologize." She gave me a little smile and then turned her eyes back to Mitsukake. "Mitsukake... how... how did you know?"

I too turned my eyes to the tall healer, seated across from us. "I'm a doctor," he said simply. "You had been acting so strangely... I had seen such behavior before... but only in a pregnant woman... and it made me wonder..."

I smiled slightly to myself. Strangely was an understatement. But her voice, when she answered, was almost too calm. "I see."

He just nodded.

"Ne, Mitsukake," I said lowly, curiosity suddenly itching my mind.

He glanced at me. "Hai?"

"Only in a pregnant woman... the way you said it," I repeated, musing over his words. I paused a moment, aware that he might not want me poking into his past. I tried to phrase my inquiry carefully. "Forgive me, but it sounded like it was someone you know."

His dark eyes went distant for a minute, but then he nodded, not coming out of his memories. "Hai... I was speaking... of someone I once knew..."

I was even more curious. My finesse completely gone, I asked the question bluntly. "Who?"

There was only one person that I knew of that he had known. His voice was hushed, almost as if speaking the name was an effort- or painful. "Shouka..."

My eyes widened and I knew Hotohori's did as well. His one love had been pregnant...?

"Shouka was pregnant... when she died," he said rather flatly. His entire posture had changed, looking hurt, sad, almost angry.

I kept my tone soft. "Yours...?"

His nod was barely perceptible. "Hai. Mine."

My brows lowered. "I'm sorry..."

He shook his head. "Don't apologize... I've already apologized hundreds of times and it didn't do anything." His eyes were still looking off into the past. "It was the baby that killed her... she wasn't strong enough when the disease came... because of the child... that's why the demon took her."

I slowly put my other hand on top of the hand of hers I held. I was completely unsure of what to say. The rush of emotions was nearly suffocating. He had lost her... because of the baby... no. No. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. No matter what, I would protect her. I glanced up at her, upset.

She was nearly clutching my hand, looking scared and trying to not to show it.

He seemed to realize what he was saying and to whom. "Gomen... I shouldn't be telling you this. And don't worry, heika, you're perfectly healthy and I'll do my best to make sure you stay that way." He gave us a half-hearted smile.

"Mitsukake... thank you," I said quietly. My feelings were still rushing around. How must he have felt when that happened? I would have felt so guilty. "And it wasn't your fault."

The sad smile still graced his face. "Iie... it was... I failed her twice." He sighed quietly. "But... perhaps she can forgive me someday..."

I shook my head slowly. "Trust me... she has." The smile I gave him was slight. "I saw her face. I was there."

He smiled back faintly, bowing his head a bit. I knew that in this case words meant nothing. "If you'll excuse me... it's late... If you ever have need of anything more, please ask me." He nodded to both of us, rising to his feet in one smooth motion. "Nuriko, heika." His quiet footsteps led him away.

"Oyasumi," I said quietly. I watched him until he disappeared, still holding her hand with both of mine. I needed to see her reaction to this.

She turned her eyes away from the darkness that had engulfed him. They were more frightened than her voice, carefully cultivated to prevent slips, or her face, also trained to not show emotion. "It's falling apart..."

"Don't..." I started to shake my head. "Nothing is falling apart. He knows, yes. But he's not going to tell. You know that." I met her eyes squarely. "It will be all right. Everything will be."

"Hai... hai, it will be. It has to be." She was more reassuring herself than me, I think. She was still shaken from the realization that Mitsukake knew. And that Shouka had died because of her own child.

I stood, moving over to her and bending over to hug her tightly. "Don't be scared... please. Nothing will happen to you. I'll always keep you safe."

She hugged me back just as tightly, nodding into my shoulder.

I would protect her.
 
 

It was late, too late to be awake, but I was. Sleep would not come; perhaps it could not. The words still swam through my mind, searing into my memory and refusing to be pushed away. Nuriko lay beside me, his loose hair spilling across the pillow in shining ripples on the snow white sheet, his arms loosely around me and that happy smile still pulling at the corners of his mouth, even in sleep. It was our first night alone since we had left the boat to travel over land some time ago, and it was nice to be alone together again. The bed was warm, him lying beside me under a number of soft blankets, and still I could not sleep. Sighing to myself slightly, I slid out from beneath the covers and away from him into the cold chill. The night air was cool against my bare skin and I stood glancing around a moment before picking up my nightshirt and slipping it over my head.

