A reminder from my last entry, “Next Victim!!!?????’.

So you are probably wondering what the first sentence I wrote was all about. It’s a long story, and I am leaving out some details to protect some people, including myself, but those details will be hidden in my Book of Shadows. Now, where shall we begin?

We will fall back to the beginning of last week.

I was impressed with myself, I worked out 5 days in a row last week. Not that it’s anything significant but I have been such a lazy ass, that it’s hard to get started again. I lost 5lbs this past week, and plan on trying to lose 5 more this week. We shall see! I have gotten over the hardest part, which is getting into the routine of doing so. My goal is to do it at least a min. of 4 days a week. Sometimes my schedule gets turned around and makes it impossible though; it seems I’m always on the go lately.

Anyway, I was going to hang out at Onyx last Wednesday but decided that I would pass it up, maybe I will go this week. Charles will be leaving for tour soon which means he will not be DJ’ing there much longer. I have heard through the grapevine that Zack and his girlfriend Amy will be filling in for Charles while he’s away. I would LOVE to see them there too; maybe I will even stop lurking and come out of the shadows.

So I finally made my mind up to hang out with Craig last Friday night. I could have hung out with Jeff, and as much as I love hanging out with him, I was really in the mood to try something new. I called Craig up to see what he was doing, and we decided to hang out, even though Jen was going to be there, and it wasn’t one of their big party nights; it was just a little gathering of her ‘hacker’ group. I decided that I was going to try a bit of a different look for that night; I wanted to do something that I had not done for a little while and see what sort of twist could be brought into the picture. Before I left Robbie had called me to see if I ummm, ‘needed anything’, and I told him I did. Later on, while I was on my way to Boulder, he called again to update me on the status of things. He then called again to see if I wanted to change plans on the ‘substance’, so I told him, “sure”. I was pulling onto Morehead, heading down to Craig’s when once again, Robbie called. He begged me to turn around and come back to pick him up. I laughed at him and refused knowing that Jen would either kick his ass out or there would be some huge tragic scene. When I pulled up to the house there was a group of people standing outside and the house was all dark inside. They let me know that no one was home yet, but that Craig and Jen would be on their way. Craig arrived before Jen and introduced me to everyone, then took me inside for a short tour of the house. We trailed back outside to talk with everyone who was huddled in a group when Jen pulled up. Two people stepped out, and the other was Lukas, as Craig introduced him. I sized him up wondering what I thought of Jen’s new toy. From a distance he had me interested, he had on some nice cum-fuck-me boots, black attire with a leather jacket to top it off. He was a tall lanky guy with long dark hair and a decent amount of facial hair. I was really confused by him since I totally didn’t see him as being Jen’s type; I eventually figured what the hell, whatever floats your boat! When Jen saw me she ran up to me, hugging me and shocked as hell; I guess Craig neglected to let her know I was coming up.

…. Lets skip ahead a little…

Standing in the kitchen Jen was mixing drinks and we began talking; she stated that her intent was to get me as trashed as possible since it had been a year since we saw one another. At first I felt really uncomfortable since I didn’t know anyone and everyone else seemed to know each other really well. I was a bit standoffish and confused by the miss-matched social group that had gathered throughout the house. Craig seemed to kind of slip off into the group to mingle for a while. Craig emerged from some where just as Jen had finished filling the bucket of alcohol. He asked if I wanted some and I said sure. I was impressed by the fact he filled my drink for me instead of handing me an empty cup and letting me do it myself. I began drinking and talking to both Jen and Craig; watching them interact I began to sense tension between the two of them. I downed my drink rather swiftly and as I started on my second one Jen gathered everyone into the living room for a discussion on ‘copyright laws’. I found this to be quite strange and was not yet intoxicated enough to handle such a discussion with a room full of strangers. I sat silently on one end of the loveseat, downing my drink and watching the debate being. Craig was kneeling not too far away, chomping down chips; I was hoping he could come in the room and sit with me, but he didn’t. I had the feeling he felt a little weird about the situation at first. I knew I was tense as hell and it would take a grand consumption of alcohol before I could let loose.

