1/9/00

It appears I have begun to re-live the past. The cycle has begun to return, on time, and gaining speed. I feel as if I am trapped under glass, trying to breathe the air in which I have already rid myself of. The birds that play within the open air watch me, laughing, breathing, and mocking me for what I have given up. I can see what they cannot, yet I cannot feel what they can. I chose to watch. I cannot deny that I asked for all of this. I have always felt as if the air was full of poison, and now, I watch, and can see what it has done to those who breathe it in. The deception is the most intense and is hard to fight. I become entranced by one bird, while another slips away and tries to disillusion me into believing it is real. Their dream world is a game called my reality. There are others amongst me, trapped under their own 'pains' of glass. We can see and hear one another, but we cannot touch. The question is, what brings about this sick separation between two animate forms?

~BTW this in no way reflects the 'bird' mentioned in earlier writings~