Still shivering and cold, but covered now, I folded my arms across my chest, almost hugging myself, trying to ward off the chill.

Shouka. She had died because of the baby. I shivered, as much from that thought as from the cold. Mitsukake had found out my secrets, both that I was a woman and that I was pregnant. I tried to convince myself it was because he was a healer- that was why he had known, how he could tell. That had to be why. My feet padded softly against the cold bare wooden floor as I walked over to the window and looked out. Moonlight was beginning to shine through as the clouds broke apart in patches to reveal an ebony sky studded with diamonds.

Nuriko still slept soundly beneath the mound of covers piled onto the bed. The moonlight shone on the fallen snow, making it glitter. Lifting a hand to my face, I was surprised to find my cheeks wet with silently falling tears. I wiped at them, annoyed. Why was I crying? There was no reason to. Despite everything that had happened, I still should not have been so emotional, so upset. After all, Nuriko was here and he had promised everything would be all right. And as long as he was with me, as long as he lived, I knew it would be. I suppose... it was almost a good thing that Mitsukake knew now. I would be needing a doctor in the months to come, and the healer was someone I knew I could trust.

But the pain in his eyes, when he had talked about Shouka, how he had lost her. That was what had been most frightening. I had never seen such sadness, so deep, so complete, in anyone's eyes before. Shaking my head at the night sky, I walked over to the bed, slipping back beneath the covers and inching close against Nuriko, leaning against him, my shivering slowly ceasing. Everything would be fine. It was Nuriko's child, our baby, that I was carrying inside me. As long as he was with me, everything would be all right. Everything.
 
 

I stumbled down the stairs. Hotohori had not been in our room when I had woken up. My stomach rumbled again- the reason I had woken up- and I tried to straighten out my disheveled appearance slightly. I pulled my belt into the right place, brushing a few purple strands of hair out of my eyes, and continued down the stairs. My footsteps were not as light as I would have liked.

I managed to make my way down the stairs without falling. I peered into the dining room of the inn, searching for her or food, and found both. I meandered over slowly.

I had slept late. There were already drunk men about. I found that impressive.

She was sitting as far from Mitsukake as she could manage, but she glanced up at me and smiled. "Ohayo."

Any morning that I could wake up to her certainly was a good morning. I smiled blissfully at her, but then realized that there was no place for me at the table. I peered around and then quickly stole one from a neighboring table, seating myself happily. "Ohayo... what's going on?" They were all speaking but her, talking about what we were going to do.

"We're discussing the plans for today," she told me, looking back to the others, "to search for the shinzahou."

I nodded, stifling a yawn. "How?" I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying. I was sure they had everything worked out, or that they would.

She hid a grin, presumably at how sleepy I still was, but it had been a long night. Yet she should have been tired too. "We think it'll be quicker if we split up... to cover more area in less time."

I nodded in agreement with her, too tired to form my own opinion. "I'm going with you." That I would not compromise, no matter what state of wakefulness I was in.

She smiled at me briefly and then turned to the others, making sure that there would be no arguments against that. I simply ignored them, taking a piece of bread from the middle of the table and munching on it hungrily.

The groups ended up being what I would have expected- Tamahome and Miaka, Chiriko and Chichiri, Tasuki and Mitsukake, and Hotohori and I. I stayed content to eat nearly everything in sight... at least, everything that Miaka hadn't eaten.

In the midst of my breakfast, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. "Hey, pretty lady, want to come have a drink with me?" a slurred voice oozed into my ear.

I glared. I was a married man. I didn't need this kind of treatment. I carefully picked him up and launched him across the other side of the room. "Hmph. I'm not that easy." I gave Hotohori a smile and sat myself, very properly, again.

She did not bother to hold back a soft laugh. "Nicely done."

I inclined my head slightly. "Thank you."

"Hey, neechan, how about you? Are you less uptight?" Hotohori's shoulder was suddenly being molested by the drunken filth of this town. Kounan's emperor. My wife. I noticed he was giving me occasional wary looks. I restrained myself from killing him on the spot, but barely. I had to let her take care of herself in this instance.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're joking, right?"

Raucous calls serenaded him throughout the dining room. He grinned. "We have a free spot for a lovely woman such as yourself."

I would not kill him. I would not kill him. Killing was wrong. I would not kill him.