(oops the delivery men just game, I gotta go for now, I will hopefully finish soon, possibly at my parents house)

(1:45pm)

I’m now at my parents house, sitting in my old bedroom…shall we finish? Where were we again?

Oh yes, the ‘copyright’ discussion.

Well, Craig obviously couldn’t take anymore of what was going on so he wound up hanging out in the backyard for quite some time. Eventually the group began dispersing and I decided to head back to the kitchen for another drink. When I returned I sat on the floor by Jen. Her and I had some re-bonding time and I found myself become more and more comfortable as the time passed, (though at this point in time I knew I was drunk because my whole face was going numb). Eventually Craig re-emerged from wherever he was and sat in the chair next to the couch, as Jen sat on the couch, just to the left of me. They started getting into little tiffs about things. Jen didn’t seem to want let Craig to have any say in what was going on, and would shoot down all his thoughts and ideas. I could tell he was getting frustrated. Jen was surprisingly drunk at this point as well. Normally she is one of those chicks who have a couple of drinks and go on and on about how drunk they are, but knowing they aren’t because of their behaviorisms. This time, however, was different. Jen decided to get up and kneel on the chair, facing Craig, straddling him, and then preceded to cause the chair to topple over with them both in it. Everyone in the room, including myself, looked at bit shocked and confused at the scene before us. After the chair crashed Jen started complaining that she hurt her leg and began crying. Not to be rude or anything, and if it is taken offensively so be it, but that got on my nerves like no other. It was more than BEYOND obvious that she was playing Craig like a violin; I have seen more than enough girls get attention that way. The conclusion I drew about the scenario is that Jen got at least a tad bit jealous and wanted Craig’s attention. I watched her throughout the night grasp for attention from him, and it both made me laugh and sick at the same time. I didn’t know what to do, everything felt out of place after that incident, but I figured, ‘hey I’m drunk, my inhibitions are allowed to be low, lets see what the night brings’.

Of course, back when I had my second drink, I had already ‘broken the seal’, and not long after Jen tackled Craig I had to use the bathroom again. I walked out of the bathroom, thinking about everything that was going on, and while deep in thought I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into Craig’s room; I looked up and found myself smothered in lustful kisses; I melted instantly. I eventually pulled away and looked up to catch the look on his face. I wound up laughing and began to fall backwards from dizziness, only to be caught by his arms. I couldn’t believe it, here he was, doing what I have wanted a guy to do for forever, and yet, it was so out of place; I have yearned for that aggressive passion that only a devout, lustful, lover should bring, and here it was before me. I felt as if I had entered a game room and every move I made needed to be planned out from here so that I didn’t make foolish mistakes and so that I could keep in control of the situation; I found myself surprisingly taking pride in my self-assertion and delighting in the fact that I was the one in control for once. I soon myself on Craig’s bed being smothered in lustful temptations, and not only resisting the urge to give in, but also resisting his persistence. I was afraid that someone would walk in, and eventually, after making it clear that I was not going to sleep with him, at least not on this night, he eventually backed off. I no sooner had straightened my clothes resumed sitting on the bed that Jen came bursting through the door with Meredith. Ahh, yes, there is a story behind Craig and Meredith as well, but the detail are not important, I will just state that he had a thing for her once. I jokingly told Jen she had ‘saved me’, but she didn’t seem to understand what that meant! I soon found myself tacked by the likes of Jen and Meredith. Craig sat at his computer next to the bed as three girls from his past, that he either slept with, lusted after, or been in love with, were rolling around in his sleeping quarters. I checked the expression on his face and found it to be quite odd. I could tell that the lusty expression he had worn just minutes before had been replaced by more confusion and hurt than anything. Eventually Craig just left the room and I was left rolling around on the bed with two other girls. I felt really awkward with everything; despite the sexual interest I once had for Jen, I now found myself wondering where Craig had gone, and wanting to go find him.

