(and WHY WOMEN DON'T LIKE WIMPY NICE GUYS)
Have you ever wondered why a lot of single women are attracted to jerks who treat them like dirt? Well I use to be just as confused as you are, but in short, the answer is: "Females were programmed by Mother Nature to feel [ATTRACTED to and MATE] with the 'dominant' males, and not the weak ones". ... Now let me tell you why:
You've noticed that women keep saying that they want a nice guy. BUT .... how come they are always going after some stupid jerk? Go and get brain surgery immediately if you believe when women say that they want a guy who is sensitive, caring, understanding, that will treat them with respect, and on and on. Do NOT believe what women SAY. Instead, WATCH what women DO. They go after the jerks, don't they?
Always remember that actions speak much louder than words. NEVER, EVER believe what women tell you. Instead, WATCH FOR THEIR ACTIONS. Watch what women do. They go after jerks. Even better. Watch what ANY person (male or female) does. His/her behavior is the best predictor of his/her personality.
WHY DO SINGLE WOMEN GO AFTER JERKS?
There is ONE undeniable TRUTH that you must understand: 'WOMEN DON'T CARE FOR A NICE GUY. WOMEN GO AFTER A JERK BECAUSE HE IS HARD TO GET AND WOMEN WANT WHAT THEY CANNOT HAVE". The BIG QUESTIONS are:
1. Why are nice guys ignored?
2. Why are women so attracted to jerks?
3. Is she attracted only to jerks or to ANY guy who can make her "feel" the way a jerk does?
4. If a nice guy adopted some of the jerk's techniques, would he attract women like the jerk does?
The answers to these questions are based on the NEED for the SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. And IT explains women 's behavior EXTREMELY ACCURATELY.
FEMALE'S GENETIC PROGRAMMING
Now Listen Carefully. Females OF ALL SPECIES were genetically programmed by Mother Nature to MATE with the dominant males of their species, NOT the weak ones. BY mating with the dominant males of their particular species, the GENES of the strongest males were passed to the newborn thus assuring its SURVIVAL in a very hostile environment. You can observe this MATING RITUAL happening over and over again in the animal kingdom.Here is HOW Nature assured the SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST:
First: Nature had to find a way to make the female willing to surrender and MATE with the male. There had to be an INCENTIVE for her to WANT to mate. Would you engage in sexual intercourse if it were absolutely boring or unpleasant? Of course not. So, in order to make her a WILLING participant, the female of the species was programmed to feel all those intense, uncontrollable, overwhelming, pleasurable FEELINGS that makes her ready to go ahead and MATE. Have you heard the expression: my female dog is in HEAT? You know that this female dog goes CRAZY. If that dog were not in HEAT, there would be no copulation, no mating.
Second: Nature wanted to preserve the strongest traits of that species. Therefore, the female was programmed to have those crazy, wild feelings and emotions PREDOMINANTLY toward THE STRONGEST, MOST DOMINANT MALES, the ones that she COULD NOT CONTROL, the ones that would dominate her. You must have observed in Wildlife that the female does NOT surrender to the weakest, but she waits for the WINNER AMONG ALL THE MALES fighting for her favors. And the winner is always the strongest one. And the fighting itself contributes to make her quite EXCITED. And the sight of the winner makes her even MORE excited to the point where she WILLINGLY surrenders and MATES WITH THE WINNER.
Do you understand what I said? The female was programmed by Mother Nature to feel ATTRACTED to and MATE with the dominant males, not the weak ones. Is it the strong male, not the weak, the one who makes her FEEL really excited and turned on. Well, guess what. Women, the females of our species, have exactly THAT SAME INFORMATION still coded in their genetic structure. And -this ancient MATING INSTINCT is constantly being REINFORCED in ALL women, FROM A VERY EARLY AGE, by the heroes of Hollywood, TV and the mindless soap operas and romantic novels that women devour.
All these heroes are supremely self-confident, strong, untamable, they cannot be controlled by ANY woman, they treat women roughly, they can do no wrong, they always say the right things and make the right moves, they SWEEP WOMEN OFF THEIR FEET and they always end up getting the females.
THE MESSAGE BEING CONSTANTLY REINFORCED IN ALL SINGLE WOMEN is that ONLY the uncontrollable, untamable guy is desirable . And that ANY nice guy should be ignored. Therefore, women all over the world keep dreaming about some knight in a shining armor WHO will SWEEP THEM OFF THEIR FEET, and dominate them and make them go totally OUT OF CONTROL and possess them. That is why the strong, dominant, unpredictable, untamable male is a turn-on for ANY WOMAN. She was programmed to respond to that kind of a male. She goes "NUTS" for this type of guy. She will do ANYTHING to try to get him.
