1/10/00

Yes, me again, but I could not resist my most beloved little birdie! Tonight he told me to write about the little surprise he left me. I have waited over a year for this gift; waiting in anticipation, begging. Tonight I thought it was going to happen again, I thought I had fallen so far I had reached a point of no return. It has happened before, but he picked me up and caressed the scars. Now on my way down, he has caught me once again.

A whole year and his face was but fractured images that my mind could create. Small fragments realign themselves to create the most pure perfection I have ever seen. Eyes of innocence, and wisdom, that know so much pain and love are the only things I know as certain in this so-called reality. All I want to do is lose myself within them, within him and his brilliant creations. Bliss would be to live as one of his characters in those little worlds he creates. Those Ocean eyes of his would not change me, but make our world something new, something special, they would make us the perfectionists in a perfect world. Our worth would be pointless but essential. In this reality he seems to be the only thing that keeps me glued together. Every time someone walks by with a bat in their hands and strikes a blow he is there to fix every shattered, fraction of my existence. Somewhere within this sick realm called life, his existence has become my fantasy. He lives within the world of which I flee to at every possible chance. Perhaps one day, the two antipodes will collide and we shall exist in His fairy tale!