Sunday- April 29, 2001


gods today was so.. wasted. i moved shit around my room a little.. fell asleep for many hours..and just went online. grrr and a half. hmm i want ice cream.. but yea. last night ruled.. and sucked. i saw only the last song Sinisstar played.. but they were so fucking amazing and awesome and it ruled... but oh well. really.. not much to show for today. grrrr. and i think kyle still hates me. who knows. at least sara's talking to me. she rules. and god was on today.. but he had to run off to search for the nina-clone. oh well. at least i have the kit to go to. and uhm. i think her name's kit.. god i suck at naming stuff.
Friday- April 27, 2001


dammit. kyle's mad at me!! *cries*
Thursday- April 26, 2001


fell asleep from 1/2 till 4 or so today... adore the kit.. but the units hate her. cute lil egyptian mau... sigh. craving piercings and hair changes.. and peoplelove and good food and well.. yea. kinda bleh right now. self esteem is being rather shrunken lately.. and i don't really have many friends to help me unmope. the people that do make me really happy i rarely see, and the pets love me, but the units hate them so i might lose them anyway and argh. where's the love?
Monday- April 22, 2001


well.. went to school.. saw moeke.. she had to cancel on the LA trip, so i decided to go drive all over orange. took the 5 north.... 22 west .. exited some street i didn't know.. drove all over lookin at new places and stuff.. started out in santa ana (school) then to garden grove (freeway exit)got on the 5 again i think.. exit katella . anaheim i think..i passed disneyland... eew. drove all the way down katella... past the pond and the sun and century stadium.. and just went to matt's and went online.. talked to vlad... and told him to come over... went home after a while... and vlad actually showed up, so i finally got to meet him and it kicked ass. he was kicking my ass at tetris. or.. so he says. and it was just neet. then... went to chris' house.. went to jen's... she signed for my community service hours.. then i let chris drive my car to look for kyle.. wasn't at work anymore coz we were late, then towards his house.. saw him walking.. picked him up, went to his house to get stuff, then to jon's.. practice till about 9:30.. hang out till 10:45.. and now i'm home. car shouldn't be at a 1/4 tank though. alllll the driving in the morning.. with all the freeways, and cities, and sidestreets.. that took just a little bit of gas. just a lil below 1/2.. and then somehow.. driving locally.. it used almost a 1/4 tank? makes no sense. worries me... i need gas money. boo.
Sunday- April 22, 2001


last day of traffic school today.. very cool. gonna miss that class, actually. sat around the house after.... wrote a song, nice long comfy shower, go to kyle's after trying to arrange a practice, play some guitars and chat with sarah, went to chris' house to go to dungeon.. but it got too late so kyle and i just sat at his house, went to del taco, then home. bleh. today's been rather odd... feeling very dead and blah. i wonder what's goin on....
Thursday- April 19, 2001


so i just remembered.... traffic school saturday morning, so that means it's VERY unlikely that i will be able to stay out late for the party on friday. that really irks me. and uhmm.. yea. hanging out with kyle just about the whole day. much fun indeed.. LOTS of new music... and uhm.. talked to god and mark and scott online.. and rich wants me to come with him to get his tattoo.. i'm so happy about that.. yay for tats.. and yea. so yesterday i was goin off on this thing... of why have i been with these insanely sexy guys? i can't figure out any logical answers.. or what any of them would see in me, even.. but i've just been having this weird luck i guess. not like i actually get action all that often. long times between makeout action even.. but yea. i don't want to explain much more.. but it's just a weird thing. i'm not all that down on myself lately either.. but i know i'm not that hot. i'm just.. there. i'm that chick that never wears makeup and wears nerd glasses and fuzzy black sparkly slippers. i'm the one that has always been overlooked by people when out with friends.. because aallll the guys want my friends.... and i'm the one that is always either sitting at home online, or having a band practice. so my question is.. WHAT THE HELL??? i definately appreciate any of the attention i've ever gotten in the past.. but i still find it unusual for someone to notice me over others. maybe i'm just seriously blind to others views... but i talk to chrischick about this all the time.. and she agrees with me in wondering why i ever get guys and she doesn't. this is probly all coming out wrong.. like i'm bragging about guys or some shit.. but i'm not. i haven't had a boyfriend in over a year... only one guy i know of has mentioned noticing me and being interested in me and NOT my friend.. i've been told i'm cute... but so are so many other people that have never even had a relationship or maybe one a long time ago or who knows. i'm just confused. i just keep wondering.. why me? what do i ever do except obsessively practice with my bands? and why not chrischick? she's the one that actually puts on makeup and makes an effort to look good.. she's the one that people always say is cute... why hasn't she had the attention she deserves? i don't know why.. but this whole thing has been bothering me a lot. i just don't know. one of my moments of self doubt i guess.... oh well. i'll have to keep crying through lyrics and screaming through guitar.
Monday- April 16, 2001


woke up at 8... left a little after 9 and just went to matt's... did kitty litter and trash, then watched eyes wide shut. cool movie.. and yea. just sittin at home now.. band practice later. what fun...
Saturday- April 14, 2001


fuckin tripod/lycos bullshit. well.. i finally moved part of my site over to angelfire. hopefully this will be temporary, but who knows. maybe not. anyway.. today has been insanely shitty. just.. awful i hate my life bullshit. but oh well. i finished a song that i started last night. finished every single part to it. so damn happy that i finally started playing my drums...it's also more interesting to listen to music now. i can listen to each instrument and imagine playing it or something. who knows. whatever. my eyes have been killin me all day and it's been so boring! and.. yea. the music was the only good thing today. grrr. yea yea bitch and whine. whatever.


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