This genetic programming in the females is accomplished in great part through a very powerful hormone known as Estrogen, the "FEELING" drug. It makes females want to feel, and feel, and feel. On the other side of the spectrum, a powerful hormone known as Testosterone, the "PERFORMANCE/ACHIEVEMENT" drug, is the one that makes men "hunters" and gives them the drive to achieve, invent, create. That would very nicely explain why women CRAVE for intense feelings and emotions. They love to FEEL, FEEL and FEEL. They have this uncontrollable, almost "psychotic" NEED to talk about their relationships and what/how they FEEL all the time. They couldn't care less about how things work, about computers and about cars. Except when they want you to buy one for them.
It would also explain why men DON'T have this overwhelming, uncontrollable, even ''psychotic" NEED, to talk about their feelings and they are much happier creating, inventing, and talking about their computers, their cars and their latest high-tech toys. Women FEEL happy when they FEEL. Men FEEL happy when they ACCOMPLISH something. LOGICALLY SPEAKING, ANY woman should try to avoid the jerks, the bad guys, AT ALL COST considering that she has been drilled over and over by her mother ( and even her father) that men are no good, that they are only interested in sex. Does she follow her mother's instructions? Of course not.
Instead, she keeps going after the troublemakers, the guys who are going to hurt her. These BAD guys project these vibes of being so dominant and uncontrollable that it TURNS ON the all powerful MATING INSTINCT to mate with a DOMINANT male, a male perceived as strong because he is uncontrollable, a male who gives her a sense of security that females themselves don't have, a male who makes her feel totally OUT OF CONTROL, a male who makes her surrender completely, and who controls and dominates and possesses her. And SHE LOVES THOSE FEELINGS. She loves the feelings she gets WHEN being DOMINATED AND BEING OUT OF CONTROL, just like her female counterpart in the animal kingdom.
These feelings act as a powerful and highly ADDICTIVE DRUG that she MUST have AGAIN and AGAIN, EVEN when she gets hurt. Of course, Mother Nature ONLY wanted to assure the survival of the species by means of this ANCIENT MATING RITUAL. But this is not a "useful" behavior any longer. MOTHER NATURE should have terminated it a long time ago. BUT IT WAS NEVER DONE. And modern women still carry with them, wherever they go, this "useless" genetic information that gets them incredibly "TURNED ON" anytime they encounter a jerk or a hard-to-get man.
Yet you hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."
Nice Guys, complain that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea." If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it. What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simple pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him.
Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when so often the kind of woman that get's attracted to them is the lowest form of life... Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.
Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, one day -they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date", and when they do they get to hear the infamous "but we've been friends for so long ... it'll ruin everything".
Do you understand why they say this? Because they want a 'Man'. A Real Man!
But Nice Guys don't understand this. At this point they get so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them. They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.
Just ask any 'fine babe' as to why they 'hate' being placed on a pedestal. They want 'you' to provide excitement. If you want 'them' to provide the excitement, then that makes 'you' boring. This makes you a mechanical remote controlled robot that 'any' girl can have. ... and you know what? They are right!
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, that they are being fair, but it puts an 'unfair' burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
On the next date have everything planned and already in mind for the two of you (with alternative options, of course), and watch how she reacts as you take control as only a real 'man' should! This will excite her 'and' impress her.
Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner. She does not want a 'puppy', and she does not want an 'ogre'! She wants a 'man'. An aggressive jerk that takes control without being controlling.
Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"
More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!
Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results. This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF. You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.
You and I must understand that women DON'T go deliberately looking for a jerk. Women are not "bad" people at all. Quite the opposite. But WOMEN ARE COMPLETELY CONTROLLED BY THIS ANCIENT MATING INSTINCT. Therefore, they have NO OTHER CHOICE but to go after ANY strong, dominant, untamable male. Or any male who can make her FEEL all those intense, uncontrollable feelings she lives for.
The key to understanding women's strange behavior is "they have NO OTHER CHOICE" but to fall for these type of males.
And the jerk HAPPENS to be THAT TYPE of male. Or at least, the jerk has learned HOW TO PLAY that role. The nice guy IS NOT that type of male. The nice guy cannot even play that role. If a nice guy became strong and dominant and HARD TO GET, she will go BLINDLY after that nice guy. The proof that I am right is that EVERY TIME a nice guy starts ACTING like a jerk, HE IS SUDDENLY WANTED BY ALL THOSE WOMEN WHO USED TO IGNORE HIM BEFORE.
