You Spoiled, Selfish Little Bitch!

It was so wonderful riding shot-gun on the way home; the cool Spring, breeze, brushing it’s way up my arm as it extended out passenger-side window of my ’94 Chevy Corsica. I have not felt this calm in a while. Perhaps it was the 3 Margaritas I had. Whatever the reason, I gained a new perspective tonight. This perspective was not on my life and views of it of course, but just a new angle that looked upwards upon the stem of my slightly salted glass. Even the tilt of the pattern on the tiled floor was a bit askew. I meandered my gaze over to a woman, that looked to me to be near my own age, whom at first seemed a bit testy because I was watching her; but it was just my intoxicated imagination running wild on me again. Of course! How conceited can one ugly female be? She was not testy with me, in fact, she was upset because her kid wouldn’t obey what she was saying. I watched as she approached near where I was seated, and grabbed her child by the arm, only to drag him back with her to booth. There was another girl that I couldn’t help but watch. She was a slightly obese girl with light brownish-blond, curly hair. Despite her lack of thinness she was quite attractive, or so I thought. What exactly is attractive to people any ways? When strangers see me from across the room, do they ever look upon me admiringly, such as I did with this girl tonight? I really don’t feel as if they ever do. I am just not that kind of girl. Yeah, the truth be told, I am not an ugly female, but I’m definitely not within the mid-to-high ranking structure of today’s societal standards. Of course on one warped Friday’s eve, oh say about 2 weeks ago, I was the one chosen out of three. Never before had I been one to walk into a room, with two other girls who are by standard definition much more attractive than me, and be the decidedly selectable one. Yeah, strangely enough this goth girl chose me, over two skinny and very attractive girls. She wanted me to model for one of her photo shoots. I couldn’t believe it! I never did get in touch with her; perhaps I should though. Danielle said she would go with me if I did. I think I will email her this weekend and see if she is still interested. I think the thing that freaked me out about her work the most is the fact that her work is sooooo freaking similar to my own that it’s frightening!

On another note, my mom’s pissed at me because I yelled at her about not going out to a movie with my cousin Lori tonight. Long story! Maybe I will tell it later when I am sober, but then again maybe I won’t; since it seems I have been such a slacker when it comes to writing. Actually, I’ve only been slacking in writing in here. The truth be told, my private diary has some deep secrets that it has been recently burdened with; very deep if you get my drift.

Any ways, the intoxication is taking it’s toll on me tonight so I’m gonna stop writing. I think it’s time to allow my head hit the pillow. I really should call Lance back soon, he’s called me twice, wording Smashing Pumpkin songs to me in the messages.

Oh well, goodnight.

~Bloody Kisses to All~