Again, another bathroom break is what lead me to leave bedroom. Instead of returning, however, I retreated downstairs for another drink. I found Jen on the couch with Lukas so I sat on the floor; soon Craig entered and sat on the chair next to where I was. Strange things were going on, Jen was checking out some guys laptop, while others were in odd political discussions, another spent his time picking at the lock on the front door. Out of the blue Craig told me to close my eyes because he wanted to show me something. I eyed him suspiciously but closed them anyways. He had me open them and I realized he had put a movie in the VCR. I looked at him and asked what it is we were going to watch. He told me it was a surprise. I laughed at him and asked if it was Hell Comes to Frog Town. He got a shitty grin on his face, and I busted up laughing. As the move started Jen realized what was going on and made a big fuss about it and ordered Craig to turn it off! He simply refused and held onto my hand. I decided to let him know the intimacy and blissfulness of having someone run their fingernails on the palm of his hand. I was tickled that he loved it! Eventually he asked if we wanted to go back upstairs to hang out. I didn’t have a problem with it, but knew that there was probably a greater motive than just the two of us ‘hanging out’ up there alone. As soon as we entered his room I again found myself pressed up against the same wall and smothered in kisses. I made sure that he had the door locked this time. Again we wound up on the bed, but reminded him that we were not going to have sex on this night. After a while he asked if I would like more to drink, I did because I was afraid of sobering up and needing to leave when reality hit. He came back upstairs with a couple of beers. I though, ‘ishy poo’, but it’s all they had. I wound up drinking almost the entire bottle, which, if anyone knows me, knows how impressive that is for the anti-beer girl. Craig and I wound up talking about a lot of things as we drank. I was shocked at how well we related. I began to wonder if Jen had not been the reason why we stayed so far away from one another and kept things on a superficial level; yet, it was also her bringing us to this bonding point.

Eventually, Craig left to use the bathroom, (oh which BTW, I forgot to mention that I was able to convince him to piss out his bedroom window earlier, just for old-time sake), and when he came in I was lying face down on one of his pillows; I giggled because the room was continually spinning around me. Craig asked if I minded if he got mostly nakie. I told him I didn’t mind, but when he jumped in bed, I turned over to find he had nothing on. I was shocked and found myself both laughing and blushing, and not knowing what to say so I giggled and told him he was silly. I was instantly embraced and the tension was broken with kisses and groping hands. I continually pushed his hands away; I didn’t care to let him know that if I were turned on any further I would break and give in. I ran my nails softly down his back, only to learn that he is as much of a freak as I am, if not a bigger one; he moaned and mentioned that I could scratch as hard as I pleased. We continued this session for quite a while, and of course, the temptation to bite could not be resisted, and once I did I thought he was going to orgasm right there; I pulled away laughing hysterically and he mentioned that I was welcome to bite as hard and as much as I wanted to. I was stunned since most guys either freak out or get angry about it. Of course, I not only physically tortured the poor guy, but I couldn’t resist mentally torturing him. I was not being cruel and hateful about things as Jen and Meredith were earlier in the evening, but I liked playing with him, making him try to come up with more clever things to say. The more lines he used, the more I laughed and enjoyed his innocence and honesty; I knew they were lines, and he didn’t deny them. He hasn’t figured out the smooth lines that guys use on girls that actually work but I loved that!

Eventually I calmed him down, and we talked for a while. He told me he was glad I had come over. I was glad I had too. I knew that there was no way I could replace Jen in his heart, nor ease the pain, at least not right now. It was too soon after the breakup and I knew the thought of her pulsed through him continuously. I looked outside to see the sun coming up, and eventually I found myself curled up in his arms, tortured by both blissful warmth, and cold emptiness. Ahhh yes, here I was curled up in Craig’s arms; somewhere that I have not only wondered about, but wanted to be for a long time, and yet, I knew that this was not for me; it was an empty attempt to replace something else he was yearning for.