Women don't really want jerks. They probably want a nice guy. But ... "what women -WANT" and "what women NEED" are two different things. And their Subconscious ''genetic" programming, that NEED to feel and feel and feel, will make women go uncontrollably after what they NEED, not what they want. And that is true of EVERY person, in any area of life. They will attract into their lives and/or will go toward what they subconsciously NEED, not what they think they want.
What a woman genetically NEEDS is the type of man who will trigger in her all those intense feelings and emotions. Why? Because a female NEEDS to experience those uncontrollable feelings/emotions to surrender completely to him. Once she FEELS that way about him she will do anything and everything for/with him. Women are SUCKERS for those very intense emotions and feelings that they were "genetically" programmed to experience for a certain type of male, the dominant, strong one. They NEED to FEEL those feelings to surrender to him. It has a lot to do with Estrogen, the "feeling" hormone as opposed to testosterone, the "performance/achievement" hormone. While most men are born to be "doers" most females are "be-ers" or "feelers".
Women will love and go after ANY man who is able to "ignite" those feelings in them. Unfortunately, a "nice", sensitive, wimpy type of guy does not generate those feelings in women. A strong, dominant, hard-to-get! man DOES. And the jerk fits in this category. And the jerk knows how to "ignite" those intense feelings and emotions women are addicted to. A jerk and a hard-to-get man make her feel ... feel...feel ... crazy, excited, turned on. A "nice" guy makes her feel ... feel ... feel .... bored to death.
Even when women fall for a guy who is very handsome, they will leave him very quickly if they discover he is a nice guy who can be easily controlled by females. It happens all the time. And they will go after some not-so-handsome type, even ugly one, who is strong and dominant. Even married women will do the craziest things and go after THE guy who can "ignite" those feelings in them. What she loves are the feelings she FEELS. Not the guy! But in her mind, the guy and the feelings become inseparable. She loves the feelings. Therefore, she falls in love with the guy who can make her feel that way.
Now, it will be totally futile to try to explain to any woman that she doesn't really love guy A. But that she really loves THE WAY guy A makes her feel. She will tell you that you are crazy. But this is the truth. In a nutshell: Person A loves person B because of the way person B makes person A feel. More precisely, Person B satisfies the deepest VALUES that Person A needs satisfied to believe/know that she is in love with Person B.
Women were "genetically" programmed to be SUCKERS for intense feelings and emotions in order to surrender and mate.
The jerks and the hard-to-get guys DO "trigger" those intense, uncontrollable emotions she "genetically" loves. A nice guy does NOT.
ANY man who learns HOW to make her FEEL the way she was "genetically" programmed to FEEL, FEEL AND FEEL, will have her doing anything and everything he wants.
Remember that men are "doers". Women love feelings. They live to FEEL, FEEL AND FEEL.
If YOU can make her FEEL the way she wants to feel, she will LINK all those pleasurable, intense feelings with/to you. YOU will be satisfying her deepest, most treasured VALUES. Then, she will become ADDICTED to you. And you will make her fall in love with you.
MALE STRATEGY
Look at our hunter-gatherer ancestors. In the evolutionary sense, it is in a man's best interest to persuade as many women as possible. Why? After adolescence, he produces millions of sperms every day until he dies. Any single one can send his replica into the future. The more women he persuades, the more replicas he sends. The more replicas there are, the better the chances are that one survives.
FEMALE STRATEGY
Then, as now, a woman's goal is different for physical and biological reasons. She doesn't just want to get her DNA into the future, but to get it there with the best chance for survival. The key to understanding courtship is, "best chance for survival."
Males developed characteristics that are best for the survival of everyone in a hunter-gatherer band of about 25 humans.
Females developed characteristics that are best for the survival of everyone in a hunter-gatherer band of 25 humans.
Survival determined that males must be aggressive and competitive. Survival determined that females must be nurturing and submissive, unless defending their young. Every human male and every human female has these fundamental gender characteristics. When civilization arose, characteristics developed over millions of years did not disappear.
Gender differences do not disappear because the corporation or the singles' bar or the condo owner's committee is not a hunter-gatherer band.
BLINK OF A GEOLOGIC EYE
We homo sapiens created today's civilization in only 10,000 years. But we took 60 million years to become homo sapiens. Just under our thin skin of Western culture, we are the same as we have been for millions upon millions of years.
To understand the natural principles of courtship, the principles that actually control us, it is necessary to understand human nature, evolutionary, biological human nature-not the human nature professed by parents, priests and politicians.
BARBARIANS IN WAITING
Here in the United States, the most advanced country in the world, civilized behavior hangs by a thread. Doubt that?
Admit that everyday people rob the dead at an airliner crash. Think back on the Rodney King riots. Recall that many of the looters were average citizens. And, if still in doubt, go for a walk by yourself, unarmed, on the wrong side of town in any major city after midnight.