"I don't think so..." She looked a bit unsure. How many men hit on other men- especially if that man was the emperor? Besides me, of course.

An idea suddenly blossomed in my mind. Smirking, I stood, reaching down and pulling Hotohori to her feet as well. "I'm sorry," I said lightly, "this one is taken." I turned her toward me and tilted my face up.

And in the middle of the dining room, I reached up and kissed her deeply.

The jaws of the other seishi, except Mitsukake, dropped. "K-kiss!" sputtered out Tamahome helplessly.

She seemed a bit surprised, but she quickly caught my idea and kissed back.

Tasuki was blinking, his mouth open, his eyes wide. "Shit..."

Tamahome grabbed Tasuki's shirt. "You see that???"

But my mission had been accomplished. The man who had been hitting on her, his mouth gaping, blinking in shock, backed away, nearly tripping over a table behind him.

I was still busy kissing her. And it wasn't the type of kiss one might give to a friend. This was a rather intimate kiss. I was surprised that she had been willing to do this in public.

"Shit..." Tasuki said, his voice a hiss, nodding. "I see it... just... shit... they really are... Oh, man. Oh, man..."

Miaka's high voice piped through the consternation of the crowd. "What? They make a cute couple!" Tama-chan just stared at her uncomprehendingly.

I finally pulled away, grinning breathlessly at her. What a way to start the morning.

Tasuki glared at Miaka. "You don't get it, do you?"

Hotohori smiled back at me, also slightly out of breath. Tasuki was inching back into his chair.

Tamahome looked like he wondered if he could disappear. Chiriko just seemed slightly puzzled as to what the fuss was about. Chichiri looked a little pale, but was keeping his emotions hidden. Mitsukake had a wide smirk on his calm face.

Grinning triumphantly, I seated myself in the chair. An ironic thought occurred to me. All the drunks thought that we were both women. The seishi mostly thought we were both men. This amused me. I laughed quietly to myself and glanced at her, smiling, then turned my eyes to Tasuki and Tamahome.

She sat back down as well. The men in the dining hall seemed much more subdued and tolerable, though they were still staring at us. Tasuki was watching us suspiciously.

I linked my arm with hers, biting another piece of bread happily. "So what are we doing today, minna?"

"We're going to find the shinzahou! You're going with Hotohori?" Miaka asked cheerfully.

I grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

Hotohori was quiet, seeming happy for the moment, sipping her tea absently.

Tasuki looked as if he were convinced that he was surrounded by lunatics. "Che, at least Mitsukake's almost normal..." he muttered darkly.

Hearing his words, I gave him a little grin. "Jealous, bandit boy?"

He looked flustered. "Jealous of what??"

I crossed my legs like a woman, very effeminately, placing my elbows on the table, separating from her for a moment, wide awake now that I could exercise my powers to flirt and tease. "Do you want a kiss too?" I smiled sweetly at him.

Hotohori gave me a sideways glance, but Tasuki just started laughing nervously.

I hid a smile and looked at Hotohori, grinning mischievously. This was a fun game.

Chiriko had an idea, flares, to set off when we found the shinzahou. I took ours and stuck it in a pocket. They continued to talk and I continued to amuse myself by torturing Tasuki. I simply gazed at him. Whenever he met my eyes, I gave him a slow, luxurious smile. He would pale and then hurriedly look away. And finally they were done talking.

"Well, should we be off then?" I asked the others, turning my attention away from the terrified bandit.

Beside me, Hotohori nodded. "Hai... I think we're ready..."

Tasuki stood and watches us, especially me, very warily. "Then what the hell are we waiting for? Shit, we're wasting daylight. Let's get moving."

I sidled over to him, pulling Hotohori with me, and linked my free arm with Tasuki's. "You should come with us..." I grinned evilly. I was tormenting him and I knew it. And loved it.

He jerked his arm away and backed up. "Anou... shit, Mitsukake'd be lonely then. Couldn't do that to him. Sorry." He hurried over to Mitsukake and began tugging on the tall healer's arm, hiding behind him. "C'mon!" Hotohori stifled a laugh.

I smirked at him and slipped an arm around her waist cheerfully. "We're off then!"

Tama hung back with Miaka, still looking at us, slightly pale. "See you guys later!!" Miaka called cheerily.

And we started on our way to find the shinzahou.

Go to the next part.

Return to Tokyo Tower.