As he slipped into sleep I found it hard to close my eyes, but forced myself to do so. I drifted in and out of vague awareness, but very consciously aware of my surroundings. I laughed as Craig talked in his sleep; he asked if I had the paperwork filled out yet, I asked him what he was talking about, he said he didn’t know; a few times he mumbled the word, ‘Jennifer’, and it made me want to leave, but every time I would try to sit up or move away he would stir and hold onto me more tightly and say my name. I was eventually able to turn from him after a little struggle, but he then wrapped his arms around my neck; the more I moved about the tighter the hold became so I had to pull his arms apart because I felt smothered. I then gave in and fell back against his body and rested. I was troubled with the thought that he was holding on to me, and fantasizing that I was Jen, but eventually said fuck it and enjoy what bliss could be had. I turned back towards him, burring my head in his embrace, taking in the scent of him, and listening to his rhythmic breathing.

Eventually I sat up to check the time since I had to get home, shower, and be at little Vance’s 7th B-day party. Craig begged that I stay there in bed with him for the rest of the day, but I had to go. I spent quite some time re-orienting myself and letting my fogged contacts lenses clear themselves. Craig dressed himself and I headed downstairs to gather my boots and my purse. He walked me down asking if I’d like to get some breakfast or if I need anything. I told him no, I felt a little awkward all of a sudden; not because of what we had done last night, but of how we should say goodbye. I guess he sensed the tension and opened his arms for a hug. I soon exited out the front door and felt entirely awkward as I entered the early light of day with my rumpled dress clothes and messed up hair.

I pulled up outside my apartment and hurried myself inside so that not many people would see the way I looked, it was a dead give away. When I entered my apartment I headed for the bathroom right away. I stripped quickly so I could jump in the shower and as I did I notice my neck. I now knew why he apologized for not being more careful. I had two full days of family and friends to deal with and marks on my neck that have never before been do dreadful. I decided it was a turtle neck shirt and hair down kind of day.

I left my apartment and headed to my parents house. I was not here long and had just begun to drift off to sleep when my parents came home, and woke me up so that we would head to the bowling ally.

Sitting in the bowling ally I was conscious of every move I made so that I could be sure no one would see the marks on my neck, but I was also in a dour mood because, I wasn’t even to the point of being hung over yet, but was, in fact, feeling as if I was still intoxicated. My arms began to ache and I raised my sleeves to find bruises from where Craig had bitten me; I laughed in amusement, and wondered just how sick I was for being impressed!

Eventually we left the bowling ally and stopped to run some errands on our way home. I had made plans earlier to meet up with Robbie around 6-7pm, but he called just shortly after we arrived at my parent’s house saying that he was bored and that I should pick him up earlier. I think he was in the mood to go clubbing but I was in no shape to go. I was in warm clothes and would feel stupid having my neck in the condition it was and wondering if I would be hooking up with anyone. We decided to go over to his friend Dave’s house instead. On our way over there we wound up getting pretty stoned and since I had not really slept the night before, and was still feeling intoxicated I was quite content and found everything that happened there hilarious. Eventually Robbie wanted to leave there and pick up some more weed from my brother, but he didn’t want to go in the house because of his intoxicated state (which included more than just weed), and deal with my mother. I called my brother from my cell phone telling him to come outside and meet us. We piled into my brother’s car and wound up driving around for what seems like hours. My brother was picking up something from a friend of his, who just so happened to be this guy named Mike that used to come over to my parents house all the time while I lived here. I loved to pick on him because he’s such a big guy with an incredibly little voice. When we returned to my parents house we all headed downstairs into my brothers room for a little while, and proceeded to smoke. Eventually Robbie and I left, and I was intending to take him home, but he asked if I would be too tired to go to the bar. I figured I could handle a drink or two and we headed to one of our favorite bars. It seemed like it would be a too crowded for our taste so we decided the best thing to do would be to drop by the liquor store and find a place to park. We headed over towards Robbie’s house and parked in field that over looks Buckley AFB. We wound up talking, drinking, and smoking until about 2 am. I was glad we had decided to just hang out and talk; it reminded me of the old Robbie and Mindy days; only, for the first time in a very long time, I did not feel uncomfortable or intimidated by him.

Ok, I think I have written enough. The story doesn’t stop there, but I am tired of typing, and well, I skimmed over the main events. Hahaha, ‘skimmed’, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but there is sooooo much more shit that happened!

three days later...

*wonders if she will be shot for sharing*