I don’t care if it’s wrong. I love him.

I know you’re using me, but I don’t care about that either. If it’s the only way I can be with him, I’ll do anything.

We’ve always shared everything. When you grow up in such an unfriendly place as this world, you have to have someone to rely on. My brother was the only one there, the only one I’ve ever had to love. Is it so wrong to want to be with him?

He’s always been so gentle to me. I raised him when our parents died, but we are only two years apart. He’s always protected me in any way he could.

Love can’t be wrong. Not when it is this strong.

I feel bad for Suzaku no Miko and her lover. I don’t want to hurt her, but it’s unfair that they can be happy with each other while I am forbidden to be with the one I love. Ren... I just want to be in his arms forever, to be safe. People can be so cruel. Why doesn’t anyone understand?

But you said you did, Tenkou-sama. I don’t think you really do, but I’ll never say that to your face. I’m grateful to you. You rescued us. They were about to kill us, and not only did you save us, but you taught us things to help us. You said we only had to stop the Suzaku shichiseishi and then we could be together forever. You said I could use my body to stop that Taka and that Ren could use his influence in school to stop Suzaku no Miko. You asked if I would kill for Ren. Yes. I would. After how many people tried to kill us, to separate us, I would kill to be with him.

I want to protect him too. It hurt so much when the other villagers threw us out, ready to push us off the cliff and I could do nothing to stop them. I would have killed them all at that point to get the sadness and hurt out of his eyes. I love him. Kill or die for him, it doesn’t matter. Just as long as he is happy. If I can do anything for that, I will.

I don’t understand. Why doesn’t anyone want us to be together? We won’t have children. I don’t think I can anymore. When I was younger, those men hurt me rather badly. When Ren found them on me, crushing me in their drunken stupor, he killed them in a blind rage. I could barely walk so he carried me home. He even had a doctor come and check me despite the fact that he knew we couldn’t afford it. The doctor told him that I wouldn’t live, but Ren nursed me slowly and gently back to health. The outside healed, but I can feel the damage of what they did to me on the inside even now. Ren doesn’t know. so he makes sure he is always very careful with me. If I told him, he would not have to be as careful, but he would also have so much guilt that he didn’t get there soon enough to save me this. I can’t tell him. I can’t see the hurt and pain in his eyes because of my pain. I won’t let him hate himself. I love him too much for that.

I wonder if he keeps secrets like this from me too, to save me hurt. He always tries to take care of me. You can’t let them keep us apart, Tenkou-sama. I promise I’ll do everything you ask of me; just don’t take him away from me. Of everything in the world, he is the only one person that I need. And I know that you know this. Please don’t look down on me so much for this. I love him and I always will, and if I die trying to protect him, to love him, then it will be a good death.

Suzaku no Miko will not win. My love for Ren will surpass all things. I won’t give up. I love him. And it’s not wrong.
 
 

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