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Two blokes are chatting over a few pints at their local pub. As men's conversation is want to do they eventually stray into the realm of women and things sexual. And one mentions in confidence to the other that his favorite position for intercourse is the "rodeo".. The other declairs he has never heard of it before,"how does it work?" The first says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then you mount her - doggy style. Once things start to heat up and she's really enjoying it, just lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too'..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."
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Walking a tightrope at great height and receiving a blow-job from an eighty year old woman have this in common... You don't want to look down.
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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. That night at dinner she does put the pill in his food. About a week later, she's back at the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!!. I put it in the potatoes like you said. It wasn't very long before he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I'm sorry. We didn't realize the pill was that strong. The Foundation will be glad to pay forany damages." "Naah...," says she, "that's okay. We aren't going back toMcDonalds anyway."
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There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a shot of tequilla, slams the glass on thetable and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start off each day." The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams down his whiskey --throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my hole, I trip the lever and make it flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet -- then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine." The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, "I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and rape the cat."
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Here is what's purported to be a true equal opportunitiessexist report. A Government Minister who had once been a sailor was very aware that ships were referred to in the feminine gender;she, her, etc. He often wondered in what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second group was madeup of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender or the masculine gender, and was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women reported that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender, because: 1.. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2.. They have a lot of data, but they are still clueless. 3.. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. 4.. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model. The group of men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because: 1.. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2.. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3.. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 4.. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
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One Saturday afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!""I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
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An elderly couple goes to the doctor wondering what is wrong with the husband. After a thorough examination, the doctor decides to tell the wife in private. "Well", he says. "We've narrowed it down to two things. Unfortunately, your husband has either AIDS or Alzheimer's." "Oh no," gasps the elderly woman. "Those are very serious indeed. Is there any way you can find out for certan which it is?" "Actually yes there is," replies the doctor. "On your way home tonight, drop your husband off 10 miles from home. If he comes home, don't sleep with him."
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Two old dears are outside their nursing home having a smoke - it's the only place they are alowed to smoke at the nursing home - when it starts to rain. One of the old dears pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. The second lady asks, "What's that?" The first lady replies, "A condom." The second then asks, "Where'd you get it?" The first replies, "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day the second old lady hobbles into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The man looks at her eculiarly - she is, after all, in her 80s - but politely asks what brand she prefers. "Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."
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Two blokes are chatting over a few pints at their local pub. As men's conversation is want to do they eventually stray into the realm of women and things sexual. And one mentions in confidence to the other that his favorite position for intercourse is the "rodeo".. The other declairs he has never heard of it before, "how does it work?" The first says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then you mount her - doggy style. Once things start to heat up and she's really enjoying it, just lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too'..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."
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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. That night at dinner she does put the pill in his food. About a week later, she's back at the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!!. I put it in the potatoes like you said. It wasn't very long before he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I'm sorry. We didn't realize the pill was that strong. The Foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Naah...," says she, "that's okay. We aren't going back to McDonalds anyway."
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There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a shot of tequilla, slams the glass on the table and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start off each day." The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams down his whiskey --throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my hole, I trip the lever and make it flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet -- then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine." The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, "I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and rape the cat."
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One Saturday afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!" "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
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Two Mafia men finally catch up with Jose in a downtown bar. "Jose, we know you stole our money and we want it back." "No spuika d english", says Jose. The Mafiosos looked around and one of them yelled, "Anybody in here speak spanish?" "I do", said the bartended. "Tell him what we said." The bartender told Jose what the two men had said. "Oh-H, No me. Me Jose Garcia and me no take no money." The bartender repeated the statement to the two Mafia men. "Tell him we KNOW he took our money and if he gives it back right now we will let him live." After the bartender repeated the message Jose started shaking his head and denying any knowledge of the money. Seeing this, the two gangsters started drawing their guns. The bartender yelled, "Jose they are gonna kill you right now." With this, Jose, wild eyed, came clean. "The money is down at the Santa Maria Church under the steps. It's the third step up and forth brick from the left. Its alla there I no spenda any of it." "What'd he say," demanded the Mafioso. The bartender looked him in the eye. "He said to tell you you're a couple a bums n'he ain't afraid to die."
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An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when suddenly the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells: "Super Pussy!" The old man takes an indifferent glance at her exposed part and replies: "IŽll have the soup."
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