When there is no fear of retribution, many people become instant barbarians. If lawlessness persists, all of us must defend ourselves with force or be devoured, just as it was before civilization. Why? We are the same as we have always been.
So what? you ask. Well, if you realize that we are the same creatures we have always been, you can see that courtship is not exactly what we have been led to believe by our society and its institutions.
GENUINE, FUNDAMENTAL COURTSHIP
The principle goal evolution built into each of us is the same-get your DNA into the future. Each of us wants to, in a sense, live forever. That's exactly what we do when we send our DNA, in the form of a replica of ourselves, into the future.
The woman offers the man the ability to send a replica of himself into the future. The man offers the woman the ability to send a replica of herself into the future. At this point, men always ask, So, if that's the case, can't we just skip all these courtship games? Look at our ancestors to understand.
ANSWERS FROM ANCIENT ANCESTORS
We are all descendants of people who lived brutish, nasty, bloody, short lives, less than 25 years. Infants had to be suckled at the mother's breast for nearly four years.
MEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIFFERENT
Look at our hunter-gather ancestors and realize that it's in a woman's best interest (in the evolutionary sense) to be persuaded only by strong, healthy, high-status males. Why? Her evolutionary programming tells her she must devote four years to nursing each child she produces before she can become pregnant again. (Suckling causes women to produce a hormone that prevents pregnancy.)
In short, on a fundamental, evolutionary level she knows she has only a few chances to get a replica of herself into the future. Thus, it is crucial that her replica have the best possible chance for survival. That's why she is particular.
In everyday terms, evolution wants a woman to be picky. Evolution wants her to select a strong, healthy male who is capable of providing food and protection for her and the child. When our grandparents described that male, they referred to him as "a good father and provider." At the dawn of the 21st century he's called a "great catch."
HERE WE ARE, AS WE WERE
Today, we are fundamentally the same mammals who scavenged for carcasses of animals killed by carnivores 250,000 years ago. Yet here we are, a quarter of a million years later eyeing each other across the dance floor at a wedding reception.
High status males at the reception have a wider choice of females than males of low status.
TODAY'S HIGH STATUS MALES
The high status males of our hunter-gatherer ancestors were men who could provide the things necessary for survival in that culture-food and safety. Thus, the best hunter-warriors had first choice of the females.
They selected females, replicated themselves and moved into the future. We are the result of those high status males and the desirable females they chose. Their DNA is the foundation of our DNA. They indelibly stamped their characteristics into our being. Their blood runs within us, literally. We are them. They are us.
Today, high status males are men who can provide the things necessary for survival in this culture-food and safety, just as with hunter-gatherers.
We don't live in small bands where everyone knows who the high-status males are. That's not a problem for our society's males of the highest possible status: movie stars, rock stars, athletic stars, political stars and stars of finance and industry.
I tried to accommodate as many young ladies as possible. MAGIC JOHNSON
All across the country everyone knows who they are because of mass communication. Thus, our highest status males can pick and choose which females they mate with no matter where they are.
That's until they want to mate with our society's most desirable females. Then, they too, must woo those females. Why? Because other high status males want those women too. Universal, fundamental fact-males compete, the victors get to choose. The most desirable females select from among the victorious.
Our society's other very high status males let females know who they are by displaying:
Expensive, exotic automobiles, yachts, aircraft
Expensive, fashionable attire and accessories
Expensive homes in prestigious neighborhoods
Expensive gifts to highly desirable women.The operative word is expensive. Money buys food, shelter, safety and long term security for the female and her children. Among this group of males, there is competition for the most desirable females. As always, the winners get to choose.
And so it goes, on down the socio-economic ladder. Within each income group, males compete for the most desirable females in their group. It is no different from our hunter-gatherer ancestors. The best hunter-warrior got first choice. The second best got second choice and so on. Survival of the fittest.
The most desirable females in every culture have always had the same two outstanding attributes. Hugh Hefner capitalized on that fact, sold it to males of all ages, and became a billionaire.
I didn't write this for the fun of it. I did not make this up. This is the Law of the Jungle and this is the way it has been since before I was born. Now, if you think being an 'aggressive jerk' means to walk up to a chick and tell her what a Nice Body she has as an opening line, that is not being a 'jerk', that is being an idiot!
Be smart. Be intelligent! Act, walk, sit, and 'be' the man you want to be treated as and you will be surprised as to the type of women you will then attract.
Just don't be a wimp! ... Now scroll back up and read this again. You will better understand all of this the second time around ... and then "click on the beautiful girl below", she will show you how to entrance women, virgins, & girls.
~ j. xavier hexon
